seeking gig advice and feedback...

[bassaddik]

I have a decision to make, and I am not sure what I should do.

My life has changed drastically in the last year. First, an unexpected divorce, the end of an eleven year marriage. One minute we are looking at adopting a child, the next, we are signing divorce papers.

Then I lost my father, my best friend and hero.

Now my daughter , who is life to me, graduates from high school and leaves for college in a couple of weeks, leaving me alone to reflect and ponder the shape of the rest of my life.

Work has been ok, but not steady. Feast or famine. So has business been, quiet at the time...

so, i get a call for a gig . A gig on a cruise ship. I said no at first, but the money is actually quite good, surprisingly good since they really want this band to come back to work . The ship is absolutely gorgeous and state of the art. I could save $ and have fun hopping the Caribbean Islands. Shed on the bass so i can take it to the next level, and help get my mind off all the losses.

Bad side is, I will be out of the Vegas mix for 10 weeks, i have 2 dogs i need to find care for, and i will have to live in a cabin the size of a matchbox with a roomate. I would leave Access Bass in the care of a couple of friends.

What would you guys do? go for it? or gamble and stick around to see if something good opens up?

thanks in advance! - Adrian

[getz out]

This is a gamble.

 

If the cash is good enough and you can trust the friend to care for your business, it might be worth it.

 

Traveling, especially "alone", can be a very refreshing experience and gives you time to figure some things out.

 

As an outside observer from what you have posted here, I can see that you have previously identified your life as wife, daughter, and Adrian. Then, you identified your life as daughter and Adrian. Now it's going to be just Adrian.

 

Will being out of town for that extended period really hurt your gigging in the future, though?

 

How long is the gig?

[Steve Force]

Outside observervation: I would assume the cruse ship has Internet connectivity available--you could stay in touch with your people in Las Vegas via email and telephone. If you touch base regularly (daily or every couple of days) you might be able to have the best of both worlds.

 

My .02 Euros.

[bassaddik]

the gig is 10 weeks-

the gamble is , i could lose out on a good local gig, but then again, i have been freelancing for almost 2 years now and the cushy gig has evaded me, with the exception of Martin Nievera at the Golden Nugget for 2 months, so thinking that i will lose out on a great gig in those 10 weeks, well, there is the gamble..i don't think it will take too long to get back in the mix when i return, in as much much as i may be in the mix right now.

i will always be responsible for my daughter, but yes, right now it's Adrian alone, and responsible for 100 % of my decisions. Sad, but exciting at the same time, .. heck, i could move to a whole other part of the world! start a new life!

[tnb]

Tough call, Adrian. Under your circumstances, you sound like you could use a few months out on a boat. The roommate thing is a deal breaker for me.

 

Also, I left Vegas to do Tommy for 18 months and in time I had managed to clean up my act, so sliding back into the old scene wasn't really an option. Plus, my old scene had changed drastically. Hard feelings, a couple of deaths, etc. Some of the other bass players seemed a little more territorial. Maybe they always were and i was just to high to know it. Anyway, I was not willing to take any lame gigs "just to get my name out there", so I went back East.

 

All of that being said, players can work anywhere. Miami, L.A., NYC...Rhode Island. Follow your heart and IF you take the ship gig, see if you can get the gig without having to have a roomate.

[jeremy c]

The roommate part is tough, Adrian. Especially if it's someone you've never met before. What a crapshoot.

 

However, since you have your head on together, you would come back with all the money, which would set you up nicely when you get back.

 

There's not much to spend it on on the ship if you don't drink and waste money on the occasional shore leave.

 

Whatever you decide, Adrian, trust in the Lord and follow your heart. You are a wonderful person and player and things will turn your way again.

[bassaddik]

thanks , fellas - keep the thoughts coming!

tnb, speaking of giggin in Rhode Island- i am playing in Providence this Saturday with Martin Nievera- i have gigs friday here in LV, so i am taking the red-eye and arriving in Boston at 8:30 am, then its get driven to the Hotel and souncheck, then the gig and probably a 5 am lobby call to fly back to LV, so i will be a zombie, but if you can make it to the show it would be great! let me know and i will email you my cell #- peace, fellas...A

[tnb]

Dammit, Adrian. I have 2 students and 2 gigs on Saturday followed by 4 gigs on Sunday, but I can recover on Monday.

 

Where are you playing and at what time?

[57pbass]

Adrian..I cannot speak directly to the situation with you wife and daughter since I am single w/o children..but I was very close to a similar situation..my musician brother who recently divorced is on the tail end of the whole process..selling house..alimony..etc.... I think he is happier now that the marriage is over and is moving forward... his daughters (17 & 23)are both in school and he was coming to terms with the fact that they are soon going to be on their own... with your daughter being away this can now become part of your new life ...you can travel to see her and help her along with her new life...

As for the cruise gig It sounds like a great diversion and will allow you to clear out your head... Its good to change the norm every now and then and it seem like you have a great opening to do this..while being away for 10 weeks your network might break down ..once you return you might need to work a little haarder to reconnect with the network..

As mentioned in an earlier post you can keep in touch with Accessbass via internet...

 

Best wishes to you and I hope whatever you decide to do you land your both feet with a bass strapped around your neck....

[Basshappi]

Adrian,

 

I would never profess to know the mind of God. However, I think there are times when things are just rather obvious. You now find yourself at a crossroad in your life. You have handled your responsibilities to you child and are free in the world. Your business and your career (in Vegas) is slow at this point. You have friends who can care for your pets and your business. You can reliably maintain contact with your business and family while you are away.

 

From what you tell us, this cruise ship gig is a sure thing with above average pay. Furthermore, it allows you some relief away from your personal situations (past and present) for a little while. You say it will benefit your playing skills. It puts you in a position to meet many new people. Travel often helps to clear the mind and the soul.

 

This seems to be a lot of pluses with very few minuses (your roommate may even turn out to be a great person.).

 

I realize that the Almighty moves in mysterious ways, but sometimes He speaks loud and clear. In my personal opinion I think this is one of those times.

 

GO FOR IT!

 

Whatever you decide, may peace and happiness be with you.

[getz out]

The roommate could be fun. You might make a new friend. If he's a tool, I'm sure it a big ship, you can get lost. Worse case scenario, throw him overboard.

[cornbread_medhotmail.com]

Adrian, look at the ship gig as one of those cushy long term gigs. No rent, cheap food and a paid vacation, to boot. If you were still in Vegas and had a 10 week confirmed gig come along, you would skip the new one anyway. Sure, you would miss your dogs and daughter, but your daughter and dogs will be there, all the more loving, when you return. Plus, it would be a great way to make even more contacts from around the world. Whatever you do, you know we will always be behind you 100%. You just need to get some gigs in Houston. I'm always looking for some good shows.

[Dave Brown]

Hmmmm...weren't you the one, when we talked about cruise ship gigs last week, that mentioned you got stranded somewhere? Make sure you got that return ticket.

 

You have a lot to deal with right now. As long as your head is together (which I believe it to be) you might find the change refreshing.

 

I don't think 10 weeks out kills several years of contacts. But if it does, grow a beard and move to Branson...lot's of work, cheap living and they could use a good Cuban Vibe.

 

And know that we are always here for you.

[fig]

I'd say go with the cruise gig.

 

It's time to find out what YOU are about. Not father, or husband, or provider, etc. We get our identities wrapped up with our partner and children, which is as it should be, while all are together. But when that's gone, thru death, divorce, or just the natural process of growing up and moving on, we get a chance to re-identify ourselves.

 

Your life is at a point for a reset. It's a gift given to quite a few, but not taken by many.

 

You've got a new role to play now. Take the time to get to know yourself again, or redefine yourself to something new and improved. That process took me about a year, after a twenty year marriage that I thought would last forever. I even remember the defining moment.

 

And once you've got 'you' defined and strong, you'll be surprised how easy the decisions for the rest of your life will come. Dating, career choices, the normal life choices, etc,.

 

The cruise gig sounds pretty positive. Money, travel, music. A wonderful break from all that is familiar to you, the ideal scenario to start yourself again.

 

Sorry about the psyco babble sounding post, but I've been thru this reset and looking back, saw how taking time for myself was the most important and beneficial thing that happened in my life.

 

Just trying to help. I wish you well.

[getz out]

All good points. You don't have to confine yourself to the cruise gig, either.

 

What ties you down to Vegas? If it's nothing, then re-evaluate everything! Your business can be moved and your network can be re-established.

 

Think about yourself and your life.

 

- What do you want out of life?

- What do you want out of work?

- What drives you to wake up in the morning?

 

Just think about where you are at right now, with life in Vegas. It might be where you should be. Think about where you would like to be in 5 years. Do you want to gig around Vegas and have a nice retail business on the side? If that's what brings you pleasure, then rock on! Think about the future, since it's now about you!

[dcr]

People have made excellent & thoughtful replies here. Most of them really lean towards going on the ship. I think they may well be right. But I do want to ask about a couple of things.

 

First, your daughter is moving on to college, but is she really moving on from you? College, especially in the first year, is stressful, both because of the different kind of workload and because--perhaps especially because--of the different kind of life. You're not at home any more, and you know that you can't go back to the only life you've ever known. And she's had to come to terms with that sort of shift once already, after the divorce. She may need you more than ever now, as some sort of tie to home, some sort of constant. And she may have no idea at all that she needs that; the excitement of college almost totally blocks the reality of it. But talk to her first. I know that we're just talking about 10 weeks, but don't be too quick to assume that she's moved on. What you see as a 10-week hiatus, she might see as potentially losing her home. (When's the next one? Where to? For how long?)

 

Second, do you think the trip will be restful? I suppose travel can be refreshing. For some people, it is. For some it's just the opposite. I think we're working with the picture of someone on their own, footloose, in a luxurious setting, loving travel. Will that be your scenario? If it is, you may well come back "recharged." If it isn't, you may well come back worn out. It depends on what sort of person you are, and on your surroundings.

 

I'm not telling you not to go. But in these kinds of cases, one size definitely does not fit all.

 

As I said, you'll get good advice here. Have you talked to your minister, as well? (The preaching is the side-line; this sort of thing is the real job!)

[getz out]

Originally posted by dcr:

As I said, you'll get good advice here. Have you talked to your minister, as well? (The preaching is the side-line; this sort of thing is the real job!)

I am a minister, does that count?

[bassaddik]

met with the band leader- its a good band. he told me he promised 2 other guys he would meet with them , but would call me today with a decision- he has not heard any of us play...

 

the way i look at it, it is in the hands of God. If i get the call, i will take it as a sign from Him. Still, i have the dilemma of the dogs. Everythign else seems to point favorably towards going...

[way2fat]

What does your daughter think? Judging from your website it sounds like you have the chops to play anywhere, so thats not an issue; you're old enough to save your pay, so if you take the gig you'll bring back money and more chops, cause you'll play all the time. What about bringing your daughter (and friend?) along for a vacation/graduation trip? You'd have some peeps on the boat but not be tied together, might give you both a needed low stress environment for a while. Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

[a boy named sue]

What does your daughter think? Judging from your website it sounds like you have the chops to play anywhere, so thats not an issue; you're old enough to save your pay, so if you take the gig you'll bring back money and more chops, cause you'll play all the time. What about bringing your daughter (and friend?) along for a vacation/graduation trip? You'd have some peeps on the boat but not be tied together, might give you both a needed low stress environment for a while. Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

It is also worth considering that your daughter could visit for a single leg of the trip, or you could even fly her/them down during a shore leave weekend (if its not in the exam time at college).

[JBFLA]

Adrian -

 

I have to agree with most here... Some time away from the past is good, and will give you time to think and evaluate (and make some $$$ in the meantime). You have the opportunity to stay in touch with wassup in Vegas, regardless. Just find a good "temp home" for the pets.

 

Personal time is irreplacable.

 

Hey - if you get some 'off-ship' time in S.FLA - let me know....maybe a "Hot Brass Monkey" reunion??

 

Best to you!!!

 

Jim

[RobT]

Adrian,

 

May God grant you the wisdom to make the correct decision.

[bassaddik]

I believe I have made a decision here. And i base it on what I think God would have me do. I am not going on the ship. My two dogs are the only family i have left in the vecinity and one of them is epileptic and needs daily medication, they have been with me since 8 weeks old, no way can i turn my back on them. I will face my fears and stay here, pray to rise above the sadness of my daughter leaving ( she goes to college in 3 weeks) and pray that gigs will come as they always seem to do.

Also, the vibe i got from the band leader was not conducive to spending 10 weeks locked up on a ship with him, it could have been a nightmare. the comment about " i have to talk to a couple of other guys first" without hearing me or them play a note was a kind of red flag to decline. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and I , as far as I know am staying in Vegas...unless a sweet tour pops up....thanks to all for your comments, though, for a second i really thought i was going to go-- peace all~- Adrian

[_Sweet Willie_]

Thanks for the update. You've certainly been thoughtful about making this decision.

 

I actually had considered offering to take care of your dogs, but already having two of our own, I think my wife would've lost it if we had four in the house!

 

And we bassists can rest easy knowing that Access Bass will rest comfortably in your hands (no matter how much you trust and can count on your friends to run it, it just wouldn't be you!). We all also still have a great reason (among many others) to visit Vegas!!!

 

Peace.

--SW

[way2fat]

Good luck bro. Still got my eye on those 1x12's, just countin pennies and working on my presentation to the Mrs.

[bubba upright]

Hiya Adrian,

 

You've got a unique opportunity before you. A chance to rediscover or redefine yourself. You may feel lonely at times without the family situation that you're used to, but you seem like the type who makes friends easily.

 

The Cruise ship gig can be a welcome distraction--but they ain't always that comfortable. If you're like me, you'll spend a lot of time worrying about your dogs. You have to ask yourself, "is it the gig that I want or just to get away for a while?"

 

Remember that God is with you regardless of your decision. Best of luck to you.

 

BTW--I truly regret missing you when you were here in Orlando. I hope your gig went well. I missed Dave Brown when he was here, too. Unfortunately, I have a busy gig schedule and can't afford to blow them off.

[bassaddik]

ok, so i just got the call and was officially offered the gig.. i asked for a day to get it together because i dont know now what to do- im staring at a pretty empty calendar for june july aug- and theres the dogs- i would leave on the 18th... what to do..

[Steve Force]

Follow your gut-feeling on this one.

 

One door closes and another open--this is what makes life interesting!

[tnb]

Adrian said:

Also, the vibe i got from the band leader was not conducive to spending 10 weeks locked up on a ship with him, it could have been a nightmare. the comment about " i have to talk to a couple of other guys first" without hearing me or them play a note was a kind of red flag to decline

You already have misgivings about your immediate supervisor (the band leader). Do you have someone you trust to take care of your dogs? What does your daughter say?

 

Then again, it's only 10 weeks, not 6 months.

[fig]

I understand about the dogs. My fiance and I are full-tilt animal lovers.

 

Are there any businesses around there who rent out space for animals when people take vacations or business trips (might be expensive, especially with the epileptic dog)? Do you personally know any vets who might allow you keep them (probably for a small price) in their facilities. My ex-wife and I were friends with a vet who would let us keep our dog at one of his offices when we needed to.

 

As much as we love animals, we wouldn't allow them to interfere with a major life change for us. We've had this discussion once before, and we would've given the animals to a shelter that does not kill them after a set amount of time.

 

Do you think you'll kick yourself in the ass later for passing up this gig because of the dogs?