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hi all, i am back. sorry about the long delay in posting/reading this forum. i went off the net for a long time and was fairly unaware of anything happening in cyber-land.

 

on the health front, found out the cause of my beathing issues recently:

 

i have a sinus issue where the passages in my upper-respiratory system are too small and shut off/become clogged easily. this clogging causes my lungs to react in a desparate way trying to resolve the issue but only making it worse. this is a form of athsma, however conventional forms of fighting athsma have not worked and this caused my body to become very ill and begin to shut down.

 

as fellow musicians, we all share a certain degree of "mental issues" as this is why we do music. we are all a little crazy to a point, if you disagree, simply read any post in this forum for a rebuttle :D

 

my physical condition unfortunatley caused a "dark period" in my mental state, and i abandoned a lot of important things in my life, this forum included. i cannot explain this and offer no excuse, other than i needed to begin finding something; something inside, some serious past issue that is not yet clear.

 

i no longer party like i used to. its not fun anymore. i also struggle with expression lately - its as if i have nothing to say anymore. i DO, but i cannot find it right now. i lie awake at night and watch my brain pull boxes and boxes of unkown things and shuffle them around so fast i sometimes have little capacity to do much else. i need to find out what is in these boxes, this is a key to a problem of which i do not know the question yet.

 

this may sound crazy, and maybe i am - i do consider the thought quite often. the things i love and do may be quite weird to some and are quickly becoming farther apart from the rest of the world.

 

right now i feel as though i am waking from something, something dark and something empty but i do not know what. this may or may not all be related to my physical condition, or may simply be some kind of breakdown i am coming out of - i dont know.

 

on december 6th, i go in for surgery. they will drill out all my sinus passages and create about 10 1CM holes in my face so that my upper respiratory system functions correctly. also they will break my nose and reposition it so that it is straight inside. this scares the living hell out of me - there is a 1/1000 chance i will go blind or suffer brain injury - a very low chance but still...i am dreading dec 6.

 

i read some of the posts today looking for me and yes, i am david j tesch of fargo north dakota. my main income is derived from live sound/studio recording. i am 31. my truck is 35. i am a lot different now than i was in february. maybe a lot less fun, maybe a lot less naive, maybe a lot less of a risk-taker. i still like beer, and nachos, although the beer thing has tapered off drmatically - the nachos maybe not so much :D

 

if i have learned anything, it is that i am a real person and my problems are my resposibility, and that my actions represent who i am. this said i have chosen to return to the world of craigs forum and to the real-life world around me in north dakota. however a certain "fun spark" in me seems to be missing and my motivation for creation is an impossible uphill battle.

 

i'm still in a tejano band, but i no longer drink when working, ever. other people can and thats fine, but i will wait till after work. this is true in the studio and when doing live sound as well. some bands cant understand why i wont do shots with them during the show and get kind of upset when i refuse. watching back videos of my band causes me to question whether or not this is a good thing or not - on the videos i am a much more lucid player when i drink which i find odd - i never feel drinking enhances my playing - it only makes it harder - but playback does not lie. i dont know what to think of this other than i need to learn how to play lucid sober like i do when i have had a few beers and i am unsure how to go about that - but drinking beer at work is not going to happen anymore.

 

that feels good to get this off my chest. i hope to sort out some of this stuff soon. i also need to re-evaluate some of the things i am doing in life, like working and generating income etc.

 

i am back now. i will be here from now on. thanks for your concern. this is my favorite place to be.

 

and I AM NOT CEREAL!!

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WOW! Glad you're back, Cereal! :D

 

Seriously, we missed you. Sounds like you're on the mend, and starting to come around into a bit happier frame of mind. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but, if things ever start to get darker than you think you can handle 'em, don't hesitate to reach out and ask for help.

 

Although it sounds scary right now, my bet is that you'll feel 100 percent better after the surgery. Go for it! And, about the broken nose thing, don't worry, you'll be out before they break your nose, unlike Sugar Ray "Boom Boom" Kowalski (mythical boxer).

 

Good to have you back!

 

BTW...my wife was born in Fargo.

"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
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Hey man! Good to see you alive and somewhat well.

 

Remember... the best thing is that now you know what's going on with you. All the time you were floating, wondering whether it was one thing or another, had to be the worst part.

 

But like you say, it's like waking up form the darkness, and it takes awhile for the morning to set in. I'm sure your surgery will be a success, and you'll remember what it's like to live again.

 

- Jeff

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What a great surprise to open the forum pages this morning and see you come back. That made my day Dave.

 

Most, if not all, of us go through times somewhat similar to yours. It's good that you are starting to come out of it but realize there are always going to be questions, about who or what you are, why you're here & so on. That's one of the things that makes us human and I believe it's because we have a somewhat cognitive brain. In other words, those thoughts and wonderments are normal.

 

Glad to see you back.

 

Our Joint

 

"When you come slam bang up against trouble, it never looks half as bad if you face up to it." The Duke...

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You're not crazy, but it sounds like you're depressed. After a scary, life-threatening illness/experience, everything looks a bit different, especially for a younger guy who ordinarily wouldn't need to be thinking about such things. One's brain naturally starts to grind through existential questions, thoughts about the future, concern with whether your actions have meaning, etc. when you feel in mortal danger. Also, I'm not sure how big of a drinker you were, but booze is a great way to keep the brain from worrying, reflecting, etc. Your illness and reduction in booze may both have brought alot of stuff to the surface and it's hitting you all at once.

 

Think of the "boxes" as treasure chests. They are opportunities for discovery. And a treasure hunt isn't necessarily a walk through the park- you may find some scary sh*t in some of those boxes. But that's ok- you are already feeling stressed about it, so you might as well figure it out and resolve it now. But in the end, you'll know yourself better and be more grounded. It might be helpful to have a companion for the journey, a clergy or counselor or psychologist, so you have a second set of eyes looking out for markers along the way.

 

Do the things you used to do and enjoy. You will eventially start to enjoy them again. However, you might find some of those things have lost meaning for you and are no longer fun, and that's ok- we all change our interests over time. Go out and look for new opportunities for fun, as well. You might be able to get a jumpstart with a few months (or less) of an anti-depressant.

 

And socialize. You will start to connect with people again. Again with the booze, socializing sober can feel foreign after many years of socializing with alcohol.

 

Best wishes and a speedy recovery, Coaster!

Scott

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also they will break my nose and reposition it so that it is straight inside. this scares the living hell out of me - there is a 1/1000 chance i will go blind or suffer brain injury - a very low chance but still...i am dreading dec 6.

 

Unless I'm mistaken, that's a septoplasty. I had that, and a polypectomy done when I was in my early - mid 20's. I'm not going to sugar coat it... it smarts a bit. Okay, that is sugar coating it - it felt like someone had smacked me a good one on the nose with a baseball bat, but only for a day or so, and the meds help take the edge off the pain. That's the honest truth. The removal of the nasal packing also smarts a bit, but you'll get through it fine. And afterwards, you'll be able to breathe a heck of a lot better, and along with the sinus operation (which I didn't need), you should see a significant improvement in your overall health - IMO, more than worth a couple of days of discomfort. Just don't make the mistake I did and do anything too strenuous until you get cleared for that by the docs. I did, and wound up with a hematoma, and they had to go back in and fix a bunch of stuff all over again - and once was enough.

 

No one mentioned anything to me regarding the possibility of blindness or brain damage as potential complications, but I had mine done while I was sedated but under a local anesthetic, not a general anesthetic, so that may be the reason behind the potential complications in your case. I'm sure the sinus surgery and drilling are also additional risk factors, but seriously, as sick as you've been, do you really have a choice? I mean, yes, you need to seriously consider and evaluate the risks vs benefits of any elective operation, but I don't really see where you have much of a choice here - it's not like this is plastic surgery for vanity's sake - you NEED this for health reasons.

 

I'm really glad to see you back online Coaster, and I wish you all the best with your operation. I'm glad that they've finally traced the cause of your problems and that they can address / correct it.

 

Be well my friend! :thu:

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By the way, Coaster: tthey tell you the risks (including death and all that fun stuff) with any surgery, no matter how routine. That includes tosillectomies, wisdom teeth extraction, apendectomies and all the rest. Thousands are performed daily around the world, successfully.

 

I'm not saying you're needlessly worrying, but the perspective is the same as flying in a plaane: statistically and realistically, you probably have as much chance getting struck by lightning.

 

- Jeff

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I'm glad to see that you're back. I think your depression may just be the natural part of the lack of brain oxygen. The operation should make you breath better and thus feel better. My brother had a similar operation for a deviated septum.

 

I don't know about you, but I personally will get a SECOND OPINION before I go under the knife FOR ANY REASON.

 

Good to see you still kicking !

 

Dan

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Glad to hear from you again, Coaster.

 

My wife went through the same procedure several years ago. She failed to consistantly follow up with the nasal spray they prescribed and will now need another procedure if the medication they've given her doesn't disolve the polyp that appeared. She, too, had her deviated septum fixed and, while it was painful at the time, but just as deanmass stated, she said she felt like she had an extra airway.

 

It should clear a lot of things up for you physically, and perhaps, emotionally. But be sure to follow up with whatever medication or other maintenance your doctor prescribes.

 

Again, glad to have you back! :thu:

It's easiest to find me on Facebook. Neil Bergman

 

Soundclick

fntstcsnd

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Great, after all these years, I still can tell Coaster and Cereal apart.

 

Let's see, Coaster is from LA, and Cereal is from North Dakota.

 

No, wait! It's the other way around.

 

Or, is it?

 

Does anybody have a copy of the program?

 

:rolleyes:

The Black Knight always triumphs!

 

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Great to see you back Dave! Hanshanigan had some really good advice about sorting through your boxes; there's treasures to find but you'll need to kick the cobwebs out. There is only one part that I might disagree with, if you were dependent upon alcohol or substance of any kind before, I would avoid anti-depressants at all costs; they can become another form of a crutch. Once your head clears up after your surgery, you will probably feel more like getting involved in a bit of light excercise. A brisk walk through a park can energize you, while allowing you time for thinking. As Phil said, nothing strenuous until the Doctors give you the okay. If you like to swim, swimming works miracles with rejuvinating the physical and thought process.

 

I've been through the dark stages that you are going through right now, and believe me, there ae brighter days ahead.

 

Welcome Back!!! :thu:

You can take the man away from his music, but you can't take the music out of the man.

 

Books by Craig Anderton through Amazon

 

Sweetwater: Bruce Swedien\'s "Make Mine Music"

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Coaster, I'm just glad you're OK, life hurts bad sometimes, but main thing is to live.....to fight another day.

 

You scared the shit out of us with your posts in February, about your health, and general condition... and then you just disappeared.

 

We love ya man, keep on truckin'.

 

Maybe..... we're not real friends because we've never met you, but we do care about you, ya know?

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Welcome back, Coaster!

 

Wow - it's actually comforting to hear about your feeling a lack of 'something to say' - I have been dealing with that myself this year, and it's tough. For me, I'm looking towards gaining clarity by improving my health & life situations in general, i.e. less stress, better financial situation, more spirituality, and trying to reconnect with the love that drove me to music in the first place.

 

And if it's any consolation - I'm living proof that one does not have to be intoxicated to be a wacko. :freak: After a lifetime of indulgence, I'm about 5 years sober (with only a couple of isolated regressions) and I find that (most of the time) I dig it far more than being stoned.

 

Peace to ya - Christopher Kemp

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Wow... welcome back Coaster! You really had us all worried. :( Don't blame you for being concerned about the surgery, but it's certainly a good thing that you found out the source of your health problems! Once you've had that done you'll feel sooo much better I'm sure... a lot of people who are living with a chronic health problem don't even realize how bad it made them feel until they get better.

 

We'll do our best to keep you in good spirits till then! Good to see you back. :)

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You are not back.

 

I have already torn away my shirt and cried to the north, "I have no Coaster. I have no Coaster."

 

I made offerings to the mighty god Mopar, but to no avail.

 

Dec. 6 is the seven month anniversary of my first operation under general anesthesia.

 

And remember to ask your doctor if Percoset is right for you.

 

Henry

He not busy being born

Is busy dyin'.

 

...Bob Dylan

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