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Posts posted by Steve Force
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I meant personal bio, photo, stuff like that..
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SK is amazing!
Any more info on SK that you can share, Linwood?
Or perhaps even SK might care to share???
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LOL!!! Well-deserved A+
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The drummer yelled over to me: "Hey, Green Onions in G, and hurry."
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Ed, I just wanted you all to see how generious I can be when I want to.....
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So the girls are well?
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"Overserved Yuppie" --- can only be seen in Chicagoland..
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Now, THAT is impressive!Originally posted by linwood:"You brought my bitch to tears."
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Will do!
You have helped me considerably with my Yamamama gear directly and indirectly) and it would be an honor to be able to somewhat reciprocate.
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Mike, I listened to it a couple of times and the only thing I can suggest is perhaps something like an early Rippingtons beginning (can try to dig out an example if you are interested.)
However, I really dig your tune as-is and if all you did were fade-in and out the song would be complete.
Regards.
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That, my friends, is SCARY!Originally posted by Is There Gas in the Car?:OK, OK... since everybody seemed to enjoy Trill's little Photoshop trickery he played on me earlier in the week, here's another shot of me when I was just a baby.
This, and the other one, were crafted by none other than my MANAGER. (I've got a great manager.)
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Get a kick--hell, I saw my younger brother in that band!
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A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."
The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."
After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."
The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"
The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"
The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."
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A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final outpost of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. They immediately notice the ceaseless thrumming of native drums. As they venture further into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night, for weeks. The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this, and the native's only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very BAD if drums stop." The drumming continues, night and day, until one night, six weeks into the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent. Immediately the natives run screaming from their huts, covering their ears. The scientists grab one boy and demand "What is it? The drums have stopped!" The terror-stricken youth replies "Yes! Drums stop! VERY BAD!" The scientists ask "Why? Why? What will happen?" Wild-eyed, the boy responds, " . . . BASS SOLO!!!"
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A couple of enterprising bass players, unwilling to sit through a long, bass-less stretch of Beethoven's Ninth, sneaked off stage and into the bar next door. Beer flowed; time passed. "Look at the time! We have to get back!" said one. "Relax," said his partner, "I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to untangle it." They staggered back into the hall and took their places. About this time, a member of the audience noted that the conductor was breaking a sweat. "Of course," replied her companion, "It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score's tied, and the bassists are loaded!"
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~~The Sideman's By-Laws (A Guide to the Outside)~~
1. Never recommend anyone who plays better than you.
2. Always suck up. (Leaders, bartenders, bride and/or groom, management, etc.)
3. If you don't know it, play harmony.
4. Double book, then choose.
5. Always assume the leader knows nothing.
6. Always degrade types of music you can't play or know nothing about.
7. Always bring your own business cards and solicit during breaks.
8. Never play requests (especially if you know it).
9. Never smile.
10. Always complain.
11. Save all high notes for warming up and after engagement.
12. Never show up sooner than 30 seconds before an engagement. (One minute if you have equipment to set up.)
13. Never leave a book in order. Whenever possible, write on music in ink.
14. Always play Trane or Parker licks during fox trots, tangos, waltzes, or anything in D minor.
15. Always open spit valves over music.
16. If the leader is not sure of a tune, always use substitute changes over his vocals or solos.
17. Always worship dead jazz greats.
18. Be negative about anything connected with the job.
19. Always bring drinks back to the band stand.
20. When a break is over, always disappear. If this is not possible, make a phone call.
21. If you're backing up an act, talk when not playing. If it's a comic, don't laugh.
22. Always bum a ride.
23. Always wait until someone else is buying before you get thirsty.
24. Never bring your own cigarettes to an engagement.
25. Avoid tipping at all cost (waitresses, coat room, valet, etc.).
26. Always ask, "When does the band eat", or "Where's our table"?
27. Remember, it's not your gig. Mingle with guests and enjoy yourself.
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Why do musicians tour the most in the summer?
So they can visit all their kids.
Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string."
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(Someone please shoot me and put me out of my misery.... )
~BASS PLAYER OFFENSES~
NAME OF OFFENDER - ___________________________
INFRACTION DATE - _____________________________
MUSICAL OFFENSES FINE
[ ]Playing loudly during warm up $10
[ ]Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
[ ]Loud cursing after mistake $10
[ ]Playing high and fast after mistake $20
[ ]Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
[ ]Asking for "E" tuning note $25
[ ]Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
[ ]Playing written-out walking line $50
[ ]Failure to play written walking line $75
[ ]Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
[ ]Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
[ ]Playing eighth notes $5 each
[ ]Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
[ ]Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
[ ]Dragging fast tempo $75
[ ]Dragging ballad tempo $100
[ ]Blacking out during ballad $200
[ ]Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
[ ]Following drummer's tempo $250
[ ]Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000
UPRIGHT PLAYERS
[ ]Showing up before first downbeat $25
[ ]Playing audibly $25
[ ]Faking changes $25
[ ]Slapping $150
[ ]Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
[ ]Excessive sweating $25
[ ]Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
[ ]Asking leader for a solo $30
[ ]Accepting solo when offered $50
[ ]Taking second chorus $100
[ ]Playing solo arco $400
[ ]Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
[ ]Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
[ ]Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500
ELECTRIC PLAYERS
[ ]Checking hair between tunes $15
[ ]Experimenting with odd meters $25
[ ]Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
[ ]Playing with a pick $50
[ ]Tuning during ballad $30
[ ]Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
[ ]Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
[ ]Attempting last word on final chord $50
[ ]Achieving last word on final chord $100
[ ]Long gliss down to final note $200
EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
[ ]Forgetting strap $10
[ ]Changing strings after every set $15
[ ]Using electric tuner $15
[ ]Setting up mic "just in case" $75
[ ]Forgetting to turn amp on $40
[ ]Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
[ ]Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
[ ]Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
[ ]Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
[ ]Skull decals on bass $150
[ ]Bringing fretless bass $500
CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
[ ]Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
[ ]Asking bone player about their day gig $10
[ ]Sitting behind drums on break $10
[ ]Quoting "Birdland" $25
[ ]Practicing scales during break $25
[ ]Practicing scales during drum solo $50
[ ]Practicing $150
[ ]Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
[ ]Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" $10
BASIC STUPIDITY
[ ]Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
[ ]Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
[ ]Asking when the rock set starts $20
[ ]Continually asking "where are we?" $25
[ ]Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
[ ]Asking bone player where "1" is $50
[ ]Taking cellphone call during 4's $100
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"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
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How does a lead guitarist change a lightbulb ?
He holds it up and the world revolves around him.
In the 22nd century..how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ??
Five..one to actually do it ...and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..
http://foxtick.com/foxboard/images/smiles/rimshot.gif
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How is an orgasm like a drum solo?
You can tell it's coming but there's no way to stop it.
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~Saint Peter is checking in new arrivals in heaven....~
"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a surgeon. I helped the lame to walk."
"Well, go right on in through the Pearly Gates"
"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher. I taught the blind to see."
"Fine .. go right on in through the Pearly Gates!"
"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician. I helped make sad people happy."
"You can load in through the kitchen."
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Oldies but goodies..
How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar
How do you know when the stage is level ?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth ..
Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ?
Neither did I
Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ?
So the rest of the band can understand them
What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?
Homeless ..
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two oboists playing in perfect unison.
How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ?
Pay for the pizza.
How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?
Evidently all of them.
What do you do if your bassist is drowning?
Throw him his amp.
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Hey Dick!Originally posted by Dick Ward:Alright, got through one page of listening. Most of you seem to be a good deal better than me, lol. I've got to say Keyman Sam, I love your stuff. Especially "The Samurai" and "King of Thebes". The orchestration is tasteful, and doesn't sound too cheeseball. That's my issue with a lot of keyboard only tracks, you can only do so much before it gets cheesy. Very nicely done!
If you can get your hands on any of the Keyboard Corner Compilation CD's you will hear just how good some of these cats are..
For instance, (strangely enough)I am right now listening to Volume 9 (just happens to be track 18, Dave Bryce's "Syzygy".)
Awesome stuff.
Regards.
-steve (West Bloomfield..)
Let's hear it!!! Post your music here!
in The Keyboard Corner
Posted
Damn, dB, that is nice! Extremely powerful, tastefully done.
Your synth chops are to die for...
BTW: did you use ADAM monitors?