got any jokes?

[Nawor]

Q. What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? A. Homeless. Q. How does a drummer know when his drum riser's level. A. When the dribble flows evenly from both sides of his mouth.

[philbo_Tangent]

New slogan for Wisconsin: Come smell our dairy air! (you have to say it out loud for proper effect) A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "Why the long face?" An alligator walks into a beer and demands a beer. The bartender refuses. The enraged alligator goes to the end of the bar and eats an old drunken hooker, then says "now give me a beer before I eat somebody else!" The bartender says "You damn druggie! Get out of here now!" The alligator says "What are you talking about?" The bartender says "That was a barbituate!" (again, you have to say the last line aloud for proper effect) Did you hear that Mitsubishi is going to take over building those little Sonoma pickup trucks? They're going to call them SonomaBitchies... (I think I'll quit before you start throwing rotten fruit....)

[Tedster]

A blonde is driving in a horrible blizzard. She can hardly see where she's going. She remembers something her father told her..."If you're ever lost in a blizzard, pull over and wait for a snowplow to come by, and then just follow him to safety". Before too long, a snowplow comes along, and she pulls out and follows him through a rather winding route. After about 15 minutes, the truck stops in front of her, the driver gets out, and approaches her window. "Why are you following me, lady?" "Well, my dad said if I'm ever lost in a blizzard, to follow a snowplow" says the blonde. "If you want, ma'am", continues the driver, "I'll be done here in the Wal-Mart lot in a minute, then I'm going across the street to Home Depot".

[Mr. Downchild]

One more and I swear I'm done!!! A guy walks into a doctors office and says,"Doc,I haven't had a bowel movement in a week! "The doctor prescribes him a mild laxitave and tells him, "If this doesn't work,let me know. "A week goes by and the guy goes back to the doctor and says,"Doc,still no movement!"The doctor prescribes a stronger laxitive and gives him the same direction. Still another week goes by and the poor man returns and says, "Still nothing!!!" The doctor becomes a little worried and says,"Ok,let me get some information about you and try to figure out what is going on. What do you do for a living? "The man answers,"I'm a musician." The doctor looks up and says, "Well that's it! Here's ten bucks,now go and get you something to eat!"

[JJdog]

There was this little boy about 10 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the Girls have any diseases?" The madam said, "I don't believe so." He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. So he headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. A while later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter." "After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught." "When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease." "Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it." "In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG