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My son was just over. We were hashing out his band's (Dead Zero) successful gig last night. Good crowd, no mistakes, great show. He mentioned that a friend and his wife didn't show. Figured it was because she was sick. Something over three months pregnant. Anyway, he got a phone call. His friend killed himself last night. Way too young, about 25...Man, what a waste. Sorry guys, had to vent a bit. I've met them both. Nice folks. Ahh crap... :cry:

 

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I just went to a service this past Thursday for a co-worker's brother who offed himself at 33. So selfish man. He had a 5 year old daughter. She will carry this with her for the next 70-80 years. His parents and siblings are inconsolable. Were his problems that big? Sorry, I vent too but it just pisses me off. bob
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I wish I didn't, but I know how that goes, too. My cousin, a Boy Scout and all that like me, killed himself 4 years ago. I was working up at the council's summer camp, and I got the news, my first week there. He was on the LSD quite a bit, so we're thinking he just went insane from over-use. Drove a couple hundred miles to do it, though, which is so weird, cause most people do it at home. But, my thoughts and prayers out to you as well. Too bad this has turned into such a big deal to do, though, but I will anyway.
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I've known too many that have chosen this way. A friend, a drummer, one of the best I've ever known, developed carpal tunnel problems and there was nothing they could do for it and he could no longer play. He was about the same age when he took his life. He couldn't imagine living without being able to play his drums. We've all probably heard suicide called, "A permanent solution to a temporary problem." It's not, the survivors have to live with it the rest of their lives. And you said his wife is pregnant? What a selfish and cruel thing to do, leaving her and his child alone. Still, when someone is as troubled as he must have been, it's just too bad that it wasn't known what he was planning. I don't think suicides always give the signs that the shrinks say they do. Sometimes they just snap. I am saddened for you and for his family and friends. There is always a better choice than this way out.

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I'm sorry! Man, that's sad news. And like too many others, I wish I didn't have a clue what this feels like, but I do. A guy I knew from high school (he was in my class the first year), he drove out to the woods, put a hose from the exhaust into the car and sat there till he died. A "home-made gass chamber". He was 20, I think. In a way, yes it is terribly selfish. But I'm sure that the people who do this are very sick, mentally. Something is very wrong inside their heads, so they don't fully comprehend what the consequences will be. They're too down because of the problems they have. And I think those problems at some point suddenly start to seem unbearable, like they couldn't be worse, and there's no solution. So they give up. It's one of the saddest things I know about. My thoughts and prayers to everyone affected by this tragedy.

-Joachim Dyndale

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that is terrible news. suicide is one of those things that keeps on doing its damage long after it was committed, but i think it should be rememberd that its still an act of desperation. some people think of it as cowardice, or selfishness and many other things but no one knows what your sons friend was facing on the inside that made him feel like he couldn't go on anymore. i will def keep your son and his friends wife and familiy in my prayers.
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Sometimes we don't listen to our friends. Sometimes they tell us things that might let us know what might be around the corner. Sometime happens. Be aware of the ones you care for and don't wait for them to ask for help. Sometimes they don't.
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Sorry that happened. My best friend and his family went through a similar situation. My friend's mom's boyfriend (they were practiaclly married) flipped one day and decided to 12guage his head in the kitchen of the family's new house that they were about to move into. They walked in on the whole mess, and cleaned it up. The guy was in his mid 40's, had a daughter, and was bipolar. Best wishes to your son and his friend's family.
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Dak, So sorry for your son's (and your) loss! The effect this has on the people left behind is just so terrible. I feel for the poor lost guy, but I really feel for his wife, family and for friends like you guys, who all now have to suffer the psychological trauma of wondering if they had even the smallest part in whatever might've caused this. Of course, the answer is always "NO" and, depending on how close they were, don't let your son ever forget that supremely important fact! Take care man!!!!
None more black.
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<< some people think of it as cowardice, or selfishness and many other things but no one knows what your sons friend was facing on the inside that made him feel like he couldn't go on anymore.>> Correct. I don't think most people who kill themselves have a choice. They are compelled to do it because for whatever reason, the pain of existence is so overwhelming that any relief is welcome. They think the people around them will be better off; they are not thinking rationally. I have the deepest sympathy for those who feel this way. They are neither cowardly nor selfish, they are desperate and see no other solution. it doesn't occur to them that things could get better. It's like if you were in the woods alone, had a gun with you, and some terrible accident occurred that crushed your legs and left you in unbearable pain. Your thought isn't "Well, maybe a helicopter will come along, see me, and get me to a hospital." All you can think is I'm stuck here, I'm in pain, I'm going to die anyway, might as well get it over with. This doesn't make suicide any less sad, of course. But if enough people have an insight into someone's state of mind, they might be able to prevent something similar happening to someone they know. The other thing is that the survivors can't blame themselves. There's always the question "well maybe if I had just said the right thing at the right time..." Sometimes that happens, but it's rare. Usually what's happening is INSIDE the person, not outside. Bad stuff happens to all of us, but we don't kill ourselves. But if bad stuff happens and the insides can't take it, that's where problems arise. I hope your friend has found peace, but I know that those around him will not for a long time.
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My prayers are with you, your family, and his family! and what Ted said... [quote] Originally posted by Tedster: a moment of silence for your son's friend's family at their loss. [/quote]

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I had a close friend who suicided many, many years ago, and what Craig says above is quite true -- the depth of his trouble was invisible, and impossible to fathom, even by those closest to him. Suicide can often be a form of rage turned inwards; it can be an attempt to contain the pain instead of spreading it around. Rage against a feeling of helplessness, and powerlessness, possibly. Though each case is different. My friend killed himself with a gun to the head. I didn't even know he had one. He was a severe alcoholic, among other things (and in total denial about it); I'm only glad he did no physical harm to anyone else around him. rt
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Hey, Dak, I feel like the phrase "that really sucks" sounds all too patronizing to convey my feelings. I am another person who once lost a close friend to suicide. My thoughts and hopes are with you, your son, and the victim's family. Strength and peace, m'brutha.

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Former Editor in Chief, Keyboard Magazine

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Dak, Sorry to hear that. I know many people in varying closeness to me who've committed suicide. As other people have mentioned, there are many reasons for it like depression or chemical imbalances and not just the situation. But I do agree it is a selfish act and the ones left behind are the one who are hurt the most. My condolenses to his family and friends. - Rim

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Love and blessings to your son, and his deceased friends family. I will be going to a funeral tomorrow. My daughters best freinds dad killed himself wednesday. She is beside's herself. It is so tragic. The ship that is suicide leaves a wake that goes on for a long time. I hope that none of us ever feel that desolate. Peace.

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"It's all good: Except when it's Great"

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