OT: The Gym Is Weird

[The Bear Jew]

The gym is a funny place. Let me explain. I joined an area gym about 10 months ago because I felt too fucking fat. I'm pleased to say that I'm not too fucking fat anymore -- I lost about 30lbs and gained some muscle tone. However, as a relative gym novice, I have also learned some stuff about gyms and the fitness industry in the process. The locker room always smells bad. For some reason, it seems like someone always has to take a huge, smelly dump right before I come down to get changed. Add the shit smell to the usual locker smell of ass, piss, cologne and feet, and you've got a real subtle melange of nature's most lovely aromas all gathered in one place. Also, the floor is always wet, so you can just imagine the effect -- it's kind of like being in a sewer. It's repugnant. However, it's a locker room, so I kind of expect this stuff to some degree. I really didn't expect it to be quite this bad. And I pay for this... Ok, so that's bad, but not so bad as the fact that so many of the guys there like to stand around and talk while they're totally naked. I mean... fucking get dressed already! And these aren't just regular conversations -- one guy insists on screaming out information to his buddies about upcoming dates with various women while he's stark naked. Now, I'm no homophobe, but I don't think I (as a grown man) should feel particularly happy about sharing a changing space with another grown man who refuses to get dressed and insists on hollering at the top of his lungs about the "broad" he's gonna "bang" this weekend while he's nude. Am I nuts here, or does it seem that this guy is taking altogether too many liberties with this situation? Me? I'm in and out of this locker room in about five minutes. I go upstairs, work out, and come back down. I don't fool around. When it's time to leave, I just grab my coat and bag out of the locker and go. I don't shower there or get changed... I can do that at home, where it doesn't smell like rotten assholes and there aren't any nude men screaming at each other. Keeeee-rist. I also noticed that most of these guys are also the same fellows who like to make a lot of noise while they work out. You've heard it before -- they sound like guys who are pressing 5000 pounds in an olympic competition. "RRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGRRRRGGG!!" Yeah. All that fucking noise, and they're pressing like 150lbs. Shut up, asswipe. Almost every guy in the the gym besides me fits this category. All I wanna do is work out quietly and leave. Then there are the ladies... You get three categories of women in this gym -- the "I'm-heres," "gotta-lose-its" and the "show-it-offs." There are a gazillion permutations of these. The "I'm-heres" are almost always fat, dumpy and unmotivated. They figure that because they came to the gym they should get some kind of fucking credit or something. Like they should immediately get to be supermodel skinny because they came to a fucking gym. Ugh. They always hire personal trainers and then gripe about their workouts constantly. They're OK most of the time, except when they're slowly using the machine I need to use in order to finish my workout. The "the-gotta-lose-its" are the women who work out like mad because they think they're fat. Most often, they aren't. They hit every single machine like they're single-handedly going to provide electricity to the entire nation. These women are cool with me. At least they have a work ethic. The "show-it-offs" are the worst. They wear skimpy little workout garb (whether they can actually pull it off or not) and dabble in a little of everything while doing nothing at all. Why are they this way? I have no clue. From a sociological perspective, it's fascinating. Personally, it's a little disgusting. Funny enough... I keep going back. I kind of like it there. Why am I sharing this here? No good reason besides I thought someone else here might get a kick out of it.

[Jeff Klopmeyer]

Funny observations Erik. I haven't been in a gym in 10+ years, but it's good to know that nothing's changed. - Jeff

[The Thrashole]

These are all compelling reasons to buy home fitness gear. I used to belong to a gym and got sick of all of the crap that you mentioned.

[jpmiii]

As an old gym rat that's pretty much par for the course, it is a rather fascinating study in human nature, except the locker room smelling that bad personally I'd find a cleaner place. Hard core gyms generally smell of sweat but they're kinda supposed to, it's sort of cultural.

[Gabriel E.]

I've belonged to a couple of different gyms over the years. They are all different. The Y was by far the worst. It was nasty. The clientele was split fairly evenly between three groups: -Ghetto bodybuilders who talked non-stop about their rottweilers, Monte Carlos and "bitches". -Gay men. Not normally an issue but they were definitely there to pick each other up. Turns out the signal for "I'm available" was to wear a yellow shirt. On my second day there I wore an old yellow t-shirt and was approached numerous times. -A large group of perpetually naked old men who hung out in the locker room swapping stock tips. Never saw them anywhere but the locker room. Went to the local Jewish Community Center for a while. Very clean and top-notch facilities.

[NOT Bolt Rifles]

[quote]Originally posted by CMDN: [b]The gym is a funny place. Ok, so that's bad, but not so bad as the fact that so many of the guys there like to stand around and talk while they're totally naked. I mean... fucking get dressed already! And these aren't just regular conversations -- one guy insists on screaming out information to his buddies about upcoming dates with various women while he's stark naked. [/b][/quote]Mild frotteurism.

[The Bear Jew]

[quote] Mild frotteurism.[/quote]For those who don't know: [b]Frotteurism[/b] [i]Involves intense, recurrent fantasies of, and/or actual touching and rubbing (the genitalia) against a non-consenting person, in association with sexual arousal. The behavior usually occurs in crowded places, and the individual usually fantasizes an exclusive, caring relationship with the victim. However, the person generally tries to escape detection after touching the victim. By definition, there is significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.[/i] In this guy's case, it's probably exhibitionism, homoeroticism and plan old obnoxiousness. You may be right. He's also always "set up" near the entrance/exit of the locker room, which is a narrow hallway. This ensures that anyone entering or leaving the locker room has to pass withing two or three feet of his naked, screaming ass. I'd love to just throw a towel over him or something... I've seen his penis WAY too often... probably more often than I've seen my own. Anyway, I DO like working out. I just find this stuff pretty unpleasant. I don't want to switch at this point because I'm used to it. It's also pretty close to my office, so I have no excuse for not going... Except for the smell and the people... I'll be OK.

[NOT Bolt Rifles]

[quote]Originally posted by CMDN: [b] [quote] Mild frotteurism.[/quote]For those who don't know: [b]Frotteurism[/b] [i]Involves intense, recurrent fantasies of, and/or actual touching and rubbing (the genitalia) against a non-consenting person, in association with sexual arousal. The behavior usually occurs in crowded places, and the individual usually fantasizes an exclusive, caring relationship with the victim. However, the person generally tries to escape detection after touching the victim. By definition, there is significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.[/i] In this guy's case, it's probably exhibitionism, homoeroticism and plan old obnoxiousness. You may be right. He's also always "set up" near the entrance/exit of the locker room, which is a narrow hallway. This ensures that anyone entering or leaving the locker room has to pass withing two or three feet of his naked, screaming ass. I'd love to just throw a towel over him or something... I've seen his penis WAY too often... probably more often than I've seen my own. Anyway, I DO like working out. I just find this stuff pretty unpleasant. I don't want to switch at this point because I'm used to it. It's also pretty close to my office, so I have no excuse for not going... Except for the smell and the people... I'll be OK.[/b][/quote]I went to one gym where the guy 3 lockers down would finish working out and go to his locker and take his suit off, grab a tooth brush, walk to the head (about 50 feet) stark naked and brush his teeth and come back to get dressed. (no shower) My boss claimed that he walked in on the guy once and and the pervert had wood. Creepy.

[Botch.]

a. Buy some flip-flops for your feet; b. You get used to the smell; c. Muttering "Oh, I'm Impressed!" for the noisy machine-users works but is dangerous if he's bigger than you; d. I'm SO glad I get to use the gym on Hill AFB, its only drawback is its 90% men. e. It would be fun to use your little TASCAM pocket recorder to record Mr. Loudmouth talking about his weekend conquests, then send the tape to his date, or his wife, or his mother, or his roommate who watches him get drunk in front of the tube every Friday night! :idea: :D :p

[not Cereal]

WHAT!? tascam makes [i]recording equipment[/i] now? i thought they only sold dish towel holders?

[Jeff Klopmeyer]

[quote]Originally posted by Coaster: [b]WHAT!? tascam makes [i]recording equipment[/i] now?[/b][/quote]The robot finally got you, didn't it, Coaster? ;) I'd like to point out that in his original essay, Erik differentiates the smells of "shit" and "ass" as two distinctive odors. Let me be the first to compliment you on your fine olfactory capabilities, which must be near the superhuman level to have captured such detail. :D - Jeff

[gtrmac]

Here in Japan there is a unique phenomenon. It's called "the invisible cleaning lady". Occasionally while you're getting dressed or returning from the sauna after a swim a middle aged woman strolls into the locker room and proceeds to mop the floor while pretending that she is not there. None of the Japanese men seem to notice her and I'm forced to do likewise. At least the place is very clean and it smells OK.

[Skip_dup1]

[quote]Originally posted by gtrmac: [b]Here in Japan there is a unique phenomenon. It's called "the invisible cleaning lady". Occasionally while you're getting dressed or returning from the sauna after a swim a middle aged woman strolls into the locker room and proceeds to mop the floor while pretending that she is not there. None of the Japanese men seem to notice her and I'm forced to do likewise. At least the place is very clean and it smells OK.[/b][/quote]They wander into the bathroom too. I think Russia has them also-they`re called `babushkas`. I almost never use the regular gyms-I`d rather wait till the kids are gone and use one of the outdoor sports parks. I need fresh air. or I take martial arts classes, which are always cooler than dealing with the general public.

[Felix_dup1]

I recently read that in Hong Kong, they're banning cellphones in gyms. Apparently, too many of them take pictures now - and with so many undressed people... well, you get the picture... btw, my wife is a "gotta-lose-it" - 6 mornings a week! :thu:

[Dan South]

I go to a "serious" gym. Not serious as in you have to be a competetive body builder to go there (or I'd never qualify), but serious in that people come, work out, and go home. People rarely talk to each other; it's like there's some unspoken no talking rule that everyone observes. Granted, I'm usually there at "off" times; at busy times it's a bit more social, but people usually just mix with their friends. It's definitely not a meet market. Locker room smell, yeah, I don't recall a big "dump" smell too often, but there's some sort of cleaning product that every gym seems to use. It has a sticky sweet smell. I remember it from my high school days. The occasional nudist struts around, but I don't know if it's a common problem, because the gym is close to my house, so I change and shower at home instead of subjecting my self to the ravages of athlete's foot. By the way, congrats to Erik on losing thirty pounds! Way to go, girly mon!! :D

[fantasticsound]

I've never had a gym membership, but 10 years ago my brother brought me as a guest a few times. He and his buddy would joke about the, "Duck Walk Woman." This woman would do laps and laps of lunges [i]with weights[/i] in her out-stretched arms. (Out to the sides, that is.) The track was a balcony, visible from the exercise-machine floor. She was a [i]machine[/i]! All I can say is, I'd love to see some guy try to assault her. That guy would be in for quite a surprise. ;) I'm certain it wouldn't have been pretty. :D

[BNC]

CMDM- Congrats on the weight loss. I bet you've never felt better. I lost 80lbs and have kept it off for 4 years. MAKE SURE YOU STICK TO YOUR PROGRAM!!!! SOme people think "hey, I lost weight, I don't need to work out or watch what I eat any more"; I'm sure you know what happens to them (Anna Nicole Smith). I highley reccomend the bowflex. Its not cheap, but if you plan on working out for years and years, it is eventually cheaper than a gym membership. (as long as you have the room for it, which it doesn't need much of) I've been to a couple of gyms, always as a friend's guest. I always just did my thing and left, shower and change at home. Who needs to wear real clothes to drive a car? I went to visit my grandparents in FL (at a retirement community) and used the healthclub facilities there. It was pretty good since most of the people were not really up to using the heavy weight equipment (good luck trying to get a tredmill). It was pretty funny, at 5'5" and 140lbs I had all these wrinkled old men commenting on how I was such a "strapping young brute". The last time someone called me that was before I started working out (if you know what I mean). There was this one guy, 81 yrs old and operated a health club in Brooklyn for 50yrs. Have you ever seen an octagenarian to one-handed chins???? Thats all the motivation a guy could ask for. Too bad alot of people see the gym as hook-up joint, detracts from folks who are serious about fitness. I especially the like the guys who sit around doing shootin' the sh*t, until some ladies walk buy; then they start to pretend to weightlift. Of course, they put on way too much weight and do the excercise improperly. The only thing they accomplish is herniating a disk, or a regular hernia for that matter. Stick with it. And if any of those big steroid jocks start getting on your nerves, just go over to the pullup bar and knock off a couple of one-handers, that will give em something to talk about.

[arneal]

"........ass, piss, cologne and feet, and you've got a real subtle melange" There's a song in there somewhere!

[Dave Pierce]

Dude, you need a new gym. I belong to the Central YMCA here in San Jose, and it's not like that. I mean there's a [b]little[/b] bit of everything you describe, but it's mostly just regular people working out, showering up, and leaving. None of the normal YMCA stereotypes seem to apply at this place either. Of course, here in the Bay Area, gay men don't really have a shortage of places to hang out. :D But your gym sounds like a horror story. There's got to be a better one somewhere around there. --Dave

[The Studio Pet-Rock]

I don't think I'll ever set foot in a gym. Gonna have to do something about my fat ass pretty soon, though. The last year of sitting in a cubicle, McDonalds for lunch, after-hours corporate-whore drink-a-thons and all my spare time spent in front of my computer at home has caused me to become a bit rotund. The weather's fair enough here. Why don't walk more? WELL?! WHY DON'T I??!!

[not Cereal]

i love you mike, the studio petrock.

[The Studio Pet-Rock]

[quote]Originally posted by Coaster: [b]i love you mike, the studio petrock.[/b][/quote]Alright, who paid you to say that??

[The Bear Jew]

Hey Guys... Allow me to elaborate. [quote]quoth Jeff the Tascam Man: I'd like to point out that in his original essay, Erik differentiates the smells of "shit" and "ass" as two distinctive odors. Let me be the first to compliment you on your fine olfactory capabilities, which must be near the superhuman level to have captured such detail. [/quote]Dude... you KNOW there is a difference between shit and ass smells. Shit smells like shit -- feces -- whereas ass smells like... ASS. It smells like the ass of a smelly person, which is a cross between sweat, shit and general funk. I'd also point out that ass stink is wayyyy different than armpit stink. And you know I'm right. Many folks don't bother to make the subdivisions of stink that I do. What can I say? I'm a stink analyzer. Thanks to everyone for recognizing my weight loss acheivement. I AM feeling pretty good, and I also play better with the weight off -- I have more stamina and energy. BTW, my back NEVER hurts after shows anymore -- and I play a heavy-ass Les Paul or P-bass and jump around like an idiot. Not to mention that the ladies think I'm hotter than ever. Rrrowr. However, I'm not trying to "get big" or anything. I just wanna be healthy and not be a fat-ass. The "steroid jerks" don't really mess with me. I think they might be a little afraid of me -- I don't talk to anyone, I always wear black and I have these three-foot dreadlocks. While they could all squash me, they probably think I'm some kind of murderer or something. Whatever. Just as long as they don't include me in their lives. They're just annoying... all that screaming and yelling isn't necessary. And I DON'T want to know about their weekend plans or who they're gonna "bang." UGh. Like I said... overall, I kind of like the gym. It liberated me from my fatness, so I put up with the smell and sucky people. I think it's made me stronger in other ways...

[Tedster]

I've always had pretty good experiences with gyms. I used to work out religiously at Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage...great gym, folks there to do business, and most of 'em were pretty helpful too..."Need a spot on that set?" Here in our area, the Liberty Community Center has a great gym, but, it's a bit of a drive. I like to have gyms close, otherwise I probably won't get there when I need to. My odd houred shifts make hitting the gym a problem too. Yeah, you make friends. At first everyone is standoffish, but, after you've been there awhile, people loosen up and get sociable. I've gotta get back. Do some work on my right shoulder to see if the pain is gone.

[deanmass]

I go to a local place here called the Trenton Athletic Club....Not too bad. Not to smelly, usually clean, and I can usually get a raquetball court if the raquetball maniacs are not all jawing outside. My observations? I seem to be timed to watch a disproportionate amount of nutt drying. Once a week, I get some nutt-drying maniac who is in a full Sumo Squat pulling a towel front to back in his ass crack....ewwww...There was an incident in the sauna where this santa claus looking dude was sitting naked, flicking sweat beads off him onto the surrounding folks....I was not in there long....there should be some general ettiquete rule book....Even for Santa. I have to say that the gym is the only place I can get motivated. I have tried working out at home, and the kids/phone/wife keep me from keeping any sort of continuity. I envionn when I am older I'd do a bowflex, but for now, I enjoy the little get away.