New 'work' band developments and lessons learned

[5 string Mike]

Hey all,

 

As others have vented/ discussed their band situations, I've been through some interesting developments in my 'work' band.

 

Long story short, around the November time frame, I requested a break until after the first of the year due to other time commitments during the fall. I even lined them up a bass player (an intern who pays with our drummer in another project) to fill in for a few tenative dates.

 

During that time a singer requested the same thing due to time constraints, and one guitarist/ keyboardist stepped aside for personal reasons.

 

So the band has a meeting a few weeks ago- although I requested to be kept in hte loop, I wasn't invited. I did however stop in. the 'leader' assured me it was an oversight that I wasn't invited. They practiced the next week, and I showed up to help the fill in bass player learn the material, and I wanted to learn the new stuff. Long story short, I felt like a third wheel there. Not only did anyone barely talk to me, I got the feeling that because I had to take a break, I somehow wasn't being a team player. (Keep in mind there are no paid gigs, a few 'possible's for charity, etc. AND I found a sub- so it's not like I took the Cartman approach (screw you guys, I'm going home)

 

Now there is an effort to try for a corporate Battle fo the Bands thing. It's not my cup of tea- not that it wouldn't be awesome, but the Survivor-meets American Idol egos and drama are already annoying the snot out of me, and this would make it 10 times worse.

 

Needless to say, the 'warm and fuzzy' is gone. I'm probably going to let the sub run with it.

 

On the plus side, one of the guitarists and a few of his friends have been trying to get a Christian based blues band off the ground but they couldn't find a bass player who wanted to play blues, so I got hooked up with that. Our first get together and jam session is scheduled for this Saturday.

 

I'm excited about this opportunity. I'm looking forward to jamming with other Christian musicians. As it is right now, we have two guitars (my friend from work and an old friend of his), a female lead singer (my friends wife, who is VERY good), a sax/ keyboard player, a drummer, and myself. I am probably going to stretch my legs and sing some backing vocals, maybe even lead if it pans out and the other guitar player has sang backup before.

 

So, like many a story before, when one door closes, another opens.

 

 

[rizzo9247]

To begin with, please watch

.

 

It is very tough to combine your work and personal life in any sort of extra-curicular activity (much like going into business with family, but that's a discussion for another day). As you mentioned, the "warm and fuzzy" feeling was gone, and letting the sub integrate into the project with no hard feelings was a really classy move on your part, as it preserves both the work and musical relationships going forward.

 

With that said, sometimes you just have to move on; good luck with the new gig!

[picker]

+1.

[5 string Mike]

Had an interesting talk with the leader today.

 

Long story short, I went to talk to my buddy in this band (I haven't been involved in it at all to this point), they were setting up in a room Friday for Saturday rehearsal, so I popped in to help set up and say 'hi' People seemed a little surprised. Ok, I know I haven't been in the loop lately, but no biggie. As stated above, I'm not in the place to commit much to it anyways.

 

So the leader and a couple other people aren't real comfortable with me being there- ok, this is weird, am I not welcome, or is something going on I don't know about? On top of that, an hour before this, it had gotten back to me that I had 'quit the band'. Now this is getting weird.

 

It gnawed on me all weekend, so I talked to the leader this morning- "I'm confused."

 

The long and short of it is a decision was made to move forward with the sub for the corporate Battle of the Bands thing because it was going to be hard and heavy- problem is, no one bothered to 'man up' and tell me.

 

I explained that it was ok, but he didn't have to do it behind my back. For crying out loud, we're all adults. I'm ok with it. I agree- go with him- he can commit to it where I can't. There is no reason it has to be an uncomfortable situation. I explained that with me, it's better to be up front than do it behind my back and leave me to read between the lines...

 

The punch line is I want to support them. I'm friends with most of them. But be up front about what's going on. I shouldn't have to hear from others that 'I quit the band'. I'm sure situations and line-ups will change in a year anyways. it's better to be up front about it than give me the cold shoulder....

 

But, it's all good now- I think. As much as things change, there will be line-up changes and things the sub won't want to do, so I want to make sure we lave the door open.

[Juancarlin]

Once upon a time... about 18 years ago.. I was in a band. Not a top-of-the-crop band, but I could say we had some success. We sounded great, were playing big venues (theaters, stadiums, that kind of stuff), had two songs on the radio, etc etc.

 

But we were making no money out of it. Indeed, it was sucking money from us to keep the band alive and working well. So I decided to play with other bands as well. I mean.. I took a day job back then, and I was feeling miserable, being that I had already been a successful musician, able to earn my money out of playing music, instead of being the office-boy. So I had an offer, and I took it. It was not even a direct competitor for our band, but with a humor show, as a back-up musician. Couple gigs a week here adn there, but nothing that would endanger our work with the band.

 

Then one day, a month after, I got a call... "We' re disbanding". So I went to our rehearsing place to take home all my stuff. And it was hard to do.

 

A week after that, I knew they got together again, without me, and kept rehearsing. So no "disbanding" at all, just a somewhat cowardly way to say "we don't want you here anymore".

 

Time passed, and that comic show gig led to a big-time gig which lasted two long years, touring inside and outside the country, couple records, TV shows, all the stuff. That other band... which used to be "my" band, definitely disbanded within monts, when they were unable to get the thing together, and that was it. I got news of two of them guys once... but no "band" whatsoever.

 

16 years after that, I regained contact with one of the brothers who led that band. As if nothing had happened. Then it came the mandatory conversation piece, and I finally knew what was behind all that was a sad story of envy -they said back then I was in "treason" to the band- , anger, frustration, and being uncomfortable with who each one of us were back then, which led to even bigger problems among them, of which I was never aware, fortunately.

 

So... I am not saying there may pass 16 years for you to know the real reason, but, since I felt a lot identified with your story, there my couple humble cents. The better thing is to move on, you did your best, you acted without any bad intention at all, and if the magic is gone, and there's no money involved, there is no reason to give it any further energy, and pursue new musical goals.

 

 

[Davo-London]

Well said and an interesting story to boot.

 

Davo