LiveMusic Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 I don't know if he slighted me or not... but I've always wondered if I should actually confront him with this situtation. A few years ago, my best friend's only son graduated from high school. I did not receive an invitation. I was shocked. In fact, it hurt my feelings. Another dear friend's son graduated and I gave him a Strat, so this other kid kinda missed out. I would have bought him something really nice. This guy's wife, she is my longest-running friend. We have pics of us together at age 6 months. I was pallbearer at her mother's funeral. So, that's the background. Anyway, it did hurt my feelings but I got over it. I couldn't figure out WHY I would NOT get an invitation. Like, I thought maybe the kid didn't send ANY invitations. Highly unlikely but I guess it's possible. Anyway, I forgot about it over time. But the reason I bring this up is that I have wondered... if maybe they really did send one and it got lost. THen THEY would think that I IGNORED the invitation; THEY got their feelings hurt. About a year later, I got invited to a party at their house when their son graduated from Marines boot camp or something like that... it had to do with the Marines. What in the world should I do, if anything? I am uncomfortable with the possibility they DID send invites and it got lost. > > > [ Live! ] < < < Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franknputer Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Is it the actual graduation itself? I know that many schools these days limit that amount of attendees to 2 or 4, so that the immediate families can come & be seated without worrying about somebody's third cousin Albert and his 17 kids showing up... :D Maybe no one got invited? It seems to me, though, that if they are really deep friends and all, you should be able to ask them gently about it sometime, & put it to rest without making an issue out of it. Since they invited you to the later thing, they don't seem to be avoiding you, eh? Was that good? I want to get my own talk show... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 You might find a tactful way to mention it, not in an accusatory way. My son graduated from High School last year. Deb was incensed that her mother never gave him a graduation present. Later, it comes out, she had sent a check for a nice sum that was never received. No one knows what happened to it. Meanwhile, Deb's mother was p.o.ed that she never received a thank you for the money. So, at least bringing it out, although the check was never recovered, alleviated all the crap that puts barriers in between friends and relatives, and often goes unsaid, but causes people to stew in their juices over. Like I say, better to tactfully say something, like, "I'm really proud of (insert name). I would have been at the graduation, but I assumed that perhaps you wanted a smaller, private thing". Or... "You bastards, you didn't invite me, see if I ever do anything for your worthess asses again"... Kidding. But, I remember Deb's and my wedding. Reception followed. Since the pastor was a friend of the family we assumed that he would come on and eat with us. He never showed. I asked him later, "It's a shame you couldn't have come and eaten with us, did you have a prior engagement?" and he said "No, I never got an invitation to the reception". I was floored. I thought that it would have been automatic, if not implied. I apologized profusely, and let him know that we had indeed wanted him there. He may have still felt slighted, but at least the misunderstanding was out in the open and could be rectified. "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rim Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Hey Tedster, I'm really proud of you and Deb. I would have been at your wedding, but I assumed that perhaps you wanted a smaller, private thing. Or maybe you don't know me from Elmer Fudd and that's why I wasn't invited. :D aka riffing Double Post music: Strip Down http://rimspeed.com http://loadedtheband.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dak Lander Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 [quote]Originally posted by Tedster: [b] "You bastards, you didn't invite me, see if I ever do anything for your worthess asses again"... [/b][/quote]I was SO hurt... :cry: Now I'm a ravin' :freak: ! Duke, like the Tedster said, it's best to quietly discuss it. Once the chafe is out in the wind, it'll blow away. Our Joint "When you come slam bang up against trouble, it never looks half as bad if you face up to it." The Duke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chip McDonald Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 I dunno, graduations these days are so packed in and crammed, it's kind of a hassle. It's kind of not a big deal, although I can imagine at one time it probably was - so maybe your friend looked at it that way. I've got a much better story than that that would fall under the same heading of this thread, but... Guitar Lessons in Augusta Georgia: www.chipmcdonald.com Eccentric blog: https://chipmcdonaldblog.blogspot.com/ / "big ass windbag" - Bruce Swedien Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faeflora Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 If I were you, and if this person was a really good friend, I would ask them straight out. Tell them you're used to being invited to things like that. If you live in the Washington Metro area, check out Slave Audio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedster Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 [quote]Originally posted by riffing: [b]Hey Tedster, I'm really proud of you and Deb. I would have been at your wedding, but I assumed that perhaps you wanted a smaller, private thing. Or maybe you don't know me from Elmer Fudd and that's why I wasn't invited. :D [/b][/quote]If we ever renew our vows, y'all'll be on the guest list...provided you bring your instruments, that is. :D "Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan South Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Are we talkin' about the graduation itself or a private party to honor the graduate? Maybe they didn't invite anyone, they just figured that their close friends would show up. Maybe they're still wondering why you didn't show. Sounds like no big deal, so don't make it into one. Why stress out a friendship over something small? The Black Knight always triumphs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iaian Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 I would handle this issue very lightly because I was on the other end of kinda the same thing. I just got married at the begining of April and it was sort of a rush job to get everything perfect. When we mailed out invites some of them never got to the guests at all. Come back from our honeymoon to find about thirty invites in our mailbox, apparently some of the invites were over the weight by some microscopic amount. To make a very long story short I am now in the business of repairing a big drift in friendships of people that think they got slighted. My advice to you is approach it easily but do not ignore it. Resentment festers easily and rapidly. And at least you will know were you stand. Iaian San Andreas, The hope to save our nation by turning Las Vegas into a seaside community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philip OKeefe Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Tedster, you bastard, you didn't invite me to your wedding, see if I ever do anything for your worthess ass again... :mad: :wave: :eek: ;) :D You had nme rolling on the floor with that though! I agree with your advice. Get it out in the open in a polite way - the above approach isn't suggested until AFTER you bring it out in the open and they tell you "yeah we didn't invite you to the graduation because you smell funny and always end up getting sh%tfaced and pissing in the potted palms at these events". :eek: :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philip OKeefe Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 [quote]Originally posted by LiveMusic: [b]About a year later, I got invited to a party at their house when their son graduated from Marines boot camp or something like that... it had to do with the Marines. [/b][/quote]Aaw hell, it's for a Boot Camp graduation? That's WAY more important than a high school graduation! By all means, you should go. You won't believe the difference in the kid - I kid you not! But if it's a boot camp graduation, that means one of two places - Perris Island or MCRD San Diego. Maybe it's for something else... doesn't matter - if it's for the Marines, definitely go! Not that I'm biased or anything... :thu: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coolhouse Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Hey Duke, Frank,Tedster,& Iaian are pointing you in the right direction IMO. You're correct in assuming that there may be a good explanation for this but you'll never know if you don't bring it up. Friendships such as the one you describe are second only to family. They're too valuable to let them be tarnished. later, Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strat0124 Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Uh...a graduation of a friends kid? I'd be glad to miss that! I'm goin back to Texas in May to see my brothers daughter graduate high school, but thats blood. Tell ya what, my son grads in June, you're welcome to come up here to it, long as you bring ten or twelve bushels of crawfish!!!!!! We gone party!!!! :) Down like a dollar comin up against a yen, doin pretty good for the shape I'm in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmyspick Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 LiveMusic, Don't eat your head up over this one. It was a few years ago and if you're still friends with the guy then just get on with things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MusicMan Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Quick Question: If this is a close friend, why would you need an invite to the kid's graduation to get the kid a gift? Seems like if you guys were that close, it wouldn't have mattered whether you were invited to the ceremony. Just my opinion. -john My Music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernest828 Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Seems to me that if they are that close to you... you would have already spoken to them about this. When it comes to friends and family, HONESTY is the best policy. How `bout calling your friend and just discussing your feelings? Isn`t this common sense? I suppose not, thats why Jerry Springer is doing so well. Peace, Ernest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fantasticsound Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 Hey Duke, I have to concur with Tedster, et al... Last year we drove 9 hours back to Illinois for my brother-in-law's highschool graduation. (He's 14 years my wife's junior. Technically, he's her half-brother.) Because of the threat of rain, the ceremony was moved inside, and only 4 tickets were allotted to each family. Many relatives had travelled from California, Arizona, and Alabama celebrate. To make matters worse, the paternal grandparents, who are the only surviving gp's, assumed they were getting the two extra tix after his parents took two. My wife, Denise, and her other brother, Dan, lived in the same house as Dom grew up. She babysat constantly when he was young, because mom had to work. When I came into the picture, he was 6 years old. Denise and I would take him to zoos, museums, and other activities on a regular basis. Somehow the gp's didn't seem to understand that [i]they[/i] were one family. No surprise. Denise and Dan got the tix. Everyone else came to the party at home. Boy were the gp's miffed about that! :D Your hypothesis about lost invitations was a plot line on the sitcom, "Yes, Dear." One husband on the show finds an invite to his own wedding in an old jacket. He forgot to send it to one of his wife's best friends. The friend never asked about not being invited, and they drifted apart. Now it's years later and he feels terrible. Don't let that be you and your friend. Talk to them. It was probably either a small, family dinner out (as my graduation was), the invite was lost, or an honest mistake. It's easiest to find me on Facebook. Neil Bergman Soundclick fntstcsnd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Klopmeyer Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 You received plenty of advice here, but just to let you know: you're [i]definitely[/i] not alone in this feeling. My supposed best friend has suddenly vanished into thin air. For the past couple of years, she and I would usually hang out at least 2-3 days per week. We have a lot of similar interests (hockey, music and so on), and always have a good time together. Then, a few weeks ago, I was trying to reach her to (as usual) check out some end-of-season hockey games. No call back. I tried a couple of more times. Nothing. Left messages on her cell phone and at home. Nothing. It's weird...we didn't get into any type of disagreement or anything. And it's not like she's dead or something...I've talked to other people who have spoken to her recently. Perhaps it's the man/woman friend thing. But it's never been an issue before, and both of our respective spouses understand that we're pals and nothing more. Huh. Hope she comes around. I guess I'll be there when she does...that's what friends are supposed to do. But a little explanation would be nice. :confused: - Jeff Marketing Communications for MI/Pro Audio My solo music and stuff They Stole My Crayon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G. Ratte Posted April 29, 2002 Share Posted April 29, 2002 I wouldn't sweat it. I never messed with any of that invitations or fuss-making stuff for HS or college graduation. Got out of the college one, but HS was mandatory. Seemed like a big drag, but I wasn't really 'into' school. Most people I knew didn't do any of that stuff either, unless their folks made 'em or something weird like that. G. Ratte' http://www.cultdeadcow.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LiveMusic Posted April 29, 2002 Author Share Posted April 29, 2002 [quote]Originally posted by Dan South: [b]Are we talkin' about the graduation itself or a private party to honor the graduate? Maybe they didn't invite anyone, they just figured that their close friends would show up. Maybe they're still wondering why you didn't show. Sounds like no big deal, so don't make it into one. Why stress out a friendship over something small?[/b][/quote]I wrote a long reply and decided heck with it... I took it out. No need for all of that personal stuff. The friendship isn't very stressed... we talk several times a week and we're playing in a golf tournament this Thursday. It's not like I'm agonizing over this but at one time, I admit, it did "hurt my feelings" and I've always wondered about it. Rather than reply with all of the unnecessary personal stuff, I'll just say this. A couple of things I've learned in my life... There have been some things I have not been invited to over the years and it's taught me how important it is not to omit anyone. Maybe it was meant to be that I didn't get an invitation because they didn't send one to me but... maybe something went wrong. Sending out invitations by mail with no follow-up is risky. Another thing is... funerals. Until my dad died, I had no clue how much it meant for people to respond to a death with flowers or whatever. That meant a LOT. And since then, I've sent way more flowers than I did before he passed. Lesson learned... how hard it can be on someone to lose someone. And... how hard it can be on someone to lose their spouse or significant other to death or breaking up or divorce. When I split up with sweet thang after ten years, it was hard. Even though I looked fine and dandy to everybody and I'm kinda happy-go-luck to some people, I was not even close to fine and dandy. It was hard. When you've had someone in your home, in your bed, for ten years and they're gone, I don't care whose fault it was or anything like that, it's a tough adjustment. Loneliness sucks. Since then, I have gone out of my way to approach people in that situation. You can't assume that they are fine because they look fine; some people are real good actors. > > > [ Live! ] < < < Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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