Guitar Geezer Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 For all y'all north of the Red River Things to know about Texas: Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before. Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe. If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you! Nothing will kill a mesquite tree. There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house. A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck. The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25, then it stops totally until October 2. Onced and twiced are words. Coldbeer is one word. People actually grow and eat okra. Green grass DOES burn. When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night. The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks. When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor. Fix-in-to is one word A TANK is a dirt hole that holds water for irrigation, watering the cows, or swimming There ain't no such thing as"lunch". There is only dinner and then there's supper. "Sweet ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are two. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "did you eat?" You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see, or you don't work. You Know you are from Texas if: 1. You measure distance in minutes. 2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 3. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks. 4. You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year. 5.You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin' to go to the store. (note: in the portion above "fix-in-to" is one word....) 6 All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable. 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables for your own car. 9. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are. l0. You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and Tabasco. 11. You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent. 12. You think sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts. 13. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football. 14. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 15. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. 16. You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm 17. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas. 18. You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth. 19 Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world". 20. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather. 21. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor. 22. You understand these jokes. Lynn G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiC Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 You left one out of the list! You Know you are from Texas if: 23. Everyone around you understands "ya'll" and "yonder" and use them commonly. "Treat your wife with honor, respect, and understanding as you live together so that you can pray effectively as husband and wife." 1 Peter 3:7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doc taz Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 *huh?* taz loves big steaks and lots of beer, though. sevenstring.org profile my flickr page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeftyBlues Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 ...instead of saying "thank you" you say "much obliged". I was born at night but I wasn't born last night... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
not coaster MODERATOR Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 i reckon so Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Funk Jazz Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 a kid from texas once challenged me over this: he claimed that texas had higher mountain peaks than utah, and was willing to bet a thousand dollars on it. of course, the highest peak in texas was like 3800 feet shorter than the one in utah. jackass. anyhoo: 24. everything is bigger in texas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Strat Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 North Carolina must be part of Texas, if those are the standards... Now, I'm fixin' ta go to work. I'ma get sumthin' ta eat first. I reckon I'll see ya'll later... BlueStrat a.k.a. "El Guapo" ...Better fuzz through science... http://geocities.com/teleman28056/index.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darklava Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Sorry!#25 if you can't keep in your pants keep it in the family. The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caevan O’Shite Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 You know you're a Texan, if you think a hom'sex'shoe-all is a guy who likes girls more than he likes football... Ask yourself- What Would Ren and Stimpy Do? ~ Caevan James-Michael Miller-O'Shite ~ _ ___ _ Leprechaun, Esquire _ ___ _ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beermouse Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 And #26: You don't find King of The Hill funny. It's just how life is. Though, in all fairness to our Texan... kin ( ), I do use the word "y'all" quite frequently, and I also know what cow tippin' is... and I've lived in suburban southern Ontario all my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiC Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 #27- You still claim victory at The Alamo! "Treat your wife with honor, respect, and understanding as you live together so that you can pray effectively as husband and wife." 1 Peter 3:7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave da Dude Posted June 3, 2004 Share Posted June 3, 2004 guitar geezer, For all y'all north of the Red River Is that the river that Moses parted when they fled from the Egyptians? Maybe I'm not a Texan? We bought our conversion van in Dallas though. Does that count? Dave the Urban Cowboy Gotta' geetar... got the amp. There must be SOMEthing else I... "need". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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