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Bass player jokes


conguiño

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An Emo rock bassist, a funk-soul player, and pop-artist bassist were all sitting around discussing the accomplishments they have all achieved with thier music. The Emo guy says "I took a guy with no heart, picked him up off his feet and moved him, and now he's out looking for a new job." The Funk-soul guy says "thats nothing - I took a guy with no soul, shaked his booty, and gave hime the motivation to get a new job." The pop bassist looks at them both and says "Thats nothing! I took a guy with no brain, put him in the white house and now everybody's lookin' for work!" ;):P

"Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress

... But I repeat myself."

-Mark Twain

http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/63/condition_1.html (my old band)

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Jokes from one musician to the next........

>

>How do you keep two drummers in sync?

>Shoot one.

>

>What's the difference between a lawnmower and a flute?

>The lawnmower's in tune.

>

>Who do you find the bass player in a band?

>Find the one not getting laid.

>

>What happened when the drummer locked his keys in the car?

>It took 3 hours to get him out.

>

>A man walks into a store to get a new guitar. When he asks the

>clerk, the clerk says, "What does a drummer need a guitar for?" The

>man asks, "Hey, how did you know I was a drummer?" "This is a

>bookstore."

>

>what do you call a musician who breaks up with his girlfriend?

>

>-Homeless-

>

>How do you get rid of the drummer's girlfriend for good?

>Stick a pin in her.

>

>How does an indie rock band change a light bulb?

>

>You mean you don't know?!?!?

>

>What's the difference between God and a soundman?

>

>God doesn't think he's a soundman

>

>Whats the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

>

>You only have to tell a drum machine what to do once.

 

>What do you call a guy who hangs out with a bunch of musicians?

>

>The drummer

>

>So these two guys get stranded on this island and they hear the

>loudest drums coming from the other side of the island. A friendly

>native come up and the two guys ask him whats the deal with the

>drums. The native responds, "you just better watch out when the

>drums stop, then your in trouble". So the drumming continues for

>days and all of a sudden the drums stop. So the two guys ask the

>native "whats gonna happen are we in trouble??" The native responds

>"hell yes were in trouble, now its time for the bass solo"

>

>"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"

>"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"

>

>How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

>None. There's machines that can do that now.

>

>What's the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?

>The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.

>

>What do you call a drummer with half a brain?

>Gifted.

>

>General Custer and his aide were in the fort. The aide said,

>"General, I don't like the sound of those drums."

>From over in the hills you hear a voice yell, "It's not our regular

>drummer."

>

>how many indie rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?

>

>WE WONT CHANGE FOR NOBODY!

>

>How many guitarists does it take to cange a lightbulb?

>

>101. 1 to change the lightbulb, 100 to say "Hey I can do that."

 

===========================================================================

www.danielprine.com

 

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Jack...

That wasn't nice. You know damn well that Micheal Anthony was/is the supreme mediating force in Van Halen. Personally, I like his playing a lot. He's always tasty, funky and on the money. Not to mention that he's the man behind the band's high vocal harmonies. So give him a break, OK?

 

Now, if you wanna make fun of a famous bassist... how about Sid Vicious?

\m/

Erik

"To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

--Sun Tzu

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No Fair!! I called him first! ;) ...and yeah, Michael Anthony is actually a spectacular player... Think about it, he not only does vocal harmonies, but he has to fill out the sound of a musical 3 piece -behind one of the most influential guitarist's of the last two decades... I wish I had his job!!! :D

"Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of Congress

... But I repeat myself."

-Mark Twain

http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/63/condition_1.html (my old band)

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I heard this one quite a while ago.

 

One day this kid tells his dad that he wants to be a musician. So his dad said that's great and decided to buy him a bass and a voucher for 5 bass lessons. So the kid was extremely pleased and went for his first lesson. When the kid got home his dad asked him what he learned? and the boy said" I learned the first 5 notes on the first string"

 

So the next day the kid goes for another lesson came home again and his dad asked him the same question to which the boy replied "today I've learned the first five notes on the second string"

 

So the third day comes and the boy is off for another lesson. And his dad started to worry because his little kid was away for many hours .Eventually the kid arrives home and he is smelling of beer and cigarettes , so his dad asked where have you been to which the boy replied " I had my first gig"

There is only two kinds of music , good music and bad music ....oooh and drugs is bad mmmmkay :)
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These are not jokes but I'm sure the creative minds on this board can put them to very good use....

 

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line

 

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss but I only slept with you, cause I was pissed

 

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

 

Of loving beauty you float with grace

If only you could hide your face

 

I thought that I could love no other

Until, that is, I met your brother

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

This describes everything you are

not

 

I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face

 

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes- Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

 

Every time I see your face I wish I were in outer space

 

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life

 

I see your face when I am dreaming

That's why I always wake up screaming

 

My love you take my breath away What have you stepped in to smell this way

 

My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe "go to hell"

 

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime

www.danielprine.com

 

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57pbass,

 

Are you using those lines on your significant other? I'll be she's thrilled :eek::eek:

 

I just made my own funny today at the dudepit. They have a forum for Wal bass lovers (sometimes called wal-nuts), and I saw that the BassBoutique has a lovely red one. I wanted to tell them, so I posted

I'm not a walnut (but I have a cold, so I guess that makes me a cashew)....
Thank you thank you - I'll be here all week...

 

And then there's the one about the ...

 

Tom

www.stoneflyrocks.com

Acoustic Color

 

Be practical as well as generous in your ideals. Keep your eyes on the stars and keep your feet on the ground. - Theodore Roosevelt

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Are you using those lines on your significant other? I'll be she's thrilled

 

Tom - At home we have a thing called "the line of death" and if I cross over it - I'm in deep s**t. (Or deeper s**t)

 

I cannot use this material at home -- only the musician jokes....she loves the bass player jokes.

 

I cut and pasted both posts.

www.danielprine.com

 

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OK... I'm with you on the Kip Winger thing. His teeth may be "whiter than white," but he spends too much time doing pirouttes to be a bass player. Did he even play on the records? Did he ever play live? Someone told me he had a "ghost" bassist offstage during shows so that he could spend his time posing and dancing.

\m/

Erik

"To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

--Sun Tzu

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