Getting the guitars home

[revolead]

As a young male on the prowl (hehe) for a women in the future, I can't help but think of all you happily (or unhappily) married guys out there playing guitar. All of you manage to have truckloads of equipment and it seems like every purchase is somehow "necessary." My friends dad always told me you need at least six guitars before you get married, this way any others just quitely assimilate into the collection.

I'm curious as to how many of you have problems sneaking gear pass the wife, or if you don't have to, how you justify the purchase of something beloved to us guitar geeks, and so worthless and redundant to anyone else. Do we really need a '68 Deluxe, when we already have a '65? Sure.

Anyone have stories to share?

[NMcGuitar]

I usually just tell my wife that it (whatever it is) is something I've wanted, and that it will help in some way. She's fine with that (as long as all the bills are paid, of course!). She's not a guitar geek, but she is an artist and set designer (theatre) so she understands.

And the same goes for when she brings home something (a new set of brushes, a book of photos from ______ , whatever).

[Lee Flier]

Heh... yeah, we hear a lot of these kinds of situations on the forums. As a fellow guitarist and recording engineer, I certainly wouldn't complain if I were married and my husband wanted to buy new stuff. But, I'm not a typical female, either, but as a woman I think I have a few ideas about what would save a lot of guys from a lot of grief:

 

1) Make sure she knows about this issue BEFORE you get married. It's amazing how many people (both men and women) kinda presume that either certain things are going to change when you get married (when really they shouldn't), or certain things are going to stay the same when you get married (when really they shouldn't). The more you spell out ahead of time, the more you can work through any of these often unconscious expectations. You need to say "Hey, I'm a musician and I buy gear sometimes - and it's expensive. If we get married, I still need to do that."

 

2) Make sure you DON'T buy gear at the expense of paying the bills.

 

3) Make sure you don't spend ALL your spare money on gear. Presumably your wife has an expensive hobby or something that she enjoys that might seem kinda frivolous to you. Indulge that sometimes. Buy her something nice or maybe more importantly, take her out to a nice dinner or do something extravagant together.

 

If you do all that and she still bitches about your gear purchases, you're with the wrong person and you deserve better. Personally, I don't know that I could be married to someone who wasn't a musician and didn't understand that part of me inside and out. But a lot of guys seem to compartmentalize more between the "musician" part and the "domestic" part, and marry somebody who's completely fundamentally different which often leads to problems down the road. Whether this is because there seem to be fewer female musicians than male and it's out of necessity, or guys just prefer that, I couldn't say. But I think the easiest thing is to find someone who is at least creative in some way, and passionate about the creative pursuit (even if it's not music), so she understands that in you.

[michael saulnier]

We've had a number of similar threads here and on the SSS forum...

 

It always seems that people adapt to their situation...

 

If they have a supportive spouse, then it's usually no problem... buy what they want/need with money that doesn't damage the household finances... it's all good!

 

If they have a spouse that doesn't "get it" about the need for gear, they've often worked out some strategy... selling old stuff, saying: "Oh that, I've had that for YEARS!", "sneaking" things into the house and so on...

 

My own experience is somewhat of a combination... my wife is not a musician, but understands and is happy that I am...

 

She probably couldn't list all my guitars, (or even identify them correctly by name), but she is willing to let me slowly grow my gear collection as long as the "family" expenses are taken care of...

 

She doesn't know WHY I need so many guitars for example, but accepts that I've got good reasons and wouldn't get them without thinking it through...

 

I guess she TRUSTS me to use good judgement, and mostly I do. I HAVE sold things to get other things when money was tight... and she never has an objection to that!

 

Marriage is a partnership, built on love and respect. I don't think you have to be "exactly" the same... in fact differences can be the "spice" that makes the marriage successful and interesting... or at least that's what I tell myself.

 

We've been married 16 years, have a couple of great kids, and following our parents lead, should remain married throughout our lives. This doesn't mean we won't have our problems or disagreements... any two people in a relationship probably will... but we're committed to work through them, and that's the important part.

 

guitplayer

[strat0124]

Realistically, I don't need anything else, and that 63 tele I've been eyeing has no bizness sitting next to the other twelve or so guitars I already own. I don't think it'll sound so much better that I should spend hard earned cash, just to collect it. I'm a player, not a collector. And I'd have a coronary if I left a valuable guitar unattended and it was either damaged or stolen at a show. I've got a few collectables but they are indeed played, not at every show, but at special ones and for whatever else comes along. I know plenty of pickers both semi pro and pro who only own like three guitars, and have had them for a long time. Same with their amps. To each his or her own, but for the uninitiated, buying a 4500 buck guitar won't make you sound $4500 better. The corporate stores will make you think you have to have it, but you don't. If you can rip, a mex or jap guitar, set up right will walk the dog, and noone except your hairdresser will know the difference!!!!!

[Matteo Blues]

That's a tough one. I have a very jealous wife and to some extent playing in a band gets tougher when you are married. My wife use to drive me crazy the first year after we got married. If I was on stage and a hot looking young lady happened to be in the audience, my wife would swaer I was gauking and all hell would break loose!!

 

On the other end, buying equipment it's been easiers since I started my own online guitar magazine , becuase I get a lot test gear sent to me to do reviews on, so it;s hard for her to tell what was mailed to me and what I buy anymore!!

 

http://www.everythingforguitar.com

[Bobbo]

This works for me..My full time job pays the bills...So the money I make from from my music goes in a (cookie jar) and isn't missed..It's like extra money that wouldn't have been earned if not for my hobby.

Anyway, when the cookie jar gets full I take it out and buy something...So what can she say?

[Mike Gug]

Bio: Married 14 years. Two boys. Play at church and in the garage when musicians show up.

 

Money-wise, if I'm considering a purchase, I bring her in on it a few weeks before I'm looking to make the purchase. I discuss it with her, and we talk over the pros and cons. She helps with the decision this way, and she can't give me TOO much grief if she doesn't COMPLETELY disagree. Under $100, not an issue. A guitar or amp purchase is the longer process.

 

Here's another issue: time. If you have a good relationship, time spent apart can have a negative impact, especially if you have kids. The good thing about playing in a church is that you can ALWAYS bring the kids to see you. You don't damage their ears with BIG volume and no second-hand smoke. Also, purchases are a little easier because it's for a good cause.

 

When you play at church, you almost never get panties on the stage. That's good for the relationship too.

 

I wouldn't recommend sneaking stuff. Take the heat from the beginning. It'll come out better in the long run.

[NMcGuitar]

Originally posted by Lee Flier:

Heh... yeah, we hear a lot of these kinds of situations on the forums. As a fellow guitarist and recording engineer, I certainly wouldn't complain if I were married and my husband wanted to buy new stuff. But, I'm not a typical female, either, but as a woman I think I have a few ideas about what would save a lot of guys from a lot of grief:

 

1) Make sure she knows about this issue BEFORE you get married. It's amazing how many people (both men and women) kinda presume that either certain things are going to change when you get married (when really they shouldn't), or certain things are going to stay the same when you get married (when really they shouldn't). The more you spell out ahead of time, the more you can work through any of these often unconscious expectations. You need to say "Hey, I'm a musician and I buy gear sometimes - and it's expensive. If we get married, I still need to do that."

 

2) Make sure you DON'T buy gear at the expense of paying the bills.

 

3) Make sure you don't spend ALL your spare money on gear. Presumably your wife has an expensive hobby or something that she enjoys that might seem kinda frivolous to you. Indulge that sometimes. Buy her something nice or maybe more importantly, take her out to a nice dinner or do something extravagant together.

 

If you do all that and she still bitches about your gear purchases, you're with the wrong person and you deserve better. Personally, I don't know that I could be married to someone who wasn't a musician and didn't understand that part of me inside and out. But a lot of guys seem to compartmentalize more between the "musician" part and the "domestic" part, and marry somebody who's completely fundamentally different which often leads to problems down the road. Whether this is because there seem to be fewer female musicians than male and it's out of necessity, or guys just prefer that, I couldn't say. But I think the easiest thing is to find someone who is at least creative in some way, and passionate about the creative pursuit (even if it's not music), so she understands that in you.

Lee - how is it that you always seem to be able to put things so well?

[NMcGuitar]

Originally posted by Mike Gug:

Money-wise, if I'm considering a purchase, I bring her in on it a few weeks before I'm looking to make the purchase. I discuss it with her, and we talk over the pros and cons. She helps with the decision this way, and she can't give me TOO much grief if she doesn't COMPLETELY disagree. Under $100, not an issue. A guitar or amp purchase is the longer process.

 

I wouldn't recommend sneaking stuff. Take the heat from the beginning. It'll come out better in the long run.

Same here. Under $100 really isn't an issue with me either. The bigger stuff is usually a long process. I told her about the amp I wanted (Line6 Flextone II) months before I got it.

This actually helps me too - I have a little time to save up some extra cash before I buy, PLUS it makes me take the time to not make "impulse purchases".

[Guitarzan]

well its not always easy for me, for one i live in canada where everthing is more expensive. a les paul is 3 grand. We have 2 young boys and i sometimes can't justify everything i want. but i have friends with wives that are nonsupportive. some of them view music as a expensive hobby. i guess everthing is a hobby unless you are making a living with it to some people. bottom line is i was a guitar player way longer than i was in school, worked, or been married. and it is part of me , i hope and believe my wife loves all of me not just the husband, father part. i have no problem getting what i need, its a little hard sometimes getting what i want. there are priorities in life, i could do without alot of things for a new guitar but i don't expect my family to. i always talk things over anyway so i don't need to sneak gear in the house.