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OT: A Holiday Greeting for the Times


Mr. Nightime

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This was just posted to the Corporate Intranet where I work, and I just had to share.

 

"SEASONS GREETINGS FROM THE LEGAL DEPARTMENT"

(Legally Speaking)

By continuing to read this greeting, you are accepting these terms.

 

"Please accept, with no obligation, express or implied, our best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, or within the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or not practiced at all at the wish of the recipient, and a fiscally-successful, personally-fulfilling, and medically-uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally-accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make the US great (not to imply that the US is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform of the recipient."

 

"This greeting is subject to immediate withdrawal at the sole discretion of the sender. It is freely transferable provided the transferor makes no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the sender to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others, and is void where prohibited by law. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the sender."

 

"In the beginning, Adam had the blues, 'cause he was lonesome.

So God helped him and created woman.

 

Now everybody's got the blues."

 

Willie Dixon

 

 

 

 

 

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Yup. :thu: One of our Attorneys sent this out last year. :)

 

----------------------------

MERRY CHRISTMAS (In Legalese):

For your reading pleasure during this holiday season . . . :) MERRY CHRISTMAS (In Legalese):

 

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, and gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, age, physical ability, religious faith or lack thereof, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

 

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS:

 

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

 

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

 

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as ("I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

 

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

 

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

 

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co- conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

 

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

 

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items.

 

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

 

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

 

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

 

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

 

Thanks to Ralph Ostermueller of fvginternational.com for this legalese

"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo
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Apparently our attorney brethern (i.e. fellow human beings) have mastered the run on sentence. The first paragraph only has one period - at the end!

Live 6, Battery 3, Project 5, Atmosphere, Albino 2, Minimoog V, Oddity, Nord 2X, Proteus 2K

 

***I can't play for sh*t, but I can sequence like a muthaf*ck*r***

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