Dave Bryce Posted April 18, 2001 Posted April 18, 2001 So, this week, I had to call a certain company because I was having a problem that I couldn't figure out. This company has been notorious in the past for...shall we say...not having the best technical support in the world. This time was no exception - I ended up telling the gentleman with whom I spoke a few things that he didn't know, and his reaction was to put me on hold and not pick up the phone again. I finally hung up and figured it out myself. Also, I notice folks posting questions for help who have not contacted the tech support lines, even though they know that these companies are basically paying people to sit there waiting for people to call them with problems. I'd like to hear experiences that folks have had with tech support facilities - both good and bad. If you want to name names, that's up to you. dB ==> David Bryce Music • Funky Young Monks <== Professional Affiliations: Royer Labs • Music Player Network
marino Posted April 18, 2001 Posted April 18, 2001 Tech support? Mmm, grumble, arghh, gosh, f%*°@!! Well, maybe I'm not the right guy to answer this, because I live in Italy, so far from the big guys, so my comments are not going to be too representative... But I think it's a very important issue, so I'll go ahead. First, I would make a distinction between tech support (the people that answers your phone calls or emails) and the service center people (those who actually open up your gear). Generally, the level of support in my country is high. Every big importer has a tech or two who deals with synthesizers, and they recognize the importance of their job. Getting them to order parts from USA or Japan is another story: it ALWAYS takes ages. I have to say that not always a good tech is also good in dealing with people; often you have to take them from the right side in order to obtain some kind of articulate answer. Maybe some course on "dealing with clients" would help. I also happened to call USA directly a number of times, and I got every kind of different responses, from wonderful to awful. I remember the people from Rhodes/CBS really trying to help me in getting parts and updates for my Chroma, for example. I have had several horrible experiences with "authorized" service centers. Here in Rome there are a few independent techs; they're very good and I tend to go to them, but of course sometimes it's not an option. Some examples: My old sampler had a tendency to freeze occasionally. I brought it to the authorized service, they kept it for one month, then they said "It's fixed". I went to retrieve it, and asked, "What did you do to it?". The guy said, "I don't know; the other guy did it". The bill was rather high. I paid and took it home, and it froze immediately after power-up. I called and asked to speak with the guy that did the work; after some embarrassing talking, he admitted that since he wasn't able to reproduce the problem, he just left the instrument on for a while,"just to be sure", and that was it! Out of shame, he said "Bring it here again, for free this time"... I had to threaten them to sue in order to have my money back. BTW they kept it another three weeks, and did nothing again; it was in the same initial conditions. So I brought it to an independent tech, he said "I know what you're talking about", then he opened the thing, took the CPU off, cleaned the contacts, carefully replaced the CPU, and my sampler worked flawlessly since then. It took 5 minutes. Another one: I got an used instrument, discontinued about one year before. It was a flagship instrument from a leader manufacturer, not some kind of obscure thing. I called the service center to order a software update, and I said, "I just bought a such-and such..." They said "What's that?" I said "It's a very famous synth from your serviced manufacturer". They said, "You're wrong, they never made a synth with this name!" I'll spare you the rest of the conversation, it would suffice to say that it was pretty comical. So I ended up calling the importer (in another town) 3 or 4 times, and in the end I got what I wanted. They took ONE MONTH to send a couple of chips to their own service center (they said they couldn't send them directly to me, despite the fact that they were free and they DID have them in stock...). and on and on...
jlahib.no Posted April 18, 2001 Posted April 18, 2001 this is not for a synthm but for my computer. I gave my computer away to the place where I bought it (major major chain) My floppy disk gave me a blue screen everytime I used it. So i gave my computer to the guy and asked if they could look at the floppy. I got it back... and discovered that what they had done was formatting my hard drive and reinstalled windows. So I took it back and was told that this is what they do, I would have to reinstall all my programs.. so I told the guy that there was about three years worth of music on that hard disk and that i didnt back it up before handing it in because they FLOPPY had a problem, not the hard disk. The guy replied "I don't know what to tell you". So I took the computer home, reinstalled software, and realized that the floppy hadn't been fixed. So I took it back again. and here the story repeats 4 times. In the end I got a new computer because they had a "no lemon" guarantee when I bought it so if I had to fix it 4 times they would replace it with a new computer.
seclusion Posted April 18, 2001 Posted April 18, 2001 On hold on hold on hold... It helps that I now have a decent understanding of studio stuff... But sometimes the tech really doesn't know more than you... I've taught a couple of guys from Motu that their midiAV HAS to use the printer cable supplied with the unit.. You can't go to Business Depot and get the right cable.. Tascam's been awesome with their BBS like this one.. A Moderator posts constantly with the right info.. Alesis was bad/bitchy.. It's Motu's fault.. Smile if you're not wearin panties.
synthetic Posted April 18, 2001 Posted April 18, 2001 I worked for Alesis tech support around '93-'94, so I have a few stories from the other side of the phone. Some of my favorites: A guy calls one of the other support guys from Florida and says, "Oh man! I'm so glad I caught you before you closed!" Jeff (the Alesis guy) says, "Oh, it's only 2:00 here." The Florida guy says "No, it's almost 5:00!" Jeff: "No, we're in California, so it's only 2:00 here." Long silence. "What do you mean?" So Jeff goes on a long explanation of timezones, how the sun travels around the earth and how the sun is directly overhead at noon, etc. etc. Finally, the guy starts to understand. So finally Jeff asks, "So, what was the question you called about?" Florida says, "Oh, forget it." and hangs up. The most common call we got for our Compressor was "what do I do, where do I put the knobs?" I would explain that it depends on the source, your taste in compression, a little more ratio for this, etc. I could never get off the phone until I told the guy, "Put the Threshold at 1:00, put the ratio at 3:00...". I'm sure to this day that the knobs are taped in position where the Alesis guy told him to put them. When I wrote another compressor manual for Alesis, I made a little card which shows you where to put the knobs for different instruments. I wish I could remember more right now, but I think that part of my memory has been blocked.
kevin stulen Posted April 18, 2001 Posted April 18, 2001 Heres another one from the tech side... I should write a book. A customer calls in saying he has been shipped the wrong keyboard. "I ordered an 88 key unit. This one only has 52!!" reply "Sir, did you count the black keys?" At this point the customer says "...oh..." and hangs up. A customer calls in with the question, "I'm looking for a cable with a hole in it." Thats all the desription he has... Pick a female ended cable I guess. A common complaint, "My keyboard is broken. There is no sound!" Reply "Do you have the line outs connected to your amp?" The response: "Do what now?..." And just a word to the wise: If you are polite, and courteous to the people helping you on the phone, you can almost guarantee that you will be happier with the service. Everyone has a horror story about tech support, but remember the coin has two sides. Sometimes problems are so strange that helping you over the phone is nearly impossible, but we do the best we can. Everytime I talk to a customer who is polite, even in the midst of their frustration, I can't help but be very thankful!!! Last piece of advice: Karma is more than a new keyboard from Korg. ------------------ "Lets test his powers!" -Espresso Guy "Lets test his powers!" -Espresso Guy
dansouth Posted April 19, 2001 Posted April 19, 2001 I have a lot of respect for the folks who staff tech support hotlines. It's a stressful, thankless job. I'd bet that sixty percent of the calls they get could would never happen if people would open the manual, and at least another ten percent are just plain stupid. One thing that ticks me off is when I get a busy signal, but in this era of email and fax, it's not an issue. I don't like companies that are hard to reach. Japanese companies seem to be particularly unwilling to communicate. Mackie is on the other end of the spectrum. Great company to call for support! I've gotten some good support over the years. Opcode had a good tech support staff before they were all vaporized. MOTU recently fixed my 2408 (bad power supply) and had it back to me in two days. Sweetwater either fixes or replaces everything immediately. Mackie fixed my CR-1604 (bad pot on one channel) after they found it. I took the shipping address from the box, and it was their old address prior to moving into a new facility. I believe that the unit was used (or a demo) but sold as new by a less than reputable dealer (not Mackie's fault). I've had some bad luck, though. I took a JV-880 back to a certain 48th street vendor to fix a broken data entry knob. It came back with a new knob, but the little nylon pegs for mounting expansion cards were missing. My DA-30mkII had a problem. It stopped being able to record with a reference to absolute time. Tascam has contracts with local stereo repair shops. I don't remember the detail, but after seven weeks, the unit came back, the problem hadn't been fixed, plus it had a bunch of new problems. I tried to get satisfaction over the phone but eventually had to junk the machine. My DA-38 has run flawlessly for years, but I'm still reluctant to deal with the big T because of this incident. Interface problems (between equipment from different manufacturers) are the toughest for tech support to resolve, because they can't duplicate your environment. These are the most frustrating calls for me, because they almost never get resolved. The tech tells me how his unit should work, I tell him that it's not, we check the settings, he says it should work, I say thanks and work on it until I get it working (or give up). It almost always goes that way.
dansouth Posted April 19, 2001 Posted April 19, 2001 Why does the edit page have a delete box if you aren't permitted to delete a double post? I think I need to call TECH SUPPORT right away! http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif This message has been edited by dansouth@yahoo.com on 04-19-2001 at 01:16 AM
synthfoolsynthfool.com Posted April 19, 2001 Posted April 19, 2001 I've also been on both sides of the phone. Here's one that had us laughing at Roland in the mid '80's: Cust: Hello? I'm having trouble with my JX-3P's cassette port. Us: Ok, what exactly is the problem? Cust: Well, the cassette in jack doesn't work. Us: Are you getting it proper signal level? Cust: Yeah. I think so. I don't really know. Us: Well, what kind of cassette deck are you using? Cust: I'm not using a cassette deck. I'm plugging straight into it. Us: Huh? You're plugging WHAT straight into it? Cust: My guitar. I don't have a cassette deck, so I decided to bypass that and plug it directly in. But it won't play any of it's sounds, just the ones that came with the machine. I've tried for hours and it's no go! Us: Ummm... ok. Can you hold on? I'd like you to explain this to another tech.... That's right. He was pawned off to each tech for a laugh as the guy thought he could sample into a JX-3P. Cruel, huh? ;-) Another one was where a guy brought in a synth to a later shop of mine and requested it's repair. He had a valid problem and a defective transistor was located and replaced. When he returned for the unit, he asked to know what was wrong. I told him that it had a bad transistor. He then asked "That little thing? How much does it cost?" I answered "About 35 cents". He snapped back "Then why are you charging me 48 dollars??!! I could have replaced that little thing!" The answer was of course, "Then, why didn't you?" He replied "Because I didn't know which one!!"
joegerardi Posted April 19, 2001 Posted April 19, 2001 Here's one I love telling: In Buffalo, NY, where I was sentenced to... er, I mean lived, for 19 years, there's a tech shop called dB Music, owned be a friend, Don Besecker. He was an engineer at the original Moog Music plant in Buffalo. When they folded up shop he opened his repair business, and has become known, literally world over, as a top-shelf repair site. You should see the list of known personalities that send their stuff there. He's great at repairing thngs, but is SO swamped, that there simply aren't enough hours in the day to get things done. I remember buying a Korg Trident II, which needed some repairs, and didn't work. I bought it for a lark, just a toy to play with. I took it to him and told him that there was no rush on it, whenever he got around to it. 3 years later, I somehow remembered owning another synth I couldn't find. I called him and asked if he knew about it. He answered that yeah, he still had it, but hadn't gotten to it yet. Now, none of you can expect service like this, remember, he's my friend, and I was adamant about him getting to it "whenever." Additionally, half the time he wouldn't fix some of my stuff: He knew I could do things like replace broken keys, clean key contacts, etc., so if I had a broken key, he'd just sell me the key and tell me to go do it myself, cause he didn't have time. Not really a problem, but it was funnier than hell when mutual friends would show up at my door with a broken synth, a spare key, and a message from Don to fix it, because he didn't have the time. When I had gigs and a sick synth, however, he would drop everything and fix them on the spot so I had a full working rig for the gig. I highly recommend him. Setup: Korg Kronos 61, Roland XV-88, Korg Triton-Rack, Motif-Rack, Korg N1r, Alesis QSR, Roland M-GS64 Yamaha KX-88, KX76, Roland Super-JX, E-Mu Longboard 61, Kawai K1II, Kawai K4.
synthfoolsynthfool.com Posted April 19, 2001 Posted April 19, 2001 I've also had good experiences with Don and as a tech I admit that units -can- sit around for years with no malice to their owners. Service by experienced folks is getting harder and the world population is ever growing. Supply and demand. Even my dentist schedules appointments 6 weeks ahead nowadays.... but like Don and myself, emergencies always get priority. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif K
Rob G Posted April 20, 2001 Posted April 20, 2001 People, Good:Aphex. Some of my producer's needed some feedback on an item before purchase. The Aphex technical people we're on top of it. And on top of that yours truly even got the chance to compare technical notes with their president/Marvin Caesar who seemed accutely interested in the condition of our Aphex/1100 microphone pre.amp. which by the way I think performs awesomely. I wonder why this mic. pre. did'nt catch on quicker than it did when first introduced. He even offered to update our 1100 with the new insert option at no charge. Good:Mackie. Had a quirk with a D8B. They dropped shipped us a new one almost overnight, and have been good with continued technical support for my people. Good:Digidesign. Good tech. support, & good product. Best Regards, "Rob G.". Artist/Producer/Engineer Management This message has been edited by Rob G on 04-20-2001 at 12:20 AM
Guest Posted April 20, 2001 Posted April 20, 2001 Here's a story from Sweden. I bought a Kurzweil K2500R for about two years ago from a music store, biggest chain in Sweden. It was loaded with all the ROM-boards and 32Mb RAM. When I got home I noticed that there were some weird kind of out-of-tune sounds in some patches. Further investigation showed that the machine was self-generating pitch-bend messages that fucked up the tuning. But this only happened in a specific midi configuration. Anyway, I took it to the store and they sent it to the only repairshop for Kurzweils in Sweden. After 4 weeks I started to ask for it and to make a long story short I received it after 5 months. End of story? no way. When I opened the transport box I found the K2500 without it's rack ears. Called the repairman and told him that I miss them. They looked for them but without any luck. So they ordered new ones that should arrive in about 1 week. Two weeks later I called them again to see what has happened. They had sent them in another box, with a synth that another customer have sent in. So my rack ears where somewhere in Sweden but no one knew where. Another set of rack ears where ordered and they showed up two weeks later. Now, half a year after I sent it in I have a machine that works. BUT, one week after that I was at the music store again and they gave me a set of rack ears that they have found!!!!! The store took them of before they sent it in, in the first place! And I told them I missed my rack ears one month earlier, and no words from them! ------------------ --Smedis,-- This message has been edited by smedis on 04-20-2001 at 04:27 AM
Jeff Klopmeyer Posted April 20, 2001 Posted April 20, 2001 Synthetic's story about the guy who didn't understand the difference in time zones is indeed true. Though I was not the "Jeff" that he was referring to, I personally witnessed that call, and it was the topic of giggles for weeks to come. Here's another on the side of the manufacturer: when Alesis first released the ADAT, the tech support guys were not informed about the details of the cryptic error messages. You'd be amazed how the tech support guys are often the last to be informed about product information that they really need to know to do their jobs well. Anyway...as most of you may remember, back in 1993 the ADAT had some pretty severe problems in functioning under different applications, resulting in dozens of calls per day to tech support until the software improved. One day, a customer called and started immediately screaming. Tech Support: "Alesis tech support, how may I help you?" Angry Guy: "I've been on hold for 40 minutes, you jerk!" TS: "Can I help you with something, sir?" AG: "I'm going to sue you guys for the time my studio's been down from this piece of shit. And I'm going to sue you for the time I spent waiting on hold just now!" TS: "Now that you've gotten through, is there something I can help you with?" AG: "You guys are all a bunch of idiots. I'm taking this piece of shit back, or throwing it out the window. But before I do, what the hell is an Error 5?" TS: "Uh...Error 5...let's see..." AG: "You'd better have an answer, jerky!" TS: "Oh, Error 5! That's the talent filter, sir." AG: "Huh?" TS: "Yes. You've obviously attempted to record something that sucked." AG: "What?" TS: "Have a nice day." *click* - Jeff, TASCAM Guy Marketing Communications for MI/Pro Audio My solo music and stuff They Stole My Crayon
nursers Posted October 30, 2001 Posted October 30, 2001 boink The Keyboard Chronicles Podcast Check out your fellow forumites in an Apple Music playlist Check out your fellow forumites in a Spotify playlist My Music: Stainless Fields
Postman Posted October 30, 2001 Posted October 30, 2001 Let me offer a little advice on how to get good tech support from any company as far as software issues are concerned. Follow the procedures software companies use to report internally discovered bugs. It's not that hard (though it does take some discipline), and it's very effective. Once you think you've discovered a problem: 1) Verify as best you can that the way you think the unit should function is the way it's designed to function. a) If not, you're requesting a modification, not reporting a bug. Good luck. This is a valid reason for selecting another manufacturer next time. b) RTFM, damn it! Personally, I have little time for users of my systems who don't read the documentation. It's the tech support line, not the training line. Granted that most synth manuals are dreadful, but try. 2) Once you've verified that the unit is not behaving the way the documentation says it should, write down (or memorize, if you'd like) the exact steps required to reproduce the problem. a) Intermittent bugs come straight out of hell to dwell among us and prey upon innocents like you and me. Keep your frustration in check, and keep trying to find out what set of actions precipitate the problem. You may in the end be forced to report that you do A, then B, and about 25% of the time C happens. That's valid, and very useful to programmers. The tech may request that you reload your OS. It a hassle, but, hey, it does work sometimes. 3) Call tech support. Calmly walk through steps 1 and 2 with the nice person on the other end of the line. a) I'd say about half the time I don't get by step 1: the documentation's inaccurate. That's fine, usually. The tech can tell me how it's supposed to work. If you don't like it, ask the tech nicely to create a bug report for it, but, um, don't hold your breath, you know? b) My experience is that if you can walk the tech right to the problem, the company will bend over backwards to help you. And why not? You just provided them a valuable service. c) The techs are people, too. It's dreadfully boring to answer the same stupid question again and again. Give 'em a good one, and they'll love you for it. Using the above method I've gotten excellent tech support from companies that are notorious for being God awful, like Microsoft. The last time I called them, the guy stayed with me for an hour and a half. We both learned something and eventually, he found the cause of and fixed my problem.
Pim Posted October 30, 2001 Posted October 30, 2001 Most frustrating: the helpdesk of my old internetprovider was opened until 22.00. I made my call at 21.10. "Please stay on hold, we help you as soon as possible" ( x 20.000 + horrible music = ) At 21.58 a (real human) voice tels me they are going to close. "Have a nice evening, sir!" I switched from provider. In the music store I work in, I get sometimes strange requests: A guy wanted to have a written guarantee that his newly bought guitar cable could go around a corner of 90 degrees... No problem for me ofcourse! Most made mistake: confuse midi with audio. "I connected this midi-thing, but am not hearing a damn thing!" On some old HiFi stuff there is a DIN plug for an audio input.... I visited once a very fancy HiFi store. They only sell tube stuff and recordplayers from over $5000. I heard a small stereo set where the speakers were obviously out of phase. No base, and my ears were desperately searching for a centre in the sound. I told it to the sales person. He did not understand me, so I told hime to reverse the poles of one speakercable. He did it, came to listen and said that it was much better this way. The next thing he did, was to climb behind the set again and reversed the other cable as well. "If the effect is this big with only one cable, reversing two cables will make a huge difference!" I walked away. Too much IQ for my simple brains... [ 10-30-2001: Message edited by: pim@dancewave.nl ] My Music I always wondered what happened after the fade out?
Intheether Posted October 30, 2001 Posted October 30, 2001 I think it depends solely on the tech. Example: I used to have a guy at MOTU who was so helpful and informative for every question asked. Always an answer within three days (email). Well, once this guy left I was left with general email tech support and gosh, it has totally sucked in the past 6 months. Maybe they weren't anticipating the huge sales of the 828 and dp so they've hired people with little knowledge just to have someone answering questions. But this last guy (I won't mention names) was downright rude and obnoxious. And no, I don't email questions that can be easily understood in the manuals but he made it seem like I was the moron b/c I missed page 277 of the third reference book in the dp 2.7 update guide. jerk. The worst tech support however is the mac help line! I spoke to a G4 "specialist" who didn't know a type 2 error was a low memory error. When I explained it to her she said hey - you ower apple two hundred some odd dollars to continue using this service. I am still laughing. Discussion forums such as this are usually the best source of knowledge. ~nel *
Roto Posted October 31, 2001 Posted October 31, 2001 Originally posted by Jeff, TASCAM Guy: Here's another on the side of the manufacturer: Tech Support: "Alesis tech support, how may I help you?" Angry Guy: "I've been on hold for 40 minutes, you jerk!" *snip* TechSupport: Windows 95 technical support. How may I help you? Angry Guy: I've been on hold for a $^#%ing half hour! TS: OK, so what seems to be the problem? AG: I can't get this $^@&er to print. TS: Could... AG: I've got this $^#& 850 page book written for me by Bill Gates and it doesn't tell me a damn thing! TS: 850 page...huh? AG: I've got my document all typed out. I just need to print the $&@%ing thing. TS: You have your document on the screen? AG: Yes! TS: OK, click the File menu AG: FILE MENU? Why the $&@* would it be on the file menu? TS: Click Print AG: What kind of idiot puts the $*@& print command in the file menu? TS: On the new window click OK AG: This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of *printer noise* TS: It's under the File menu because you are printing the "file" AG: it's printing *click* TS: Asshole, click the button with the picture of a printer on it.
tenthplanet Posted October 31, 2001 Posted October 31, 2001 I'd just like to add that that incident i read a few posts up about the disk re-formatting when the computer is taken in for repair is not an isolated incident. Anyone getting their PC fixed would be wise to back up what ever they can on their machine. Q:What do you call a truck with nothing in the bed,nothing on the hitch, and room for more than three people in the cab? A:"A car"....
SFOracle Posted October 31, 2001 Posted October 31, 2001 I used to work as a software developer for a telecommunications company that manufactured paging switches and base stations. Back in the early '80s, the software for some of these products had to be loaded from multiple floppy disks. The procedure was pretty simple - insert a floppy, type "install" wait for the prompt and repeat. A customer service reprentative related his experience with talking a customer (technician) through a software upgrade over the phone. The problem is, many of the "technicians" in the paging industry (due to their either military or HAM Radio backgrounds) are strong on the RF side, but have little or no experience with computers. The conversation went something like this: Customer Service (CS): "okay, install floppy #1 in the floppy drive and type install" Tech: "okay" Tech: "okay now it is telling me to install the next floppy" CS: "Okay, install floppy #2 and hit return" Technician: "got it" Tech: "Now it is telling me to install the next floppy" CS: "okay, so install floppy #3 and hit return" Tech: "I can't" CS: "why not" Tech "There is no room" CS: "What do you mean no room" Tech: "I can only fit 2 in the drive" I don't think it is possible that the floppy drive was able actually read the second floppy (these were old 8" hard sectored floppies which have an index hole; there is no way the index holes on the 2 floppies would have lined up). However, the install script was not particularly robust or smart - it probably displayed a cryptic error message, and asked for the 2nd floppy again. At any rate, after this incident we had to change the manuals to specifically include "Remove floppy #1 from the drive and install floppy #2". Don. Our country is not the only thing to which we owe our allegiance. It is also owed to justice and to humanity. Patriotism consists not in waving the flag, but in striving that our country shall be righteous as well as strong: James Bryce
seclusion Posted November 1, 2001 Posted November 1, 2001 Tech support... Ya I've been playing around with this small issue with emagic and Motu.. I run Pc with LAP win, and a 2408 via ASIO drivers.. Rock solid, latency is great and I/O functionality is the best... BUT I can't change Logic to 48k(logic's sample rate page) when it slaves to external wordclock.. Everytime I close the song Logic reverts back to 44.1k.. Annoying to say the least.. Tech for Motu says that seen as the asio driver for the 324 card reads 48k it's a logic thang.. Emagic says that Motu is mainly a Mac product and when they port over software for windoze problems happen.. So get on Motu's ass to fix their problem.. That's as far as I can get.. As you all know once you have a peice of gear not on the same clock source it makes ya wanna jump.. That's been going for a few months now.. With no head way.. Hey any of you experts got any idea's.. Thanx. Brian Smile if you're not wearin panties.
That Portland Dude Posted November 2, 2001 Posted November 2, 2001 I worked tech support for a coupla years. My favorite tech support stories: * Support for a retail chain. Each store is supposed to send the day's sales info to the corporate HQ, if not support calls the next day to find out if they tried to send it. In addition to the sales summary the store manager puts in weather info in the daily closing process, so the bean counters can figure out what sells better when it's raining. Support: "What was the weather like there yesterday?" Clerk (not joking): "I don't know, I didn't work yesterday." Support: "Well, was it rainy or sunny? In the 60's, 70's, 80's?" Clerk (not joking): "Do you mean inside or outside?" * For a high speed Internet service. Support: "So why do you want to cancel your service?" Customer: "It's too fast! It put my monitor on fire!" [Turned out the the customer's monitor started smoking and then caught fire, shortly after the high speed connection was turned on.] * For any support situation: Support: "So I need to have you do step A. here's exactly how you do step A." Customer: "Ok, I've done that." Support: "So I need to have you do step B. Here's exactly how you do step B." Customer: "Ok, I've done that." Support: "So I need to have you do step C. Here's exactly how you do step C." Customer: "Ok, I've done that." Support: "Now exactly what do you see on screen?" Customer: "I don't know, I didn't do step A and it's just full of junk." * Memo from the director of support, who works standard biz hours, to the support staff, who work rotating shifts for 24 hour coverage. "When are blue jeans blue? Jeans that are not blue are OK, as are blue pants that aren't jeans. But in order to provide an appropriate image to our investors, blue jeans may not be worn on the job." My return question, "How often do potential investors visit at 2 am on Saturday?" was not well received. There are a million stories in the naked hotline. Most of them are about how the average person is even dumber than as dumb as 50% of all people. Chris
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