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Band leader tells me to back off


LiveMusic

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This is pretty weird. I just received this email from a classified ad website for this area's musicians (that I advertised on for bandmates).

 

===

 

Stay away from my bass player and drummer!

 

John Doe

Band Name

 

===

 

I ran an ad looking for bandmates to form a band, describing my music and stuff and gave my name and email and phone number, so he knows it's me.

 

I met the bass player for his band weeks ago. I'm new here. The guy said he loved my music (I was playing a solo gig) and he wanted to get together and jam. We did do that. I've seen him several times since and he always begs me to call him. I have never tried to "break up their band" or whatever. He is the one after ME. He has said all along, we only play every week or so and I want to play more.

 

I went to their gig last week and stayed the entire time.

 

They've been on rocky roads, according to the bass player. Even broke up and got back. They've been together for many years. I had never even met the drummer until last weekend and that's all I did... I met him.

 

So, this is out of the blue. I figure the bass player has been bragging on my writing. Based on what other's have said that he has said about me. So, this bandleader (their songwriter), I guess he's jealous or something.

 

What a shock. Based on this guy's professional standing in this community (high profile), I'm very surprised by this email. Instead of threatening me, he should have called me. I'm mulling over how to respond.

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Who cares what he thinks??? I know you don't. He's simply an insecure control freak.

 

Continue to "romance" the bass player. Then who knows, the drummer may follow suit! ;)

"Treat your wife with honor, respect, and understanding as you live together so that you can pray effectively as husband and wife." 1 Peter 3:7

 

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If you ain't rustlin', it sounds like they might be tired of his "bandleading". Are they under contract to the guy or something? If not, tell him to tell his bass player and drummer to stay away from you, and see what they have to say about it.

Always remember that you�re unique. Just like everyone else.

 

 

 

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Not only do I think you should comply with his request, you should let him know you are going to comply. Forward the bandleaders e-mail to the bassist & drummer and tell them to stay away from you because their bandleader told you so. Make sure you copy the bandleader on the message so he knows you are doing everything you can to stay away from his bandmates. :D:evil::D

Mudcat's music on Soundclick

 

"Work hard. Rock hard. Eat hard. Sleep hard. Grow big. Wear glasses if you need 'em."-The Webb Wilder Credo-

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I'm not one to ignore something like this. He might think I'm chicken shit. I'm more apt to diplomatically reply, explaining the situation and add a "By the way, if you don't want to get along, then just Fuck Off" at the end. I mean, I have gone about this in exactly the CORRECT way... I have advertised for people who want to form a band. That's what the friggin website is for.

 

Funny thing is... I know they are kind of struggling and I think I know a couple of things that could help them and I wanted to do that... if they asked. I have seen a boatload of bands in my day and a couple of things jumped out at me.

 

The bass player does not sing... major strike against him for what I need. The drummer, he has no job. Both of them are bad off in need for extra money. All of the guys are nice guys, including him, I thought.

 

Surprising. I think the bass player must be talking about me in front of this guy and he's bigtime jealous. He's been here forever and what I heard for their originals... he's okay but the songs are not memorable.

> > > [ Live! ] < < <

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Originally posted by DARK ANGEL:

BiC shame on you!Talk to the guy maybe you can

join his band,you could be the next John&Paul.

Play nice now. :wave:

No, not at all. The guy thinks he owns the bass player and the drummer.

 

He needs to be put into his place.

"Treat your wife with honor, respect, and understanding as you live together so that you can pray effectively as husband and wife." 1 Peter 3:7

 

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Originally posted by BiC-a-BoO:

Originally posted by DARK ANGEL:

BiC shame on you!Talk to the guy maybe you can

join his band,you could be the next John&Paul.

Play nice now. :wave:

No, not at all. The guy thinks he owns the bass player and the drummer.

 

He needs to be put into his place.

Man bass players are hard to find,so I can understand a little.Do what you gotta do frank.
The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.
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As far as I know slavery and indentured servitude are like over and not legally inforcable states of being here in the US.

 

The bassist is his own person, and he isn't someone else's bassist except only in sense that he plays bass on someone elses music because he so chooses too.

 

If the bassist wants to jam with you then so be it, if the other guy feels the bassist is his property then he's got issues. If he wants to keep the bassist only playing with him and no one else he should pay him "more" :D or at all.

 

Bassists and Drummers are always in enough demand to take as many gigs as they want, and no ego maniac songwriter can change that-- but money can, so if this guy wants to "keep" his bassist that is up to him to both define it ("sharing" if we're to entertain this ownership myth) and to acheive it, and you're not obligated in any way along those lines.

 

And if it happens to you, the rules will be the same.

 

IMHO.

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My Unitarian Jihad Name: Brother Broadsword of Enlightened Compassion.

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LiveMusic, you might consider suggesting to all three of them (the bandleader, the bass player, and the drummer) that you all get together, preferably in a public place, and get everything out into the open. If the bandleader is a rational person, he should be agreeable to this. If he is not, however (and his apparent possessiveness of his bandmates suggests that is a possibility), then you may have to consider distancing yourself from all of them, at least for now. I would recommend against doing anything sneaky or underhanded--be above-board and honest in however you approach this situation; in so doing, it will be you who will reap the benefits in the long run. I pray that all this works out for you.

Robert J. ("Bob") Welch III

 

"If you were the only person who ever lived, God still would have sent Jesus His only Son to die on the cross for YOU, because that is how much HE LOVES YOU!"

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I recommend the diplomatic approach.. thell him the truth and tell him exactly what went down. CC the bass player. And end with a offer to discuss things further via phone if he wants to. I'd resist the temptation to make a "F-off" comment. First of all, there's nothing worse (and more unprofessional) than band vs band feuds, and if he's a "high profile" artist in the area, he might make things difficult for you with club owners, and you don't want / need that.

 

If you send a cc to the bass player, that shows him what a control freak his lead singer is... again, I'd resist the urge to gossip about it beyond that. If the guy has any sense, he'll probably drop the band anyway. And besides, who cares? The guy doesn't really sound like the "perfect fit" for you anyway.

 

Yup, it sounds like the singer / songwriter is jealous. It happens. Don't let him suck you into a war you can not win... even if you CAN win, the cost isn't worth it.

 

In closing, I suggest that you be polite, be professional and document everything. If after a few exchanges he is still being a jerk, you can let him have it, and you'd have material to support your position with third parties if you ever need it to stifle the rumors and backstabbing he's likely to let loose with.

 

Sorry to hear about this - things like this SUCK.

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Originally posted by Philip O'Keefe:

I recommend the diplomatic approach.. thell him the truth and tell him exactly what went down. CC the bass player. And end with a offer to discuss things further via phone if he wants to. I'd resist the temptation to make a "F-off" comment. First of all, there's nothing worse (and more unprofessional) than band vs band feuds, and if he's a "high profile" artist in the area, he might make things difficult for you with club owners, and you don't want / need that.

 

If you send a cc to the bass player, that shows him what a control freak his lead singer is... again, I'd resist the urge to gossip about it beyond that. If the guy has any sense, he'll probably drop the band anyway. And besides, who cares? The guy doesn't really sound like the "perfect fit" for you anyway.

 

Yup, it sounds like the singer / songwriter is jealous. It happens. Don't let him suck you into a war you can not win... even if you CAN win, the cost isn't worth it.

 

In closing, I suggest that you be polite, be professional and document everything. If after a few exchanges he is still being a jerk, you can let him have it, and you'd have material to support your position with third parties if you ever need it to stifle the rumors and backstabbing he's likely to let loose with.

 

Sorry to hear about this - things like this SUCK.

Phil, the ever present voice of mature reason. Will you be my dad? :P

 

Seriously, very sound advice. Take the high road. It always turns out for the better in the end when you do. The low road is just for ego compensation.

bbach

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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Just to bust chops, I'd send him an e-mail back in a couple days saying I received an e-mail from you a couple days ago, but for some reason the message itself didn't come through. Then say I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, but I've been jamming with Bob and Fred (aka his bass player and drummer) the past couple days and this was the first break we had and BTW http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_29_105v.gif:D

 

OR

 

You can follow Phil's advice. ;)

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Yeah, I guess Phil is right. I am just so surprised by this. And guess what... I just left a bar where I went to see another band that the bass player has told me I _must_ see because they play same stuff I do. I go there and the bass player is there. What does he say?

 

"When are you going to call me? When are we going to play? We need to get together once each week." Those were his words. And he told me he is getting with another singer here and they are "working up" some rockabilly stuff. (Which I play some of that.)

 

So, this bass player is looking. No telling what the singer has heard or was told. But the bass player solicited ME, not the other way around. I have no idea about the drummer. Except the bass player told me he REALLY needs to work.

 

Reason I would probably try to do what Phil said is because this guy... hell, he might burn my house down or something or make it hard on me in this town. Due to his connections. I don't know why he has it in for me. I only saw him one night and stayed the whole friggin time. And applauded every single song. Sheesh, some welcome. I think he's jealous from some stuff the bass player has said. Their band is hurting, that's it and he's taking it out on me.

 

One thing that struck me is that his email... it has his high-profile company .com address. I bet his employer would shit a brick if they saw this email.

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I dunno, my inclination would be not to respond at all. That would be giving the whole thing more credence than it deserves. It's probably just like you said, the band is in trouble and the guy's getting possessive, end of story. There's nothing he can do to prevent his bandmates from playing with other people, if that's what THEY want to do. So, you know, I'd save the email for documentation in case he does any further nutty things, but quite possibly the guy was just having a bad hair day and took it out on you, and the email is better off unacknowledged. And if he tries anything more, then just tell him politely that if he has issues with his bass player and/or drummer that he needs to work those out with THEM, because if they want to stay with his band they will.
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Originally posted by LiveMusic:

Reason I would probably try to do what Phil said is because this guy... hell, he might burn my house down or something or make it hard on me in this town. Due to his connections. I don't know why he has it in for me.

What is this guy---in the mob?

 

Seriously, man-- I think you're reading more into this guy than necessary--

 

The bass player has obviously gotten the impression that he is what you're looking for, and you don't seem to really even agree (he doesn't sing, right? Doesn't this disqualify him from your goals?)

 

In any case, it's clear that the band leader has been told/discovered this, and is pissed about it.

 

He is also acting like a 6th grader.

 

I would first decide if this bass player is even worth the trouble here---if you don't want to do any more than jam with him, I think it would be best to tell him so right away---perhaps stressing the singing requirement to soften the blow and keep terms good. It would solve the issues with Mr. Mob, methinks---at least as far as your culpability over their bands implosion is concerned.

 

It's clear that he is looking to leave that band already, (evidently so is the drummer), but if he can't contribute to the vision that you are trying to create, then you gotta tell him early so he doesn't get the wrong impression---he will eventually leave the idiot and go somewhere else anyway.

 

Finally, write this dork back and tell him you thought that they hadn't yet legalized same-sex marriage + poligamy, which of course would be the only explanation as to how he had the right to claim posession over two men in his "band". ;)

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

--Aristotle

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Originally posted by Lee Flier:

I dunno, my inclination would be not to respond at all. That would be giving the whole thing more credence than it deserves. It's probably just like you said, the band is in trouble and the guy's getting possessive, end of story. There's nothing he can do to prevent his bandmates from playing with other people, if that's what THEY want to do. So, you know, I'd save the email for documentation in case he does any further nutty things, but quite possibly the guy was just having a bad hair day and took it out on you, and the email is better off unacknowledged. And if he tries anything more, then just tell him politely that if he has issues with his bass player and/or drummer that he needs to work those out with THEM, because if they want to stay with his band they will.

 

That might be the best way to handle it, but I'd still be a bit nervous about leaving it hanging. I'd wonder if it were right to talk to the bass player at all, and he seems to be chomping at the bit to play with LM. Some sort of contact between LM and the Bandleader seems necessary, if only to say "I wasn't trying to steal your band, I don't want any trouble, I'm backing off, no hard feelings."

Always remember that you�re unique. Just like everyone else.

 

 

 

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