D. Gauss Posted March 22, 2001 Share Posted March 22, 2001 The Top 16 Signs Your Band Will Never Hit the Big Time 16> 4 words: Rage Against The Bagpipe 15> Bob Marley's cause: freedom and equality U2's cause: third world debt relief Your band's cause: irritable bowel syndrome 14> All your members are allergic to Spandex *and* Aqua Net. 13> The term "heavy metal" refers to the collective weight of the band's orthodontics. 12> Critics hail you as the foremost talent in your musical niche. Your musical niche? Gangsta-Country. 11> "I'm sorry, but Sousa tunes set to a hip-hop beat just isn't what the kids are buying these days, Mr. Boone." 10> A Spice Girls cover band just doesn't work if you're 35 years old. And male. And there's only one of you. 9> Percussionist always has to wait until the dishwasher cycles to retrieve his spoons. 8> You're too busy making sequels to "The Matrix," and besides, your bass playing sucks more than your acting. 7> Band motto: "Practice is for wusses." 6> Genre: Boy Band. Tour Sponsor: NAMBLA 5> Your goals, in order of priority: 1) Score some drugs 2) Score some chicks 3) Score some instruments 4> Your band's video is getting a lot of airplay on MTV -- as a promo for "Jackass." 3> Your female lead singer has talent -- just not D-cup talent. 2> You keep letting David Lee Roth back in. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Band Will Never Hit the Big Time... 1> Now that you see the jumbo letters on the marquee, you realize that naming the band "Closed For Private Party" was a big mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Darn. I did all those...I wish you'd posted this sooner. "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KHAN Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Ted, you worked with David Lee Roth......My condolences http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm/uhoh3.gifhttp://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm/uhoh.gifhttp://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm/uhoh2.gif So Many Drummers. So Little Time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansouth Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 You book gigs at venues with the wrong audience. You play Metallica. They want Patsy Cline. Everyone loses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David R. Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Dansouth - been there done that. How about playing a wedding with songs like "Your Cheatin' Heart", "Heartbreak Hotel" or "She's Got You". Ha, we blamed it on the caterer who was knee deep in his own problems. -David R. -David R. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CraigLeyhFrameBand.com Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Or playing "Feel A Whole Lot Better When Your Gone" at a wedding when the bride and groom are doing thier first dance. ------------------ Thank you, Craig S. Leyh CraigLeyh@FrameBand.com Thank you, Craig S. Leyh CraigLeyh@NVSMedia.com Keep It Low! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansouth Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Originally posted by dxr@iname.com: Dansouth - been there done that. How about playing a wedding with songs like "Your Cheatin' Heart", "Heartbreak Hotel" or "She's Got You". Ha, we blamed it on the caterer who was knee deep in his own problems. -David R. We were once asked to play "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" by a couple on their anniversary - and the DANCED to it!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D. Gauss Posted March 23, 2001 Author Share Posted March 23, 2001 can ya'll jam on that ice-t tune "let's get butt naked and fuck"????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Is that like the hip hop version of Jimmy Buffett's "Why don't we get drunk and screw"? "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Well, actually, Khan, I guess we never did jam with Roth. But we jammed with Springsteen. Yep, Earl Springsteen, used to own an auto parts store and play a bit of bass on the side. We did allright in that band...created such a demand we were invited to dinner at the white house with the Clintons... Yep, Ralph and Edna Clinton, used to own the white house at the corner of 5th and Elm... "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dylan Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Isn't #5 why most people get into the music biz in the first place ;-)? -Dylan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robotobonhome.com Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 I did it all for the cookie...rrr... Wait, the nookie? I know something is up the ass right? -rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Riehle Posted March 23, 2001 Share Posted March 23, 2001 Isn't #5 why most people get into the music biz in the first place ;-)? Damn. Now I know why I've had trouble with musicians. I've completely misread their motivations. Here I always thought they wanted to play music. Silly me. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gif ------------------ Michael Riehle Bass Player/Band Leader fivespeed This message has been edited by mriehle on 03-23-2001 at 07:25 PM Michael Riehle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dylan Posted March 24, 2001 Share Posted March 24, 2001 I saw this guitar video once that had a bunch of famous cats being interviewed. They were all asked why they wanted to get into the music business, and guess what 99% of them said? Chicks. I dunno, maybe it's a male guitar player thing ;-). -Dylan Originally posted by mriehle: Damn. Now I know why I've had trouble with musicians. I've completely misread their motivations. Here I always thought they wanted to play music. Silly me. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/biggrin.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted March 24, 2001 Share Posted March 24, 2001 The late great acoustic fingerstylist John Fahey's words were best on this. Roughly paraphrased, he said that he got into playing guitar because he'd walk through the park and see all these cowboys serenading young lasses, and the young lasses flocked to the guys with guitars. So he picked up the guitar. "I never got many women. On the other hand, I learned a hell of a lot about playing guitar" Fahey said. I'd bet that that really speaks volumes for most of us. We love music anyway, and see that guys with guitars are chick magnets. At one point in time or another, we settle down with one of the women, who want us to give it up, since we "don't need the bait anymore", and they perceive it as a threat. By that time, we realize that we're hopelessy in love with another mistress...of the six stringed variety. "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael saulnier Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 IMHO, the #1 reason your band is never going to make it... You're in it. guitplayer I'm still "guitplayer"! Check out my music if you like... http://www.michaelsaulnier.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 My name is Ted. I first tried forums about two years ago. Just as a lark. "The first forum's free, kid". Before you know it, I was sneaking on the computer to look at forums. I was becoming a postaholic, and I wasn't even aware. Lost my job. My wife left me. I pawned all my guitars, just to pay my ISP so I could POST ON FORUMS...the SHAME...the SHAME... THE FORUMS HAVE THEIR CLUTCHES ON ME...AND I CAN'T STO-HO-HOP...(SOB...GASP)... "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
batman forgot his cape Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 Hey Tedster.. That John Fahey was one wierd geezer...(d'ya know if he's still on the planet?)....I've got one of his records..."The Transfiguration Of Blind Joe Death"....a snappy title if ever there wa sone.......I sometimes play it instead of "Happy days Are Here Again", when I need a little positive attitude adjustment...... Maybe the incorrigible Frankie Zappa had the best take...."Just what the world needs......another rock'n'roll band"...... regards Ade P.S. wasn't JF a twelve-stringer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anderton Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 >>...(d'ya know if he's still on the planet?)....<< Unfortunately he died recently. Craig Anderton Educational site: http://www.craiganderton.org Music: http://www.youtube.com/thecraiganderton Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/craig_anderton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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