Dak Lander Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 My son was just over. We were hashing out his band's (Dead Zero) successful gig last night. Good crowd, no mistakes, great show. He mentioned that a friend and his wife didn't show. Figured it was because she was sick. Something over three months pregnant. Anyway, he got a phone call. His friend killed himself last night. Way too young, about 25...Man, what a waste. Sorry guys, had to vent a bit. I've met them both. Nice folks. Ahh crap... :cry: Our Joint "When you come slam bang up against trouble, it never looks half as bad if you face up to it." The Duke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philip OKeefe Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Ahh Crap indeed. Sorry to hear of the loss Dak. If I can say this without offending anyone, my prayers / thoughts go out to all of you. :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
not Cereal Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 WTF, people dont usually do that. what could have possibly happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WFTurner Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 My deepest sympathy and my prayers for your son's friend and family Dak. William F. Turner Songwriter turnersongs Sometimes the truth is rude... tough shit... get used to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Knutson Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Sorry, Dak. I know how that feels. :cry: https://bunny.bandcamp.com/ https://theystolemycrayon.bandcamp.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Keelan Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 I just went to a service this past Thursday for a co-worker's brother who offed himself at 33. So selfish man. He had a 5 year old daughter. She will carry this with her for the next 70-80 years. His parents and siblings are inconsolable. Were his problems that big? Sorry, I vent too but it just pisses me off. bob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midimonk Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Dak, My deepest sympathies to your friends/family,this is the hardest loss to take. Monk :cry: I cannot be bought, and I cannot be threatened. But if you put them both together then I'm your man!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff Grace Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 [quote][i]Originally posted by dBunny:[/i] Sorry, Dak. I know how that feels. :cry: [/quote]Unfortunately, I do as well. You have my deepest condolences. :( Best, Geoff My Blue Someday appears on Apple Music | Spotify | YouTube | Amazon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patrick_dont_fret Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 I wish I didn't, but I know how that goes, too. My cousin, a Boy Scout and all that like me, killed himself 4 years ago. I was working up at the council's summer camp, and I got the news, my first week there. He was on the LSD quite a bit, so we're thinking he just went insane from over-use. Drove a couple hundred miles to do it, though, which is so weird, cause most people do it at home. But, my thoughts and prayers out to you as well. Too bad this has turned into such a big deal to do, though, but I will anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrave Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 I've known too many that have chosen this way. A friend, a drummer, one of the best I've ever known, developed carpal tunnel problems and there was nothing they could do for it and he could no longer play. He was about the same age when he took his life. He couldn't imagine living without being able to play his drums. We've all probably heard suicide called, "A permanent solution to a temporary problem." It's not, the survivors have to live with it the rest of their lives. And you said his wife is pregnant? What a selfish and cruel thing to do, leaving her and his child alone. Still, when someone is as troubled as he must have been, it's just too bad that it wasn't known what he was planning. I don't think suicides always give the signs that the shrinks say they do. Sometimes they just snap. I am saddened for you and for his family and friends. There is always a better choice than this way out. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ME: "Nobody knows the troubles I've seen!" Unknown Voice: "The Shadow do!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
videoeditor1 Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joachim P. Dyndale Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 I'm sorry! Man, that's sad news. And like too many others, I wish I didn't have a clue what this feels like, but I do. A guy I knew from high school (he was in my class the first year), he drove out to the woods, put a hose from the exhaust into the car and sat there till he died. A "home-made gass chamber". He was 20, I think. In a way, yes it is terribly selfish. But I'm sure that the people who do this are very sick, mentally. Something is very wrong inside their heads, so they don't fully comprehend what the consequences will be. They're too down because of the problems they have. And I think those problems at some point suddenly start to seem unbearable, like they couldn't be worse, and there's no solution. So they give up. It's one of the saddest things I know about. My thoughts and prayers to everyone affected by this tragedy. -Joachim Dyndale -------------------- Einstein: The difference between genius and stupidity is: Genius has limits My Blog... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt.Hepworth Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Yeah, big bummer. I'ts always very sad to me to hear about those kind of things happening. Prayers are with you and them. No matter how good something is, there will always be someone blasting away on a forum somewhere about how much they hate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nawledge Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 that is terrible news. suicide is one of those things that keeps on doing its damage long after it was committed, but i think it should be rememberd that its still an act of desperation. some people think of it as cowardice, or selfishness and many other things but no one knows what your sons friend was facing on the inside that made him feel like he couldn't go on anymore. i will def keep your son and his friends wife and familiy in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikestr Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Dak, Sorry to hear about that. My thoughts are with you. ikestr ...hertz down low.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super 8 Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Wow, that's rough... And she has a child on the way??? Even harder to comprehend... Did your son give any indication as to why he did this? Hopefully someone can eventually step in and become a father figure for the child. Kids need a dad in their lives. Super 8 Hear my stuff here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franknputer Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 :cry: :cry: :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KHAN Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 What Chris said. :( So Many Drummers. So Little Time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 I have to type something, but what I really want to convey is not words, but rather a moment of silence for your son's friend's family at their loss. "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BP3 Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Sometimes we don't listen to our friends. Sometimes they tell us things that might let us know what might be around the corner. Sometime happens. Be aware of the ones you care for and don't wait for them to ask for help. Sometimes they don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BNC Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Sorry that happened. My best friend and his family went through a similar situation. My friend's mom's boyfriend (they were practiaclly married) flipped one day and decided to 12guage his head in the kitchen of the family's new house that they were about to move into. They walked in on the whole mess, and cleaned it up. The guy was in his mid 40's, had a daughter, and was bipolar. Best wishes to your son and his friend's family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rog951 Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Dak, So sorry for your son's (and your) loss! The effect this has on the people left behind is just so terrible. I feel for the poor lost guy, but I really feel for his wife, family and for friends like you guys, who all now have to suffer the psychological trauma of wondering if they had even the smallest part in whatever might've caused this. Of course, the answer is always "NO" and, depending on how close they were, don't let your son ever forget that supremely important fact! Take care man!!!! None more black. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gus Lozada Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 I have no words. Sorry about the news, amigo. Músico, Productor, Ingeniero, Tecnólogo Director de Ventas, América Latina y Caribe - PreSonus Audio Electronics Instagram: guslozada Facebook: Lozada - Música y Tecnología www.guslozada.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alndln Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 [quote]Originally posted by Tedster: [b]a moment of silence for your son's friend's family at their loss.[/b][/quote]Amen. "A Robot Playing Trumpet Blows" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anderton Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 << some people think of it as cowardice, or selfishness and many other things but no one knows what your sons friend was facing on the inside that made him feel like he couldn't go on anymore.>> Correct. I don't think most people who kill themselves have a choice. They are compelled to do it because for whatever reason, the pain of existence is so overwhelming that any relief is welcome. They think the people around them will be better off; they are not thinking rationally. I have the deepest sympathy for those who feel this way. They are neither cowardly nor selfish, they are desperate and see no other solution. it doesn't occur to them that things could get better. It's like if you were in the woods alone, had a gun with you, and some terrible accident occurred that crushed your legs and left you in unbearable pain. Your thought isn't "Well, maybe a helicopter will come along, see me, and get me to a hospital." All you can think is I'm stuck here, I'm in pain, I'm going to die anyway, might as well get it over with. This doesn't make suicide any less sad, of course. But if enough people have an insight into someone's state of mind, they might be able to prevent something similar happening to someone they know. The other thing is that the survivors can't blame themselves. There's always the question "well maybe if I had just said the right thing at the right time..." Sometimes that happens, but it's rare. Usually what's happening is INSIDE the person, not outside. Bad stuff happens to all of us, but we don't kill ourselves. But if bad stuff happens and the insides can't take it, that's where problems arise. I hope your friend has found peace, but I know that those around him will not for a long time. Craig Anderton Educational site: http://www.craiganderton.org Music: http://www.youtube.com/thecraiganderton Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/craig_anderton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anifa Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 My prayers are with you, your family, and his family! and what Ted said... [quote] Originally posted by Tedster: a moment of silence for your son's friend's family at their loss. [/quote] You can take the man away from his music, but you can't take the music out of the man. Books by Craig Anderton through Amazon Sweetwater: Bruce Swedien\'s "Make Mine Music" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
realtrance Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 I had a close friend who suicided many, many years ago, and what Craig says above is quite true -- the depth of his trouble was invisible, and impossible to fathom, even by those closest to him. Suicide can often be a form of rage turned inwards; it can be an attempt to contain the pain instead of spreading it around. Rage against a feeling of helplessness, and powerlessness, possibly. Though each case is different. My friend killed himself with a gun to the head. I didn't even know he had one. He was a severe alcoholic, among other things (and in total denial about it); I'm only glad he did no physical harm to anyone else around him. rt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Fortner Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Hey, Dak, I feel like the phrase "that really sucks" sounds all too patronizing to convey my feelings. I am another person who once lost a close friend to suicide. My thoughts and hopes are with you, your son, and the victim's family. Strength and peace, m'brutha. Stephen Fortner Principal, Fortner Media Senior Editor, Music Player Network Former Editor in Chief, Keyboard Magazine Digital Piano Consultant, Piano Buyer Magazine Industry affiliations: Antares, Arturia, Giles Communications, MS Media, Polyverse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rim Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Dak, Sorry to hear that. I know many people in varying closeness to me who've committed suicide. As other people have mentioned, there are many reasons for it like depression or chemical imbalances and not just the situation. But I do agree it is a selfish act and the ones left behind are the one who are hurt the most. My condolenses to his family and friends. - Rim aka riffing Double Post music: Strip Down http://rimspeed.com http://loadedtheband.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jotown Posted January 12, 2003 Share Posted January 12, 2003 Love and blessings to your son, and his deceased friends family. I will be going to a funeral tomorrow. My daughters best freinds dad killed himself wednesday. She is beside's herself. It is so tragic. The ship that is suicide leaves a wake that goes on for a long time. I hope that none of us ever feel that desolate. Peace. Jotown:) "It's all good: Except when it's Great" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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