Would you adopt to save a child?

[Shars]

Well we are....

We decided tonight to adopt a child from the Tsunami disaster tonight and called Unicef about it this evening.

My feelings have really been dealt a real jerk this week with everything thats happened and such a massive loss of life that somehow I feel we can give a child a home and a normal life, well whatever normal is after a trauma of the kind these children have been dealt.

Most have lost parents and entire families and left on their own and one thing that made my mind up about 100% about adopting was Teds lyrics to Tears We Share:

 

Who will feed the child

The child who has no one left to care

Who will hold them close

And ease their sorrow

And who will comfort those

Grieving for those no longer there

And help them know a better day

 

I feel its the right thing to do but would someone else consider it and why?

[LiveMusic]

All I know is that is an incredibly significant decision in anyone's life and the event just happened a week ago. So, maybe mull it over some.

[Botch.]

Agree with Duke, that's a big step Shars, but wonderful that you're considering it.

[John Sayers]

The agencies I've heard have discouraged overseas adoption for these kids. They said the kids are traumatised enough as it is and to change country/culture etc would be more than they could handle.

 

cheers

john

[Shars]

We all talked about it and decided thats what we wanted to do.

After all, all my kids are teens now and also its something i feel we should do.

It was something we were thinking of anyway by way of fostering rather than adoption but this happened and i feel compeled to do it.

I saw the news tonight about taking kids out of the country but this was a Unicef appeal so i know its legitimate and ready for the vetting process.

I may be able to help a child from the Asian basin as I am asian myself so it may help in healing as we go along.

We will see what happens over the next few days.

[Dak Lander]

Shars, on this one you have to think with your mind and not your feelings.

 

I'm sure that this is something you feel strongly about but you need to step back, let things level out and re-think the whole thing, and I'm not talking about a couple of weeks. I mean a minimum of six months and a year would be better.

 

Though this tsunami is devastating to millions of people and thousands more will die you really won't help by adopting children from there at this time. The trauma they've experienced won't be helped by being uprooted and moved to an entirely different environment. It will probably make things worse for them. Given some time in their present circumstances to settle out and start to heal would be the time to start looking into adopting again.

[shniggens]

Originally posted by DakLander:

The trauma they've experienced won't be helped by being uprooted and moved to an entirely different environment. It will probably make things worse for them.

I don't see how it could GET any worse for them. Seems like the move from a flooded, devastated, ruined, disease-infested, and probably soon-to-be-chaotic country, to one that's not couldn't be to bad for the kid.

[Shars]

I know your right all.

I just feel so helpless and maybe I need to volunteer or something to help rebuild or something

Adoption is something we have thought about for along time before this and its been thought and talked about for ages but this seemed the right thing to maybe do.

You see before i went into music, i was a nanny and i was asked to foster, so we did for a few years (8 kids were impossible!!) and we really loved it.

When i went into music and set up my buisness, i had to give that up but i loved it!!

Something i really enjoy doing so its kinda a love for the kids I guess and I am a soppie cow i have to say!

[Dak Lander]

Originally posted by shniggens:

Originally posted by DakLander:

The trauma they've experienced won't be helped by being uprooted and moved to an entirely different environment. It will probably make things worse for them.

I don't see how it could GET any worse for them. Seems like the move from a flooded, devastated, ruined, disease-infested, and probably soon-to-be-chaotic country, to one that's not couldn't be to bad for the kid.

We're not talking about physical immediacy here, we're talking long term mental health.

[Ernest Buckley]

Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is something my wife and I plan on doing. Many Blessings.

[Lee Flier]

Well if you adopt a very young child, a baby or toddler, they aren't going to have had much opportunity to be "imprinted" by their culture so the culture shock is minimal.

 

If an older child, they will be old enough to have their own opinion whether they'd like to move. There are kids who lived by the sea all their life and now they never want to see it again after what happened. There are kids who lost their entire families and villages. If they have no one and nothing to rebuild, it may be more traumatic to have to look at the remnants of your life every day than start a completely new one. Every kid is different and I'm sure the UNICEF folks will do a decent job of sorting out which ones would be OK to adopt overseas.

 

And yes, I did think seriously about adopting for quite some time... I've done a lot of aid work and when you see orphaned kids it's very hard not to want to take them home. After a lot of deliberation though, I realize that I really can't do it unless I'm married (and of course my husband wanted it too). I just don't think it's something I can handle alone. But if you are in a stable marriage and have other kids, and understand the risk involved with taking on a severely traumatized child, I think it's a swell idea.

 

And FWIW I have several friends who've adopted orphaned kids from other countries, and it's been fantastic for all concerned. Bless you and your family for even considering such a thing.

[Tedster]

(Sniff...sobbb)...

 

I'll go against the general opinion and say...

 

I think you have to go with your feelings on this. At the risk of sounding corny...if your heart tells you it's the right thing to do, it is. Not saying it'll be easy.

 

That said...this is something that will have years of repercussions, and there's time to mull over just how you'd like to go about it.

 

Keep us posted. (sniff)...

 

I wish my missus were stable enough to consider doing something like that.

[Slowly]

I really applaude you on your decision to adopt...but aren't there other kids from earlier disasters(tragedies) waiting to be adopted, or closer to home? Either way, God bless you just for thinking about it! Kcbass

[KenElevenShadows]

If you are really deeply passionate and committed to it and the child is quite young and everything seems cool, yadda yadda yadda, I say go for it! I hope that the child brings you great joy and vice versa.

 

If you're asking whether I could do such a thing, at this point in my life (at the risk of seeming selfish), I'd have to say no. But that's my choice. And adopting at this point in my life when I am teetering on the verge of breaking up with my girlfriend and have many other important responsibilities to others, I couldn't do it. May not be the most sensitive answer, but it's an honest one.

[Bryson]

I wonder though about the money spent to raise a kid here, and how many children that same money could help in their own country. Of course, money can't buy a loving family.

[Phait]

I think it's a beautiful thing but Dak has a good point too.

 

Now don't ask me I'm only 22 and have just started sorting my life out

 

But, if I were older and had a good job, I might actually consider. I just don't want a kid of my OWN.

[Shars]

Originally posted by Kcbass:

I really applaude you on your decision to adopt...but aren't there other kids from earlier disasters(tragedies) waiting to be adopted, or closer to home? Either way, God bless you just for thinking about it! Kcbass

Yes there are, your right about that but the thing about this one is that many mnay kids are suffering not because of the trauma but alos from fear of being abducted etc.

I can't see how we can site back, with our little cusshie lives and safe enviroments and say we cant help.

I am calling them today so will keep you imformed.

[fantasticsound]

I just heard on NPR news this morning that UNICEF and other agencies are concerned with potential slave traffic from Indonesia. This was already a problem before the Tsunami. Now they fear there will be an increase due to the chaos. This may make adoption of a child with the intention of moving them out of the country extremely difficult. Just something to consider.

 

I hadn't thought about adopting a child from the disaster, but perhaps I should. Lilly was a miracle baby who would have had infintasmal odds of being born were it not for a (then) very new fertility treatment. It was painful for my wife and prohibitively expensive, but my wife's employer was unaware their new conventional insurance plan covered three rounds of invitro treatment. Of course they dropped the coverage after our use brought it to their attention.

 

So natural childbirth is a non-issue for us and treatment has severe drawbacks we are unwilling to face again.

 

We've considered adoption, but again, the cost is far beyond our means at this time. But if children (and we don't have the expectation of adopting an infant or toddler) are in dire need, perhaps the governments and aid agencies will make it easier, financially, to rescue a child in dire need.

 

Would you please PM me, Shar, with any information you find regarding potential adoptions from these areas? I'll be glad to reciprocate if I discover my own information.

[Shars]

I will IM you the phone number

Shars

x

[KenElevenShadows]

Originally posted by fantasticsound:

I just heard on NPR news this morning that UNICEF and other agencies are concerned with potential slave traffic from Indonesia. This was already a problem before the Tsunami.

A problem...yeah, it was a MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY before the tsunami in something that affects not only SE Asia, but quite literally, the entire world including the United States and Europe and Japan!!!!!

 

I help out with a non-profit organization called

Captive Daughters , and I do the web site, mostly because I am the least worst with a computer!

[KenElevenShadows]

Speaking of that, if anyone has a link to NPR or other news agencies about this story, could you please post it here so that I can provide a link to it from the Captive Daughters site? Maybe I can try and do this either this evening or tomorrow. Thanks.

[wraub]

I'm with the majority on this, I say think it through, as unemotionally as possible, and give it a day (or week) or two.

For a variety of reasons.

 

Peace,

 

wraub

[techristian]

It is a good thing that you want to do Shars.

 

I was 28 when I got married, so I told my wife that I wanted all my children right away. This way I knew that I would be around for them into their adulthood. Now my daughters are 19 and 20 years old and I'm 49 . I'm mentioning this because you must think long term. If you have an infant you will be looking at another 18-20 years of dependency.

 

Now, I'd probably be 50-51 before the adoption is finalized and 72 before the child would be mature. I do know a guy at work though in his 60's with young teenagers and he looks very young for his age. Maybe the kids being around keep you younger.

 

Also there is the wants and desires of the spouse. If I say I want to adopt, I better make sure that I discuss this with my wife.

 

There also may be a large fee for this adoption. I'm hoping that I'm wrong, but some agency out there may try to get 10K-20K for this. Some of these international adoptions cost a small fortune. You may be able to appeal to a church group or your family or even this forum for help with that.

 

I hope that you get a healthy child too.

 

Dan Laskowski

http://teachmedrums.com

[Shars]

I just want to say something so I can get it out.

I have been here on my own all week and Peters away but i can really do with a hug right now.

I promised myself that I was going to stay strong, stay level headed and not feel to emotional about the disaster as i need to stay strong to carry on working to help these people with FOF but tonight i was watching the news and there was a story about a little boy who is 6 and who was in hospital.

He has no one, no parents, no family around as they are all dead.

He sat there looking into the distance at something behind the camera.

Its not that this child has seen anything thats made him look but hes thinking about his mum and dad who his missing and all the family hes lost and then he starts to cry...well this is where I have broken down into tears.

I feel so emotional and as I write this, i have tears that i cant stop.

You know that feeling you get deep in your chest and throat and you know any moment, your gonna just scream and lose control? well right now thats what I feel.

I cant stop crying and i feel like I am totally helpless asnd out of control!

I didnt know this would touch me so much and seeing that childs face is something that I will never forget.

I feel like my tears,each and everyone is for every child that is left with nothing and I want to grab all of them and bring them home to say their safe and just hug them and love them.

Gosh, I feel pretty bad right now and most of all, i feel guilty! I cant do anything and I am here whilst these little ones suffer.

Why the innocent and why like this? WHY?

Sorry but i need to get this out one way or another.

If Peter was here, I'd feel like I have someone here that can understand what I feel but I also feel I must be one of the luckiest people in the world, I have my children around me and if lost any of them, i dont know what i would do.

How am I going to forget that childs face as its haunting me and one thing i cant forget ever is the people like this little boy all alone.

Thanks for listening and if there are any mistakes in spelling ets, please forgive me but I didnt expect myself to break down when I was here all on my own.

At least my babys back tomorrow and tonight I will give thanks that my family are here...I dont ever want to lose the...not like those poor people.

Ok, iam going to make a hot drink but thanks or the space to let me get what I feel out.

[Dak Lander]

http://www.imgag.com/product/full/ap/3020627/graphic1.gif

[Shars]

Thanks Dak...your a sweetheart.

I think the whole thing has really got to me over today and just needed to get that out of my head.

I am of to bed now and maybe listen to the radio for a while and a cup of Horlicks and call Peter for some comfort but I feeli like I needed to have a cry so thank you for the hug Dak, you lot here are just so cool.

[Super 8]

Heavy thread.

 

I applaud those who would consider adopting children of this tragedy.

 

I really do agree with Dak that this has to be something which is given GREAT consideration to before any action is taken. It's a major commitment.

Emotions are powerful things, and the emotion involved in this is intense, but I really think emotion needs to take a back seat here, for the benefit of everyone involved.

 

My guess is that there would be very few infants or toddlers who could have survived this. Most of the survivors would probably be at least 4 or 5 years old.

Any older child who has been through this and lost his/her family/friends/village because of this event is going to have emotional issues the size of Texas. Emotional issues in children often turn into behavioral issues... And if you adopt one of these children you need to be prepared to deal with that. A child who will possibly be violent, possibly steal from you, possibly molest your other children (if you have any), possibly develop a serious drug problem, possibly run away.

 

All of these are very real possibilities, and you may be helpless to stop it. This will naturally create a lot of stress in your own life, and within your family. People sometimes get divorced over stuff like this. So, you have to know how you are going to deal with it.

 

People who are foster parents often have a pretty good grasp of this stuff. Some kids they take on they can handle, and some they can't. And sometimes it's a great match, and if all works out, they end up adopting them. I've seen this happen more than once, and it's rewarding to see a child -of parents who by all rights should have been sterilized at puberty- who will now have the opportunity to be raised in a healthy, stable, and loving home.

 

I could never say to anyone that adopting a child of this tragedy was a bad idea. It's not. But I do think it's going to require some pretty special people to do it and make it work.

 

Shars, if this doesn't end up happening, you might consider getting involved as a foster parent. There are lots of kids (as you are well aware) who are in need of the love and compassion that you and your family have to offer. The real benefit of it is that these kids live near to you, and you likely have a well established support system in your area.

 

This is something you can do that would make a difference. There are lots of ways to share the love. Unfortunately, the need in this world far exceeds the supply.