Need a bit of specific feedback on my new piece!!

[day-zero]

Hey, i've been writing like mad recently, as it happens, all over one piece of music. I've finally moved on and it feels much better to have a fresh start!

 

http://www.myspace.com/jamesbeadnallmusic

 

The piece called flight waves. (so tempted to say song) At 1:20 (sometimes myspace does weird stuff and counts time downwards though) I need some feedback on what can be done for a better lead line. I've really taken to that melody but eventually it loses it and although every note definately fits, it just doesn't flow at all.

 

Any ideas for making improvements? not involving cutting it out..sometimes i just think i have to make things simpler, it's too easy to try and keep writing a melody that loses all impact after 2 bars and won't shut up..

 

thanks anyway!

 

comments on the rest of it would be helpful too, i've realised the last week it's been only me having any form of input.

[Robitaille59]

Cool song.

 

I'm not sure which part of the song you're referring to.

 

I can say that the first minute is better than the rest and when the metal sounding guitar comes in it really doesn't seem to fit and at one point it sounds like you're playing a scale.

 

I would say that your are very talented in ambient sounding music where there are a lot of keyboard layers and the drums are obviously programmed. You do that very well.

 

When the drums take on a traditional rock beat and the guitar comes in it kind of sound amateurish.

 

I know that's a pretty strong criticism but if I thought the whole thing sucked I probably wouldn't have written anything but the ambient stuff is really promising.

 

 

[day-zero]

Well thanks, any kind of criticism is seriously welcome!

 

And yeah, I actually got rid of pretty much all guitar parts (at least anything distorted), it's a little better now. I really get what you mean, it was just totally out of place style wise, plus guitars are pretty much impossible to get right without patience, knowing your part and equipment...

 

I tend to improvised all of the guitar bits, that's the only way I can ever be bothered to include them. I then quickly delete them or record over and yeah, not much really goes anywhere once i'm in 'correction' mode

 

thanks anyway

[misterkeyboard]

I really like your harmonies! I think you need to get a better drum program though! The sounds of your keyboards are really nice, but the drumming parts destroys a lot of the emotions.