How do you balance family and work?

[rold]

Originally posted by alphajerk:

im certainly not saying minorities NEED drugs. but the laws are against them.

 

The only people I can remember getting OUT of the death penalty in texas, under Bush, were two white fucks who dragged a black man behind a truck in a slow, torturous death. Why exactly were they exempt from the death penalty? Welcome to amerikkka.

 

Welcome to a real problem.

 

'Rold

[Duhduh]

Marijuana is certainly NOT harmless. But it is only harmful if abused.

 

If you listen to your stereo too loud for extended periods of time you will experience hearing loss. Should we illegalize speakers, then? I dont think so.

 

I am an ABSOLUTE non-drug user who also believes they should be legal. Pot being illegal is just as ridiculous as having to wear a seat belt or a helmet. Sure, you have better odds if you wear a seat belt, helmet or dont use drugs, but isnt this a free country? Dont we have the right to make these desicions? The government is now our mother. Be home in time for dinner or get arrested.

 

And about the AmeriKKKa thing, Nika. I think what Alpha is reffering to is in the 1930's when 'Reefer' was made illegal, politicians believed mostly minorities were using it. But remember, in the 1930's women couldnt vote, either.

 

Pot is no more harmless than a beer, a glass of wine, or cranking up your favorite Barry Manilow song in your car......In moderation, of course.

[rold]

Originally posted by Duhduh:

Sure, you have better odds if you wear a seat belt, helmet or dont use drugs, but isnt this a free country? Dont we have the right to make these desicions? The government is now our mother. Be home in time for dinner or get arrested.

 

Thank you for seeing the point of this whole argument! At least there are a few decent people posting on this (new)topic!

 

However, the amerikkka thing refers to the times including now. See my stats above.

 

Is it really a free country? They really like to promote that don't they? It's "free" unless you're non-white, disagree with the party line, or simply get caught with a joint in your hand! Or any number of silly regulations for that matter. And thousands died in vietnam for this "freedom". Thanks nixon...anyone else know family members who went down for the party line?

 

'Rold

 

 

 

This message has been edited by rold on 05-23-2001 at 05:11 AM

[alphajerk]

dubya had a black man put to death even after he was made aware of his innocence. and now he is going to kill us all.

 

amerika is certainly not a free cuntry.

 

glad you worked out your problem harold. i get in the doghouse from time to time myself.

[rold]

Originally posted by alphajerk:

dubya had a black man put to death even after he was made aware of his innocence. and now he is going to kill us all.

 

amerika is certainly not a free cuntry.

 

glad you worked out your problem harold. i get in the doghouse from time to time myself.

 

I'm not surprised. I could just see him with that kaptain klink twitch: "must...carry out....daddy's....plans!"

 

seriously though, you must have a great amount of tolerance just to be able to live there...I couldn't do it...out of the countries and provinces I've lived in, I have never come across as ugly a scene as the uSSa. I'm seeing my own friends go down for some crazy amerikan judicial blackmail..it's brutal...all the power to you, mahn...if you need support from the hardest working pro-tolerance community in NA, let me know.. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

 

Thanks for the advice, and encouragement with the family scene here too...needed it... http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

 

All the very best,

 

Harold

[Hiltonius]

Entertainment people are typically morons when it comes to politics. I have observed VERY few exceptions to this. I've made records with some of the "best and brightest" minds in the liberal-entertainment media, and they're almost without exception up to their noses in BS. Thanks to you folks for proving that you're not the exception to this, and destroying a perfectly good topic about the importance of family.

 

If this forum is about ignorant politics and angry drug users, then I'll just have to find somewhere else to go. Perhaps you people would be better served watching Bill Mahar's BS conservative ambush on ABC or finding a forum related thereto.

 

Disgusted,

Rich

[b3wiz]

I hate to even post because it is obvious some here will not face the truth if it were to hit them over the head. But.......

 

As one who smoked a lot of pot, dropped way more potent acid than is even available today, as one who at one time was stoned enough to believe that acid could usher in world peace and as one who, while I consider myself a liberal, have lived long enough to see that liberal agendas no longer have anything to do with being a voice for the oppressed and giving the little guy the freedom to live out his life without being oppressed by the strong arm of government, but instead, now promote more government control and spew propaganda that would turn the oppressed against the very people who truly want to bring racial equality into reality, I may not have all the answers, but I have a lot of hindsight.

 

1.It took getting off drugs to realize how clouded my reality really was.

2.While I was in search of a peaceful existance, drugs made me argumentative and combative and peace eluded me until I quit. Everyone I know who was on both sides of the fence has the same story.

3.I don't know whether or not pot should be legalized. There are good and bad to both sides of the argument.

4.The 2 white guys DID get the death penalty

5.Campaign finance reform is nothing more than political smoke and mirrors because niether side will ever give up their financial support or political obligation to that support.

6.Bush's original education policy wanted vouchers-NOT for the rich religious right as many of his opponents would have us believe, but for the minorities who are forced to send their kids to complacent substandard schools where they don't have an equal chance educationally as the majority whites do. 20 years ago this would have been considered a liberal education policy. Now Bush has sold out to the pressure of "liberal" politicians and those minorities will be stuck without a choice as usual.

7.Don't get me wrong. I don't blindly trust any politician. But, when I see one attempting to do good, I must, at least give him my support until he proves me wrong. And Bush's appointment of many minorities to important positions is not so much political as it is intended to encourage those minorities that they don't have to sit around with the "oh, woe is me" syndrome, but rather, they live in a land where they can realize their dreams the same as the next guy. True, there are some places in this country where they will meet obstacles, but there are many successful minorities around who prove that if there is a will there is a way.

8.Racial profiling exists. But not to the extreme that some would claim. Yes, cops pumping 19 holes in an unarmed minority's body is extreme. But look at the facts there. There are 45000 cops in NYC. How could anyone expect all 45000 of them to be competent enough to handle the job? My guess is that there are a fewer percentage of bad cops than there are in just about any other occupation. The facts are: crime in NYC is down 60%and murders are down 600%. Most of those crimes were minority on minority crimes because they are the majority in those neighborhoods. So one black guy goes down either by accident or intentionally-we may never know- but if crime, especially murder is down that much, then there are far more minorities in NYC alive today because of the strengthening of the police force. But once again, you have oppressed people being turned against the ones who have all but eliminated crime in their communities. I could go on and on and I already have, but I am just sick of the fact that no one seems to care enough to pay attention to what is really going on. They rally around a bunch of loud mouth troublemaking politicians who want their votes, but who don't really want to solve their problems because if they did they would no longer have their cause to pander to at election time.

9.Next time you have a diagreement with your spouse or any other problem, don't light up a joint and run away from it like a baby. Be responsible and work toward a positive resolution that will satisfy everyone and will ultimately result in gaining you the support you need to succeed both domestically and in business. Peace. John

[Lee Flier]

Geez, guys. I think any thinking person would realize the drug laws are terribly unjust even if you don't use drugs. And Nika, you don't have any idea whether it could affect you or your family even if you don't use drugs. A lot of people - and I mean a LOT, I know quite a few personally - have been searched and had property destroyed or been injured by police or DEA agents just because (if they were white) they had long hair and drove a beat up car, they were black and drove an expensive car, they used grow lights in a greenhouse (which did NOT contain any pot and they were total non pot smokers), and in one case someone planted pot on the edge of their 200 acre property, which the owners did not know about, but which they could not PROVE they didn't know about... etc. The abuse of power that goes on as a result of pot being illegal, is criminal. Make no mistake about that.

 

HOWEVER... attempting to drag this back on topic kicking and screaming... all that having been said, I don't think it has much to do with Harold's problem. And Harold, even those who agreed with your post about the drug laws may have found it telling that you chose to bring up the issue in the context of this discussion. It's totally possible that we're interpreting your remarks wrongly, but after all, we don't know you or see how your everyday life goes. But from what you've said, I get the idea that pot has a disproportionate amount of importance in your life. That's a pretty common problem, and it's also pretty common for people who have this problem, to not realize they have it or to defend it.

 

You said you "don't smoke much" now and you pretty much save it for "the end of the day". What are we talking about exactly? How often do you smoke? Did you used to smoke all day every day and now you just have a toke at the end of the day? Or maybe you skip a day entirely but you still smoke several times a week while relaxing with your family? If so, let me be frank with you: you're still too dependent on the stuff. If you have to think about it enough to defend your use of it, you're still too dependent.

 

More to the point, although your level of smoking might have been all right when you were single and not a parent, it's not all right now. Things do change when you get married and have kids, even though it's true that there are a lot of women who expect guys to change way too much. Let me tell you a little secret about women, seeing as I am one: women, especially women with a home and children, want a protector. We want a man, not a boy. A boy may be charming and entertaining and colorful to date and have fun with, but when it comes to getting married, buying a home and having children, most women still go into very "primal" mode: we expect our men to do what it takes to protect the home and family. New mothers especially get that way. It may not be entirely rational but it's a very deep biological instinct: your wife needs to feel like, for example, if the house caught on fire you'd be ready to instantly spring into action and save the day. She needs to feel safe with you. And if you're sitting in front of the TV getting stoned, it doesn't promote that feeling. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gif A man who appears to want to escape the pressures of life, rather than meet them head-on, usually makes a woman feel unsafe and un-cared for. And she might start demanding a lot of unreasonable things of you simply because she has that feeling of insecurity with you that she can't necessarily put her finger on, and she wants you to do something about it.

 

The upside of all this, is that if you are aware of this and you do a few simple things to remedy that situation, the benefits can be much greater than you would expect. One of those things might be saving the pot or alcohol for special occasions rather than making it a regular thing. Don't be stoned or drunk around your wife or kid, and tell your wife that you're committing to that, even if she's used to it and says it's OK. Make it be YOUR decision, not something you're doing because "the old ball and chain made me do it." You follow? I guarantee it will make her and your baby feel safer if you're clearheaded around them, and that will translate into more trust of you if your wife is at all a reasonable woman.

 

If this is something you feel would be a real hardship for you, I would say you need to re-think your priorities. But the bottom line is that you wife needs to feel that you are anticipating her needs and your baby's needs, really thinking about them, not just that you're waiting around to see how much you can get away with before she gets mad and then reluctantly doing what she asks. A little of that should go a long way with her. She shouldn't mind that you do your own thing sometimes too, if she feels that when she really needs you you'll be there and be there willingly, and that you're really thinking about her and your son's well being.

 

Just some thoughts.

 

--Lee

[sbrock1san.rr.com]

Alphajerkkk. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[Curve Dominant]

Lee, you da man! Uh...I mean..oh, you know what I mean!

http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gifhttp://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gifhttp://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gifhttp://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gifhttp://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

 

By the way, folks, if ya haven't heard yet, the Republicans just lost control of the senate.

 

Il Curve

[b3wiz]

not that it really matters, but Jeffers is going indie not dem.

[KJ]

Rold, the drug war in the United States it just symptomatic of a general decline of individual rights in this country. It is much too simple to just say that it is a racial issue. The government and its agencies have lost touch with the reason for their existence and have evolved into a ruling class that does everything to preserve its power. As b3wiz pointed out, even the so-called "Liberals" are no longer the defenders of the downtrodden. You are very up on you anti-drug war propapganda, but the majority of the cases that you reference are of local issues. I cannot comment on Canada, but local police forces in the States follow local laws, and there is a disparity from jurisdiction to jurisdiction on what the laws are and how the are enforced. If you look beyond the drug issues, you will see that the US government also has killed white people who were trying to exercise what they thought were their freedoms, see Ruby Ridge and Waco. So the greater issue is individual rights and the need for our entire government to be overhauled and refocused, one of those issues being the war on drugs. Unfortunately by using the drug issue as your touch point and rallying that way, you turn off people like Nika who don't want to hear about legalizing drugs. If the argument is framed in a way that it is relevant to all and not to just niches, it can be made more powerful. We need to change the entire system. So, let us in the US work on getting our stuff straight, you can worry about Canada which seems to want to make itself into a Socialist state... I'll take Freedom and the Free Market.

 

"The government which governs least, governs best" Explore the libertarian ideal.

 

 

------------------

KJ

[rold]

Originally posted by b3wiz:

9.Next time you have a diagreement with your spouse or any other problem, don't light up a joint and run away from it like a baby. Be responsible and work toward a positive resolution that will satisfy everyone and will ultimately result in gaining you the support you need to succeed both domestically and in business. Peace. John

 

Guess you missed the part about smoking responsibly. And, no, I don't light a joint and run away like a baby, we try and work through it and I don't leave until it's worked out. However, it was a multi-day argument, but no, I stuck with it.

 

SHEESH!

 

Rold

[Anderton]

I'm not going to get into the pot thing except to say that it only became illegal fairly recently (around the 1930s, I believe), and that different drugs affect people differently. I've seen pot destroy lives, and seen it inspire great works. It's not for me to judge others, and I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all answer to this complex question. In ancient societies, shamans often decided who would, and who would not, benefit from drug experiences. We no longer have those kinds of controls, and that's part of the problem.

 

But about the family thing...when my wife got pregnant, I was terrified. "But don't you realize this is a 24-hour-a-day thing?" I travel a lot, I spend a lot of time in the studio, etc. etc. It never occurred to me that I would WANT to be with my child 24 hours a day, but I do. She's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, period, and raising her correctly is the single most important thing I can do with my life.

 

100 years from now, maybe a few people will remember my books, my CDs, this site, my concerts, whatever. But the world will continue to be affected by what I've taught my daughter, and what she will teach others.

 

So how do I deal with the balancing act? You have to budget time like you budget money. I try to do my work more efficiently so that there are no wasted moments (as I write this, my other computer is duplicating CD-ROMs with images and videos of my daughter's end-of-year kindergarten field trip). Since having my daughter, I never go to movies unless it's one we're going to see together (e.g., Spy Kids). I've read maybe two books, both while travelling. I've cut waaaay back on my seminar and tour schedule because I don't want to be away from home that long.

 

But I also look for excuses to be with her. For example, I get her up every morning at 7 AM and drive her to school -- about a 90+ minute process. That's a very special time we have together. And on the way home, I get to listen to the CDs that people send me, which is one of my few chances to listen to music. So I get to combine an activity that's all-her with an activity that's all-me.

 

I really believe in the concept of quality time. Now, you have to be careful, because I've seen so many people use this as a major copout: "Well the 10 minutes I spend each day are really high quality." No, no, no. I mean quality as in paying attention to HER needs and doing what SHE wants. So when we go swimming, I just want to exercise and float around. She wants to play "Sea Monster and Mermaid." So we play her game, and if I want to swim myself, I do so before going to sleep (thankfully kids sleep longer than adults...). And speaking of sleep, I've learned to get by on a lot less. That has bought me some time as well.

 

These years prior to school are crucial to the child's development. And you don't want to miss them, because they end really fast. Once a child goes to school, you get more time, but the process of learning to say good-bye starts -- a process that takes 18 years or so, and requires your being able to let go, which is not easy.

 

I would take a bullet for my daughter. Giving up hours doing what I want to do is a small price to pay for the pleasure she gives me. Okay, if it hadn't been for her, I'd have more CDs out by now. I'd probably be making more money. And you know what? Those things mean NOTHING compared to the mystical experience of creating and nourishing life.

 

Yesterday I went to my daughter's class and did my remix act for them. They loved it. Then I took some kids, had them talk into my computer, and used Spark and Peak to twist their voices around -- they loved that too. When they went to the Zoo, I took videos and now everyone in kindergarten is getting a CD-ROM. If I was given a choice between doing those two things or standing in front of 10,000 people and getting a standing ovation, the kids would win every time.

 

A child is the ultimate do it yourself project. There's no manual. What that child really needs more than anything else is your love and devotion. You will get back so much more than what you put in, and the more you put in, the more you get back (it's exponential, by the way).

 

And by the way, it gets better as they get older. Once they learn how to talk, a whole world of insights opens up. I've learned so much from my daughter. Besides, now I finally have someone on my own level to play with... http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif...Most people my age aren't into Gameboys.

 

Studios are nice, but a family is the best gift you could ever have. As far as I'm concerned, the reason why we're put on this earth is to leave it in better condition than how we found it. Raising a child is one of the very best ways to make that contribution, if you do it right. Oh yes, and I don't think anyone can really do it RIGHT. But you do the best you can, and that's all that's expected of you.

 

The first time held my daughter and she gave me That Look, I realized what life was about. The first time I came home from a trip and my daughter came running toward me, arms open wide, yelling "Daddy" with a smile so big I thought her face was going to split open, I realized what happiness was about.

 

The bottom line: Take care of your family first, and through some magical and dimly-understood process, the rest will fall magically into place. This requires a leap of faith, but if you don't take it, things will never work. Trust me on this one.

[b3wiz]

Couldn't agree more, KJ. Ironically though, didn't Jefferson or one of the founding fathers make a similar comment about those governing least governing best? We've gotten way off track from that idea.

 

Rold, sorry. I was on a rant. I went back and read the thread more thoroughly. What I said was intended more as a generalization of the way alot of people "deal" with things today and not meant as a direct attack. My appologies, man. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/frown.gif

 

This message has been edited by b3wiz on 05-23-2001 at 05:10 PM

[rold]

Hi Lee:

 

I appreciate your thoughts on the mrital situation, the family, and the unjust drug war. You may read my passion about it as meaning I spend a lot of time fighting, however that's not the case.

 

Firstly, my community is watching one of our own, perhaps one of the most valuable members in our community, fight tooth and nail to be kept from returning the US for prosecution in July. The difference: here you would get off, in the states she's looking at 10 years plus for being in a house that had plants. In some seriously brutal jails. I won't go into how bad they are, anyone can find that out at amnesty.org.

 

I guess this gives off the impression that I spend a lot of time fighting, but that's not really the case. It's usually a letter or two a week to various guvment officials, but other than that it's work on the studio, the family, and learn. This thread I have put a lot of energy into because I'm shocked and extremely disspointed at how ignorant and apathetic some people really are.

 

As to the pot thing being a problem, it isn't. I don't smoke enough to be intoxicated to the point of uselessness, if something were to happen while I am mildly stoned, I could deal with it just as well as if I were completely sober. Keep in mind, the key is responsible smoking.

 

There have been scientific studies, and they've found most people function better in society when *mildly* buzzed, and have an easier time adjusting to various tasks, etc. Again, the key work is mildly.

 

Then again there are people who could handle themselves just fine being constantly stoned. That's not me, I like to be clear headed, most of the time. As to the wife, it's usually only a problem when she really gets nitpicky. We smoked pot a fair bit before she got pregnant, so she knows it's mild effects well.

 

As for defending the use of it, I really don't see it as a big enough deal with me personally. I could go without, lately it's been one toke every night, and really, it isn't a problem. A joint every 4 days cannot be that big a problem! I only get yelled at about it when my wife's really bitchy, but then she's so irrational, I pretty much have to shut up and agree with everything she says.

 

so I apologize if I made it seem like it was a problem, it really isn't, my wife can vouch for that statement. She usually is rational BTW.. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

 

Anyway, thank you lee for taking a level headed approach to this argument; that's something the rest of us forget to do when we get passionate about things....thank you as well for a woman's point of view, tyhat really does help.. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

 

All the very best,

 

Harold

 

 

 

This message has been edited by rold on 05-23-2001 at 04:09 PM

[KidCharlemagne]

congratulations on your newborn. keep us posted.

 

This message has been edited by KidCharlemagne on 05-23-2001 at 05:36 PM

[rold]

Originally posted by KJ:

Rold, the drug war in the United States it just symptomatic of a general decline of individual rights in this country. It is much too simple to just say that it is a racial issue. The government and its agencies have lost touch with the reason for their existence and have evolved into a ruling class that does everything to preserve its power. As b3wiz pointed out, even the so-called "Liberals" are no longer the defenders of the downtrodden. You are very up on you anti-drug war propapganda, but the majority of the cases that you reference are of local issues. I cannot comment on Canada, but local police forces in the States follow local laws, and there is a disparity from jurisdiction to jurisdiction on what the laws are and how the are enforced. If you look beyond the drug issues, you will see that the US government also has killed white people who were trying to exercise what they thought were their freedoms, see Ruby Ridge and Waco. So the greater issue is individual rights and the need for our entire government to be overhauled and refocused, one of those issues being the war on drugs. Unfortunately by using the drug issue as your touch point and rallying that way, you turn off people like Nika who don't want to hear about legalizing drugs. If the argument is framed in a way that it is relevant to all and not to just niches, it can be made more powerful. We need to change the entire system. So, let us in the US work on getting our stuff straight, you can worry about Canada which seems to want to make itself into a Socialist state... I'll take Freedom and the Free Market.

 

"The government which governs least, governs best" Explore the libertarian ideal.

 

 

 

Hi Kj:

 

Thanks for your reply...what you are saying about the issue not being singular makes perfect sense to me.

 

However, the reason I speak out against the US in particular on this issue is that it forces its morals, right or wrong, on every other country on earth, Canada included. And when I say forces, it really does force it. In december, a news release publicized how the US would shut down the BC/Wash border if we didn't let DEA officials "help" us with our drug "problem."

 

BC went with it, no choice, and the last I heard the DEA payed a coke dealer over $300 G's US to point out grow houses. The money was because as a narc, he couldn't sell his coke anymore and needed compensation. That is the DEA admitted truth. Great, pay off coke delaers who kill people with THEIR drugs, to rat out people harvesting relatively harmless ones.

 

You see what my problem is? Don't go with the amerikkkan party line, expect trade sanctions, etc. Politicians in holland say US pressure is like the weather, it's always there. BTW pot is not fully legal in amsterdam, and this is why.

 

Cheers,

 

Rold

[rold]

Originally posted by Anderton:

I'm not going to get into the pot thing except to say that it only became illegal fairly recently (around the 1930s, I believe), and that different drugs affect people differently. I've seen pot destroy lives, and seen it inspire great works. It's not for me to judge others, and I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all answer to this complex question. In ancient societies, shamans often decided who would, and who would not, benefit from drug experiences. We no longer have those kinds of controls, and that's part of the problem.

 

But about the family thing...when my wife got pregnant, I was terrified. "But don't you realize this is a 24-hour-a-day thing?" I travel a lot, I spend a lot of time in the studio, etc. etc. It never occurred to me that I would WANT to be with my child 24 hours a day, but I do. She's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, period, and raising her correctly is the single most important thing I can do with my life.

 

100 years from now, maybe a few people will remember my books, my CDs, this site, my concerts, whatever. But the world will continue to be affected by what I've taught my daughter, and what she will teach others.

 

So how do I deal with the balancing act? You have to budget time like you budget money. I try to do my work more efficiently so that there are no wasted moments (as I write this, my other computer is duplicating CD-ROMs with images and videos of my daughter's end-of-year kindergarten field trip). Since having my daughter, I never go to movies unless it's one we're going to see together (e.g., Spy Kids). I've read maybe two books, both while travelling. I've cut waaaay back on my seminar and tour schedule because I don't want to be away from home that long.

 

But I also look for excuses to be with her. For example, I get her up every morning at 7 AM and drive her to school -- about a 90+ minute process. That's a very special time we have together. And on the way home, I get to listen to the CDs that people send me, which is one of my few chances to listen to music. So I get to combine an activity that's all-her with an activity that's all-me.

 

I really believe in the concept of quality time. Now, you have to be careful, because I've seen so many people use this as a major copout: "Well the 10 minutes I spend each day are really high quality." No, no, no. I mean quality as in paying attention to HER needs and doing what SHE wants. So when we go swimming, I just want to exercise and float around. She wants to play "Sea Monster and Mermaid." So we play her game, and if I want to swim myself, I do so before going to sleep (thankfully kids sleep longer than adults...). And speaking of sleep, I've learned to get by on a lot less. That has bought me some time as well.

 

These years prior to school are crucial to the child's development. And you don't want to miss them, because they end really fast. Once a child goes to school, you get more time, but the process of learning to say good-bye starts -- a process that takes 18 years or so, and requires your being able to let go, which is not easy.

 

I would take a bullet for my daughter. Giving up hours doing what I want to do is a small price to pay for the pleasure she gives me. Okay, if it hadn't been for her, I'd have more CDs out by now. I'd probably be making more money. And you know what? Those things mean NOTHING compared to the mystical experience of creating and nourishing life.

 

Yesterday I went to my daughter's class and did my remix act for them. They loved it. Then I took some kids, had them talk into my computer, and used Spark and Peak to twist their voices around -- they loved that too. When they went to the Zoo, I took videos and now everyone in kindergarten is getting a CD-ROM. If I was given a choice between doing those two things or standing in front of 10,000 people and getting a standing ovation, the kids would win every time.

 

A child is the ultimate do it yourself project. There's no manual. What that child really needs more than anything else is your love and devotion. You will get back so much more than what you put in, and the more you put in, the more you get back (it's exponential, by the way).

 

And by the way, it gets better as they get older. Once they learn how to talk, a whole world of insights opens up. I've learned so much from my daughter. Besides, now I finally have someone on my own level to play with... http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif...Most people my age aren't into Gameboys.

 

Studios are nice, but a family is the best gift you could ever have. As far as I'm concerned, the reason why we're put on this earth is to leave it in better condition than how we found it. Raising a child is one of the very best ways to make that contribution, if you do it right. Oh yes, and I don't think anyone can really do it RIGHT. But you do the best you can, and that's all that's expected of you.

 

The first time held my daughter and she gave me That Look, I realized what life was about. The first time I came home from a trip and my daughter came running toward me, arms open wide, yelling "Daddy" with a smile so big I thought her face was going to split open, I realized what happiness was about.

 

The bottom line: Take care of your family first, and through some magical and dimly-understood process, the rest will fall magically into place. This requires a leap of faith, but if you don't take it, things will never work. Trust me on this one.

 

Hi Craig:

 

Thank you for your input! To let you know, I printed this one out.. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

However, one thing I disgaree with: the potential for a drug to ruin lives is not only in the drug itself, it's in the person.

 

All the best,

 

Harold

[KJ]

Right on Craig! When my wife got pregnant I was playing bass in a blues band in the Boston area that was starting to get alot of gigs. I remember talking with the other guys in the band, two of whom had kids, about having to adjust our practice schedule and wondering if I could gig as much. The leader of the band, who does not have kids, said "Oh don't worry, you'll actually have more time to do things once you have a kid." !!!! Amazing. Well, I do have to juggle quite alot, I do still gig often, but I have to work around my daughter and also my wife's work schedule. I try to plan everything out way in advance. When we got pregnant, I had begun the process of setting up a project studio so I could record song ideas that I have to try to get whatever band I may be involved in to play. I have it just about all set up now, but I am not always able to get down there. My daughter is now three and I always have to work around her needs. I try to go down and record or practice every night after i put her to bed, but I am often so tired that I fall asleep with my guitar in hand!!!! The great thing now is that my daughter has shown an interest in what I do and wants to play guitar with me or sing. I remember when I recorded her for the first time. She was so excited to hear her voice coming out of the studio monitors!!! If I never get to sell one of my songs or go on tour supporting one of the singers I back up, I will always have the experience of the absolute glee she expresses when we are together doing things. When I go to gigs now she says she wants to see me play music... too bad she's to young to get into the bars.

 

Thomas Jefferson did say "the government that governs least, governs best"

 

 

------------------

KJ

[KidCharlemagne]

craig. I loved your post, and it reminded me what i do it all for. all the best to everyone on this terrific forum.

 

This message has been edited by KidCharlemagne on 05-23-2001 at 05:37 PM

[Anderton]

Something I didn't mention...I got into this kid thing late in the game. I'd already toured, travelled all over the world, started a magazine, blah blah blah. So I was ready for a cool closing chapter for my life.

 

The perspective might be different for someone just starting out, who's ready to take on the world and finds himself "saddled" with a kid. To them I would say that 18 years really isn't very long, especially when spent with a cool kid, and during that time you can build your craft, mature, and truly find your bearings in life...as well as possibly build up a financial cushion for when you tell your boss to shove it, and go for music full time.

 

It's BS that you're over the hill when you get older. That's all up to you. I've never had more fun, or garnered more respect, from playing music than I do now. And now I'm mature enough to know how to deal with it, and smart enough not to get screwed (well, hopefully not too much).

 

If you have children at an early age, you find yourself at age 40 or so with children away at college, good health, a couple decades of woodshedding behind you, and a more seasoned outlook. You have to be more patient, but you'll be better prepared when you take the plunge. I wish I'd known what I know now when I was 18...it's not nice to sell a quarter million albums and never see a penny, know what I mean?!?

[dansouth]

I find it sad and repulsive that a thread about family has metamorphosed itself into a thread about drugs. Thanks Craig for the touching account of your parenting experiences. I hope that your readers aren't too turned off by the drug debate to find your post and read it, because everyone should. Everyone.

[Lee Flier]

You go, Craig!

 

It is really nice to see how you (and others here) have really stepped up to the plate when it comes to your family. It's amazing how many people give lame excuses ("she told me she would leave me if I wouldn't marry her and have kids", etc.) to try and duck responsibility. If you don't want the responsibility, don't have a family. Even if you lose the person you love. That could be the price you have to pay for being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want. But if you have a family you can make that be a totally fulfilling experience too, as Craig, Nika and others have attested, if you are willing to think creatively about it and not fall into the same old bullshit stereotypes about age, gender, etc. Your family can be a work of art, too.

 

--Lee

[-]

Really touching post, Craig... Your post inspired me to start a new thread, "Anyone else influenced in the real world by these forums?"

 

http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/001541.html

[Tedster]

Thanks, Craig...!

 

My oldest son graduated high school this year. There is no way that I can convey accurately the sense of pride I felt...and continue to feel. My youngest daughter went to her eighth grade formal. I got all choked up seeing her in her formal dress...my little girl has become a young woman. My youngest boy works his rear off doing landscaping with a neighbor in addition to his studies. I could make this a really long post, but suffice it to say that I wouldn't trade the time I've spent with them for ANYTHING. Anything else will come and go...

 

One needs time to pursue their own interests, but to do it at the expense of those that really matter in this world, family, kids, is foolish beyond words.

 

My Mom passed away in December. My kids were with me at her side when she died. When it's my turn, I'd like to think that they could be nowhere else but at my side to see me off. But, that is an investment. One reaps what one sows. If one sows the seeds of togetherness, then, that will be reaped when times are tough. For those who ignore their families to further their pursuits, they in turn will be ignored at a time when they truly need not to be.

 

I'll shut up now.

[Anderton]

>>But if you have a family you can make that be a totally fulfilling experience too, as Craig, Nika and others have attested, if you are willing to think creatively about it and not fall into the same old bullshit stereotypes about age, gender, etc. Your family can be a work of art, too.

<<

 

But more importantly...tremendously entertaining! I can't believe that people are interested in reality TV. A family is 24/7 reality TV, and what's more, you have a say in the plot!!

 

Having a family is kind of like travelling in a totally amazing foreign country. You get to see things you'd never seen before, but sometimes you get sick from the food . On balance, though, you end up being really glad you took the trip.

[alphajerk]

are you sure you didnt eat any lsd back in the 60's craig?

 

but yes, watching your family grow together is a long strange trip that you dont come down from... my son trips me out everyday. its true that you will never know the love your parents feel for you until you are one yourself. damn, i gotta email my folks.

[Tedster]

Quoth Alpha...

 

>>its true that you will never know the love your parents feel for you until you are one yourself. damn, i gotta email my folks.

 

Man, I tell my kids that a lot...one of these days I know they're gonna come back with "Geez dad, you were right..."

 

Yep, email your folks...nothing wrong with a soft spot now and again. Both my folks are gone. It's then that you think about all the "I shoulda"s.

[rold]

I feel really enlightened and fortunate to be able to listen to everyone's experiences and joys with families; I am learning and it's not going on deaf ears..thanks all.. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/smile.gif

 

Peace, Rold