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OT: holding a kid back in Kindergarten


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One more thing....

 

There are three basic types of learners, visual learners wh need to see it to learn it, tactile learners who need to do it to learn it, and auditory learners who need to hear it to learn it.

 

I'm an auditory learner. I spent many hours in class fully aware of what the teacher was talking about, but I was staring out the windows. That is *very* frustrating for a teacher as auditory learners are the fewest in the bunch, and the hardest to deal with. Maybe it's not academic, maybe it'snot social, maybe it's just how it is, and it is the responsibility of the school to do right by your child.

 

Peace,

 

Paul

Peace,

 

Paul

 

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I flunked kindergarten, back in '59 or '60. It was actually a good thing in the long run.

But I did receive a large dose of razzing from the other kids for being stupid enough to flunk kindergaren.

 

I had cut class for 2 or 3 months straight, going to the woods and playing until it was time to come home... even then, I thought school sucked and was a complete waste of time.

 

I haven't changed my opinion very much since then, except for college; 10 or 20% of the stuff I learned there actually had some eventual use.

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I have had both kids declared emotionally disabled with an Independent Education Program - Jeff if your kid does show a medical reason for behavior, this is your ticket for support in the CA school system.[/QB]
Nick was qualified for the IEP program in January, Doug. However, they all agree that his difficulties do not fall under a medical category, since he's quite capable of paying attention and focusing when he's not surrounded by other kids.

 

In fact, the independent tester couldn't even figure out why he was sent to her for examination, since he did so well on the testing. She couldn't provide any diagnosis at all. But that was one-on-one. It's only when he's in a group of kids does the bad behavior start.

 

Lots to consider. Thanks!

 

- Jeff

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I have no advice for Jeff but can share my experiences with little thrashy. He is now in third grade in the gifted program, intimidating test scores, the whole type of kid Ani and others have been referring to. we started him a year after he could have (sept Bday) because of concerns for maturity and still hit problems immediately in 1st grade. We got very lucky with a first grade teacher that was willing to try something a little different. instead of the normal disciplinary stuff she would give mini thrashy extra advanced work when he started acting up. we watched this for a month and were quickly able to figure out that his problem was indeed the boredom. The major obstacle we had was there is no recourse for gifted kids in this school system till third grade. We were very lucky because of one teacher that was willing to go out on a limb and actively seek out stuff to keep him busy, I really think she enjoyed trying to find a challenge for him. the teachers since have pretty much been forced to follow this but they are not quite as diligent and really aren't too happy about it. The nice thing is he is still technically in third grade and is in class with normal third graders but at his normal school he is doing advanced things from different grades plus other things to keep him busy. THe gifted program here is only one day a week instead of a normal classroom. As far as it goes, the kid still is terribly "wiggly", generally can't sit still, is horribly opinionated, stubborn, most of the behavioral issues that were the reason to keep from entering kindergarden are still evident though.

Reach out and grab a clue.

 

Something Vicious

My solo crap

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We are going through the same thing. Our son, who is in first grade, is one of the youngest in his class. He can do the work, but has a problem staying on task. He can also be extremely lazy. As they say in the country, That boy has a lot of quit in him.

 

Two months ago his teacher said he might not pass this year. Mostly due to his reading level. That was quite a shock to us, since we were impressed with what he reads at home. We are determined that he is not going to be held back. Even if that means home schooling him next year, with the intention of him going back to join his current classmates in the third grade.

 

He has a little difficulty with speaking clearly and gets weekly tutoring to help him out, and he is making good progress. But, Ive heard some of his friends taunt him over it. Im sure it bothers him and is part of the reason why he reads better at home than in class.

 

Holding him back would just be a double whammy and give him more reasons to doubt himself. It would leave his self-confidence at the mercy of a bunch of six and seven year olds. Thats not an option we are willing to take.

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Originally posted by Kendrix:

...

If there is any uncertainty at all about what to do... hold him back now!!!

 

The downside risk of doing this is really not significant at all. In the grand scheme of things graduating HS one year later has no meaning whatsoever. Your son will be cycling through diffferent groups of friends in elementary school no matter what you do.

 

My oldest's birthday is in late June. Based on the advice of several educators we started him the year later. Through high school he made friends based more on his age than on his grade. And academically he was always at the top of his class.

 

Your son may experience some anguish over his classmates moving up and him staying back. In a few years everyone will forget about it, and certainly by the time middle school and high school come around no one will know the difference. In the future you can take the blame for him being held back so he doesn't feel like he was inadequate.

 

It seems like any problems from holding him back will grow smaller as the years go on, but any problems from sending him on may compound over the years to come.

 

If I felt assured that knowledgeable people feel he should be held back, and that there's not medical/physical problems, I would probably hold him back. If it turns out that his is super smart and just bored, then you can figure that out in a couple of years and send him to a challenging school.

 

None of us are adequately trained to be parents - we just have to keep pluggin away and do what we feel is best for our kids. Good Luck :)

- Calfee Jones
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Originally posted by Calfee Jones:

None of us are adequately trained to be parents - we just have to keep pluggin away and do what we feel is best for our kids. Good Luck :)

Ain't that the truth!

 

Being a parent is like joining an improvisational jazz band. You'd better be prepared to zig just when you thought you were going to zag!

 

Thanks.

 

- Jeff

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Originally posted by Jeff Da Weasel:

Nick was qualified for the IEP program in January, Doug.

What designation does he qualify for under the IEP?
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This is my two and a half cents.

 

My son, a senior now, is the youngest in his class. I had the option to hold him for a second year of kindergarten, but because he was so advanced academically, and they gave me the choice, I had him continue on to the next level. He was doing multiplication in his head by the end of first grade. He's still an honor student, but his emotional and social development, his maturity, is far behind the other kids in his class. It damaged his confidence, and he was bullied badly in junior high. He later developed problems with depression and isolation. He loathed organized sports, and shunned any extra curricular activities, except for drama. He's a phenominal actor and commedian, because that has been his coping mechanism all these years. However, you can't pin him down to an honest, sincere conversation.

 

My daughter is the oldest in her class. Her birthday fell on the dividing line and I decided to give her the second year of kindergarten. She's also an honor student, but she is more confident, socially on top of the heap, and one of her class leaders. She'll be the first in her class to get her driver's license. Everyone comes to her for advice. She's not afraid to try anything, and goes out for sports, music, and service learning projects.

 

If I had it to do again, I would ABSOLUTELY have kept my son for a second year of kindergarten. I'm not just a mommy here, my day job is social work with adolescents, my degree is in education and adolescent psychology.

 

It's not a stigma, giving your son a chance to grow up, develop his social and learning skills, and to be the mature one when he's in high school. IMHO, a percentage of the early elementary students who are on meds for ADHD are probably just developmentally not ready for the level of school they are put into. Every child matures - physically, socially, academically, emotionally, mentally - at a different pace. If your child is pressured to achieve a maturity level he isn't ready for, it'll cause more long term anxiety than being held back.

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I had a similar situation where I could have skipped third grade, but my parents held me back because I was a little short for my age (I know those of you who have met me are thinking, "Short????" :D ). Although it's difficult to tell, I'm pretty darn sure that it helped. I know, not the same thing, but the story about your kids reminded me of this.
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Originally posted by Jeff Da Weasel:

And the school specifically feels that pushing into first grade next year will not allow him to mature sufficiently while he's also trying to move ahead even faster on the academics and so on.

I really don't think anyone can prescribe "maturity," one way or the other. Many kids, Einstein among them, act immature as students when not sufficiently challenged. Perhaps moving your kid ahead will accellerate his "maturity," whereas holding him back will reinforce his immaturity.

 

Or maybe the opposite.

 

Or maybe holding him back or advancing him a grade will have no impact on his "maturity," whatever "maturity" really means.

 

Does he like his classmates? does he have strong feelings one way or the other? Aside from your son's needs, what are the qualifications of the first grade teacher vs. the kindergarten teacher? I think a great teacher often trumps grade levels.

 

If i were you, i would talk to everyone, including your son, and go with your gut.

 

-Peace, love, and Brittanylips

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Originally posted by Jeff Da Weasel:

However, his maturity level and attention span in the classroom setting is not good. While most of the other kids can focus for about a half hour, Nick is only good for about 5-10 minutes. So the school feels that retaining him in Kindergarten for another year would be in his best interest, and that throwing him into first grade now would be disasterous for him.- Jeff

Nick might do better in a Montessouri school. It sounds like he's simply bored of conventional public school teaching by apathetic unionized teachers.

Disruptive behavior in an intelligent kid is usually a sign that he's lightyears ahead of the banal teachings going on in class.

He probably should be getting a schooling environment tuned to cognitive teaching methods.

Maturity can be an issue. Some kids don't mature til they're 40. :) All I can say is try to find some way to reach him on a level that has contextual meaning to him. Mostly, he'll need to grow out of this phase. Good luck!

Best Regards,

 

Mark A. Weiss, P.E.

www.ampexperts.com

-

 

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