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Funny on stage


Ross Brown

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One song, First my strap comes loose and I am sitting there holding my bass up and playing it at the same time, my singer helps my sling it back on, but didn't slip my cord through the strap like I always do. So, I step on my cable and yank it from my bass. I get that worked out, then my amp overheats and game over.

 

Luckily it was the last song of the set.

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Watching some bar-hag who smelled totally like butt-crack try to entice the guitarist by having sex with his mic stand. It was just Saturday night. Still laughing about it.

"He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76

 

I have nothing nice to say so . . .

 

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Young pianist calls my drummer friend who calls me for the 3 of us to play a few Christmas songs in the style of jazz standards for a little talent show party at his church.

 

The pianist is introducing us and says this:

 

"This is John, a friend of mine and a fantastic drummer. This is Clark, a gay bass play~"

 

He stopped dead in his tracks. He meant to say "great bass player" but it kind of condensed and garbled in his head and he said "gay bass player." His face turned crimson, half the audience realized the slip of the tongue while the other half asked the first half if they heard correctly.

 

I just made a foppish gesture with my hand, flashed a big smile, and said in as jolly a voice as I could, "And I'll leave you folks to guess what kind of gay he means, woo hoo!" Then I looked at the two of them and nodded the downbeat right there. Amazingly enough, despite laughing as hard as they were, we all started together and played a great little set.

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Similar to Thanny's- First show with a wireless. Try to get a little on-stage energy going; jump around a little bit; off the drum riser; wireless falls out of my back pocket, hits the floor and sends batteries flying. Took me about two lines to plug in a cable. Last show with a wireless. (but mainily because when I sent it back to be repaired, they just creditted back my wife's card [she got it for me as a Christmas gift] and never sent me a new one)

"Am I enough of a freak to be worth paying to see?"- Separated Out (Marillion)

NEW band Old band

 

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The first time I played a gig I was very nervous and didn't want to look at anyone, so I wore this bucket hat. I was playing with some seasoned musicians, and so after a few songs the lead singer stops to introduce the band. He left me to last, which he just said "and give it up for Gilligan on the bass!" with the drummer chiming in.

  • There is a difference between Belief and Truth.
  • Constantly searching for Truth makes your Beliefs seem believable.

 

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Originally posted by mattulator:

Watching some bar-hag who smelled totally like butt-crack try to entice the guitarist by having sex with his mic stand. It was just Saturday night. Still laughing about it.

i think we had the same woman at one of our gigs. ha,ha,ha .

 

first gig ever and the singer for my band looked dead at me and introduced me as paul. that was funny.

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It's not really that funny but....

 

Our drumset doesn't have rubber tips on the bass drum, so if we're not playing on carpet and we don't grab a rug/mat, the bass drum slids forward so someone has to push it back to the drummer during the song or wait till it's over and let him pull it back himself. After shows like this, he gets leg craps hahahahaha.

 

And one show a cymbol fell over...

 

The last show we played I constantly either turned on an effect or pushed down my volume pedal on accident while jumping around.

 

And finally...The guitarist on one of my old band was going into a solo and turned off his distortion...THAT was funny...you'd have to be there.

Cabbage: Pronounced- cuh-bah-ge

Element Broken: www.elementbroken.iwarp.com

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Originally posted by mattulator:

Watching some bar-hag who smelled totally like butt-crack try to entice the guitarist by having sex with his mic stand. It was just Saturday night. Still laughing about it.

Drat, a similar story to one of my favorites!

 

Anyhow, I was playing a blues jam one night. I wound up sitting in on bass for most of the night, since the bass player liked to play guitar a lot. It was pretty late that night, my guess is that it was around 1 AM and that place had pretty well cleared out by that time. Except for this one 40-ish blonde woman who looked as though she was well versed in the art of riding as a passenger on a Harley. We're on stage grooving along, and she's just loving it. She's shaking it, and she starts to get into it. A LOT.

 

She's with a couple of other people, too. Not like she's out on the town getting sauced. She's out with another woman in her 40's and some guy. Thing is, she doesn't seem to care! Why? Because she starts pulling her top off. And she isn't wearing a bra, either. The drummer and I are looking at each other, trying hard as can be not to fall over laughing. We actually start trying to make the song groove even more. What happens? She keeps on getting into it! Our fine lady is creeping her way towards the stage, topless and loving every minute of it. Meanwhile, the guy that's with her is trying to cover her with a jacket. She nearly hits him, telling him to get away from her.

 

At this point she's right in front of the stage. And it's pretty clear that she's got eyes for the singer. He just keeps egging her on, too. Meanwhile the drummer and I are just trying to keep from falling over laughing from watching the topless Harley chick dance in front of the band stand. But it gets better! She starts taking her pants off, too! Thankfully those didn't come all the way off though. And all the time this is going on, her friends are periodically trying to get her to put some of her clothes back on.

 

Eventually she makes it up on stage, and she and the singer are having a good time. Ucckkk, it pains me to even remember it. By that time, everyone in the band is getting so tired that we have to just end the song. We do, and she stays on stage and makes the rounds with everyone on stage. I tried to keep it brief for fear of catching the clap from her. But the drummer goes for the gusto and embraces her and gets a little "touchy feely". Seriously, this was one of if not THE most bizarre experience I've ever had on stage.

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"My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax..."

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One time I was playing a jazz trio gig, and I was seated on a stool...wooden, cheap and floppy.

 

So I started playing a solo, getting a bit busy, and the stool busted into sticks under me...I just stood up and kept playing.

 

And friends in the audience said, "Wow, he's getting into it now!" And the solo sucked, but the show was great.

 

 

Another time I was playing Messiah, sitting as Principal Bass. I was playing the very busy line, "For Unto Us A Child Is Born" just bouncing away. And I always hold my bow very loose.

 

So I was playing, and I threw my bow toward the audience on an upbow. And seated right on the edge of the stage, it was headed right for an old lady. Her eyes got BIG!

 

So I just reached down with my left hand, grabbed the bow, reset and kept playing. Nobody ever knew, except for me and her.

 

I often wonder how SHE tells that story.

Yep. I'm the other voice in the head of davebrownbass.
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There have been many interesting moments. When I was 18..is a good one. We were playing Mancini's, a local place. We had played there so many times, we felt we owned the place. The stage is a few feet high and had that camo netting all over the front and the monitors. I'm on the floor talking to someone. The lights go down in an effort to get the band to start the set. I freak out and run and try to jump the stage, I eat it. I hear everyone who saw it. And I think most people did since the lights were down and there was focus on the stage.

 

 

A few years back I was doing an Ozzy/Sabbath tribute band. This one guy who I still see at some metal shows was there. He's older and looked like someone's conservative grandfather. But he had pentagram shirt on, a cape. The man danced and spun around while playing an irish whistle... while bands were playing.

Mike Bear

 

Artisan-Vocals/Bass

Instructor

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How about another, kinda like NickLab's:

 

I was playing bluegrass in France in 1998, as a part of a mission group working the streets during the World Cup.

 

So, on a Saturday night, while the USA was getting beat by Iran, we were on a soundstage set up in front of the Swiss Consulate in Lyon France. Playing Christian Country and Bluegrass.

 

So this kind of wirey skinny old lady came up to the foot of the stage, and started dancing to our music. Now this is VERY unusual in Christian concerts.

 

But we liked it, and she WAS drawing a crowd. My band leader threw her a few francs.

 

Suddenly, mid-song, she started to do a strip-tease. We had to stop the tune, take a quick break. Wound up having to pay her to leave!!!!!

 

Learned a lesson that day.

Yep. I'm the other voice in the head of davebrownbass.
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One time the band I was in at the time decided to dress up in animal costumes and play are show that way.

 

I played a show in boxers.

 

Started a set with four players, ended with two.....big fight right in the middle of a show...yowzers.

 

I also did a covers gig with a guest singer that was very drunk and very out of tune...I actually have some recorded evidence of that one on my computer. Some songs pain em to listen to.

 

And then there are the countless run ins onstage.........

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I've had girls at or shows dance......to goth punk. go figure. Knocked a mic out of a bass drum at a show trying to stand on the set and one night subbing for Wasatch Music academy...a school of rock type thing, I knocked the other bassists bass off the stand during stairway to heaven. Luckily it was a $95 rogue and nothing was hurt.

I knew a girl that was into biamping,I sure do miss

her.-ButcherNburn

 

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I'm trying to think of one thing in particular but nothing is coming to me at the moment. I know the most fun I've ever had from a humor standpoint was all the gigs that the Travis Shredd band ever played. We had a lot of fun on stage. We would change vocal lines, add musical quotes from other songs, and just plain insert mayhem that was all intended to amuse ourselves. There was no greater feeling than doing something that made Eric (Travis Shredd) screw up a vocal line because he was laughing. That was kind of the ultimate challenge in that band because he was so good at collecting himself in just enough time to sing.

 

One of my favorite little antics that we always did was during our little tune called Woah Tequila. When we played the song live, the band would get looser and looser (more drunk) as the song progressed until a complete and utter train wreck happened during the last verse. The train wreck always happened in the same general area but it was always completely improvised so you never really knew what anyone was going to do until it was already happening. Good times.

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1. Went to do a Victor-Wootenesque 'gunslinger' motion, forgetting I didn't have a wireless and wound up yanking the mixer board off the stand (I was running direct on a very small stage).

 

2. Had two somewhat non-attractive people copulate in the club where we were playing. It was a fairly large place, about 400 peeps or so in there. 20 feet from stage, in my line of sight, two people that looked like Lemmy and Janet Reno went at it on a bar table. Lost the crowd for a few songs, obviously.

 

3. Had a new drummer play with us who came to the gig higher than a Stealth bomber.... Dropped her sticks three times while playing the songs... two of those times she placed her head in her hands and began crying while everyone else played.

 

4. Lost an all-ages crowd one night at a teen club when the bar across the street decided to give out free beer for a Halloween party... and NOT card.

 

5. While playing for a church, was growing tired of the band leader constantly fussing me to 'turn things down'. So I turned my volume to zero and played 'air bass' doing windmills, mic stand scrapes, etc. (This was for a Friday night youth service, so not too many attendees)... ANYWAY, after we played those two songs, he turned around, completely oblivious to my antics, and told me 'Mel, that's the best I ever heard you sound. Good job.'

"Women and rhythm section first" -- JFP
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Originally posted by bottle12am:

1. Went to do a Victor-Wootenesque 'gunslinger' motion, forgetting I didn't have a wireless and wound up yanking the mixer board off the stand (I was running direct on a very small stage).

 

smooth

2cor5:21

Soli Deo Gloria

 

"it's the beauty of a community. it takes a village to raise a[n] [LLroomtempJ]." -robb

 

My YouTube Channel

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These are hilarious!! Here are a few from my experience.

Our band showed up for a gig that was 45 minutes away from our rehearsal space and the drummer (who owned the PA and wouldn't let us do anything except carry gear as it was HIS stuff) forgot the power chord for the PA. His wife was at the gig and drove back to get it for us. Fortunately the power chord was the same as used with a computer so we borrowed it from the bar owner. His wife was not impressed driving all that way to come in and hear us playing. From that point on, I always had an extra power chord with my personal gear and made sure it came to every gig.

We were playing 2 nights at a remote bar in northern Ontario. I had a Chris Farley type guy come bounding up to me at the end of a set to tell me how much he liked our set. In the process, he knocked my beer all over my brand new powered sub. He sheepishly asked if I was going to kick his a#@ now. I laughed at what he said and that was it. For future gigs, I kept any beverages well away from the sub.

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I was running around onstage and I jumped up and hit the headstock of my bass on the ceiling.I think it left a dent. And every time I bring a new girl to a show the drummer freaks out and rushes and plays double time and all sorts off crap like that :)

I knew a girl that was into biamping,I sure do miss

her.-ButcherNburn

 

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Another oldie but goodie...

 

It's about 1997 or so. My old band is playing in NYC one night, and we're doing our usual crazy stage show. This includes lots of props, including tire rims, cardboard boxes, telephones, a toy xylophone and even an old bomb shell. It got so crazy that we even had a guy who would join us on stage and partake in the craziness. Now he's the lead singer of the band Thursday.

 

Anyway, the singer and our little tagalong are mixing it up on stage. The guitar player and I are just trying to stay out of the way. The two of them are borderline dangerous, so we try to keep the songs chugging along while this is all happening. Mainly we're trying to keep the pedalboards clear of debris and avoid being hit with the flying props.

 

All the while, the singer is like a whirling dervish. He's singing his parts and putting on a show. He gets into the props and picks up the toy xylophone. That's when it happens. I don't know what he's thinking. Maybe he's just seen too much of Iggy Pop on stage. But at that point, the singer hits himself in the head with the toy xylophone...and we keep on playing. The singer? He's knocked himself out, and somehow he's still standing up. 5 seconds go by, and some way, somehow he manages to get back into the song.

 

After the gig, we're packing up and making our escape from the club. That seems to be the M.O. of any band that plays the NY original band showcase scene. We ask the singer "What the hell were you thinking?" He replies that he didn't know what came over him, but remembered seeing stars for a second. Crazy guy.

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"My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax..."

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In my early days (going out to the van and smoking one), I came back after the break, Starting singing my lead vocals and forgot the lyrics. On another gig, the band I was with ( doing a road tour, was asked to fill in for a band that didn't show up. The band that was supposed to play were on the "country rock" side of music. We were all Rock and Roll. Long story short, after the first set of ZZ-Top music we performed, were going ouside for a break, and this young chick grabs me and literaly puts here tongue down my throat and then says "you guys are Hot. I was so stunned, all I could say was "OK". Those were the days. Ken
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(sorry my basic english!)

My first gig on bass was a light-pop trio; bass, keys and vocalist for a jet-set corporative dinner. (I'm a former trombonist looking for more enjoyables gigs...) I dind't knew where I had to plug my cable; nobody explained to me how to use a DI. And worse, my monitor just died in the middle of a set, I was earing me only from the room. So I threw my bass on the stand, go back stage and came back with my horn, willing to play sugar-tasty fills on all those pop song we had to do.

 

The night after, for the same gig, I had a small 50w combo. The stage manager told me to not put this ungly box on stage. Again the monitor died after ten minutes of playing. Impossible to find the soundman.

 

Fortunaly, I know now what is a DI and how to not care about a stage manager and the spot where a soundman usually sleeps during a gig.

I've no more a guilty conscience, only a stomach.
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About 11 years back, me and my band at the time were playing a show for about 200 hundred people. The majority of the people were meant to be friends and we knew that because they were our friends from high school. So everyone's drinking and who knows what else. Half way through the set, a fight breaks out between 2 girls. Then another fight on the other side of the floor starts. 2 guys and one of them happens to be my singer's little brother, so the singer jumps off stage to go fight. I kid you not, more fights started breaking out. I was like "What the hell is going on?" Guys fighting guys, girls fighting girls, girls fighting guys...it was all happening right there. I counted 7 fights going on all at the same time and not for the same reason which was strange. Then I noticed that my 2 guitarist ditched their guitars and jumped in the crowd to go fight for who knows why? So I walked over to my drummer and said "We might as well provide some dancing music..." and he agreed so we jammed for the fighting crowd, but that only lasted for just over 5 minutes when the cops finally showed up.

 

The End.

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