Friday - funny story time

[Billster]

OK, it's Friday, let's have some fun. What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you ON STAGE (not backstage, or outside, or wherever) Here goes:

 

I was in the band for a lacal theater production. The show was a new work, where the lead character was supposed to be a singer in a rock band. The band was not in the pit, but at the back of the stage, sometime we would be lit up like a rock show, for other numbers we were in shadow. The actors/singers wore wireless lavaliers. So one of the characters (let's cal him Bobby) does his song and walks off stage - the next scene begins. They pull Bobby's mic out of the house, but he's still in the monitors. On stage we hear Bobby walking down the hall humming lines from the song he just finished, opening a door, opening "something else", doing his business, and flushing. With an open mike pinned to his shirt Of course, we can't burst out laughing because we're on stage. Holding back makes it that much funnier. I thought I was going get a stomach cramp from holding it in. And the look on peoples faces going from confusion to realization when the flush hits ...

[Tedster]

That reminds me of that scene in one of the Leslie Neilsen "Naked Gun" movies. Hilarious to think that it would happen in real life.

 

I've gotta think about this one a bit...

[ricknbokkerv2.0]

Ok... this is the best I can do.

 

We're doing the premier gig for one of my old cover bands. Flyers were printed, cards went out on the mailing list. We have our bumper stickers for giveaways (nice, removeable ones), rented lighting, a high end sound system and a guy to run it.

 

Aside from no one showing up (gig from hell candidate?), the lead guitarist, a manic depressive on heavy meds, decides to show up after "riding the white horse" for two days straight. (Heroin... for those unknowing)

 

Third song in, he forgets the solo... and literally stops playing. We finish the tune. We did 10 more songs, all with him obliterating or at best, "mangling" the lead on each.

 

As we outro into our break, I announced to the crowd "Hope yer enjoying the show!! Just one more treat for ya!!!"

 

At that point, I picked up his back-up Les Paul, and smacked him across the side of the head with it... knocking him unconcious, and off the 3' high stage.

 

What little crowd there was loved it... and started calling friends to come see us.

By the end of the night, there were almost 100 people in the place.

 

When we woke him during the break, the guitarist had no idea what had happened, but came out of his stupor enough to complete the show.

 

I never laughed so hard in my life... till I thought about it (4 months later).

 

Ricky

[fantasticsound]

Billster, we had a similar incident in a community theater show I was involved in. A female came offstage with a lav unmuted. She was talking to someone because her zipper was stuck in the middle of a quick change. It sounded like they were grabbing a "quickie" over the sound system. (Glad I wasn't mixing that! )

 

Funniest thing that happened to me onstage was at a 4th of July gig.

 

A friend phoned me up at 6am on the 4th of July to invite me to replace a group who had their gig dates mixed up. They showed up the week before and had another gig lined up for the 4th. So he invites me to sing to tracks supplied by the local organizer of the event. We went to her home, chose a few tracks to sing separately and together, then went to his house with copies of the track tapes. In the middle of this rehearsal we discovered "It's Still Rock & Roll To Me" by Billy Joel dropped out in the middle of the tape. We assumed she was bringing the original for the performance. She wasn't at home at that point, anyway, so what could we do. When we arrived at the park, she didn't have the originals and there was no time to get them. We decided to use it anyway.

 

We each sang a song or two, then sang the Billy Joel tune together. No one had mentioned to the sound man that the tape was faulty. It gradually faded away into silence, sending him into a panic. It would've been fine if he'd left it alone. Of course, he began frantically fast forwarding and rewinding the tape until the lady in charge told him to just forget it.

 

Meanwhile, we finished the chorus leading into the sax solo, acapella, then both did our best, bad imitation of a sax, and finished, again acapella.

 

The crowd of 150 or so absolutely loved it! We were lucky to finish without falling down laughing. That was 16 or 17 years ago, but I can see it like it was yesterday.

[BlueZet]

Rickenbockker, I know how that feels! I used to play jazz standards with a sax player who occasionally "tasted" some of the funny stuff (besides drinking far more than actually necessary. One day we had a gig and he showed up wasted like hell, insisting he was all right, he could play, we were there anyway (if we hadn't I would have called the place to cancel), so we get on stage. First number, Autumn Leaves - nothing happens, literally, he can't remember the tune!!! so I'm there humming line for line to him and him repeating them... he solo's and... YEP - I can start humming lines again. Same for "how INsensitive", "Black Orpheus" ... THE WHOLE LOT!!! Luckyly it was out of town and I NEVER had to show my face there again!

 

another hilarious one:

 

I was playing with a pop/rock band, we had a concert in a HUGE hall, but (practically) no audience. Actually there were more barmen and waiters than public and the waiters could have used a bicycle to ride from one group to the other At the start of our show there were about a dozen young kids right in front of me yelling "solo, solo", so I think when my moment comes, I better give them their efforts' worth (STUPID) - I retreat to the back of the stage and when I start the solo I run forward, fall down on my knees ans SLIIIDDEEEEE to the edge of the stage - GREAT show, nly when hitting the floor I felt some crack in my knee and at the end of the solo, I couldn't get up... left knee locked solid... so there I am sitting on my knees, strumming chords, gently sliding over the the nearest monitor to use it as a "crutch" to pull myself up... I NEVER EVER did THAT again

[Teahead]

As I read that, I was soooo hoping that you were going to go over the edge of the stage!

 

I could see you sliding past your pedals and monitors "Where's the brakes?"... long drop followed by a sudden introduction to the floor.... "Doh!"

 

Please let it have happened to someone!

 

Tea.

[Dave da Dude]

Teahead,

As I read that, I was soooo hoping that you were going to go over the edge of the stage!

Me too!

[A String]

There are so many stories! Here is one of them:

 

We were playing in a crummy little bar way up in Northern Ontario. Half way through a song, a dog sneaks past someone and gains entrance to the bar. He runs through the crowd and hops up onto the stage. Seemingly oblivios to the volume of noise, he siddles over and rests his head on my leg. The crowd loved it. I tried to shoo the dog away but spent the rest of the set with the dog lying down with his head on my foot.

[fantasticsound]

Originally posted by Teahead:

As I read that, I was soooo hoping that you were going to go over the edge of the stage!

 

I could see you sliding past your pedals and monitors "Where's the brakes?"... long drop followed by a sudden introduction to the floor.... "Doh!"

 

Please let it have happened to someone!

 

Tea.

Not funny at all...

 

I met a good friend, Gator, because he was the guitar player for country artist, Mel McDaniel. Or, rather, because he needed a job when Mel walked offstage into an empty orchestra pit 8' or more, and hurt himself. Gator worked at least a year as local crew until another decent road gig came along. It was a year and a half or two years before Mel went back out.

[BlueZet]

Originally posted by Teahead:

As I read that, I was soooo hoping that you were going to go over the edge of the stage!

 

I could see you sliding past your pedals and monitors "Where's the brakes?"... long drop followed by a sudden introduction to the floor.... "Doh!"

 

Please let it have happened to someone!

 

Tea.

hey HEY HEY I may be SILLY, but I'm not STUPID

 

-taking time to visualize this "Roadrunner"-style (actually it would be more W.E.Coyote, no?)I can only come to this conclusion...

 

damn that WOULD have been funny and just about as effective in making me realize I wasn't 18 anymore!!

[BlueZet]

another funny one:

 

I used to get off stage and go stand on tables while soloing (still do occasionally - just can't help it...), but this one time I jumped on a chair, from the chair onto a table, to come to the realisation that this large round table was supported by only ONE foot in the middle, which wasn't half big enough...

The table almost falls over, all the drinks on it spill and I am standing in the middle of this round beer covered metal plate, afraid to move anything but my fingers...

It took the people at the table some time before they realised what was going on, so three of them held the table, one pulled a chair up real close and I was faced with the choice of

 

a - staying there looking silly

b - jump for the chair

 

I did the second thing, got off without falling flat on my face, hardly missed a note and ended paying fresh beers for the table...

 

needless to say these days, I check before I jump...

[Lee Flier]

Originally posted by A String:

We were playing in a crummy little bar way up in Northern Ontario. Half way through a song, a dog sneaks past someone and gains entrance to the bar. He runs through the crowd and hops up onto the stage. Seemingly oblivios to the volume of noise, he siddles over and rests his head on my leg. The crowd loved it. I tried to shoo the dog away but spent the rest of the set with the dog lying down with his head on my foot.

LOL!! That's classic! At least he didn't pee on your leg. I had a dog (90 lb. German Shepherd/Husky mix) who was a great road dog - he'd stay in the van and guard the gear when loading in and out, was totally used to hotels and being in noisy clubs, etc. When I played guitar at home he'd often nap with his head right in front of the amp (and no he wasn't deaf, amazingly enough).

 

So, whenever the venue allowed it I used to bring him onstage. He'd usually settle in somewhere next to somebody's amp or the drum kit, or just saunter around looking cool. Audiences loved it!

[Werewolf by Night]

Well, I'll bend the rules a little here, 'cause I was behind the PA mixer at the time...

 

This guy was singing a heartfelt rendition of this sad song about going by an empty old house that he and his wife once lived in, and seeing the broken windows and all; he was all serious and remorseful looking as he was singing, and right when he got to this line, "I sure miss that ol' dog o'mine", as if on cue, his Siberian Husky wandered up on stage behind him, and I swear to God, she lowered her head and grinned!! The audience laughed out loud and hard at this, and the guy couldn't figure out why, 'till he turned around to see his dog literally upstaging him! And again, as if on cue, she flashed that big grin and hopped off the side of the stage, as if to say, "I'm all done now!"

 

(This is getting weird- that "Who Let the Dogs Out"-song suddenly played on the TV in the other room just now... )

 

I don't know if I have any "funny" on-stage incident stories... "horrific" might be a better description!

[the.circular.motion.rub.it]

Originally posted by fantasticsound:

Originally posted by Teahead:

As I read that, I was soooo hoping that you were going to go over the edge of the stage!

 

I could see you sliding past your pedals and monitors "Where's the brakes?"... long drop followed by a sudden introduction to the floor.... "Doh!"

 

Please let it have happened to someone!

 

Tea.

Not funny at all...

 

I met a good friend, Gator, because he was the guitar player for country artist, Mel McDaniel. Or, rather, because he needed a job when Mel walked offstage into an empty orchestra pit 8' or more, and hurt himself. Gator worked at least a year as local crew until another decent road gig came along. It was a year and a half or two years before Mel went back out.

kinda like what happened to mr zappa

 

ouches!

[A String]

Originally posted by Lee Flier:

Originally posted by A String:

We were playing in a crummy little bar way up in Northern Ontario. Half way through a song, a dog sneaks past someone and gains entrance to the bar. He runs through the crowd and hops up onto the stage. Seemingly oblivios to the volume of noise, he siddles over and rests his head on my leg. The crowd loved it. I tried to shoo the dog away but spent the rest of the set with the dog lying down with his head on my foot.

LOL!! That's classic! At least he didn't pee on your leg. I had a dog (90 lb. German Shepherd/Husky mix) who was a great road dog - he'd stay in the van and guard the gear when loading in and out, was totally used to hotels and being in noisy clubs, etc. When I played guitar at home he'd often nap with his head right in front of the amp (and no he wasn't deaf, amazingly enough).

 

So, whenever the venue allowed it I used to bring him onstage. He'd usually settle in somewhere next to somebody's amp or the drum kit, or just saunter around looking cool. Audiences loved it!

Can't beat the companionship of a pet on the road. We used to own ferrets. Brought them with us everywhere. After our truck fire, I had to get home on a bus, a train and a subway with my ferret. He slept through most of the trip with the exception of the subway. He had to "go" if you know what I mean. Funny enough, the people on the subway didn't even react to seeing a ferret crawl out of my pocket, crawl over to the nearest corner and relive himself. Only on a subway right! Anyway, back to the topic at hand.