OT - One of my all-time favorite jokes

[Tom Capasso]

rammer24 reminded me of one... A guy is driving thru a very hot desert area, and his car starts smoking, so he pulls into a gas station and asks the mechanic to look at the car. while the mechanic is looking under the hood, the driver goes inside and buys an ice cream cone. He's so warm and upset that he eats it fast, but before he can clean off his mouth, the mechanic comes in and tells him "you blew a seal". The driver gets indignant and says "I did not - it's just ice cream".... Tom

[Sp3nc3r]

Oh Man!!! It's SOOOOoooo good to have another joke thread - t'is been awhile.... Cheers! Spencer

[Mats Nermark]

A guy strolls around in the pet shop when he suddenly hears a whisper: "Hey, buy me" The guy looks around and sees nobody. Again the whisper: "Hey. Up here. Buy me" The guy looks up and sees a beautiful parrot with a price tag of $400. "I can't afford you" he answers the parrot. "I'm sure the proprietor will sell me for 50 bucks" says the parrot. "Why would he do that when you're such a nice parrot" asks the guy. "I'm a handicapped parrot" "I can't see that" says the guy. "No you can't see it but I have no legs" "How can you remain on the perch?" The parrot responds with "I have a long dick and have wrapped it around the perch". The guy buys the parrot and brings it home where it proves to be a great companion. It speaks four languages fluently, is well versed in international politics, has perfect pitch and is great for recording backing vocals in the home studio. One day the guy comes home and the parrot looks sad. "Hey parrot! What's wrong with you?" "I think you are a great parrot owner and I really enjoy living here in you house but you are not going to like what I can tell you!" "Just tell me!" "You will NOT like it!" "Just tell me darn it!" "If you say so. When the mailman came this morning he hugged your wife" tells the parrot. "OK and then?" "Then he started fondling her tits" continued the parrot. "OK and then?" "Then he undressed her" "OK and then?" "I don't know because I got a hard-on and fell of my perch!" Have nice weekend! Mats Nermark

[Nawor]

Two middle aged Italians having chat at their local Napolese bar... "Hey Luigi!" "Ci Mario?" "Tell me a somethin'.You like your woman, like a big fat mama... or nice an' slim?" "Nice and slim" "Hey Luigi!" "Ci Mario?" "You like your woman's skin soft and smooth.... or wrinkly an' hairy?" "Soft an' smooth" "Hey Luigi!" "Ci Mario?" "You like the titty big an' saggy.... or small and firma?" "Small an' firma" "Hey Luigi?" "Ci Mario?" "Your like the puss big an' loose an' sloppy or nice an' tight?" "Hey nice an' tight!" "Hey Luigi!" "Ci Mario?" "Then why you keep a FUCKIN' MY WIFE!!!?" :D

[Jeep]

An eldery couple is enjoying their anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Remember the first time we had sex together, over fifty years ago? Behind this very tavern, you leaned against the fence, and we made love with each other." "Yes," she says, wistfully, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How be we take a stroll back there, and do it again, for old times sake?" "Oh Henry, you devil! That sounds like a great idea!", she answers. Meanwhile, there's a police officer sitting in the next booth, listening to all this and having a chuckle to himself. He's thinking- "This I gotta see: two old-timers, having sex against a fence. I'll discreetly keep an eye on them, just in case they bust something..." So the two dears walk haltingly along, leaning on each other, and their canes, for support. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way over to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down, and the old man drops his trousers. Just as she turns around and grabs the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She's yelling "Ohhhh, God!". He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse, panting, on the ground. The policeman is astounded. He figures he's definitely learned something new about life. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching, thinks- "That was incredible! He was going like a locomotive! I've got to ask him what his secret is." As the couple saunter past him, he says to them "Excuse me folks. No problem, but I couldn't help but notice you tearing it up for a good forty minutes. That was something else. How do you manage it? You must have a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?" "No, there's no secret," the old man says, "Fifty years ago that damn fence wasn't electric!"