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song for my honey

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Hey all you creative writers. Most of my songs have been big hits with my northwest Indiana fans. I'm in a small band called Rage. We sing about love, life, and most of all REALITY. Anyway, for a present I want to write a song just for my boyfriend/fiance who is in the band as well. I recently wrote him a poem and want to turn it into a song.

Here it is:

She sits alone

And stares down at her ring

She wants him here

To share everything

He's miles away

She thinks of his smile

He thinks of her laugh

They've struggled enough

At least by half

She's tired of tears

He's tired of fears

The road is long

So they'll stay strong

In the end

They will see

Thier love is stronger

than an army


Pretty huh......Anyway any hints PLEASE WRITE

P.s. My poem has been copywrited so don't try!! (Not that anyone here would but you never know!)



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Nice poem, KbP! :thu: Good to hear things are working well with your band, too.


The very last word seemed like an odd choice for a "missing you" song; all these words of love and then end with a hint at war. I read it again and put "he's miles away" with the last line. Is your fiance in the military and currently stationed somewhere else? (Seems unlikely if he's in your band, but could be.) Anyway, just trying to understand your poem better, but then again I can be pretty thick when it comes to "getting" lyrics.


There's basically 4 stanzas in there, right? With one line dangling between the first two stanzas? (Don't worry about that for now.) You could make 4 short verses out of them. Does any one of the stanzas stand out as a candidate for a chorus? (It doesn't have to conform to standard verse/chorus structure, but it may go over better with an audience that way.) If I had to pick one, I'd say the last stanza would make a nice chorus.


Then there's always the sticky point of the bridge. I'd say either of the two middle stanzas could be used for the bridge, if you want to go that way.


So now you've got something like:


Verse1: "She sits alone..."

Chorus: "In the end..."

Bridge: "He's miles away..."

Verse2: "She's tired of tears..."

Chorus: "In the end..."


And the bridge can handle that extra line without any problem. The lyrics here have a slightly different emotional feel to me than the two verses, which seem better matched IMO.


Of course, I hear it in my head as a slow ballad, maybe even a power ballad. But it really depends on what style of music you want. It would work equally well as a fast punk song, IMO.


More importantly, what do you think?

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Originally posted by KeyboardPunk:

Thanks RicBassGuy,

You got it the first time. I neede a way to turn the poem into lyrics. since yours is the only advice i got i'll try your idea and see how it works out. -k-


P.S. Do you have a band?


You're most welcome. If you would like any further assistance, please ask.


Do I have a band? I like to say I'm "in between bands" at the moment. ;) The original band I was in for nearly 20 years that never went anywhere finally disbanded more than a year ago now. I recorded 2 CDs with them, and 1 EP CD with them in collaboration with another songwriter. So I do have something, but not much, to show for those 2 decades.


After working on some solo material -- I have at least 20 songs I wrote over the years that have never been recorded and writing more daily -- I decided to look for a new band to join. Currently I'm in a startup prog rock band that doesn't look like it's really going anywhere, missing members, so it might have a short life. (I don't have another 20 years of my life to waste.) :rolleyes: I'm also auditioning for working bands, although I've yet to find the right fit.


(Sorry, as you get older you tend to ramble on aimlessly. Am I in a band? No, not one you could listen to.) ;)


And that is why I am so happy for you that your band is doing well, and that you're enjoying it. Being able to share that with your sig. other is even better.


Would you keep us updated on your band over on the band forum? That'd be great! Oh, and let us know here how your song turns out, too! :wave:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I never answered your Q: no, my man is not in service, but our lives have been endless uphill battles, so we kind of think of each other as armies of one...ya know....anyway, I will post some stuff on band talk. Right now I'm working on the poem(wanna be song...lol) and it's got a kind of vibe were you get a sence of how strong we are as one in only 3 mins....can't beat that...lol. Anyway, I'll keep you posted.



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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Bit late, but i'm in a rut so i thought id use your poem as a base. I might have done something loosely based around this


I sit alone, staring at the ring

He should be here, to share everything

All thats left, all i can say

An empty feeling

Empty feeling


He's miles away, but the smiles stay

The laughs and crys, of yesterday

We struggled enough, at least by half

Just to be here

Just to laugh


Tired of tears and sick of fears

Roads seems long, and never steers

But we'll stay striong, through to the end

My rock.. my saviour

My only friend

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