Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Movies

[meccajay]

Just a lil sumthin' I found and thought would be kinda fun. Anyone got any others? You Wouldn't Know Without the Movies 24. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 23. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. 22. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. 21. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. 20. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. 19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. 18. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. 16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment. 15. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium. 14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. 13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. 12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. 10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. 9. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child. 8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. 7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. 6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. 5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. 4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. 3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year.

[Wewus432]

Machine guns are really hard to aim and if you run fast enough you can jump between the bullets.

[george costanza]

This is a clever list but... [quote]Originally posted by meccajay: [b] 8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. [/b][/quote]...if I heard [i]a strange noise in my underwear[/i] I'd investigate, too!

[Franknputer]

There's lots of beer at high school parties, and only one homely girl will show up - and she's there for the least offensive of the three male geeks that are allowed to show up.

[aliengroover]

That's some funny stuff there, and I'll add: Russian, German, Chinese, and etcetera military, law enforcement, and mafia or whatever-types ALL speak in English when they are amongst themselves. Peace

[RobT]

All women wear high heels when being pursued by monsters and villians. Along with lipstick and makeup Any hacker breaking into a computer can speed up the process by typing furiously at the keyboard. In any horror flick any persons of color will be the first to die.

[sbrock1san.rr.com]

So [b]that's[/b] what they mean by doggy-style ! I thought it was sex with dogs. :freak:

[Mats Olsson.]

Even when people are alone, they speak. Every time someone is talking into a microphone, there is always a small amount of feedback in the PA at first. Guns are disposables. Muslims are evil. Communists are evil. Germans are evil. All Swedish women are nymphomaniacs. All dentists are evil. The postman always ring twice. Mail is never late. Computers boots instantly. Some species of animals are evil by nature. Short people are much taller than they really are. (except for Danny de Vito) Tires can screech on rubble too. Food poisoning is extremely rare. People can have a normal conversation at the discoteque or when the band is playing. All bartenders drink at work. There is always a taxi when you need it. No problems finding a parking space. Hotwiring a car is real easy. /Mats

[meccajay]

<> <> Great ones Mats...funny!!

[MusicWorkz]

The cops are never around during high speed chases through crowded cities and show up minutes after the car crash or when the driver reaches their destination.

[velvetoceansound]

No matter how vigorous, there are never any messy suction or slapping sounds involved in sex.

[Iaian]

[quote]Originally posted by meccajay: [b] 19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. [/b][/quote]I just moved to the Myrtle Beach SC area. This just isnt in the movies. ;)

[MusicWorkz]

[quote]Originally posted by RobT: [b]In any horror flick any persons of color will be the first to die.[/b][/quote]..or deep outer space flicks, too...

[Dan South]

Any car that goes over a cliff will explode in mid air. If you're in a dimly lit house, there's a killer waiting in the shadows. When you discover that the killer is waiting in the shadows of your house, you should run upstairs instead of running outside. If your best friend is an action hero, you're dead meat. If you have some martial arts training, you'll easily dispose of an army of professional ninjas, but the first guy (or girl) with his face showing will give you a heck of a fight. If you meet a drop dead gorgeous woman during some adventure - e.g. running from the law after being framed - she'll fall in love with you despite the fact that there are guys in her town who [b]aren't[/b] being chased by the police. If a woman slaps you, you're only seconds away from mad, passionate romance. High school hallways and restrooms are always sparkling clean with no graffiti. There are never any broken desks in a classroom even in the poorest schools. Your car will always start unless a very nasty person or creature is chasing you. The White House Chief of Staff is an arrogant, ill-tempered SOB who is sworn to ignore the most compelling and sensible information. Urban loiterers who can't hold a job at the 7-11 have the uncanny knack of knowing the detailed plans of every criminal in the city. Furthermore, they can't wait to give the benefit of this encyclopaedic information to any cop who happens to ask, albeit translated into a colorful mix of expletives and street slang. Cool people all study with the same choreographer as evidenced by their ability to spontaneously put on a dance spectacle with any other cool person that they meet. Actors work hard to perfect their craft except when they're pretending to play a musical instrument.

[Steve LeBlanc]

[quote]All Swedish women are nymphomaniacs[/quote]That's not true??? ;)

[Felix_dup1]

All Swedish women are blonde and beautiful. All American guys get laid by the time they graduate High School. Songs on the car radio are always long enough to last through a whole scene. You can survive an explosion so long as you're running away from it and you roll on the ground when it happens. If you whisper in a room, nobody other than the person you're whispering to will be able to hear you. People in outer space don't ever have to go to the bathroom.

[thisDude]

Every type of automobile can and will explode under the slightest contact (not just Pintos) There is sound in space. If ever in need of a good disguise, knock out the first two people you come across, drag them into the bushes and it will be a perfect fit. Guns never need to be re-loaded. The experts never know what they're talking about. Cops with the most blatant disregard for procedure make the best cops. When jumping an exploding ramp on a motorcycle, it's always proper to pull a motorcross move in mid-air for style points (From XXX). Bad guys always have great stylists.

[Hippie]

To add to MusicWorkz comment, a *new* cast member on (original) Star Trek will surely be dead soon.

[progfusion74]

[quote]Originally posted by Hippie: [b]To add to MusicWorkz comment, a *new* cast member on (original) Star Trek will surely be dead soon.[/b][/quote]Especially if they wear red :-)

[dondottcomm]

City streets are always wet at night..but its never raining..

[dondottcomm]

[quote]Originally posted by Hippie: [b]To add to MusicWorkz comment, a *new* cast member on (original) Star Trek will surely be dead soon.[/b][/quote]And its amazin' all over the galaxy the females are always hot and humaniod.LOL

[progfusion74]

The vast majority of scientists wear lab coats and use test tubes.

[Charlie-brm]

[quote]Originally posted by progfusion74: [b]The vast majority of scientists wear lab coats and use test tubes.[/b][/quote]Not like on TV shows where the female scientists are 5'10" bleach blondes with black rim glasses, wear black stilletos and manage to have a slit to mid thigh on the side of the lab coat (Worst Case Scenario) Movies: When you spend the weekend at a cabin with your friends, the easy girls get murdered first and worst.

[surfmonkey]

[quote]Originally posted by Dan South: [b]If your best friend is an action hero, you're dead meat.[/b][/quote]Not only that, but you share with your action hero buddy, that retirement is only days away where you live out the rest of your days with the woman of your dreams, in your dream house, on some remote island, where you live in eternal happiness...a gruesome, violent death is imminent (at least your buddy will avenge your death)

[koolkid]

excellent mecca and co. :)

[Lee Flier]

[b]HORROR MOVIE SURVIVAL GUIDE[/b] * When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead. * If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your house move away immediately. * Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. * Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. * If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. * As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. * Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead. * If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life. * If appliances start operating by themselves, move out. * Do not take *anything* from the dead. * If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away. * Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing. * If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. * If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible. * Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine. * If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. * Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions. * Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

[Rog]

Americans always win.

[Jotown]

That some men like to put frozen gerbils up their butts. Do porno flicks count as movies?

[MusicWorkz]

[quote]Originally posted by Lee Flier: [b][b]HORROR MOVIE SURVIVAL GUIDE[/b][/b][/quote]Lee, these are great!! :thu:

[Kendrix]

That sharon stone doesnt wear underwear. pant pant pant