not Cereal Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 TASK :- To Shoot Yourself In The Foot +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ C You shoot yourself in the foot. C++ You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me over there." FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception handling ability. Cobol USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM.SQUEEZE RETURN HANDGUN.COLT(45) TO HIP.HOLSTER. LISP You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... Basic (interpreted) You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your foot is waterlogged and rots off. Basic (compiled) You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. FORTH Foot in yourself shoot. APL You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. Pascal The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. SNOBOL If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. Concurrent Euclid You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot. HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot left of leg of you. Answer the result. Motif You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams. Unix % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm * .o rm: .o: No such file or directory % ls % XBase Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper. Paradox Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too. Revelation You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for. Visual Basic You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care. Prolog You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. Apple We'll let you shoot yourself, but it'll cost you a bundle. IBM You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you're lucky. Microsoft Object "Foot" will be included in the next release. You can upgrade for $500. Cray I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot. Hewlett-Packard You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the foot, but the firing pin is broken. NeXT We don't sell guns anymore, just ammunition. Sun Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you want. Ada After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type. Access You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead. Assembler You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot. Modula2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. csh After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C. dBase You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets. PL/1 After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data processing department doubles its size, acquires 2 new mainframes and drops the original on your foot. Smalltalk, Actor, et al After playing with the graphics for 3 weeks, the programming manager shoots you in the head. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ HTML Shoot here tv's Spatch Java The gun fires just fine, but your foot can't figure out what the bullets are and ignores them. MOO You ask a wizard for a pair of hands. After lovingly handcrafting the gun and each bullet, you tell everyone that you've shot yourself in the foot. Smalltalk You daydream repeatedly about shooting yourself in the foot. Petréa Mitchell FTP % ftp lower-body.me.org ftp> cd /foot ftp> put bullets Jim Gould DCL You manage to shoot yourself in the foot, but while doing so you also shoot yourself in the arm, stomach, and leg, plus you shoot yourbest friend in the chest, the neighbour's dog and your car. A month later you're not able to understand your program anymore when you read the source. Originator unknown Windows95 d:\setup And lest we forget our roots >shoot self in foot I don't see any self here. >shoot me in foot There is no you in the foot. >shoot foot I don't know which foot you're talking about. >shoot left foot You don't have the gun. >get gun You take the gun. You're lantern just went out. You are attacked by grues. * * * YOU HAVE DIED * * * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Klopmeyer Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 Are you a coder, Coaster? It would explain a lot. ;) Funny post, by the way. - Jeff Marketing Communications for MI/Pro Audio My solo music and stuff They Stole My Crayon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
not Cereal Posted February 14, 2003 Author Share Posted February 14, 2003 explain what?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Klopmeyer Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 [quote]Originally posted by Defective Coaster: [b]explain what?![/b][/quote]Exactly. :) - Jeff Marketing Communications for MI/Pro Audio My solo music and stuff They Stole My Crayon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Pierce Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 This is a good one. Clearly it's been around for a while -- Solaris has been out for a bit now. ;) Also, the author clearly believed that C was a simple and straightforward language. Which makes him a seriously warped and troubled person. :eek: I like the one that demonstrates how a person writes a "hello world" program at various stages of his career. I'll see if I can find that somewhere and post it. --Dave Make my funk the P-funk. I wants to get funked up. My Funk/Jam originals project: http://www.thefunkery.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
not Cereal Posted February 14, 2003 Author Share Posted February 14, 2003 init var jeff tascam guy jeff tascam guy = rnd(kr*.008) if input (value jeff tascam guy (not= withstanding) then execute runtime java) execute get cobal value anderton anderton = 1 var andertonmoderator if andertonmoderator = using sonar then execute "i love you virus" run iee.78rcf*(.003) mult jeff tascam guy ~ anderton remove brain from coaster insert var into coaster run defective coaster ***SYSTEM ERR **-COASTER NOT DEFINED line 88 char 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wewus432 Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 I've already seen this episode. Coaster actually shot himself in the head and instead of killing him it increased his intelligence, at least until he looks in the mirror, and remembers what really happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thisDude Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 You scare me Coaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Klopmeyer Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 [quote]Originally posted by Defective Coaster: [b]***SYSTEM ERR **-COASTER NOT DEFINED line 88 char 4[/b][/quote]Ah, I should have known. Do not attempt to pigeonhole an enigma. It wastes your time and makes the engima more nebulous. ;) - Jeff Marketing Communications for MI/Pro Audio My solo music and stuff They Stole My Crayon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark_dog Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 [quote]Originally posted by TheWewus: [b]hi im poopy[/b][/quote]:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jotown Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 Just what we need around here; another nebulous engima. Though we probably could use a more nebulous enema, but where we would we put the tube? :confused: Jotown:) "It's all good: Except when it's Great" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
not Cereal Posted February 14, 2003 Author Share Posted February 14, 2003 ***err lin4 char 7 *** enema not defined in var table proper usage (enema insert) var char define tube tube = nil tube not defined Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jotown Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 I don't know...... It feels pretty defined where I'm sittin' :eek: Jotown:) "It's all good: Except when it's Great" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted February 14, 2003 Share Posted February 14, 2003 HA!... Kris My Band: http://www.fullblackout.com UPDATED!!! Fairly regularly these days... http://www.logcabinmusic.com updated 11/9/04 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark_dog Posted February 15, 2003 Share Posted February 15, 2003 i fucked my self in the nose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitefang Posted February 15, 2003 Share Posted February 15, 2003 [quote]Originally posted by mark_dog: [b]i fucked my self in the nose[/b][/quote]SO! YOU'RE the young man from Nantucket! And after reading Coaster's post (Coast Posties?), I've concluded he had probably shot himself in the ARM! Or WHEREVER there's a good vein left! Whitefang I started out with NOTHING...and I still have most of it left! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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