D. Gauss Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 The Top 16 Signs Your Band Will Never Hit the Big Time 16> 4 words: Rage Against The Bagpipe 15> Bob Marley's cause: freedom and equality U2's cause: third world debt relief Your band's cause: irritable bowel syndrome 14> All your members are allergic to Spandex *and* Aqua Net. 13> The term "heavy metal" refers to the collective weight of the band's orthodontics. 12> Critics hail you as the foremost talent in your musical niche. Your musical niche? Gangsta-Country. 11> "I'm sorry, but Sousa tunes set to a hip-hop beat just isn't what the kids are buying these days, Mr. Boone." 10> A Spice Girls cover band just doesn't work if you're 35 years old. And male. And there's only one of you. 9> Percussionist always has to wait until the dishwasher cycles to retrieve his spoons. 8> You're too busy making sequels to "The Matrix," and besides, your bass playing sucks more than your acting. 7> Band motto: "Practice is for wusses." 6> Genre: Boy Band. Tour Sponsor: NAMBLA 5> Your goals, in order of priority: 1) Score some drugs 2) Score some chicks 3) Score some instruments 4> Your band's video is getting a lot of airplay on MTV -- as a promo for "Jackass." 3> Your female lead singer has talent -- just not D-cup talent. 2> You keep letting David Lee Roth back in. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Band Will Never Hit the Big Time... 1> Now that you see the jumbo letters on the marquee, you realize that naming the band "Closed For Private Party" was a big mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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