Adios, SSS members!

[Botch.]

The guy in the cubicle next to mine has been playing the same Kenny G Christmas album continuously since Monday morning. I've decided to kill him, and I'll probably be in jail by lunchtime. It's been fun, guys, take care!

[The Bear Jew]

I'm suprised nobody else has killed him yet. Why don't you wait a little while? He may just kill himself or die from a septic infection after being exposed to so much crap. Look at the bright side... at least it's not John Tesh.

[Hippie]

Well, as we all hate to see you go to jail Mr. Botch, there are other alternatives. For instance, returning the favor with a little 'Tiny Tim's White Christmas', Iggy's 'Metallic K.O.' or some Michael Bolton ballads... you get the idea.

[offramp]

Zappa cures these people. So does Laurie Anderson.

[KHAN]

If you take a box cutter and score a line right down the center of the CD, the little suckers snap right in two. :thu: If he protests, hold the box cutter up to his throat and say: [i][b]"What make you think I won't cut you"?[/b][/i] :eek: It always works for me. :D

[meccajay]

Just give him the Aaron Neville & Motown Christmas CD's and ask to "borrow" his Kenny G CD. What you do with that CD is between you and God, but chances are he'll never ask for it back!

[Anderton]

Not a jury in the world would convict you.

[Tedster]

Marv Wolinski and da Polka Pioneers..."Reindeer Christmas Polka". Crank it. But get yourself some good earplugs, first...

[Jeff Klopmeyer]

What the hell are you waiting for? You took the time to write this post when you could have been productively putting this person out of our misery? Get with the program. I'll visit you at lockup. Need some cigarettes for your celly? They're like currency! Cancer-causing currency! :D - Jeff

[The Bear Jew]

I think I have a better solution. Just talk to your co-worker. It's suprisingly easy to resolve most issues with open-minded discussions. If that doesn't work, you could also speak to your supervisor about your co-worker's habits , but only do this as a last resort.

[mark_dog]

__________O_________________________ lllll__________________________________ lllll\ - / lllll \ / lllll--/ llllll llllll llllll (it's a gun for all you blind people out there)

[Dogfur]

Pat Metheny & Ornette Coleman's "Song X" is an appropriate counter-measure, and its' force is certainly warranted...

[Salyphus]

[quote]Originally posted by Watchout where that Dogfur goes...: [b]Pat Metheny & Ornette Coleman's "Song X" is an appropriate counter-measure, and its' force is certainly warranted...[/b][/quote]YES!!! :thu: :thu: :thu: :thu:

[Bunny Knutson]

How about Metheny's "Zero Tolerance for Silence"? That's a bona fide Kenny G killer if ever there was one! (Did anyone here ever read that letter Metheny wrote, tearing Kenny G a new one? Classic stuff! Ugly, but classic nonetheless!)

[DJDM]

John Zorn's [url=http://www.pricegrabber.com/search_fullinfomu.php/music_id=76344/music2=1/ut=0ce46ca1b1b0b66d]"Naked City"[/url] project should do the trick! May I specifically recommend "You will be shot"? ;) - DJDM

[Salyphus]

[quote]Originally posted by dBunny: [b]How about Metheny's "Zero Tolerance for Silence"? That's a bona fide Kenny G killer if ever there was one! [/b][/quote]I've never gotten to hear that one. Do you have it? I know it was very controversial, I've always been interested to check it out. [quote]Originally posted by dBunny: [b] (Did anyone here ever read that letter Metheny wrote, tearing Kenny G a new one? Classic stuff! Ugly, but classic nonetheless!)[/b][/quote]Absolutely spot on! It was on his website for a while but was taken down for diplomatic reasons I suppose. I have a hard copy hanging on the wall of the 'lounge :thu:

[Mats Olsson.]

Oh, the horror..... If all else fails, grab a copy of Lou Reed's [i]Metal Machine Music[/i] and put it on repeat (bonus idea: use crazy glue on all buttons so that the boom box can't be stopped.) /Mats

[Bunny Knutson]

[quote][b]Originally posted by Sal Ami:[/b] [quote]Originally posted by dBunny: How about Metheny's "Zero Tolerance for Silence"? That's a bona fide Kenny G killer if ever there was one![/quote][b]I've never gotten to hear that one. Do you have it? I know it was very controversial, I've always been interested to check it out. [/b][/quote]Yep, I have it. I'll let you borrow it. It's like nothing else Metheny has ever released. Your jaw will hit the floor, whether you like it or not.

[Alndln]

If only that Gansta-Ass-Mo-Fo- Yanni had done his job and got Kenny G in a drive-by,we might not be having this conversation now. :rolleyes:

[Tusker]

[quote]Originally posted by Mr. Botch: [QB]The guy in the cubicle next to mine has been playing the same Kenny G Christmas album continuously since Monday morning. [QB][/quote]I feel for you. Somebody played it for me the other day. Uggh. There's this song that rips off [i]take five[/i]..... I thought it was a cover, until I realized it wasn't a five beat, just a rip-off. I suggest you assault your colleague in the other senses. But be gentle. Stink bomb his cubicle during lunch. :D Jerry

[Mats Olsson.]

Tea-bag everything in the scumbag's cubicle! /Mats

[Rog]

The answer is very simple ... sing along in an out of tune falsetto until he turns it off, then bother him every five seconds to put it on again, if he doesn't then it's acapella falsetto time ... he'll have a phobia in no time :D

[Groovepusher Sly]

I didn’t get to this thread because of all the other farewell bull, stopped one short looking for the real thing. Thank you Craig Mr. Botch maybe you should tell him how many women he’s [b]not[/b] attracting. He obviously thinks he’s going to attract a lot to his cube because of his coolness. Not! [quote]Originally posted by dBunny: [b](Did anyone here ever read that letter Metheny wrote, tearing Kenny G a new one? Classic stuff! Ugly, but classic nonetheless!)[/b][/quote]I’d love to read that! Post it if you can. Sly :cool:

[Valkyrie Sound]

[quote]Originally posted by Rog: [b]The answer is very simple ... sing along in an out of tune falsetto until he turns it off, then bother him every five seconds to put it on again, if he doesn't then it's acapella falsetto time ... he'll have a phobia in no time :D [/b][/quote]Yeap... you can do that.... ... then make a pass at him... that should scare him! :D Valky

[Philip OKeefe]

I'm with Hippie and Craig... First of all, it COULD be worse - it could be a Michael Bolton CD... Hippie's correct about that. Secondly, Craig's right - no jury is going to convict you for ridding society of such an obvious menace - playing Kenny G non-stop is DEFINITELY a terrorist act, and would be treated as justifiable homicide just about anywhere. Maybe you can get one of those Warthog drivers to do a little air to mud pass on him? ;)

[Bunny Knutson]

[quote]Originally posted by Groovepusher Sly: [b] [quote]Originally posted by dBunny: [b](Did anyone here ever read that letter Metheny wrote, tearing Kenny G a new one? Classic stuff! Ugly, but classic nonetheless!)[/b][/quote]I’d love to read that! Post it if you can. Sly :cool: [/b][/quote]OK, but remember, you asked for it! ;) A little background information first. Kenny G covered a Louis Armstrong song ("What a Wonderful World" I believe) by pasting his own tracks in right beside the deceased Armstrong's original tracks, therefore essentially pillaging a classic song. OK, here it is: [b]"When Kenny G decided that it was appropriate for him to defile the music of the man who is probably the greatest jazz musician that has ever lived by spewing his lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy, out-of-tune, noodling, wimped out, f*cked up playing all over one of the great Louis's tracks (even one of his lesser ones), he did something that I would not have imagined possible. He, in one move, through his unbelievably pretentious and calloused [sic] musical decision to embark on this most cynical of musical paths, sh*t all over the graves of all the musicians past and present who have risked their lives by going out there on the road for years and years, developing their own music inspired by the standards of grace that Louis Armstrong brought to every single note he played over an amazing lifetime as a musician. By disrespecting Louis, his legacy and by default, everyone who has ever tried to do something positive with improvised music and what it can be, Kenny G has created a new low point in modern culture - something that we all should be totally embarrassed about - and afraid of." -Pat Metheny[/b] Whew! What a train wreck! :freak: :D [url=http://www.vh1.com/artists/news/1436591/06142000/g_kenny.jhtml]Click here for a link to the article by VH1.[/url]

[Philip OKeefe]

Go Pat GO! :thu:

[Lee Flier]

Heheh... yeah, that Pat Metheny statement was brilliant... and equally so is Richard Thompson's song in response to that: [b]I Agree With Pat Metheny[/b] I agree with Pat Metheny Kenny's talents are too teeny He deserves the crap he's going to get He overdubbed himself on Louis What a musical chop suey Raised his head above the parapet Well Louis Armstrong was the king He practically invented swing Hero of the twentieth century He did duets with many a fella "Fatha" Hines, Big Hoagy, Ella Strange he never thought of Kenny G A meeting of great minds, how nice Like Einstein and Sporty Spice Digitally fused in an abortion Kenny fans will doubtless rave While Satchmo turns inside his grave Soprano man's bit off more than his portion Oh brainless pentatonic riffs Display our Kenny's arcane gifts But we don't care, his charms are so beguiling He does play sharp, but let's be fair He has such lovely crinkly hair We hardly notice, we're too busy smiling How does he hold those notes so long? He must be a genius. Wrong! He just has the mindlessness to do it He makes Britney sound like scat If this is jazz I'll eat my hat An idle threat, I'll never have to chew it So next time you're in a rendezvous And Kenny's sound comes wafting through Don't just wince, eliminate the cause Rip the tape right off the muzak Pull the plug, or steal a fuse, Jack The whole room will drown you in applause Yes, Kenny G has gone too far The gloves are off, it's time to spar Grab your hunting rifle, strap your Colt on It's open season on our Ken But I await the moment when We lay off him and start on Michael Bolton :D

[Bunny Knutson]

Sh*t, yeah!!! Thanks, Lee! That Richard Thompson song is just brilliant!!! :D :thu:

[Jotown]

I have always been a fan of Pat's music, but after reading that I like him even more. :thu: :thu: :thu: :thu: