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Funniest Gig Scenarios


Tone Taster

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A few weeks ago, my singer got an uncontrolable case of the hiccups right in the middle of our last set. We tried everything we could to get them under control between songs, but just couldn't do it. These weren't your average cute little hiccups either. They were man sized full-body jerkers. No way to hide what was going on. It just happened to be the night that Dave Sisk stopped by to say hello. He was the only person in the bar who was acting civilized about the matter. The drummer and I, as well as those in attendance, had a great deal of fun at her expense.
My whole trick is to keep the tune well out in front. If I play Tchaikovsky, I play his melodies and skip his spiritual struggle. ~Liberace
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Originally posted by Bottomgottem:

A few weeks ago, my singer got an uncontrolable case of the hiccups right in the middle of our last set. We tried everything we could to get them under control between songs, but just couldn't do it. These weren't your average cute little hiccups either. They were man sized full-body jerkers. No way to hide what was going on. It just happened to be the night that Dave Sisk stopped by to say hello. He was the only person in the bar who was acting civilized about the matter. The drummer and I, as well as those in attendance, had a great deal of fun at her expense.

I feel the pain. I suffer from violent hiccups that last a long time. One at Cristmas Eve/Day it lasted for 26 hours. Sure it's funny at first but after about 2 hours it really hurts. (HIC! killme HIC! killme....) Beleive it or not, if you have a willing participant, and all else fails, a prolonged make-out session sometimes will get rid of them. I kid you not.
If you think my playing is bad, you should hear me sing!
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Well, I may have shared this one before, but since it's the holiday season:

 

A couple of years ago I played a series of Christmas shows the the Women'a Chorus of Dallas. In fact, we even recorded a CD, entitled "Season of Dreams." This tune was the theme for the entire seasonal program, and (important to the story) it begins with a few measures of string chords, then a high bass walkdown...solo.

 

As a part of this celebration, the WCD was invited to perform at the Adolphus Hotel Christmas celebration, broadcast live on WRR, the city owned classical music station in Dallas. And the orchestra was asked to play this live performance as well.

 

We were asked to dress "festive-ly."

 

My wife had just bought me a nice new Christmas tie, Santa Claus. So I took the afternoon off school (told my sub to play the show on the radio for my students) and dressed for the show.

 

After the sound check (and you know, of course, the bass has it's own mic,) we were waiting for the engineer to cue the beginning of the show. About 3 minutes.

 

I looked down and noticed that my tie Santa had a plastic nose. I pushed it.

 

And Santa started playing "Jingle Bells" and the little nose strobed in time to the melody.

 

Loud.

 

It lasted forever.

 

But it finished before the opening cue. I made a mental note to be very careful not to bump Santa with my bass and set him off again.

 

And on we went, through commercial breaks...live radio. Back from break, a quick interview and then another few songs.

 

So we were about 10 seconds out from coming out of a break, and I set my bass on my belly to check my high Eb, and sure enough, it set Santa off again.

 

I clutched Santa tighly; couldn't get him to shut up. The conductor finished his little 2 sentence answer, turned and gave the cue for the strings to begin the most important song, the theme for the season: "Season of Dreams." On the downbeat, he glanced at me to make sure I was ready.

 

And there I was, grinnin' at him like a mental patient and clutching my gut (well, my tie) with both hands looking like I'd been stabbed.

 

It was too late to do anything...the 4 bar strings had begun. I kept glancing down, watching Santa's nose glow my entire hand.

 

It stopped just before my solo; I reached up, played the walkdown and the rest of the tune.

 

Then, I took off the tie. I wish I knew where it was...I may wear it again sometime.

"Let's raise the level of this conversation" -- Jeremy Cohen, in the Picasso Thread.

 

Still spendin' that political capital far faster than I can earn it...stretched way out on a limb here and looking for a better interest rate.

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