OT: Most Annoying Person Ever

[The Bear Jew]

I wanna tell a story about the most annoying person I ever met. He was a co-worker. I'll call him "Doofus." I worked with this guy a few years ago. He and I shared an office. The business was really small, so our desks were about two feet apart. I grew to hate him. On the surface, Doofus is an OK fellow. Basically, he's a nice guy, which is what made him so annoying. If he was a total dick, it'd be easy to just say, "Oh, he's just a dick," and feel alright about disliking him. Sadly, he had just enough positive qualities to make you feel bad about wanting to kill him. Does that mean I have a conscience? He's a talented vocalist... Scratch that... he's a VERY talented vocalist. Great voice. Sadly, he was the vocalist for an extremely lackluster, wanna-be funk/prog/hippie band. And you guys know how I hate that shit. He wore smelly tie-dyes all the time and had the worst gas I've ever experienced. He took bong hits from a little one-hitter all day... whenever he took a break, he came back smelling like a concert. The boss at this business actually LIKED this moron, but I was totally against hiring him from the start. I warned the boss. He didn't listen. See, I knew he was gonna be annoying. Doofus was self-posessed and never shut up. I know that sounds weird coming from me, since I'm self-posessed and talk a lot. This guy has me beat, hands down. This guy did nothing but talk about his band and play his band's demos all day. He talked about his band to me and to the boss. And to about a zillion people every day on the phone. So now you're asking... "When did Doofus ever get any work done?" Yes... well... that's the point. He never DID get any work done. Mostly, he sat and talked on the phone... and farted. And listened to his horrible band over and over again. He also wanted to know what I thought of his band... I told him once. It wasn't kind, but I think it was accurate. I said they were doing everything but impressing me. I told him he was the best part of the band and that he should find other collaborators. AFter that, he stopped asking me for my opinion but didn't stop playing his demos in the office. Worse... He didn't just talk all the time. He sometimes just made noises. When he wasn't talking, he was whistling or making fart noises (with his mouth AND ass) or singing. He never, ever stopped. If the radio was on, he'd sing or whistle along with anything playing, even if he didn't know the song. Even the commercials. He'd spontaneously invent a counter-melody. He'd also mumble and sing to himself. This went on all day long. It got to be so bad that the boss even asked me if I could get Doofus to stop this behavior. I just stared blankly back at the boss and said, "YOU hired him... YOU tell him. I warned you." It gets better... Like I said, our business was small. We had to use AOL and a basic dial-up. Every time I signed on to AOL and the computer said, "Welcome. You've Got Mail," he would say, "You've got douche." I have no idea what this means, but he never failed to say it every time I signed on. I was sure I would kill him eventually, so I waited until he left the room to get online. That helped... a little. He also said the dumbest things. Great Doofus quote: "I think my band would probably have an easier time in the music industry if we were black." They were all white. Now, I'm not trying to start a whole racial thing here, but does anyone here really think it's EASIER to be a black prog/funk/hippie band than it is to be a WHITE prog/funk/hippie band? Does this make any fucking sense to anyone at all? The idiocy behind this statement is staggering to me. Whne has it ever been easier to be black than white in this country at all? Doofus always looked for a way to get paid for not coming in and take extra long breaks. The boss finally had to institute time limits for breaks and set our hours in stone. Until this point, I could basically come and go whenever my work was done, and I frequently worked through breaks and did extra hours to finish things. Doofus fucked that up for me by coming in late and leaving as soon as he possibly could. Funny enough, the boss finally got so annoyed with Doofus' whistling that he fired him. I was SO happy that I did a dance and pooped in my pants (instead of in Doofus' desk, which was going to be the next step for me.) Is there a point to this? Yeah... try not to act like a fucking Doofus, please.

[strat0124]

most annoying????? Hell I'm married to her!

[Roto]

I prefer the term "Spaz" myself

[The Bear Jew]

I think "Spaz" implies some sort of activity, evn if it's misguided and worthless. "Doofus, however, implies general ineptitude and stupidity. Of course, this comes from a certified asshole, so take it for what it is worth.

[Chest Rockwell]

HAHAHAHAH! What a story! [quote] He'd spontaneously invent a counter-melody. [/quote]Too bad he didn't spontaneously combust from all those farts. You should have lit one for him with a fire-place starter and blew him up!

[The Bear Jew]

[quote] Too bad he didn't spontaneously combust from all those farts. You should have lit one for him with a fire-place starter and blew him up! [/quote]That would probably have taken out the whole building, if not the entire zip code.

[not Cereal]

some people dont play well with others. i am one of those people.

[Tom Capasso]

Great story. I was right with you until that music thing. The guy who sits next to me has been nice. We play music in our office (3 of us), and I can't help but hum the bass part, drum on the desk, and make a general nuisance of myself. Thank goodness I get work done and am otherwise considerate... We have people on our team, and my boss likes to be flexible. Go home early at times, just stay when it's important, or when you're in the middle of something. We have one guy that's been taking advantage. Fortunately the boss is dealing directly with the problem, rather than change the work rules for all of us. Tom

[The Bear Jew]

Tom, While I'm sure you think you're making yourself into a nuisance, I guarantee that you couldn't POSSIBLY be as annoying as Doofus. I forgot to mention that this guy would also make up the lyrics when he didn't know them... these made-up lyrics almost always revolved around: 1. The word "fag." 2. The word "dildo." 3. The word "douche." All of these words would be used as every possible part of speech at any given time (i.e. "A fag of a dildo is a douche of mine.") He found his lyrical mutations endlessly fascination and entertaining -- he'd crack himself up sometimes. When he wasn't making up these lyrics, he'd just kinda make buzzing noises or whatever to the music... it was a horror. Trust me, I'd rather sit next to a rabid, crack-addicted boar with every STD known to man than be near this guy for any extended period of time again.

[The Studio Pet-Rock]

Sounds like your co-worker was a DNA combo of Butt-head and Tom Green. How old was this idiot??

[Wewus432]

My, my Eric you've been busy here today. The first job I had in the piano business I had to work with a guy that I totally hated. This guy was big, and stupid, and he wore real thick glasses, and he never took baths, and he liked to drink, and hang out in titty bars. He was really kind of like a street person except he had a little bit of money. Some days I had to spend the whole day in a van with him delivering pianos, it really sucked. One time we had to drive to Cleveland to pick up a piano and I'm driving through the mountains in Virginia somewhere and suddenly I smell the unmistable aroma of Lindberger cheese, so I'm almost gagging and I say "What is that smell?" and I look over and my Doofus has his shoes off and is hanging his feet out the window and the smell is coming right back at me. He thought it was pretty funny, that his feet smelled like molded cheese. Then I had to spend the night in a hotel room with him and it was like sleeping with a wart hog or a wild boar in the room. He was tossing and turning and grunting and just making weird sounds all night. Man, I don't miss that guy.

[Tedster]

I've certainly known my share. I've taught a fair amount of 'em guitar lessons. :D One guy that comes to mind is this all-but-homeless guy who stops by from time to time. Now, when I say all-but-homeless...it's not because he's down on his luck. It's because he refuses to work. He'd rather mooch off everyone. And, at first, I felt sorry for him. BIG MISTAKE...people like that can sense that, and they've got you then, and then you have no choice but to be rude. What makes it worse is that this guy, like Eric's "Doofus" on vocals...is a rather gifted guitarist. Plays circles around me (which may not be saying much, but he's a pretty good guitarist). But, he doesn't have a guitar, so he comes over and he's eyeing mine...which makes me nervous. Not that I oughta be, I'm a helluva lot bigger than this guy, and he'd be the first suspect if anything came up missing. I fucking worked to own what I have...and despite this nimrod's chops, I have no respect for the fact that he doesn't have enough respect for his own talent to get a job and buy a guitar. But, this guy tends to be annoying.

[timrocker]

Erik, great story! Laughing out loud, it was just awesome. Does that help any? Okay, I feel compelled to share this. A couple of bands ago, we had a drummer who was stark raving nuts. He started every rehearsal and gig in a state of fury over some thing. Could be the day job (he was a self employed building specialist) or a member of the band or his taxes or his bills or his wife or fill in blank here. But always angry to begin with. And his idea of humor was to say the absolute foulest thing he could think of in front of all kinds of mixed and genteel company. People invariably pretended to like him and then started finding excuses to be somewhere else ASAP. His playing was marginal at best. The last snare beat before some musical break was excruciatingly loud (like 6 or 7 times louder than any other snare beat in the song) even after we had played together for months and all knew that it was a break hence no cue needed. His moods were excruciating. He could talk about himself for lifetimes, in a self pitying and self aggrandizing way. Almost all of his friends were the exact same way. They would walk right up to you at a party and start a conversation about themselves starring them selves and you got to be the spectator for free. It was a trip and an ongoing circus that will probably seem very funny some day. I hope. :freak:

[realtrance]

Erik, This puts things in some perspective. I realize why I'm a little less obsessed with goof-offs and welfare fraud and all that than some people here now. I've had my share of challenge in life, but one of my great fortunes, I recognize after reading your story (and others' on this thread) is that no matter how frustrating it's been sometimes, I've always worked with people whose main goals are to work hard, get along, be tactful and respectful around others, etc. Well, there was ONE variant in my life, but we were working remotely from each other and I mainly got to hear the horror stories of his immediate presence from my co-workers. And even he was, basically, a hard worker, with all of his other personality faults. I guess I better be careful, 'cause now it's going to be MY turn since I said something. Agh!! :eek: rt

[nursers]

funny bump

[phaeton]

dBunny Pump?

[not Cereal]

bunny hump!

[Botch.]

I don't remember this thread the first time around, but it reminds me of a recent "Dilbert" cartoon where Wally goes, "Ah, the ultimate office annoyance" and proceeds to chew a big glass of ice. Our office just "acquired" an ice machine, and I'd fill my glass (a 32-oz old thing with "1989 Albuquerque balloon festival" printed in rubbed-off paint on the side) with ice every day, and nibble on it until 3:00 pm or so. One double-edged sword of the Internet is suddenly seeing yourself as others see you; but I guess its a good thing in the end. I fart incessantly but (as my girlfriend continually confirms) they don't stink. :D ;)

[BP3]

[quote]Originally posted by Coaster: [b]some people dont play well with others. i am one of those people.[/b][/quote]So am I. That's why I hijack avatars. :D [img]http://www.tinderarts.com/images/lwg2.gif[/img]

[pseudonym]

TinderArts - that is the funniest thing I've seen all year! You one funny-boy! I'd like to see that on the times square super-tron display everytime the terror level jumps to orange. Well, maybe..........

[phaeton]

[b]So am I. That's why I hijack avatars. [/b] I wish i'd have kept all my hijacked avatars. The Wewus was my favourite target, of course.

[BP3]

[quote]Originally posted by pseudonym: [b]TinderArts - that is the funniest thing I've seen all year! [/b][/quote]The year is just days old. I'm sure that others have better on the way.

[not coaster MODERATOR]

[quote]Originally posted by Coaster: [b]some people dont play well with others. i am one of those people.[/b][/quote]seriously, coaster was always like this, even when we were kids

[Jeff Klopmeyer]

The weasel less traveled. ;) Or more traveled, as the case may be. - Jeff

[Bunny Knutson]

Oh, I love that song... [i]"Farted out from weener, I was fucked by twenty fags Didn’t get to douche last night ’till the dildo became a fag. Set out fuckin’ but I fart my time A fag of a dildo is a douche of mine If I get fucked before faglight, I just might fag some douche tonight."[/i] Oh, yeah. :thu: [i]BTW, the above post is a parody of the most annoying person ever. I imagine this is how he would sing a more complete version of the aformentioned "A fag of a dildo is a douche of mine" from Erik's initial post. I hope this explanation will suffice. You see, I've personally met several of the world's most annoying people. I'm just drawing from those experiences. :rolleyes: :D [/i]

[deanmass]

Tron????

[KenElevenShadows]

[quote]Originally posted by Coaster: [b]some people dont play well with others. i am one of those people.[/b][/quote]It's hard to tell. You are very helpful and knowledgeable in your posts, so I for one appreciate that.