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dam bass player jokes


kjt

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What does the average guitar player get on his IQ test?

 

Drool.

 

Actually, do a quick search in this forum. There is a long list of jokes you can choose from. Good stuff to ping back on your bandmates.

Bassplayers aren't paid to play fast, they're paid to listen fast.
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I play blues harp too, so if you play with a harmonica player here are a couple good ones:

 

Q. How many harmonica players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

A. Three. One to screw it in and two to argue if it should have been done in straight or cross harp.

 

Yeah, that one's a little obscure. This one's more generic.

 

Q. Why do harmonica players call it a blues harp?

 

A. Because they can't spell a word as long as harmonica.

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A good keyboard player one would be welcome. My keys player comes out with the old one about keyboard players doing it with their left hand about every 2nd rehearsal. He's nowhere near as much of an a$$hole as this makes him sound, but all the same a good, sharp retort would be nice.
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How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? - One. To hold it while the world revolves around him/her. :D

 

Why does a bass player keep drumsticks on the dashboard of his car? - So he can legally park in the handicapped zone! :D

 

Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in his car? - It took him 2 hours to get the drummer and his keys out! :D

 

How do you make a guitarist quit playing? - Put sheet music in front of him! :eek:

 

How can you tell when the stage is level? - When the singer's drueling out of both sides of his mouth! :thu:

 

Hope these help. I'll try pop back in if I can think of any more. :D:thu:

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

 

a)One, but the guitarist has to show him how first.

 

b)None - the keyboard player will just do it with his left hand.

 

c)Just leave it out, man - no one will notice.

 

How can you tell when a lead singer's on your front porch?

- He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

 

What's the range of an accordion?

- About twenty yards, if you throw it hard enough.

 

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

-A large pizza can feed a family of four.

 

What do you call a guitarist in a three-piece suit?

-The defendant.

 

Two drummers walked past a bar. Hey, it could happen.

 

How do you get a bass player off your porch?

-Pay him for the pizza.

"I had to have something, and it wasn't there. I couldn't go down the street and buy it, so I built it."

 

Les Paul

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Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: Just one, as long as the roadie fetches the bulb, sets up the ladder, takes out the old bulb and holds the new one in place for him.

 

Q: How many synth players does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: With the right equipment, one synth player can do it all by himself.

 

Q: How many '80s lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: Just one, but don't bother asking him. He'll take the opportunity to change every lightbulb in the building, as fast as he possibly can, whether they need to be changed or not. In fact, he'll probably change them anyway, even if you don't ask him.

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Q - How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A - I don't know, what do you think?

 

Q - What's the difference between a dead trombonist and a dead snake in the middle of the road?

 

A - The snake was probably on his way to a gig.

 

Q - What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

 

A - You only have to punch the song into the machine once.

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