OT: RIP OAR

[Adan]

Typing a few words on a screen seems like a trivial gesture at a time like this, but I am thinking about you. May there eventually emerge a light from the darkness.

[Michael Wright]

Very sorry Grey. Any words seem so inadequate. My sincere condolences.

[Bif_]

I'm so sorry and praying for peace for you and your family.

 

Greg

[Mike Martin]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Threadslayer]

So very sorry for your terrible loss.

[PianoMan51]

May she Rest In Peace in your heart.

[EscapeRocks]

Very sorry for your loss.

[Rod S]

Grey, my deepest sympathies for your loss. I wish you and the family peace, courage and strength in this moment.

[Aidan]

Grey, there are no words adequate for this, but I am thinking about you and your family, and praying for you all.

[TommyRude]

Like Aiden and many others, no adequate words. Deepest condolences

[ChiefDanG]

So sorry for your loss, Grey.

Condolences to you & yours.

[AWkeys]

I can't even begin to imagine. All of my sympathy to you and your family, GRollins.

[Dr Mike Metlay]

Grey, we mourn with you. My congregation will say Kaddish this Shabbat, for her rest and for the comfort of all who mourn her. Zichronam L"vrachah - may her memory forever be a blessing.

[GRollins]

Thank you to all who have expressed good wishes. This has been an impossible time. Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children, especially when their children are only 18 years of age. That's just not right. Yes, intellectually I know that these things happen, but this time it's not a story in the news, it's us.

 

For those who did not see my posts in the "Boring Songs" thread, I said something disparaging about 1-4-5, 12-bar songs, then added a postscript that I might be a little more curmudgeonly than usual because my daughter was in ICU. That had the unintended consequence of derailing the thread. My apologies. That was not my intention.

 

Here's the condensed version of what happened:

On June 25th, Olivia was driving a car belonging to a friend of hers. She was speeding. She lost control in a curve and the car struck a large pine tree. Her friend managed to climb out the window and made it to the side of the road in spite of his own injuries. He flagged someone down who dialed 911. He was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. He'll be okay. Olivia was airlifted to a trauma center. She had a long list of broken bones and a collapsed lung, but the real problem was bleeding in her brain; she was in a coma. She had managed to tell the person who had stopped to help her first name, but never made it as far as her last name. She never regained consciousness. Then she began that downwards stair step that you sometimes see in people who are severely wounded. A stroke, Then a second stroke. And that was in addition to the bleeding damage she had already suffered. Et-horrifying-cetera. We elected to discontinue life support and donate what organs and tissues could be saved. I may have more to say about that later, but for now I'll just put in that the process was not graceful. Part of me wants to reconsider the organ donor symbol on my driver's license. Enough of that. She is now out of pain. That was important to me because even with a dozen IV drips of everything under the sun in addition to being in a coma, she was still slowly drawing her left leg up, pulling against the traction. I didn't like the looks of that and asked several different people. Got the same answer each time. Even though she was unconscious, sedated, on pain killers, etc. she was trying to draw her leg away from the pain; in some deep, ancient part of our brains, we're still aware that we're wounded. Okay, that was it. By that point, it was already becoming clear that they'd reached the bottom of their bag of tricks and that she wasn't coming back, but I had to get someone to say those words aloud instead of feeding me "well, there's this one more thing we can try" (DO NOT ASK--you don't want to know). I pushed harder and finally got a doctor to admit that, yes, she was gone. We should have had that admission at least two days before, but... Anyway, I'm sure some of you have had dealings with medical folk and have stories of your own. Be that as it may, then the organ donation nightmare began, but I started pushing harder and harder on that and finally prevailed. They finally let her pass last night at 18:00.

 

It's finally over.

 

I miss Olivia more than words can say, and as you are aware, I'm not shy about lengthy posts. She was a good kid. Kind to everyone except her youngest brother. Good with animals, both wild and domestic. Beautiful--yes, every parent says that, but I've got pictures to prove it. Yes, every parent says that too...speaking of which...

 

There was supposed to be a picture in the original post. I'm not seeing it and if I tag where I think it should be, I get one of those broken image things. It didn't look like it loaded properly last night, but when I went to try again, it showed as a thumbnail...? What did I do wrong? DB, can you beat this thing into submission? Let me know if there's something I need to do.

 

Please spare a thought for her friend. His name is Matthew. To be honest, I'm not sure what their relationship was. Never saw them hug, kiss, or even hold hands, but they were thick as thieves. Inseparable. Considering that I kept hearing tales of abuse and cruelty regarding his home life and that his main buddy is suddenly gone, he's going to have a hard time. I've talked to the boy on several occasions and think he's got promise if only life will give him half a chance. Hell, a quarter of a chance. Setting aside my feelings of loss, he didn't deserve to lose his one support in life, dammit. This is a slow-motion tragedy that will unfold over time and I'm powerless to stop it.

 

Again, thanks for your good wishes, it means a lot. This has been a little bit horrible and it'll take time to heal.

 

Grey

[mate stubb]

How horrible. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. My sincere condolences.

[stillearning]

I wish for peace and strength for your family.

[eric]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

[mcgoo]

Reading your post about what happened literally brought me to tears as I'm sure it will for any parent. The only positive thing I can add is that maybe you and Matthew can be somewhat of a healing source for each other. I'll stop taking now and start praying...

[GRollins]

Okay, I diddled the image so that it's smaller and it seems to have uploaded this time. The file size was 985k, which is less than the 1M max, but the newer version is smaller. Maybe it was a size problem.

 

The picture is Olivia in her prom dress a couple of months ago. Go back to the original post to view.

 

I'm gonna miss that kid.

 

Grey

[jarrell]

So sorry for your loss, and what she, you and your family and those close to you all had to go through. Condolences to all.

[hipogrito]

Grey, so sorry to read this. May your daughter rest in peace.

 

Fran

[zxcvbnm098]

Thank you for sharing the story Grey.

 

I can only imagine how painful it is to recount such an experience, but our (I'm sure I speak for everyone here) collective hearts are broken to hear about her passing. May you and your family find peace, healing and strength as you face the days, weeks and months moving forward.

 

About 10 years ago my nephew lost his life in an automobile accident at age 14. If I have any advice after seeing my sister in law and brother in law navigate his loss, it would be to reach out individually and as a family to get professional grief counseling as soon as you can, and lean on friends and faith where applicable often. They found a therapist at the time that has also lost a child, and I think they would be the first to say that getting professionally support was the most important part of their healing journey.

 

Many many moons ago when my mom passed away, a friend sent me the following verse that I still hold dear. I have sent it to many friends over the years who have lost loved ones, and I still find comfort in it. My hope is you and your family may as well....

 

"When I am gone, release me, let me go.

I have so many things to see and do,

You mustn't tie yourself to me with too many tears,

But be thankful we had so many good years.

I gave you my love, and you can only guess

How much you've given me in happiness.

I thank you for the love that you have shown,

But now it is time I travelled on alone.

So grieve for me a while, if grieve you must,

Then let your grief be comforted by trust.

It is only for a while that we must part,

So treasure the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away for life goes on.

And if you need me, call and I will come.

Though you can't see or touch me, I will be near.

And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear,

All my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you come this way alone,

I'll greet you with a smile and a 'Welcome Home'."

[BluMunk]

I'll add my voice and my thoughts; I'm so sorry to hear this.

[ksoper]

Grey, thank you for sharing Olivia's story. I know it was hard to write. Peace and love to you and all of those whose lives were made better by her presence.

[GRollins]

For those who are concerned about my/our mental condition(s), thank you, but this is not the first storm that I've weathered. One of my degrees is in psych; I got the degree in order to...how shall I put this...try to unravel some things that occurred in my childhood. I've spent many days wandering the recesses of my mind and know where the dark spots are and how to handle them. The short version: I'll be okay. It just hurts like hell right now. I could do without some of the additional fol-de-rol heaped on me by the medical profession, but that, too, I shall survive. I'm watching over my tribe, so to speak, and everyone is on course so far.

 

Grief is a predictable adversary. It hits hard, then backs off and tries end runs around your defenses. Some succeed and I cry. And that's okay, because tears are nature's pressure relief and you need that at first or you'll lose your mind. For my part, after a while I get tired of grief trying to turn me into a whiny brat and I start pushing back.

 

You know that thing from Dune? "Fear is the mind-killer..." That. Just replace the word fear with grief. Allow it to wash over you, then when it's gone, stand, dust yourself off, and resume your journey. The worst is already past. I'm not saying there will be no more tears. There will. But I will survive.

 

Because survival, by god, is what I do.

 

Grey

[Mark Zeger]

May her memory be a blessing.

[ajstan]

Grey - I am so sorry to hear this. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

[MathOfInsects]

Have been a bit haunted by your original post. I pulled over to read your longer one just now. Stayed pulled over to have a good old fashioned cry. I can't shake the sense of sadness over the horror you must have gone through, and the sorrow at the loss of such young life.

 

Thank you for honoring us with Olivia's story.

 

Many thoughts with you and your family.

[Tom Williams]

Grey, I'm so sorry.

[slg1013]

Grey, I can't even begin to imagine what you're experiencing. Just terrible. I'm so sorry for you loss.

 

Steve