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Mixerman - The Book


Scoot

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Humor noted, bassric. :)

 

Although, I would like to go on record as stating that even though I don't own a copy of my own, I did purchase a copy as a gift for a family member for Christmas.

 

wraub, check your PMs.

 

Peace.

--s-dub

spreadluv

 

Fanboy? Why, yes! Nordstrand Pickups and Guitars.

Messiaen knew how to parlay the funk.

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  • 6 months later...


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Dig it -- I read the tome. Finished it a few of weeks ago. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Several of the LDLers were able to sign it at my pad back in July when wraub delivered it into my care. :cool:

 

I have finally shipped it off to NUTT in TX. He will be the new keeper of the Book of Flame. Sorry, NUTT, for the delay -- I'm lame. :(

 

Thanks, Bump, for sharing il libro. Much appreciated. :idea::D

 

Peace.

--Dub $$

spreadluv

 

Fanboy? Why, yes! Nordstrand Pickups and Guitars.

Messiaen knew how to parlay the funk.

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I believe that Chris of Doom is next. I guess I should hold a book signing while it is here in Houston. Lug, where you at?

 

C.O.D. where you at? I should be able to get the book read in a couple of weeks.

 

Cheers,

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Yeah, I got that same email blast... probably printed up way too many of them and now he's sitting on a huge stockpile.

 

Glad to see that many people are reading my copy. Pass it around, kick the tires... kick The Cheat . You know, whatever.

 

Whenever we get done passing it around, I'll just ask that whoever ends up with it contacts me and gets it back to me. I'll take pictures of all the pages with the names of who has read it and post them here (and on my website).

 

I'll probably read it again once it gets back to me. It's too much comedy not to enjoy it again.

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Originally posted by NUTT:

I believe that Chris of Doom is next. I guess I should hold a book signing while it is here in Houston. Lug, where you at?

 

C.O.D. where you at? I should be able to get the book read in a couple of weeks.

 

Cheers,

I'm here. Yeah I can give it a go. Knowing me I'll probably finish it off pretty quick to. After me it looks like Tenstrum to robb. unlesse I didn't catch someone else calling it.
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  • 2 months later...

Ugh.. almost 2 months with the book. It took me about 6 weeks to get started and then I read it in 2 weeks of my late night reading.

 

So, it is off to C.O.D. once I get an address (check your PM's).

 

The book is a very quick read once you get started. I'm still trying to figure out who this band is though.... any ideas?

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Before there was Mixerman, Jack Endino's Christmas 1998 short form:

 

HOW TO OVERPRODUCE A ROCK RECORD!

 

First, spend about a month on "preproduction", making sure that everything is completely planned out so that no spontaneity is necessary or possible in the studio. If there are no "hits" there, make the band collaborate with outside songwriters. [On one of the uncredited versions of this essay that I still get unwittingly forwarded to me from time to time, someone added here "... or better still cover an old hit!" Thanx, good point.] Line up extra studio musicians who are better players than the band themselves, just in case.

 

Next, book the most expensive studio you can find so that everyone but the band gets paid lots of money. The more expensive, the more the record label will take the project seriously, which is important. Book lots and lots of time. You'll need at least 48 tracks to accomodate all the room mics you'll set up for the drums, all of which will be buried by other instruments later anyway, and for the added keyboard tracks, even if the band has never had a keyboard player. And for all the backing vocal tracks, even if the band only has one singer.

 

Then, record all the instruments one at a time, but make the drummer play to a click track for every song so the music has no chance to breathe whatsoever. That way you can use lots of MIDI gear. Do multiple takes of each song. Use up at least 30 reels of 2-inch tape. Take the best parts of each take and splice them all together. You might even use a hard-disk recording system like Pro Tools, then transfer it all back to analog two-inch. Spend at least two weeks just compiling drum tracks like this. You'll need to rent at least a half a dozen snare drums, and you'll have to change drum heads every couple hours. If you really do it right, the entire band will never have to actually play a song together.

 

Now, start overdubbing each instrument, one at a time. Make sure everything is perfect. If necessary, do things over and over until absolute perfection is achieved. Do a hundred takes if you must. If this doesn't work, get "guest musicians" in to "help out".

 

Don't forget to hire someone who's good with samples and loops so the kids will think its hip! Better get some turntable scratching on there too.

 

Be sure to spend days and days just experimenting with sounds, different amplifiers, guitars, mics, speakers, basically trying every possible option you can think of to use up all that studio time you've booked. No matter how much time you book, you can use it up this way easily. Everyone involved will think they're working very hard.

 

Make sure you rent lots of expensive mics and expensive compressors and expensive preamps so you can convince yourself and everyone else how good it's sounding. Charge it to the band's recording budget of course. Make sure you have at least two or three compressors IN SERIES on everything you're recording. Any equipment with tubes in it is a sure bet, the older the better. The best is early-1970s-era Neve equipment, old Ampex analog recorders, and WW2-vintage tube microphones, since everyone knows that the technology of recording has continuously declined for the past 30+ years. Don't forget to get some old "ribbon" mics too.

 

Make sure that by the time it's finished everyone is absolutely, totally sick of all the songs and never wants to hear any of them again. Oops! Now it's time to mix it!

 

Better get someone with "fresh ears" (who's never heard any of it before) to mix it in a $2000/day SSL room with full automation. Make sure he's pretty famous, and of course you have to fly to LA, NYC or Nashville to do this, because there simply are no decent studios anywhere else. Make sure he compresses the hell out of everything as he mixes it. Compress each drum individually and then compress an overall stereo submix of 'em. Make sure to compress all the electric guitars even though a distorting guitar amp is the most extreme "compressor" in existence. Compress everything else, and then compress the overall mix. Add tons and tons of reverb to the drums on top of all those room mics, and add stereo chorus on everything else. Spare no expense. Spend at least two weeks on it. Then take it home and decide to pay for someone else to remix the whole thing.

 

Then get some New York coke-head mastering engineer to master it, and make sure he compresses the hell out of everything again and takes away all the low end and makes it super bright and crispy and harsh so it'll sound really LOUD on the radio. (Too bad about all those people with nice home stereos.)

 

Oh-oh! Your A+R guy just got fired! Looks like the record will never be released!

 

Happy New Year,

Jack Endino

.
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I got the book mid-Dec. I bought one for my brother, too. I read it in two nights. I just couldn't put it down. A great book, for sure.

 

I laughed really hard at alot of it. Especially

everytime Mixerman got "the look" from Willy. Willy is a great character in that book. Probably my favorite.

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So, I'm all done with this, I was going to bring it to whatever LD gathering occured this week but those plans broke down a bit. Tenstrum, you're up. PM me with your address and I'll get the ball rolling.

 

This is truly a masterpiece. Actually Dumbass reminds me a little too much of a certain drummer I know that killed my band.

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  • 1 month later...

Chris has it on the way to me.

robb, I'll send it your way when I'm finished.

Tenstrum

 

"Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face."

Harry Dresden, Storm Front

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  • 1 month later...

Paging ChrisOfDoom:

 

Still waiting on the book to arrive.

Tenstrum

 

"Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face."

Harry Dresden, Storm Front

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