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JOKE FOR THE DAY...


BiC

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Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily Iraq briefing.

He concludes by saying:

"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

 

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

 

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as

the President sits, head in hands.

 

Finally, the President looks up and asks,

"How many is a brazillion?"

 

:D:wave::D

"Treat your wife with honor, respect, and understanding as you live together so that you can pray effectively as husband and wife." 1 Peter 3:7

 

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One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away."

 

 

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight................

 

 

On the third night, sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies, and fades into the mist.

 

 

On the fourth night, Bush isn't sleeping well, when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?" Lincoln replies "Go see a play!"

 

 

Paul

Peace,

 

Paul

 

----------------------

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Originally posted by BiC:

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily Iraq briefing.

He concludes by saying:

"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

 

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

 

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as

the President sits, head in hands.

 

Finally, the President looks up and asks,

"How many is a brazillion?"

 

:D:wave::D

Thanks for the smile BiC. :wave:

bbach

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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Originally posted by Big Red 67:

Hi BiC!

Hey Red! :wave: Long time no hear! How ya been?

 

BTW folks, this IS meant to be a general joke thread and not politically motivated in any shape, form, or fashion. I just happened to share a joke about Bush which I received and thought was funny.

 

I know ALL of us here are mature enough to keep it at that- a joke thread (clean please) :wave:

 

Thank you for your kind attention, and may God bless your day. :cool:

"Treat your wife with honor, respect, and understanding as you live together so that you can pray effectively as husband and wife." 1 Peter 3:7

 

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Originally posted by Big Red 67:

Hi BiC!

Hey Red! :wave: Long time no hear! How ya been?

 

BTW folks, this IS meant to be a general joke thread and not politically motivated in any shape, form, or fashion. I just happened to share a joke about Bush which I received and thought was funny.

 

I know ALL of us here are mature enough to keep it at that- a joke thread (clean please) :wave:

 

Thank you for your kind attention, and may God bless your day. :cool:

"Treat your wife with honor, respect, and understanding as you live together so that you can pray effectively as husband and wife." 1 Peter 3:7

 

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I first saw the joke I posted back in the 90's as a Clinton Joke. I switched it to Bush for this thread, seeing as it's 2005. I'm not suggesting that an actor should be responsible for putting Dick Cheney in the Oval Office.

 

One more, from late September, 2001,

 

Wife: I'm really glad George W. Bush is the President. He's the best man to guide us through these tough times with terrorism and Al Quaida and Afghanistan.

 

Husband: Shut up, Tipper.

 

Now if we only had some good jokes about our Canadian federal politicians, (besides their policies I mean).

 

Peace,

 

Paul

Peace,

 

Paul

 

----------------------

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IMO...Anyone, anyone who becomes the President of the U.S. becomes a fair target. Not for assassination, but for humor. It's a time-honored tradition, that no matter who the president is, a good one or a not-so-good one, Republican or Democrat, there will be tons of jokes about him. TV comics, for instance, have poked fun fairly at both sides for a long time. Of course, Rich Little became famous for comic impersonations of Nixon, but, before that, they were impersonating LBJ as well, and Kennedy.

 

It comes with the office.

"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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Originally posted by Pappy Pappadopalus:

GWB does not drive by Dealy plaza when he comes to Dallas.

Actually, Pappy, I think that's a Secret Service thing. There are all sorts of places they don't want to let the President go because they can't protect him. Although, I suspect with Dealy Plaza that the Secret Service doesn't want to go back to a point of failure. (President Kennedy, 1963 for those who don't know)

 

As for the little song. That's highly political stuff. Let's just stay away from politics okay?

 

And whether these jokes are funny depends on whose ox is being gored. My ox isn't being gored, but I don't see any reason to antagonize other people here. And you guys KNOW that's what you're doing.

 

If you want to post political stuff, then go to the political forum. Let's keep this forum clean of the political crap.

Born on the Bayou

 

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Originally posted by ellwood:

Ok here we go! and the originator of this said he DID NOT WANT this to turn political, but Flamin Liberials just can't seem to take requests. Why don't I see anyting about that ass hole whore dorker Clinton and his lezbo wife! see now that's funny isn't it :D:D:D:thu: well my ox was being gored so, there ya go.

Well if you have a joke, then tell it. But maybe you better get a sense of humor first.
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Originally posted by LPCustom:

Originally posted by Pappy Pappadopalus:

GWB does not drive by Dealy plaza when he comes to Dallas.

Actually, Pappy, I think that's a Secret Service thing. There are all sorts of places they don't want to let the President go because they can't protect him. ...
Which reminds me of another funny story....

 

When George Herbert Walker Bush was President and Dan Quayle was his V.P., the Secret Service operated under a special rule: If the President was asassinated, their first order was to shoot Quayle. :-)

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Originally posted by ellwood:

Why don't I see anyting about that ass hole whore dorker Clinton and his lezbo wife!

Quite simple, Ellwood, because Clinton's not president anymore. I heard a ton of Clinton jokes when he was in office. And, if the next president's a democrat, you can be sure that the comedy powers that be will turn their sights on him, to the chagrin of liberals.
"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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Q How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A Five. One to change the light bulb and four to stand around and say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done that."

 

Q How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A Just one, but she just stands there holding up the bulb and expects the whole world to revolve

around her.

 

 

Q How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A None--they just steal somebody else's light.

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Q. How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A. 12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

 

 

One more groaner:

 

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

 

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

 

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

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