Blue Strat Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Here's a little poem/lyric I came up with tonight: One swing of the axe one swing of the axe, and off rolls your head, with a gleam in his eye, the executioner said. I'll do it quick and clean, for a few pence more, Then later I'll take your money, and buy me a whore. Off with his head, for a minor offence, more have done worse, it just doesn't make sense. Your body is burried, outside the church field, No more shining armour, sword, horse, or shield. You once were a knight, brave, noble, and true, but one night with her, and your life was through. They took your life, they took off your head, you forfeit your life, when you took her to bed. Now you walk the halls, of the old London Tower, Those that cross your path, hide in fear and do cower. One swing of the axe, all gone life power, All fades to black, last moment in the Tower! It's a little dark, but I think it's a great story. Any comments/advice/criticism? BlueStrat a.k.a. "El Guapo" ...Better fuzz through science... http://geocities.com/teleman28056/index.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitaristi0 Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 It's a great poem/story but I think it would be hard turning it into a good song. Maybe a Bob Dylan type ballad kinda thing. A duck-pond, a museum, and a red hunting hat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Björn Fröberg Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 I was thinking of Dylan as well.. But it should work well as a song. Try different things out, something's gotta work! - Bob Freebird A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. -Douglas Adams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Strat Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 Right now I'm thinking of using the last verse as a chorus, taking a solo break after verse 5, and going with a heavy, grinding metal song. BlueStrat a.k.a. "El Guapo" ...Better fuzz through science... http://geocities.com/teleman28056/index.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archer Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 I don't know why this couldn't be worked into a song. I was thinking the 3rd verse might make a good chorus. A suggestion? "excecutioner" in the 1st verse is a mouthful, how about "the hooded man said"? Me and my two dogs, Remington and Winchester Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherri Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 As I was reading the lyrics I was thinking screaming metal tune. It is a good story, and I agree the third verse would make a good chorus. www.metalblues.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Strat Posted March 11, 2004 Author Share Posted March 11, 2004 Originally posted by Archer: I don't know why this couldn't be worked into a song. I was thinking the 3rd verse might make a good chorus. A suggestion? "excecutioner" in the 1st verse is a mouthful, how about "the hooded man said"?Hmm.. How about using "Headsman"? "The Headsman said". BlueStrat a.k.a. "El Guapo" ...Better fuzz through science... http://geocities.com/teleman28056/index.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archer Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 Originally posted by bluestrat: Originally posted by Archer: I don't know why this couldn't be worked into a song. I was thinking the 3rd verse might make a good chorus. A suggestion? "excecutioner" in the 1st verse is a mouthful, how about "the hooded man said"?Hmm.. How about using "Headsman"? "The Headsman said".Is that what they call those guys with the hood holding the ax? I always wondered anyway, I think this song could work in several different styles, even with acoustic guitar. good job. Me and my two dogs, Remington and Winchester Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Strat Posted March 12, 2004 Author Share Posted March 12, 2004 Originally posted by Archer: Originally posted by bluestrat: Originally posted by Archer: I don't know why this couldn't be worked into a song. I was thinking the 3rd verse might make a good chorus. A suggestion? "excecutioner" in the 1st verse is a mouthful, how about "the hooded man said"?Hmm.. How about using "Headsman"? "The Headsman said".Is that what they call those guys with the hood holding the ax? I always wondered anyway, I think this song could work in several different styles, even with acoustic guitar. good job.The "for a few pence more" part refers to the custom of tipping the headsman so that he kills you quick. A lot of the time, it took two or three whacks to sever the head. BlueStrat a.k.a. "El Guapo" ...Better fuzz through science... http://geocities.com/teleman28056/index.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlampson Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 I dig it. I think executioner could work, just sing it like "eggs koosh ner" and there you go! I heard thrash metal when imaging it, but a driving, dark folk song (a la Eve of Destruction) wouldn't be bad, either. If you want collaboration help, I'll see what I can do! ----------- John\'s Songs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Strat Posted March 14, 2004 Author Share Posted March 14, 2004 I e-mailed the lyrics to one of my friends from college (we're thinking of starting a band) and he's really psyched about it! This might be the first song we put together as a band, so I think I'm going to keep this one for myself. I do appreciate the offer J! I've been working on some riffs, but until I try and sing the lyrics, I don't know how the riffs will work with it. Any advise on how to go about this? BlueStrat a.k.a. "El Guapo" ...Better fuzz through science... http://geocities.com/teleman28056/index.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlampson Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 You don't have to start with the riff, that's what I say. I usually come up with music first, but when I approach lyrics I try to find some sort of melody or cadence and fit the mood with texture and backing chord progression. Just start with what feels right first. You can always edit later. John ----------- John\'s Songs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillWelcome Home Studios Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Obviously, a celtic thing would work, but I could make that into a metal song or an art rock song without much trouble. Voice it for sa woman, change a few lyrics, and you've got something else going on. Bill "I believe that entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot." Steve Martin Show business: we're all here because we're not all there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jokerelli Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 I could see this being done ala Metalica or even Ozzy. Why not? It's all in the phrasing. http://www.myspace.com/jokerelli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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