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Thinking about quitting the band


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I've never quit a band. The bands I've been in have usually either faded away, or morphed into something else. That's one of the bands I'm in now. That said, while I generally enjoy the band, I have tinnitus and the band is notoriously loud (at least for me). I have no desire to use ear plugs as everything I've tried makes the experience not pleasant at all.

 

I tried to resolve some of the aforementioned issues while keeping things low key, but, my efforts have fallen on deaf ears!!!

 

So, I am contemplating giving notice. I've known most of these band members for at least a decade or more. I want to give them time to find a replacement player. What have been your experiences in quitting bands? Is there a protocol for doing so? I am thinking 60 days should be sufficient. I can commit to playing all the gigs on the books until then (or until they find a replacement, whichever is earlier).

 

Finally, I don't want to burn bridges but, again, I may never play music with any of these guys again. Who knows!?

 

Any thoughts and advice are appreciated. . .

 

aL

Gear: Yamaha MODX8, Mojo 61, NS2 73, C. Bechstein baby grand.

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There's been a couple of times when I've quit a band that I think has been kind of like your situation - where I wasn't dependent on the money, and had no projects immediately waiting for me on the other end. I gave them both a month or two to be definitely out, with the provision that if they found someone sooner that's fine too. If you don't want to burn bridges, just make it as easy as possible on them.
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I left my band last November for similar (musical diffs) reasons after gigging with them for 2 years. I gave them 2 months notice in April, but as the math shows I kept myself flexible to cover booked shows. I had absolutely no hard feelings on either side and still occasionally run sound for them. I think if you approach it professionally and stay flexible scheduling-wise, I don't think you'll lose friends over it. If you do, it's not your fault.

 

~ vonnor

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Hardware: Nord Stage3, Korg Kronos 2, Novation Summit

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Hey Al, I am sorry to hear this band is not working out for you. Maybe another band is around the corner? Bands are temporary but music transcends time

 

I think any of the rules about breaking up (a relationship) or leaving an employer apply to leaving a band. The typical statement is something of the form "it's not you it's me." As in all these cases, you bite your tongue so as not to enter into painful conversations about how THEY could do things differently. Be honest and focus on how YOUR needs are taking you elsewhere (softer music?, a need for change?) Giving them 60 days is very generous. They might be willing to agree to something shorter. It's unlikely that you will burn bridges. A professional goodbye keeps relationships intact.

 

That's my 0.02. Good luck on your continued journey. Onward and upward. Always good to see you here my friend.

 

Jerry

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I've quit a well-booked cover band in the past. I had an amicable talk with the leader and told him that I'd started feeling like the band was no longer moving me forward, and that I'd it was time to move on before I became unhappy.

 

I gave them three months, but with the option of staying longer if they needed extra time to find someone. Ended up being six months, but everybody was happy, and I had nothing immediately lined up.

"The Angels of Libra are in the European vanguard of the [retro soul] movement" (Bill Buckley, Soul and Jazz and Funk)

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I had a tough call to make a few decades ago when family needs took over my ability to be a touring musician. I telegraphed this very far in advance and then gradually phased myself out of the band, playing part time and covering the biggest shows until a successor could be found. There was a horn player doing something similar, and the band replaced two players with one. I maintained strong relationships with the band that enabled me to periodically sit in just about any time I might want to do that, as well as continuing to be a studio player for things they did after I had left. Nowadays, the band does very successful reunion shows a few times a year and I get to enjoy playing those as one of the original members.
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Quit. A band is not a marriage contract. Sounds like 60s days allows the band to meet all its commitments. You are being more than fair. Nothing is being left hanging. You are good. You owe no explanations. It's just something you don't want to do anymore. Just be nice.

"It doesn't have to be difficult to be cool" - Mitch Towne

 

"A great musician can bring tears to your eyes!!!

So can a auto Mechanic." - Stokes Hunt

 

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+1 60 days is a sensible notice period, particularly if nothing is booked beyond October. No need to explain why, but if you're asked, don't say "you f*ckers never f*cking turn down and f*cking listen to each other" (that's called "burning bridges"). Make up some excuse about wanting to develop in a different direction, or whatever.

 

Cheers, Mike.

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Give them fair notice. I'd tell them that the volume is ruining your hearing. Don't wait until Tinnitus turns into temporary hearing loss and gets worse. Obviously they don't care that you are concerned about your hearing, so don't be concerned about them. Sound harsh? Your hearing is more important than people that are inconsiderate of your health.

 

I quit playing in bands for the same reason. No regrets.

 

 

Mike T.

Yamaha Motif ES8, Alesis Ion, Prophet 5 Rev 3.2, 1979 Rhodes Mark 1 Suitcase 73 Piano, Arp Odyssey Md III, Roland R-70 Drum Machine, Digitech Vocalist Live Pro. Roland Boss Chorus Ensemble CE-1.

 

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60 days notice that crazy to me.

 

First you have to decided if you want to burn your bridge with these guys on not, being you've been with them ten years I say no. So just tell them is not working for you anymore, you need to cut back to care for your hearing, any story that they will believe and you can slide out. Now I would tell them you'd like out in a couple weeks maybe one month if there are gigs, but they need to start looking. Then to be a nice guy and not burn that bridge offer to fill in if they can't find someone right away. If you give them 60 days they won't start looking till day 59 because finding new people is a pain to audition and rehearse the new person. So set a short time to exit to light fire for them to start looking, and help but remind them they are pushing it.

 

Maybe your bandmates will kiss and make up with you and you'll be back in the band and going through this again next year.

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You didn't state if your band had a BL or not.

 

If so, your 1st step, is to sit down with the BL and explain your rationale/thinking

 

This shows how serious you are about the volume issues which are harmful to your ear health.

 

If the band is loosely led, then a 15 minute sit down with the band is in order.

 

This gives the volume addicts a chance to moderate their approach.

And commit to it.

Show them you are serious.

 

If they don't giveashit, walk sooner than later.

 

This sounds more social for you than financial.

 

 

Why fit in, when you were born to stand out ?

My Soundcloud with many originals:

[70's Songwriter]

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Thanks for all the feedback, advice and encouragement. I really appreciate it.

 

Although there is no formal BL per se, but, there's someone I can talk to and maybe that's the way to go.

 

Because I've known these guys and played with them for such a long time, I want to do what is right by them. It is hard to say goodbye and I have no hard feelings at all. I just cannot take the ear issues anymore.

 

Thanks again, and you all have a nice weekend!!

 

aL

Gear: Yamaha MODX8, Mojo 61, NS2 73, C. Bechstein baby grand.

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. I just cannot take the ear issues anymore.
TELL THEM THAT. Or at least say it to the guy you can talk to. Tell him you're quitting the band because you can't take the ear issues anymore. If they really want you to stay, they have to do something serious and real about volume. If they won't or can't, then quitting the band is reasonable. If they want you to stay, they have to show they can do something about the volume. If they can't do it, you can't continue to play with them. Simple as that.

 

I won't play with bands that can't manage their volume. Period.

 

These are only my opinions, not supported by any actual knowledge, experience, or expertise.
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