The Sideman's By-Laws

[Bucktunes]

1. Never recommend anyone who plays better than you.

 

2. If you don't know it, play harmony.

 

3. Double book, then choose.

 

4. Always assume the leader knows nothing.

 

5. Never play requests. (Even if you know it)

 

6. Never smile.

 

7. Complain constantly.

 

8. Save all high notes for warming up and after the gig.

 

9. Never show up more than 30 seconds before the gig. (One minute if you have equipment to set up.)

 

10. Whenever possible, write on charts in ink.

 

11. Open spit valves over charts.

 

12. Worship only dead jazz greats.

 

13. Be negative about anything connected with the gig.

 

14. Keep drinks on the stage.

 

15. If you're backing up an act, talk when you're not playing.

 

16. If it's a comic, don't laugh.

 

17. Bum a ride whenever possible.

 

18. Wait until someone else is buying before you get thirsty.

 

19. Avoid tipping at all costs. (Waitress, valet, coat room, etc.)

 

20. Upon arrival at the gig, immediately start asking "When does the band eat?" or "Where's our table?"

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I've been guilty of #1, 3, and 18. Anybody else wanna `fess up to any of these?

 

Peace all,

Steve

[Superbobus]

Wow, this is a GREAT one!

Okay, here she goes:

#1, #3, #10, #13 (only once, on a really terrible golf gig where people had spilt about everything in an antique Grotrian Steinweg grand...), #14 and #15.

Reminds me of a song I once knew:

"Unprofessional, that's what you are.

Unprofessional, no tux, no car..."