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Drummer jokes


tomtom_dup1

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O.K., somebody started it in the "Why we love drumming" thread, so let's get the toms rolling on the best drummer jokes. I'll start with a long one, but it is kinder to drummers:

Guy hires a guide to take him deep into the jungle, on some mid-life crisis safari thing. They trek and trek, and throughout the miles, there can be heard distant drumming.

The guy becomes progressively weary, hot, and annoyed. He finally grabs his guide by the shoulders and pleads: "Please, I can't take it anymore! Those damn drums. please, please, make them STOP!"

The guide looks at his employer, and in a low voice, says: "Oh no, you don't WANT the drums to stop. Trust me, you don't...want...the drums...to stop!"

Scared now, the tourist asks "Why? What would happen then?"

"Bass solo."

Rock is not dead, it just smells funny.
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What is a good Drummer ?

 

A good drummer knows how to do all of these things at EXACTLY the same time:

 

Play a solid backbeat groove while guessing correctly the beats per minute of the tempo, subdividing it by three and hearing the diametrically opposed counter rhythm/beat displacement figure that he didn't play because he has such restraint and taste, while mouthing "open the gate on the snare, my ghosted notes are not reaching the dance floor" to the soundman and smiling at the idiot guitarist while cursing him under his breath, while figuring out how many gigs he will have to play before the mortgage is paid this month, AND while contemplating whether Stephen Hawking actually explained the theory of quantum mechanics to the layman with only three mathematical equations. And all of this while fixing a fallen cymbal tilter, seducing the best looking and biggest chested blonde on the dance floor with only his eyes, telling the lead singer the words to the song, indicating the correct chord inversion to the pianist with a camouflaged obscene hand gesture, deducing the effectiveness of a seven stroke roll as opposed to a five stroke roll in the upcoming fill and finally figuring out when Coke stock is finally going to hit rock bottom so he can buy low, cash out, and quit playing with these losers.......

 

And, oh yeah ... good drummers are humble. http://www.musicplayer.com/ubb/wink.gif

 

 

 

------------------

Bart Elliott

http://bartelliott.com

Drummer Cafe - community drum & percussion forum
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Yeah ... glad you liked it! LOL

Since you liked that one, here's another; not my own.

 

_____________________________________________

 

Percussion Laws

 

 

[*]1st Law of Percussion Music

Percussionists will unfailingly misplace music as a concert approaches. Corollary: All parts will be misplaced at least once. Percussionists will try to fake their parts until they are eventually caught.

[*]1st Law of Auxiliary Percussion

The whereabouts of all auxiliary percussion instruments will never be known simultaneously. Corollary: If the lost item or items are found, another will come up

missing.

[*]1st Law of Traveling Percussion

At least one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the school on every band trip.

[*]2nd Law of Traveling Percussion

On every band trip at least one important piece of equipment will be left at the concert site.

[*]3rd Law of Traveling Percussion

At any festival at least one piece of percussion equipment will be switched with one belonging to another school. Corollary: Your school will, unfortunately, bring home the one of lesser quality.

[*]1st Law of Drumsticks

Percussionists will lose sticks. Corollaries:

1) Drummers will always claim that the sticks were stolen.

2) The lost sticks will miraculously appear the day after new ones are

bought.

[*]Principle of Cueing Cymbal Players

Cue the cymbal player and he/she won't enter.

Corollary: Don't cue the cymbal player and he/she will enter at the wrong time.

[*]Premature Deafness Ratio

The severity of a director's hearing loss is in direct proportion to how many percussionists he/she started each year.

[*]Law of Doors vs. Timpani

The school's largest timpani will always be at least half an inch wider than the door to the auditorium.

[*]Percussionist's Placebo

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. Without a doubt, the percussionists will always practice visuals before they practice their music. The former will be amazing, the latter will stink.

[*]Selective Acoustics Theorem

While they can't be heard from the director's podium, the percussion section will sound loudest where ever the judges choose to sit.

 

 

 

------------------

Bart Elliott

http://bartelliott.com

 

 

This message has been edited by Bartman on 06-23-2001 at 01:12 PM

Drummer Cafe - community drum & percussion forum
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