Funny gig story

[DirtyRubberDuck]

Thought some of you people might appreciate this:

 

Last weekend we had a gig playing at the UAW picnic at Ford field - the stadium where the Detroit Lions (remember them?) play. I brought the wife and kids since they could go down on the football field and join in the activities for free. They had moonwalk, field goal kicking, pickup football games, locker room tours, etc. The band had a cool setup too - house PA and monitors, band room downstairs in locker room, etc. We were set up in the lobby right next to a stage where the democratic party had their reps speak to the unionized masses. The democratic party had TV coverage, and every once and awhile a party windbag would spout rhetoric to the people there. When no one was talking, the TV would cover us performing. One time the cameraman took his handheld to the side of the stage to get shots of the drummer. He was directly behind me, so I started hamming it up and shaking my ass in the camera. At the next break, my kids came up to me and said "Dad, did you know your butt was telecast on the huge JUMBOTRON inside Ford field?" OOOOPPPPS! I had no idea they were simulcasting the TV cameras inside the football stadium! I thought they were just killing time between speakers. Oh well, they say there's no such thing as bad publicity - maybe my butt will get a job;)

 

DRD

[Jeff Irok]

Hee hee! Good story!

[cnegrad]

I recently posted this in another forum, but since you asked:

 

Many many years ago, I was playing a one-night hit as a sideman in a 14 piece band with no arrangments and no rehearsals. Everything was "faked"; meaning that it was played by ear without any sheet music whatsoever. We were playing in the NYC Hilton Hotel Grand Ballroom for about 600 people in the local NYC Public Transportation Union. (Very patriotic blue collar workers, many of whom have served in the military over the years.)

 

The "bandleader" was a frustrated "guitarist" and "singer" who was in actuality a salesman dressed up to look like a musician. As far as he was concerned, if he could sell the band to a prospective client, then he was qualified to be the bandleader.

 

So we get to the job and it's time to begin. We hear someone announce, "Ladies & Gentlemen, please rise and join us in singing our National Anthem." Now remember that we're 14 pieces, consisting of a rhythm section and full horn section. It's a very solemn moment, and the room is silent as the horn players raise their horns to their lips. Our "bandleader" holds up his hands to conduct the band, and proceeds with the downbeat and we all start to play our National Anthem. Suddenly, after he conducts the downbeat he starts making strange conducting patterns with his arms. (He's had no conducting training whatsoever.) Imagine the bandleader conducting his arms as if he were trying to chop down two trees at once. AND HE KEPT GETTING FASTER AND FASTER, and WE"RE TRYING TO FOLLOW HIM! Well it was a complete "train wreck". I've never heard such a cacaphony in my life! It was just AWFUL! Eventually it got so bad that we just had to stop in the middle of the whole thing. On top of which it sounded so bad, and looked so funny that we all started to laugh hysterically at the bandleader as he proceeded to turn ten shades of red. You could see the steam coming out of his ears! I literally fell off of my chair, crying with laughter. And you should've seen the looks of the Union members in the audience! Well after a moment of embarassed silence, we played it again; this time ignoring the bandleader and got through it in one piece. What a moment; it still cracks me up thinking about it!

 

On our first break the bandleader gathered us all in one room and screamed at us "for embarrasing him in front of all those people". So I got up and said, "Hey Joe, what exactly do you call this?", doing a perfect imitation of his "conducting skills". The whole band broke out into laughter again, and Joe stormed out of the room, infuriated.

 

Definitely one the most hysterical moments of my career. (But one among many.) I hope you've enjoyed this little glimpse into my crazy life.

 

BTW, "Joe" isn't the guy's real name, but if he's out there reading this,

you know who you are, and so do the 13 other guys who were on that gig........

[marino]

I screwed up on national television once. Well, *they* screwed up, but I was the one in front of the camera...

 

It went like this: They called me at the last minute to play some background music, swing and ragtime-type, in a programme about the Titanic (maybe I should have smelled some kind of disaster). There was very little communication, because it looked like another transmission was canceled, so they were setting up this one at the last minute. Anyway, improvising some background music was easy enough, so I said yes even though I had no time to prepare any music, and no time to bring any sheet music with me...

 

OK, so I had the list of events, and at a given point I was supposed to play some rag-type improvisation, not too intruding, as a background for a short film about the story of the Titanic. There was going to be a spoken voice, so the piano was supposed to be felt more than heard. But when the time came, the programme host (a famous Italian anchorman), instead of announcing the short film, said: "And now, let's hear some ragtime music from our resident pianist!" Suddendly, all the cameras were closing on me! I didn't know if they were going to start the film after all, so I began with some very quiet intro-type stuff... but no, I glanced at the video monitor, and *I* was on air, faking ragtime and making a fool out of myself.

After a minute or so (an eternity on TV), I decided that they forgot about the film, so I started playing more forcefully and melodically, in a pseudo-stride style, but I didn't try to start any specific tune because I didn't know what would have happened next - they could have stopped me right away.

 

But instead, they let me go on for four or five minutes! Since nobody was giving directions to me, after that time I decided I had enough and played and ending - there was applause, and a break for ad spots.

I searched for someone in charge to kill, but everybody looked frenetic and scared; in all evidence, something went wrong with the schedule, and they used the time of my performance to try getting their act together - without success, it seemed.

 

Anyway, when all was over, there was nobody available to ask for explanations... they paid me and I went home trying to forget everything. So they gave me five minutes of solo piano playing in national prime time, and I was only able to show 1% of what I could do as a pianist - even as a swing/ragtime pianist. I'm still pissed off about it, after more than 10 years.

[gangsu]

Every year I do tons of accompanying in the local musical festival. Vocals, strings, woodwinds, brass, hundreds of pieces. The best entries are chosen by the adjudicators for a final concert. I scramble to get the right stuff in a binder and just hope I haven't missed anybody.

 

So last year, these two gals get up to do their duet, I give them the intro, and they both turn to me with horrified looks on their faces whispering "that's not our song!". What?? What song are you singing then? I don't recognize the title so I ask them to sing a little bit for me. Well, ok, I think I know that, what key is it in? They don't know. I holler out into the audience "what key's it in?" hoping somebody knows. By this time, people are laughing, including me. The girls are still pretty nervous looking. The teacher calls back the key, I give them the right intro (or a close enough facsimile), and away they go. Lucky for me it was just a boom-chuck kind of piece, no big deal. But we broke the ice that Sunday afternoon, got a huge standing ovation, and made the papers. I felt a little bad for upstaging an otherwise boring act, but hey, the show must go on.

[marino]

Nice story! It reminds me of another instance, when I had a duo with a classical flutist. Once, he arrived at the last minute for the concert, did a fast warm-up backstage, then we went onstage and started playing... two different pieces! There was laughter from the audience and terrorized looks from us... then I tried to say something funny, and got one of the biggest applauses ever! Once we agreed on what to play, the concert went smoothly.

[gangsu]

Sounds like we've had similar experiences. Hey, I could use a good keyboardist this November. Two weeks, 8 shows of Oliver. Any chance you'll be in Canada??

[marino]

Originally posted by gangsu:

Hey, I could use a good keyboardist this November. Two weeks, 8 shows of Oliver. Any chance you'll be in Canada??

I'd love to visit - I've been in the USA a few times, but I've never been able to cross the border. It's not going to be this year, unfortunately... I'm going thru all kinds of hassles, plus I'm totally broke. Curiously, my music has been played in Canada a few times already: a theatre show and a piece of 'serious' (ha ha) music.

[gangsu]

Marino, I hope you mind, I'm reposting another funny story of yours:

 

Originally posted by marino:

OK, so I am playing the Mozart, when a burst of wind comes, so strong that it takes away the Mozart book, the clamps, and all the other music I had on the piano! I couldn't stop, so I just improvised a transition and played the next section by heart. It was just one of those moments of terror.

that's hilarious. You completely remind me of keyboardist I used to enjoy working with. Ready for anything. LOL. Good work.

[marino]

Originally posted by gangsu:

Ready for anything.

Well, I've done so many different things, that there have been many funny episodes to recall. A group of friends has renamed me "Mission Impossible"... But frankly, as I get older, I feel the need to work in more comfortable situations.