how to play the blues

[Guitarzan]

i thought this might help some of you aspiring blues players.

 

* Most blues begin "woke up this morning."

* "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line:

o I got a good woman-- "with the meanest dog in town".

* Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of:

o Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds.

* The blues are not about limitless choice.

* Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

* Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

* You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

* The following colors do not belong in the blues:

o violet

o beige

o mauvre

* You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting is wrong.

* Good places for the Blues:

o the highway

o the jailhouse

o the empty bed

 

Bad places:

o Ashrams

o Gallery openings

o weekend in the Hamptons

* No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

* Do you have the right to sing the blues?

 

Yes, if:

o your first name is a southern state--like Georgia

o you're blind

o you shot a man in Memphis.

o you can't be satisfied.

 

No, if:

o you were once blind but now can see.

o you're deaf

o you have a trust fund.

* Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.

* If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.

 

Other blues beverages are:

o wine

o Irish whiskey

o muddy water

 

Blues beverages are NOT:

o Any mixed drink

o Any wine kosher for Passover

o Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

* If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment.

* Some Blues names for Women

o Sadie

o Big Mama

o Bessie

* Some Blues Names for Men

o Joe

o Willie

o Little Willie

o Lightning

* Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

o Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)

+ Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)

+ First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)

+ Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

+ Mix and Match

[LeftyBlues]

I just gave a similar version to my music teacher, he loved it. "Cain't have the blues in no office building - go out to the dumpster or your car (if you live in it)." Also, I believe the man you shot in Memphis has to actually die, and no fair if you are acquitted at a later date.

Happy Friday

[I I mjrn]

My favorite blues song is one about an inability to keep the guitar in tune.

 

"I been play'n' all niyight

can't keep my guitar in tyune...

play'n' all niyight

m'guitar just won' stay'n tune...

graphite nuts 'n' Buzzy Feiten

can't keep me f'om haowlin' at 'he moon."

[I I mjrn]

"Baby needs a new practice amp

can't decide what to get...

m'baby needs a new practice amp

can't decide what to get...

might try a Pignose or Fender Champ

might go online to Music Player

& ax somebody 'bout it"

[I I mjrn]

"You might think this is a blah song

but it's got a killer solo...

y'might think this song is blah

but it's got a killer solo...

best put in some ear protection

'cause my guitar's 'bout to blow!"

[I I mjrn]

[guitar solo, still slightly out of tune]

[I I mjrn]

"They say some woman over in England

stole 10,000 chocolate bars...

some woman over England way

stole 10,000 chocolate bars (yeh, that's right, chocolate!)...

Gon' get myself some candy

if I have to sell my car"

[I I mjrn]

[doomp-da-doomp-da-doomp-da-doomp-da-doomp...

bla-lang!]

[BillWelcome Home Studios]

First, your old lady has to leave with your best friend in your truck, with all your money and the dog... no wait, thats country....

 

Bill

[Blue Strat]

Fords are blues vehicles too. So is an old Dodge or Mercury. Just ask Billy Gibbons...

[The Lone Chicken]

"THE 'I CAN'T SING THE BLUES' BLUES"

Words and music by Bob Welch (The Lone Chicken")

 

I'm not allowed to sing the blues, but you know, that's OK

I'm not allowed to sing the blues, but you know, that's OK

'Cause I've met Someone who set me free, and He's shown me the way

 

Well, my buddy Guitarzan sez, I cannot sing the blues

Yes, my buddy Guitarzan sez, I cannot sing the blues

Well, my life is so richly blessed, I must agree that may be true

 

I don't drive no Chevy or Caddy, a Ford Escort is my car

I don't drive no Chevy or Caddy, a Ford Escort is my car

Well, my wheels may not be cool, but I know I'm going far

 

Well, I got a good woman, yeah I know I'm not allowed to say that

Yes I got a good woman, yeah I know I'm not allowed to say that

But I don't care 'cuz my wife is sure nuff good to me, and that's a natural fact!

 

Well I believe in showing everyone love, and treatin' everyone fair

Yeah I believe in showing everyone love, and treatin' everyone fair

And I ain't never been in Memphis, let alone shot anyone there

 

Well, I don't know if Ohio is a place to sing a sad song

Well, I don't know if Ohio is a place to sing a sad song

Anyhow it's where the good Lord put me, and I know it's where I belong

 

One time I did sing a sad sad song, and I thought that no one cared for me

One time I did sing a sad sad song, and I thought that no one cared for me

But then Jesus came and showed me His love, and I know He'll always be with me

 

Now I'm not allowed to sing the blues, but I'm sayin', that's OK

Yeah I'm not allowed to sing the blues, but I'm tellin' ya, that's OK

'Cause Jesus set me free, yeah, He's the Life, the Truth, and the Way!

 

So give my Jesus a chance, let Him come inside of you

So give my Jesus a chance, let Him come inside of you

You'll have such joy and peace you won't even care, if you can no longer sing the blues!

 

Yes, you'll have such joy and peace, you won't even care...

I'm sayin', yes I'm sayin', you won't even care...

Can't you hear me, I'm a-tellin' ya, you won't even care...

If you can no longer...sing...the...blues!

[batterypowered]

I'd just like to point out that Yoo-hoo is appropriate for ALL genres and occasions, no exceptions!!

 

[Guitar Geezer]

Anyone ever heard the Reverend Billy C Wirtz

Just Can't Seem to Get the Blues

Classic

[madgrinder]

I have come to grips with my inability to play the blues.

 

I can play the notes, bend the strings, and wail like an old man...but there is still no SOUL to it.

 

I guess I have a happy soul that won't let me play the blues yet.

[BillWelcome Home Studios]

Originally posted by guitar geezer:

Anyone ever heard the Reverend Billy C Wirtz

Just Can't Seem to Get the Blues

Classic

The Rev is a great guy, and lots of fun. Also, a rather incredible piano player. And few people talk as quickly, who aren't standing at auction podiums.

 

He has always wished that people took his piano playing more seriously, but when he looks like he does, writes like he does, and spends time managing Mid-South wrestlers on TV... well, we just tend to naturally fixate on the more warped aspects of his personality.

 

the song about Vanessa Williams ("the girl who muffed her chance"), "Incredible Friend From Hell", "Mennonite Surf Party", and the classic "Stairway to Freebird" ... well. gee. And the Marsha Brady fantasys.....

 

Bill

[daddy ray]

Originally posted by madgrinder:

I have come to grips with my inability to play the blues.

 

I can play the notes, bend the strings, and wail like an old man...but there is still no SOUL to it.

 

I guess I have a happy soul that won't let me play the blues yet.

then play the "happies"...

that's what i do

[Tedster]

The blues can be happy, too. Dig a cut of Keb'Mo's latest CD called "Prosperity Blues"...

 

My bill collectors never come around

My car is runnin' it ain't broke down

I can't even crack a frown...

Since the blues slipped town

 

Heck, I went to his website... www.kebmo.com ...and it was cycling through cuts from his new CD. THAT'S A GREAT CD! Lotta great music.

 

Oh, BTW...Lone, a very accomplished guitar buddy of mine sings all Gospel stuff, and he's got a blues song along the line of that you describe.

[The Lone Chicken]

@Tedster: I have heard the music of Keb'Mo, and he is indeed a very talented and gifted musician, guitar player, and songwriter. A while back my wife Maria and I were at the home of Pam, a former coworker of mine, and her husband Tad. Tad plays guitar (he collects vintage Fender Strats, so you know the man has good taste ), and although he plays in many styles (and he's also heavily into the Beatles), he's most at home playing blues-rock. Anyhow, while we were there they played for us a DVD of a Keb'Mo concert, and I have to say that I was very impressed. I do agree that the blues doesn't necessarily have to be sad or deal with CURRENT adverse experiences--as long as it's from the heart, and as long as we remember not to take ourselves so seriously all the time (a point that I believe Guitarzan intended to bring out in his well-written and very amusing opening post in this thread), I'm inclined to think that it can still be called "the blues". And, by the way, I have always heard that, as far as musical styles go, traditional blues and traditional gospel are actually somewhat related, as many songs of faith (including "Amazing Grace", which was written by a guy while on a ship at sea which at the time was in danger of going down in a storm) are written in the midst of extreme adversity.

 

@madgrinder: Like I said to Tedster above, the main thing is to play what's on your heart...and I'm inclined to bet that your music and your guitar playing has a lot more more soul than you may realize (don't worry if it might not SOUND as "soulful" as the next guy).

[Chad Thorne]

Originally posted by The Lone Chicken:

"THE 'I CAN'T SING THE BLUES' BLUES"

Words and music by Bob Welch (The Lone Chicken")

 

I'm not allowed to sing the blues, but you know, that's OK

I'm not allowed to sing the blues, but you know, that's OK

'Cause I've met Someone who set me free, and He's shown me the way

 

Well, my buddy Guitarzan sez, I cannot sing the blues

Yes, my buddy Guitarzan sez, I cannot sing the blues

Well, my life is so richly blessed, I must agree that may be true

 

I don't drive no Chevy or Caddy, a Ford Escort is my car

I don't drive no Chevy or Caddy, a Ford Escort is my car

Well, my wheels may not be cool, but I know I'm going far

 

Well, I got a good woman, yeah I know I'm not allowed to say that

Yes I got a good woman, yeah I know I'm not allowed to say that

But I don't care 'cuz my wife is sure nuff good to me, and that's a natural fact!

 

Well I believe in showing everyone love, and treatin' everyone fair

Yeah I believe in showing everyone love, and treatin' everyone fair

And I ain't never been in Memphis, let alone shot anyone there

 

Well, I don't know if Ohio is a place to sing a sad song

Well, I don't know if Ohio is a place to sing a sad song

Anyhow it's where the good Lord put me, and I know it's where I belong

 

One time I did sing a sad sad song, and I thought that no one cared for me

One time I did sing a sad sad song, and I thought that no one cared for me

But then Jesus came and showed me His love, and I know He'll always be with me

 

Now I'm not allowed to sing the blues, but I'm sayin', that's OK

Yeah I'm not allowed to sing the blues, but I'm tellin' ya, that's OK

'Cause Jesus set me free, yeah, He's the Life, the Truth, and the Way!

 

So give my Jesus a chance, let Him come inside of you

So give my Jesus a chance, let Him come inside of you

You'll have such joy and peace you won't even care, if you can no longer sing the blues!

 

Yes, you'll have such joy and peace, you won't even care...

I'm sayin', yes I'm sayin', you won't even care...

Can't you hear me, I'm a-tellin' ya, you won't even care...

If you can no longer...sing...the...blues!

Solo Yardbird, you've just re-invented gospel music. The Rev. Thomas Dorsey (not the band leader) used to perform the blues as Georgia Tom in the 1930s. He was a Christian who loved the blues but was uncomfortable with some of the lyrical themes. So he put Christian lyrics to the blues, and presto! Gospel music. The whole story is in the documentary "Say Amen, Somebody".

 

BTW, are you the Bob Welch who used to play with Fleetwood Mac?

[The Lone Chicken]

(Originally posted by chad:) "Solo Yardbird, you've just re-invented gospel music. The Rev. Thomas Dorsey (not the band leader) used to perform the blues as Georgia Tom in the 1930s. He was a Christian who loved the blues but was uncomfortable with some of the lyrical themes. So he put Christian lyrics to the blues, and presto! Gospel music. The whole story is in the documentary 'Say Amen, Somebody'.

 

BTW, are you the Bob Welch who used to play with Fleetwood Mac?"

_________________________________________________

Most interesting story, chad--I'll have to keep an eye out for that documentary, if it happens to show up on PBS or wherever. And no, I'm not the Bob Welch that once played for Fleetwood Mac, and, in case anyone out there might be wondering, I'm also not the Bob Welch that was once a baseball picher for the Los Angeles Dodgers and Oakland A's. I do recall with some amusement the comments that I received in my hometown of Virginia Beach, VA back in 1978 when the Bob Welch that did play for Fleetwod Mac released a solo album entitled "FRENCH KISS". My youngest brother, as a lark, told all his buddies that his older brother had an album out, and I did get a chuckle out of going into Track's record store at Wards Corner in Norfolk, VA (that store has long since gone out of business) and seeing my name in giant print on a poster ad for the former Mac-ker's solo LP hanging in the store, as well as on t-shirts on sale there (I asked if I could have one of them for free, since it had my name on it--NAHHHHHHHHHHH--but anyhow! LOL).

[Chad Thorne]

PBS does play "Say Amen, Somebody" on occasion, usually pledge drives. You can also rent it if you'd like. Rev. Dorsey wrote the gospel song "Precious Lord, Take My Hand" after losing his newborn son and then his wife who died after giving birth. A moving story, and I never remain dry-eyed when I hear it...

[Teahead]

I recall becoming aware of a deep rooted blues schooling about three years ago. Almost immediately I took some kind of umbradge against the blues, because it wasn't something I wanted to be tied to. I thought I would "get away" from the blues and learn other ways to play, trying to broaden my horizons.

 

I failed miserably. When I pick up a guitar, I almost always play something from the blues! I also eventually realised that it feels better to play than anything else. I get more satisfaction from jamming over twelve bars than I've ever got from working through complex jazz arrangements.

 

So, now I don't deny it so much. It may be choc-full of cliches, but it's the best way I've found to get your emotions out through your fingers.

 

One day I may even turn full circle and devote all my playing to the blues. It's like any religion, you have to give your whole self over first and trust that the rewards will come later.

 

Tea.

[Guitarzan]

every style of music will have its cliches, but that does not make it bad. my initial post was a joke based on cliches. i love the blues,and even if i fall into a cliche when i play something it still is fullfilling to me.

Tea you said it well when you described it as "like a religion".

[Chad Thorne]

Originally posted by Guitarzan:

every style of music will have its cliches, but that does not make it bad. my initial post was a joke based on cliches. i love the blues,and even if i fall into a cliche when i play something it still is fullfilling to me.

Tea you said it well when you described it as "like a religion".

Teahead, to change it up a bit try playing over a 15-bar blues like Muddy Waters' "King Bee". Or Lightnin' Hopkins, who, when told by his young white back-up band that he wasn't changing chords in the right place, replied, "Lightnin' change when Lightnin' want to change."

 

Guitarzan, I got it. Two blues jokes:

 

Q: How many blues guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to change it and one to complain about how much better the old one was.

 

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic blues guitarist?

A: He went down to the crossroads at midnight and sold his soul to Santa.

 

Finally, Martin Mull's "White Upper Middle Class Suburban Blues":

 

Well, I woke up this afternoon, and I saw both cars were gone/I got so upset, Mommy, I threw my drink across the lawn.

[Guitarzan]