Bottomgottem Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Sadly, it has become necessary for us to protect our taints against attack from some of our more violent and unattractive members. While the device shown below does not provide any actual taint coverage, it will show your attacker that you are aware of his intended target and that you will not take a taint attack lying down. It will also give you the bulging, medieval, Darth Vader look that chicks really dig in a bass player. Taint Threats #\'s 1 and 2 Taint Threat #3 http://www.darthblade.com/images/CodPiece/cjcodback.jpeg My whole trick is to keep the tune well out in front. If I play Tchaikovsky, I play his melodies and skip his spiritual struggle. ~Liberace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bear Jew Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Heyyy... Not true. I am neither violent nor unattractive. However, I will punch a taint like nobody's business if someone steps out of line. BTW, if you think the taint has nothing to do with bass, just read this: "In January of 2000, Mike Watt fell ill with an infection of his perineum (the taint!), forcing the punk legend into emergency surgery and nine weeks of bedrest in his San Pedro apartment. Initially unable to play his bass right away, he rebuilt his strength with intense woodshedding and practice as well as live club gigs where he performed sets of Stooges covers with Hellride in California and with J Mascis and Dinosaur Jr. drummer Murph in New York under the name Hellride East." Just wanted to let you all know that I don't take this taint abuse stuff lightly. \m/ Erik "To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting." --Sun Tzu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bottomgottem Posted April 7, 2006 Author Share Posted April 7, 2006 Far be it from me to call you unattractive. After seeing your old avatar, my wife commented that you and I favor. So there! All in jest. Heaven knows that I don't want to make you or Maury mad. I might get double punched in the taint. I had a co-worker that got an infection in the same unspeakable area. He was out of work for three weeks. The horror stories that he told about how they treated the infection still turn me green. My whole trick is to keep the tune well out in front. If I play Tchaikovsky, I play his melodies and skip his spiritual struggle. ~Liberace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcbn Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 The Army's Interceptor IBA (Individual Body Armor) comes complete with "Taint Guard". I wore mine when I was in Iraq... maybe I'll have to go find another one. http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/ground/images/interceptor-deltoid-image1.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmrunning3 Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 An infection? How in THE hell... No, nevermind. I don't think I really want to know... -- Joe -- "If you think you're too old, then you are." --Lemmy Kilmister "I have not seen a man who is not god already." --Austin Osman Spare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bear Jew Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Yeah, man... I interviewed Watt soon after he was back on his feet. He told me that the pain from the abcess was unreal and that he almost died in the process. He said there was basically no comfortable position for him... everything hurt. I can only imagine. Sounds terrible. \m/ Erik "To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting." --Sun Tzu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thanny XIII Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Damn. That is all I have to say. I knew a girl that was into biamping,I sure do miss her.-ButcherNburn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcr Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Originally posted by CMDN: "In January of 2000, Mike Watt fell ill with an infection of his perineum (the taint!), forcing the punk legend into emergency surgery and nine weeks of bedrest in his San Pedro apartment. Initially unable to play his bass right away, he rebuilt his strength with intense woodshedding and practice as well as live club gigs where he performed sets of Stooges covers with Hellride in California and with J Mascis and Dinosaur Jr. drummer Murph in New York under the name Hellride East."Heh heh. Woodshedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke73 Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Originally posted by NUTT: http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/systems/ground/images/interceptor-deltoid-image1.jpg Wow - an amazing resemblance to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. http://www.myspace.com/twoshortrocks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmrunning3 Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 dcr: LMAO -- Joe -- "If you think you're too old, then you are." --Lemmy Kilmister "I have not seen a man who is not god already." --Austin Osman Spare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thabottomend Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Can't we all just get along? After all, a taint is a terrible thing to waste. Oh, and CMDN, now my wife wants me to grow some dreds. Thanks, from the man in the early stages of male pattern baldness. Do not be deceived by, nor take lightly, this particular bit of musicianship one simply describes as "bass". - Lowell George "The music moves me, it just moves me ugly." William H. Macy in "Wild Hogs" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATM Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Considering the position one would be in to allow one to be actually punched in the taint, one would certainly be asking for it. ATM http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v506/atmofmn/Bass/DeepThoughtsBS.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxofunk Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Between fits of outrageous laughter, I've had the same thought. Seems it would be much easier to kick someone in the taint if there is such a thing as a clear shot. Thanks to the forum members who strive for grammatical excellence and those with broad vocabularies. Special thanks to urbandictionary.com for confirming my suspicions. - Matt W. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davio Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 A taint punch works well and is not too difficult to correctly perform when the unwitting recipient is facing the other way and bending over for some reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bottomgottem Posted April 8, 2006 Author Share Posted April 8, 2006 Davio, You've thought too much about this. My whole trick is to keep the tune well out in front. If I play Tchaikovsky, I play his melodies and skip his spiritual struggle. ~Liberace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Terrien Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Dear Lord, and I thought that "The Shocker" was genius. I think I'll name my next record "Taint Punch"........... Originally posted by davio: A taint punch works well and is not too difficult to correctly perform when the unwitting recipient is facing the other way and bending over for some reason. *JAY TERRIEN (BASS, VIOLA, COMPOSITION, MADNESS)* HEAR "ALL THE DOLLS IN THE SAME PLACE" WITH PAT MASTELOTTO AND RONAN CHRIS MURPHY!! FEAR JAY ON MYSPACE! BREAKING NEWS!! AND MUSIC REVIEWS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whacked Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Sounds like a name for a punk band,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davio Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Well I originally posted this in the Dead Sexayy thread but I guess it's better suited for this one. Originally posted by davio: Sometimes I feel I've got to * * run away... A song about an infatuation with the underside of the pelvis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davio Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Originally posted by Jay Terrien: Dear Lord, and I thought that "The Shocker" was genius. I think I'll name my next record "Taint Punch"........... Dude, the shocker is sooo last month. These days it's all about... http://www.cc.jyu.fi/~pjka/icons/vg.gif The Spocker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pernax Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 This thread gives a whole new meaning to the song "Tainted Love"... (up to 200 characters) You may use UBBCode in your signature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jitter Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I saw this thread yesterday and while reading today's slashdot headlines I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair: http://science.slashdot.org/science/06/04/08/2017246.shtml Note: this joke might not be obvious for people who don't know Futurama :-) jitter Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. -- Leonardo da Vinci Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bottomgottem Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 Originally posted by Pernax: This thread gives a whole new meaning to the song "Tainted Love"... My whole trick is to keep the tune well out in front. If I play Tchaikovsky, I play his melodies and skip his spiritual struggle. ~Liberace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
way2fat Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Originally posted by Bottomgottem: Originally posted by Pernax: This thread gives a whole new meaning to the song "Tainted Love"... There you are Bottemgottem, a classic example of why you in the South SHOULD make such a distinction between taint and himmelskin. www.ethertonswitch.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bottomgottem Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 http://wcuvax1.wcu.edu/~hkane/deliverance.jpg "That one there sure does have a purty taint on 'im, don't he, daddy?" My whole trick is to keep the tune well out in front. If I play Tchaikovsky, I play his melodies and skip his spiritual struggle. ~Liberace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicklab Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 This thread may be the harbinger for a piece of men's wear to come back into fashion... The Codpiece http://www.kisspodcast.com/images/gallery/kiss_forever_band/DSCF0801.jpg But considering how uncomfortable (and obscene) the things look, I'll let my own taint take it's chances. Obligatory Social Media Link "My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davio Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I just want the monster knee-high platforms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxofunk Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 OMG Becky!!! Why did you have to grab the pic with the microphone? - Matt W. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxofunk Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Don't answer that. - Matt W. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
way2fat Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 We need Sally Struthers to take up the cause. (Tearfully)"Every thirteen minutes a taint is abused in the United States. Won't you help?" www.ethertonswitch.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
way2fat Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Originally posted by Bottomgottem: http://wcuvax1.wcu.edu/~hkane/deliverance.jpg "That one there sure does have a purty taint on 'im, don't he, daddy?" "He shore do son, but he's your brother so you caint. This ain't Kentucky you know." www.ethertonswitch.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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