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Why are women so drawn to "bad boys"?


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Originally posted by boosh:

And what would you say is the definition of a "bad boy" anyway?

http://www.frantic-nutbush.com/booshy.jpg

:) [/QB]

 

http://www.inicia.es/de/cinemania/j7.jpg

 

The outlaw,

The desperado

the rebel without a cause

The tough guy with the puppydog eyes

Too fast to live

Too young to die

 

Chicks cannot resist this stuff. I think it arouses them sexual while at the same time, triggers their maternal instincts.

 

James Dean is the original bad boy, though. What I wouldn't give to have a head of hair like that guy had.

Super 8

 

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Originally posted by Lee Flier:

Originally posted by Super 8:

Oh sure! They say this now.

But then check out the guy they dump you for!

Wow.

 

And then you're like' "What do you see in THAT guy? You know he's just gonna hurt you."

And they're like; "Oh, he's different! You just don't him on the inside! I can change him! I can change him!"

Sorry, I've never said or thought that.
Lee, I hope you know I was joking when I said that.

Maybe I should use more of these things :D .

 

Actually, I DID get dumped pretty hard for a bad boy once.

And here I thought I WAS the bad boy. Hair down to the middle of my back. Drummer in a rock band. Weird-O friends. Even had me a motorcycle.

 

But, I didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't use any drugs at the time. My girlfriend was a virgin, and I intended to keep her that way...even though it was getting more and more difficult to do that....if you know what I mean ;)

 

So, I guess I just wasn't bad enough.

 

She moved in with him, he screwed her, and eventually dumped her. She called me up later to tell me she was sorry she left, and that I...yes, *I*...was the better man. :cool: (damn I'm good)

 

I, of course didn't take her back, which in retrospect was probably a pretty big mistake, because the girl I started dating -and eventually married for 3 months- ended up fucking me over in ways I could only imagine. :(

 

But I'm all better now... :thu:

Super 8

 

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Why are women so drawn to "bad boys"?
Such a loaded generalization.

 

Kinda like asking, "Why Are Guys So Drawn To Big Tits??"

 

In either scenario, you are assuming a nurturing deficiency is in place.

 

If you are not a "bad boy," try looking for a woman who is not so shallow and emotionally immature that she needs a man who is fucked up in order to feel she is above him.

 

Because the whole "Women so drawn to bad boys" thing is really all about women who are all about having the upper hand in the relationship.

 

I know, because I'm a bad boy, and I'm fucked up. I've been through this.

 

When I finally met a strong woman who loved me for who I am, it all made sense.

 

When you are at peace with yourself, you can be at peace in love with someone else.

 

All this "Chicks Love XXXX____" bullshit is just that. Bullshit.

 

Don't believe the hype.

 

Be yourself. Be honest, be true.

 

Don't be afraid of love. Find the love in yourself, and put it out there. Put it WAY out there.

Eric Vincent (ASCAP)

www.curvedominant.com

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Originally posted by John Sayers:

A recent test had a group of women with a group of differing men from dark and handsome bad boys to tender considerate plain men.

 

The women would prefer to sleep with the bad boys yet would always prefer to marry the plain men.

 

go figure :)

 

cheers

john

Since I'm NOT planning to get married again -soon- that might work fine for me :)

 

Not a bad boy... but I guess it's all about thw attitude...

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Senior Product Manager, América Latina y Caribe - PreSonus

at Fender Musical Instruments Company

 

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I'm with Curve. It's a silly generalization. Sure, there is a segment of the female population that runs off with the "bad boy," just as there are women who are hanging out after concerts or sporting events looking for a quick thrill. But this isn't ALL women. The ones that you'd actually want to settle down with are probably not in that crowd.

 

If you want a serial relationship with emotional basket cases, do the bad boy thing. Just don't be surprised when your life is recounted in detail on Springer one day. Meanwhile, there's a whole world full of quiet, dependable women out there who aren't always flashy but might just treat you like a king if you reciprocate with honesty, courtesy, responsibility and just enough fun and mystery to keep them interested.

 

Just don't be a totally consistent, 365 day per year, Mr. It's Painfully Obvious That I'm Worthless Without You Guy. There's no challenge in it. People want to feel that there's just a slight bit of challenge. You know the old story. The newspaper ad reads "Free Kittens," and nobody calls. Everyone assumes that there's something wrong with them. Run another at charging money for each kitten, and people will call. Whether you're a man or a woman, never let yourself be the "free kitten." People will not value you if you don't value yourself. Don't price yourself out of the market, but don't be too cheap, either. It's a human nature thing.

 

A girl once told me, "A guy needs to have a little bit of asshole potential." Potential. Not actually being one, at least not very often. But enough potential that she'll know that you are capable of being hard to put up with unless she stays on her toes. It works for both men and women. If she wants a puppy, let her buy a puppy. Don't BE the puppy.

The Black Knight always triumphs!

 

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Originally posted by Lee Flier:

Originally posted by Super 8:

[qb]

My wife, for some strange reason, thinks Tommy Lee is sexy. TOMMY frikk'n LEE!

YOW. That's pretty scary. I used to see him around L.A. a lot before Motley Crue was even very famous and he was an abusive jerk THEN. :D
Well he may be a jerk, but he sure is stupid.
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If you want a serial relationship with emotional basket cases, do the bad boy thing. Just don't be surprised when your life is recounted in detail on Springer one day. Meanwhile, there's a whole world full of quiet, dependable women out there who aren't always flashy but might just treat you like a king if you reciprocate with honesty, courtesy, responsibility and just enough fun and mystery to keep them interested.
Uhhh.. man, ok, this sounds good. This "quiet, dependable women" type, where are they?

All I end up with are what seem to be "interesting" girls who turn out to be "emotional basket cases," as you said. I would be soo stoked to get a "nice girl" that are rumored to exist instead of these walking nightmares.

 

I think I might have a typecasting problem, I might seem like a pile of surfacey contradictions.

I'm a nice church-boy... and I'm also into the occult. I love death metal... and The Carpenters. I'm straight-edge... and have heroin chic friends.

I come from a punk rock background... and I'm a good disco dancer. I can fight and cuss up a storm, but would rather not. I'm a solid, dependable guy; positive, loyal. Happy, self-actualized. Keep it gnarly, yo.

 

It might be a thing where I get all the cultural references of "bad girl" rebellious types, but over the long-term our personalities are like oil & water. But that's all I've ever seemed to meet, so I dunno what to do.

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There's more than one kind of "bad boy"...

 

Seems many of you are equating "bad boys" with woman abusers and women chasers ...which can be true, but isn't always the case.

There are those "bad boys" that have that rebel-without-a-pause attitude...but yet, treat their women quite well, and are true to that one woman...even if many other women are chasing them.

 

Take it all back to the cave...men HAD to be "bad boys" to survive and protect their own...and many women naturally felt/feel attracted to that type of strength.

 

Now...why some women can't seem to give up on, and get away from, an abuser...???...

...that may have a lot to do with fear, and maybe even a bit of stupidity...and it takes them awhile to smarten up and find the strength to split.

 

Me...I'm not a "bad boy"...

..but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night. ;)

 

Hey...you can play the part a bit if it helps in the attracting. We all "put on" a bit of image when we're out there trying to meet-n-greet.

But then you also need to know when to take off the costume and just be yourself.

 

Many of the so-called "bad boys"...are really just guys continually living in their own fantasy world...too scared to come out...

...and if they met a REAL bad boy, they would shit in their undies!!! :D

miroslav - miroslavmusic.com

 

"Just because it happened to you, it doesn't mean it's important."

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It's all about confidence. I believe women are attracted to confident men.

 

"Bad boys" may be jerks and they may be stupid or abusive but rarely are they not confident.

 

Back in high school I could never figure out why all the girls liked the guys who came right out and made crass, chauvinistic, come-ons to them in the hallway. Looking back it's because these guys were always sure of themselves and weren't worried about impressing anyone.

 

Note that this is also the reason that when you're single it's harder to meet women than when you're in a relationship. When you've got a relationship going, you tend to be more confident. Or if you're in a position of some authority.

 

Note that I figured this out after I was 30 and married for several years. :D

"You never can vouch for your own consciousness." - Norman Mailer
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Originally posted by Dan South:

If you want a serial relationship with emotional basket cases, do the bad boy thing. Just don't be surprised when your life is recounted in detail on Springer one day.

Yep, I agree. Same thing for guys who continually chase the "femme fatale" type.

 

Just don't be a totally consistent, 365 day per year, Mr. It's Painfully Obvious That I'm Worthless Without You Guy. There's no challenge in it. People want to feel that there's just a slight bit of challenge. You know the old story. The newspaper ad reads "Free Kittens," and nobody calls. Everyone assumes that there's something wrong with them. Run another at charging money for each kitten, and people will call. Whether you're a man or a woman, never let yourself be the "free kitten." People will not value you if you don't value yourself. Don't price yourself out of the market, but don't be too cheap, either. It's a human nature thing.

 

A girl once told me, "A guy needs to have a little bit of asshole potential." Potential. Not actually being one, at least not very often. But enough potential that she'll know that you are capable of being hard to put up with unless she stays on her toes.

Uggghhh... now this sounds like something straight out of some Yuppie Handbook for Dating. First of all, I DO call when people place ads for free kittens. ;) I wouldn't consider someone worthless or that they don't value themselves if they want to be very involved in their relationship and not play games just to be a "challenge." I'll tell you what - so far as I'm concerned life is quite enough of a "challenge" on its own without having to deal with more of it from your mate, the one person who's supposed to be your partner and take care of you no matter what. I know I hold up my end of that bargain in relationships so why should I put up with any different?

 

I'm not saying anybody should be a doormat - I don't think any reasonable person of either gender wants that. But the happiest couples that I know spend a lot of time together and are VERY consistent with each other. There's none of this "I need my space" or "I need to keep you on your toes" crap. I do agree with those who've said a lot of it is about how much value you place in yourself. If you think you're worth spending time with and the right person will love you no matter how well they know you, you don't need to play games. If you're afraid that revealing too much of yourself will make the other person lose interest, then you want to play up the "mystique" and that will in turn attract other people who need that veil of separation.

 

I also think that while the "I'm worthless without you" thing can be and often is overplayed, most people do want to feel needed, and I am just as turned off by the whole "I don't need anybody, I am complete all by myself" crap too. All the pop psychology of the past few decades has really done a number on people's heads, IMO. And not in a good way!

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Have a holly, jolly Christmas;

It's the best time of the year

I don't know if there'll be snow

but have a cup of cheer

Have a holly, jolly Christmas;

And when you walk down the street

Say Hello to friends you know

and everyone you meet

 

Oh

ho

the mistletoe

hung where you can see;

Somebody waits for you;

Kiss her once for me

Have a holly jolly Christmas

and in case you didn't hear

Oh by golly

have a holly

jolly Christmas this year

 

Good advice from the original bad boy of music

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Oh by golly

have a holly

jolly Christmas this year

 

Good advice from the original bad boy of music

Or at least the original BAD LYRICIST of music. :eek: Funny, I was just wondering if this song was so horrifically lame that it had crossed over into being kitschy cool when I saw your post.

Just a pinch between the geek and chum

 

 

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Personally I live by the motto "Please be nice to me or I'll simply have to kill you". I also have the b*lls to back that statement up, and I measure when, where and why very carefully. I've found that women see that confidence as highly attractive. Does that make me a bad boy? No. I'm a tough man who doesn't take sh*t when I don't have to. I know when to shut up, listen, and respect authority too.

 

Bad boys are like women who are F'd up. They're overcompensating for some insecurity. Or maybe they're just stupid. Everybody's gotta answer to someone. If you're gonna be a rebel, be an intelligent one. Bad boys want to argue when that isn't necessary. They want to challenge authority simply because they refuse to take anyone's direction.

 

Decent women want a strong man who will treat them with dignity and respect. They also want a man who will stand up for himself, even to them, when it is appropriate. Women who are F'd up want a strong man who could care less about them. It's like they're trying to win that man over for all the wrong reasons. I've known both types of women.

 

Men should live with honor. Honor to self, to others, and most of all to God. Bad boys don't live with honor. They're all about themselves.

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Confidence is part of it, but I know women who are turned off by guys who are overly confident. They assume that he's a "player," and that he's going to take the goodies and run. If the guy stammers a little bit, they see that as a good thing, a clue that his interest is genuine.

 

The "bad boy" attaction is more about having fun. Women assume that the guy is going to direct the date, as is often the case, so if a woman is seeking thrills, she'll want to go out with a guy who's fun and daring and impulsive and assertive. Someone who's more reserved isn't likely to be as fun right away, and they could turn out to be terminally dull. Bad boys - the adventurous ones, not the abusive ones - are rarely dull.

 

Going out with an adventurous guy is like taking a vacation in an exciting destination. The girl knows in advance that SOMETHING is going to happen. Going out with a terminally dull or bashful guy is like vacationing in Nebraska. She's going to have to work REALLY hard to have even a little bit of fun. That this is a turn-off to women should be obvious.

The Black Knight always triumphs!

 

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Come on you guys, women wanna get fucked.

They want you to have confidence in BED.

They want to be TAKEN and made your play thing but with an underlying and unwavering respect as well(you gotta respect your ladies fellas).

 

Women love guitar players because the sight of you up there manipulating that thing into making beautiful sounds parallels you playing them like an instrument.

 

"Bad boys" represent to women(superficially)a man who can take a women to a place sexually she may no be getting taken to in her present relationship. Nice guys lose girls to bad boys because the bad boy represents the possibility of out of this world animal sex.

 

So i would suggest all men progressively nail their ladies in dirtier and nastier ways and do their best to take their women to "out of this world heights" of sexual arousal on a regular basis to avoid the possibility of her falling for some loser who(if he were to touch your precious pookie)you may have to kill, and then you'd end up in jail.

 

See the trouble i save you guys.

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Originally posted by halljams:

Come on you guys, women wanna get fucked.

They want you to have confidence in BED.

They want to be TAKEN and made your play thing but with an underlying and unwavering respect as well(you gotta respect your ladies fellas).

 

Women love guitar players because the sight of you up there manipulating that thing into making beautiful sounds parallels you playing them like an instrument.

 

"Bad boys" represent to women(superficially)a man who can take a women to a place sexually she may no be getting taken to in her present relationship. Nice guys lose girls to bad boys because the bad boy represents the possibility of out of this world animal sex.

 

So i would suggest all men progressively nail their ladies in dirtier and nastier ways and do their best to take their women to "out of this world heights" of sexual arousal on a regular basis to avoid the possibility of her falling for some loser who(if he were to touch your precious pookie)you may have to kill, and then you'd end up in jail.

 

See the trouble i save you guys.

:freak:

 

Halljams,

 

You must be talking to the guys about what you "THINK" women want. Indeed, a woman wants a man that is confident in the bedroom... BUT, confidence alone does not make a man good in bed. The best lovemaking comes when a man allows himself to be vulnerable to a woman taking the lead from time to time; he also needs to be open and receptive to suggestions while having a willingness to explore new horizons.

 

The fact that a man has been with a thousand different women, a hundred different women, or just one woman does not determine how well he performs in bed. In fact, the man that has been involved in fewer long term relationships will often times prove to be far more accommodating to a woman's needs than the man that knows every trick and chick in the book. Quantity definitely does not mean quality when it comes to sex and love making.

 

To me, bad boys do not represent "out of this world animal sex".... I question whether or not these men have issues in the bedroom, whether it is from a lack of endowment, a lack of endurance, a lack of sensuality, and many other things that would cause a woman to NOT want to go back for seconds. I don't know if it's by choice that a man wants to whore himself out, or if it's by rejection from those that have experienced disappointment and don't want to bother with it a second time. I'm not going to be taking a chance either way with Mr. Don Juan because macho pigs are a complete turn off to me.

 

Now back on topic....

 

Not all abusive men would fall into the "bad boys" profile. My first husband was brutally abusive and yet he was clean cut, well mannered, career oriented, financially sound, and a very well liked and respected peer among friends, family, and co-workers. He did not drink or do drugs of any kind, his hair was never allowed to touch the lobes of his ears prior to getting it cut, and he was a mama's boy with an art of dazzling mother figures ( my mother loved the guy and accepted him as a suiter for her daughter... he was the only man that passed her standards in allowing me to date )

 

He and I lived 300 miles apart while dating and engaged for better than 2 years so I never witnessed his problem with anger control; not until after we were married and living together. I stayed with him for 4 1/2 years, not because I loved him after he started hitting me, but out of fear. When I say fear, the fear came from many directions... and not just in being afraid to leave an abusive man.

 

A lot of the fear was more out of acceptance in the Christian upbringing that I had had shoved down my throat throughout my childhood.... Divorce was not acceptable... there was a fear that I wouldn't be able to make it on my own in a big and ugly world. Another fear was the thought of being the dreaded "Divorcee" that my mother had always scowled about... a lot of things all wrapped up in one big knot that just happened to be the noose my ex had around my neck. My parents had always raised the girls in our family to be dependent upon a man, as it was the Christian way for a man to be the bread winner and the ladies to be the home makers; I didn't know how to balance a budget other than what I had learned in math classes at school. I didn't want to go back home to live with my parents, but I was afraid of not being capable of supporting myself on the salary that I was making at the time. Things finally got so bad that I couldn't take it anymore; that's when I learned a whole new world existed in having my own independence....

 

Sometimes I think that I'm too strong, but life has a way of building stone walls.

You can take the man away from his music, but you can't take the music out of the man.

 

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Sweetwater: Bruce Swedien\'s "Make Mine Music"

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Which is frightening, cuz who the heck ever wanted to bang someone that's mothering them??? My Mom was pretty, a cool lady & all, but when my wife starts getting maternal with me I lose my desire a bit.

Originally posted by Super 8:

[QB]Chicks cannot resist this stuff. I think it arouses them sexual while at the same time, triggers their maternal instincts.[QB]

I used to think I was Libertarian. Until I saw their platform; now I know I'm no more Libertarian than I am RepubliCrat or neoCON or Liberal or Socialist.

 

This ain't no track meet; this is football.

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The topic of the thread is in fact "why are women so drawn to bad boys".

My post was exactly on topic.(and it was meant to be slightly humourous BTW).

Ugly as it is if you don't see the humour, i stated one of the most primary (and maby taboo) truths about the subject.

If a women is mature or controlled enough to not be drawn to bad boys even slightly then some of it may not apply.

I was focusing on the why's of the demographic that is, even if it's just a tingle in the back of their brain, what i said is part of it, it's not meant to be a put down, it's not meant to be degrading.

I certainly don't think these are the only complexities that make up a woman or love or sex.

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Some very good analyses here. I really gotta say Curve Dominant hit the nail on the head, based on my experience. Read that again, dang, that's some relationship-shrink advice there! :)

 

FWIW, I will recount what little I know about the whole relationship thing based on my perspective.

 

I'm considered a pretty independent type o' woman, and the best relationships I've had have been with guys that start out as friends. Most of my relationships, in fact; heck, the guy I married, we've been together since 1990 and it's been downright painless.

 

But some women I see, they don't base their relationships on friendship -- or a strong foundation of emotional and intellectual commonality and compatibility with guys they date -- it's based more on physical attraction as well as need for someone to take care of them. A good friend of mine in high school used to amaze me at her choice of guys and how much she'd put her life on hold waiting for a guy to call or come around. I used to tell her she needed a hobby. :)

 

I've dated my share of "bad boys" too, butthat's a really broad term and needs qualification. Like Ani said, not all jerks are "bad boys." So when I say bad boy ... I'm not talking about someone who'd slap me around or otherwise be abusive to me, or break promises. More "wild," I guess, in terms of partying and dare-devil attitude and perhaps having some problem with authority. Why did I date THESE types? Two main reasons, I think: 1. I was kinda like that myself; 2. like Curve said, I was strong enough in who I was to come to a person like that with the attitude, "this is who I am, this is what I want, this is how decent people treat each other. You respect me, I'll respect you. If you're down with that, cool, let's hang out. If not, adios ... but you seem to really like me, and I really like you, so consider what you'd be missing." Even with these guys, who were more of a handful than the clean-cut dudes, I had a strong friendship with them first.

 

I don't know if that's the kind of "bad boy" you were referring to in original question or more the abusive type, but that there's my .02.

Original Latin Jazz

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"I am not certain how original my contribution to music is as I am obviously an amateur." Patti Smith

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Originally posted by halljams:

Women love guitar players because the sight of you up there manipulating that thing into making beautiful sounds parallels you playing them like an instrument.

Great. Just great. I'm a keyboard player that hits a lot of wrong notes. :mad::cry:

Botch

"Eccentric language often is symptomatic of peculiar thinking" - George Will

www.puddlestone.net

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Originally posted by Botch.:

Originally posted by halljams:

Women love guitar players because the sight of you up there manipulating that thing into making beautiful sounds parallels you playing them like an instrument.

Great. Just great. I'm a keyboard player that hits a lot of wrong notes. :mad::cry:
I'm a drummer. I like to "hammer them hard". :D
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I had to cut my initial post short because I had to run out of the house, but basically, I asked because my curiosity arose out of a discussion several of my friends were having. I had mentioned something about meeting more women at gigs where I was playing guitar than playing keyboards, and it turned into this discussion about why women are often drawn to "bad boys". Not ALL women, obviously, but many. And as Lee suspects, I also have another motive for asking... :D

 

And no, I wasn't thinking of abusive "bad boys", but wondering about the attraction that women have towards "bad boys". There's a certain aura that "bad boys" put out there that women initially pick up on, an initial attraction, but I couldn't really think of a definition of what a "bad boy" would be. Maybe it differs, but it seems like if you say "bad boys" people nod their heads knowingly, even if they have difficulty articulating what that phrase exactly is.

 

Sometimes you see "bad boys" out there, and they aren't even really all that great looking. But women are attracted to them. It might be just for a shagging, it might be for a relationship, but it's a certain something. They seem to be brimming with confidence (and whether they are or not is debatable, but as long as they appear to be brimming with confidence, that seems to be a big part of it). But there's something more because maybe a cocky lawyer type might be brimming with confidence but isn't perceived as a "bad boy". There's a certain element of danger, I think, but without being the "oh, shit, this guy's gotta be a felon" kinda thing.

 

And yeah, I was referring to women getting emotionally hurt, not physically, but didn't really make that clear in my quick, dash-offed post.

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