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ever been drawn to pain, band-wise?


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Here's the lowdown, if you'll forgive the pun:

Months ago, I audied for a jazz thing. Went to it, did well, and was offered the gig.

Next day, I had an audi for a reggae/blues thing, which was led by a scarier'n'hell guitar player. Did well, loved the music, was offered the gig, took it.

That fell apart, so I did a coupleish gigs with the jazz thing, then backed away.

My big issue is with the keyboard player, who is also the frontman. The man is older than me (I'm 45), but has been playing keys for less than 4 years (I've played since the late seventies). When I met him, he wasn't that good, and he had an attitude that turned me right off. As long as he gets his way, he's sweetness and light; disagree with him at all or offer suggestions, oh boy...

He likes to say 'jazz is all about playing what you want, not what's on the CD' but doesn't handle me playing parts that aren't from the CD. He has the tendency to not learn all the sections of songs, which is frustrating to us players that sometimes know the song better. He also has a rep of alienating other musicians.

I've been avoiding him, and have turned down multiple paying gigs with him because, frankly, he pisses me off.

Now...last weekend I was talked into a last minute gig with him, his drummer, who I'm friends with and is a hell of a player, a nice sax player, and the guitar player who I played reggae/blues with, who I invited to sit in with us.

We sounded the best we've ever sounded, the keys player has really improved, and...the guitarist stole the show, and left the keys player's jaw hanging the entire night!

Now keyman wants all of us to get together to try and land a house band gig, which I agreed to do, because I love playing with the guitar and drummer.

First question: am I a chump for taking the gig, since I know that the keys player and I will spark, or do I have the attitude problem?

Second: should I have a discussion with him to set some ground rules of our group dynamics, or should I just let him be an unbridled dick, who will probably drive one of the best guitar players I know out of the project?

Keyman really likes my playing and has been trying to get me to play with him regularly for rather a while, but I don't tolerate fools, which is where I show my ass, I guess.

It would be a good chance to get my jazz chops together, though...

I hereby apologize for the length and kvetchiness of this post, but I need a reality check from those whut know better than me.

Thank you in advance!

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As you are the common bond between the others, especially with the guitar player keyman is probably using you to get to, make it a "band meeting" to discuss goals and ground rules. Don't be suspicious of him all the time, but keep your eyes and ears open. And enjoy the heck out of it.

"Am I enough of a freak to be worth paying to see?"- Separated Out (Marillion)

NEW band Old band


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What you described sounds like a set-up for a miserable experience.


This may sound dicey, especially since you are the FNG (f*&kin new guy) but you need to get it overwith right away. Be as honest as you can - if he's being a throbbing member, tell him. If the other guys don't have the jewels to stand up to him, shame on them but at least you will have said your piece and you'll be able to sleep at night.

"He is to music what Stevie Wonder is to photography." getz76


I have nothing nice to say so . . .


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I'd go with the meeting plan - but remember that compromise works both ways. If he is booking the shows etc, he should be allowed a certain amount of time to flip out about somethings as his ass is on the line for it.


BUt if you don't go for the meeting and decide to do it - he will get out of check and you will be speaking too late.


Good luck!

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Give any man enough rope and he will hang himself. If you can live with him you will end up growing and learning something from the process. I wouldn't be afraid to speek your mind though. Oportunities for growth. hehehe


Is there a forum listing for the lowdown to get feedback on music? PM me. I play Bass first, though I have spent most of my time in the guitar forum because I have learned to play guitar recently and needed more help and support in that endever.

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Man, I feel your pain. I quit my last band because of an inflexible dickhead keyboard player. He was distant and a little arrogant, so he and I never meshed, personality-wise. Also, he had horrendously dated sounding originals with lots of awkward transitions, time-wise, that he insisted we play note for note, which was especially awkward for me considering I was the drummer. Whenever the guitarist and I would improvise ever so slightly from his demos (which featured a drum machine that must have been from 1980) to try to update the sound a little and integrate some of our personality into the songs, he'd bitch and whine up a storm. At one point, he even told me that he preferred playing with drum machines over real drummers, and that he only conceded to having me in the band for two reasons: the guitarist and bassist wanted me and audiences found his solo, drum-machine-accompanied performances beyond boring.


Long story short, at that time I was also working two full-time jobs and didn't have a lot of free time, so I decided that life was too short to spend time in a band with that asshole. I decided to leave, but it was a tough decision because I liked the guitarist and bassist. I wish you good luck in your situation.

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If you can tolerate the guy on keys, play the gig for awhile and see how it works out. If you end up hating the guy, my guess is that the guitar player will as well and things will disintegrate... but... the guy on keys may end up taking a backseat to the guitar player and then you can start to step out little by little as the group dynamics change.
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lmao...eddie, don't tease me... ;)

we get together sunday evening to go over a couple songs to put onna demo. there's a new club at newport on the levee (where the midwest goes to play and wear polo shirts) whut's looking for bands, so we're gonna go fishing there. there's also another club in the same complex that has a battle of the bands weekly for money, so we're prolly gonna do that, but do it more blues...if the keyman isn't into that, the drummer, guitar and me will probably try it, if we can get a singer.

all told, it will be interesting...

will give an update as soon as things either happen or get inflicted... :thu:

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I used to be in a band with a drummer that was the same exact way. Didn't wanna hear what anyone had to offer, everything had to be his way, and couldn't take any suggestions or criticism.

He thought he was always right.


Well, needless to say, he doesn't drum anymore.

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well, last time i talked to keyman, i said something to the effect of 'we need to get the structure of the songs right, no matter how we jam to it, because folks like to hear the song the way they know it to a certain extent', and right away he said 'that's what i've said all along...we need to respect the integrity of the song...'!!!

that's bullhockey...he was the one waffling about the structure in the first place!

it must be nice to stick to yer convictions...no matter what they are that day!

well, tomorrow will tell a lot, sooooo...

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