Jump to content


Please note: You can easily log in to MPN using your Facebook account!

So, I had my wife arrested last night....


Recommended Posts

....So I had my wife arrested because she started beating on me in front of my eldest son while I was cooking dinner.

 

She was angry that I went to lunch with a female co-worker and my neighbors son ( whom I had hired to do some grunt work -he is 14) and when I brought the kid back home to drop him off after lunch, my co-worker was in the car. My wife is very suspscious of her, and extremely jealous. She has basically become a family friend over the 4 years I have known her.

 

Anyway, I get home, she is in the yard. I had taken my eldest son to pick up this co-workers dog, because I was watching her for the weekend ( iti s a leader dog for the blind puppy) while she and her hubby go to Muskegon for the weekend. Get home, let the dogs play, etc. Wife is pissed. Leaves to go to her mom's. Comes back, I am startign to cook dinner (fried chix and mashed potatoes...dumped it all after) and I ask her what is wrong. She says 'You know what the f is wrong" My eldest son comes down to the kitchen. I say, no, why don't you tell me. She says " I don't want that 'person' on my property again. I explain the whole lunch thing ( we had also taken the kid to the computer store to get his chassis, which is how I am paying him, building a PC for him. I am supplying the guts)). The co-worker is also babysitting for my friends son. My wife says and wtf is (person) doing watching Robert? I say "do you really want to know?" She says 'Yeah". "OK I say, they don't trust you with their kid". At this point, my son had seen the whoel thing, and was getting mad and interjecting, because he also knows this co-worker and like sher, and comes in to do the same type of work. She is a conputer tech with me at a school. Needless to say, I work with about 80% women. Anyway, after I make the comment about babysitting, She freaks, turns beat red, starts screaming obscenities anbd beating on me as I take a couple steps back. She turns and runs the other way, only to turn again and hit me a few more times, then turning and swiping everything off the kitchen table, and then pokies her hand through the bannister and knocks stuff off the top of the fridge. I go sit down, pretty much in shock, and get the phone to call 911, which I do. I start telling the cop about it, and she picks up the phone and says 'you called the fucking cops on me? Or you are screwed now buddy. You're fucked" and I hear her coming back downstairs ( I live in a quad level house. I had asked my eldest son to go get my 5 year old and bring him down, but she comes flying down the stairs, grabs him by the arms, he starts screaming, my eldest is screaming at her to leave him alone and let go, I am in the basement sobbing and being told by the cop to calm down, stay put, stay on the phone, but I go up to check on him, and she has grabbed him and dragged him onto the porch, he is screaming, my eldest is screaming at her to let him go. The cops arrive. SH e hangs up the phone and calls her parents to tell them to get over there, that I callewd the cops on her.The cops get Jack away from her, and my eldest goes inside. I walk away from the house and tell the police what happened. Her parents arrive, and her mom starts screaming at me saying I am making her nutts, etc. After 45 minutes, after having the cops inspect me for marks ( whcih there were, but I was not hurt), they give me a couple options, one is, she leaves WITH the kids and goes to her moms. I say no way. The kids stay here. I ask her mom to talk to me and ask her what to do, and she starts screaming at me again saying ' you wanna playhard ball, ok, fuck you, were taking everything'. I said " Arrest her and get her out of here.

 

I just cannot do this BS anymore. She has not hit me in a long time, and it is kind of ridiculous for a 6 foot one man to call in spousal abuse on a 5 foot woman, but that is what happened. My sister came over while I took her insulin to her in jail. My eldest son is very mad at her, and my little one is confused, but appears to be ok, but I am damn sure he'll remember this.

 

For the record, I am not NOR have I ever had an affair. She has accused me of this with EVERY single female co-worker I have ever had. We hav ebeen in counseling, and it has not been going well. I am pretty much thinking I am done.

 

This really, really sucks. I wish I was in Ghana with Ken and my kids.

Link to comment
Share on other sites



  • Replies 109
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Dean,

 

A sorry situation all around. If I were in your shoes I would have tried to choose a path that did not lead to her being suspicious, and/or not have that immediate situation escalate into shoving, etc.

 

However, I am NOT in your shoes. You did what you thought was best. It does appear that there is a lot oof tension in your house, and that on some level, you are "sick & tired" of being hounded by your wife. You should address that situation while you're (both) cooling down.

 

Good thing you didn't smack her - or next Monday you would have been telling us about your weekend in prison.

 

My wife and I have never even come close to exchanging blows...altough she's hinted she might like a spanking....

 

Keep yer head up!

 

NYC Drew

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks. The thing is, I have addressed it with her mutiple times. She keeps bringing it up. This person is generally in the loop all week on lunch, mostly with myself, another tech and a friend or two. This person is basically a family friend, and knows everyone else in my circle, male and female.

 

I have never touched her and there was no shoving. We hav ebeen going to counseling.

 

Thanks for the input. It is amazing how isolated I feel right now in a house with 2 sleeping kids and a couple pets.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tough situation--especially for the children. Though difficult, stick to the "high road"--your kids will suffer less.

 

If you can salvage the relationship, by all means do it. If not, move on. But, as much as possible, keep the kids out of it.

 

Not sure if this helps but...

 

[EDIT:] Forgot to add, get your kids some counseling too--as soon as possible. They need to know they are not the cause or at fault.

Steve Force,

Durham, North Carolina

--------

My Professional Websites

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by deanmass:

Thanks. The thing is, I have addressed it with her mutiple times. She keeps bringing it up. This person is generally in the loop all week on lunch, mostly with myself, another tech and a friend or two. This person is basically a family friend, and knows everyone else in my circle, male and female.

 

I have never touched her and there was no shoving. We hav ebeen going to counseling.

 

Thanks for the input. It is amazing how isolated I feel right now in a house with 2 sleeping kids and a couple pets.

so you were riding around town with another woman and kid.. so what. so what that maybe it seemed more than it was. who cares if your wife feels threatened and frustrated and that you basically said she was'nt goode enough to watch a fifteen year olde. aheh, ahem..

she deserved everything she got. shejust needs to know she needs to GO WITH THE PROGRAM. Iffen you wanna make time with another chick talkin' on the fone' making NOTDATES just arranging times to meet and hang out/ride around or maybe snatch a quick bite(its just eating after all, we got to eat right?),

riding aroun' and laffin'and joking and being free and easy

and shootin' the breeze

while olde used up wifey wife holds down the fort and cleans up stinky-grease and toilets well hey seems like a win, win.... for you.. "and hey babe it's all innocent" and well she has to unner stan, thats the way it's gonna be with you and she needs to face the music and GO WITH THE PROGRAM. And if this OTHER WOMAN is new with new ideas and a bit younger and maybe a bit fresher and less haggard, well hey whats wrong with that?

the kid is a nice touch. bring him along so it looks better.. yeah. you thought of everythang.. ahahaha!

Ooooh! I just thought of why this is a LUCKY THANG FOR YOU!

MAKE UP SEX! you know, when you all "make- up" after being mad. you hug and kiss and say I'm sorry baby and she say, I'm sorry baby and you say oh baby an, an she say oh BABY! and then you horizontal boppin' and hoppin' and she goin' all soxy on you and whoo! baby!

you a locky mon', mon'!

veddy locky!

yay yeah baby!

Before you all split op mon' or she go totally nots aha you get you some of that make-up sox. It's great. she do all kinde of soxy stoff mon'!

Frank Ranklin and the Ranktones

 

WARP SPEED ONLY STREAM

FRANKIE RANKLIN (Stanky Franks) <<<

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Someone here said something I agree with, "take the high road".

 

Also, do not stop socializing with co-workers. as much as she drags you into it, this is your wife's problem. Help her, get her help, don't provoke her...but.... do not live like a hermit just because she has insecurities and is abusive.

 

As for a 6 foot man getting heck from a 5 foot woman, the only reason it is a on way thing is that you could knock her cold with one shot. then where would you be. You did the right thing not hitting back. She just thinks it's ok because she thinks it does not hurt you. Well, maybe not physically.

 

Stay strong brother, and do not fill your kids with hate for their mom, even if she is totally in the wrong. Let them make their own decision.

 

Just my 2 cents, and you are not isolated, you haeve your kids, the folks here and the truth to keep you company.

There is no substitute.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by Sergievsky:

Chemical imbalance? Might be worth a medical check up. Because if it's not physical, I say get out, take the kids.

Raul, you talking to arellspencer or deanmass? :wave:

 

If arellspencer is being sarcastic maybe he is somewhat right. I dunno, if I lived with a woman like that I don't think riding around with another woman is in the cards. I don't say it's right, I say it's reality. This is how men get stabbed every day. She is insanely jealous and you could end up wearing a cleaver.

 

Very sorry for your situation but it's dangerous. What a dillemma.

> > > [ Live! ] < < <

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We just went ot lunch, and stopped to drop one kids ( neighbor) off and pick up another ( my son).

 

And to clarify, the kids I was talking her not being allowed to watch is 15 months old.

 

The detective just called. She will not be allowed back until after her court date, except to get some things tonight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have someone (Adult family member--her side if possible) present when she arrives. Be VERY circumspect with her--say as little as possible. Do not be alone with her.

 

You are now involved in a legal process--don't add any more "fuel to the fire", nor allow her to.

 

No, I am not a lawyer, nor have I played one on TV or in the movies, but have some experience with situations like this.

 

Always remember--this too shall pass.

 

Good luck!

Steve Force,

Durham, North Carolina

--------

My Professional Websites

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bad one deanmass... :(

 

Rather than me sit here and make comments based on your brief comments above maybe a professional arbitrator or counsoler might be put to use to unwind the whole thing. If for no other reason than to get the kids to talk about it and get that thing out of their heads - they shouldn't have to carry questions about all this around with them for the rest of their lifes. The counselor will get everybody who participates (probably not wifey) to talk and hear their own words as well as everyone elses - it's a simple thing. You might have to shop around since some are better than others - like anything else.

 

:wave:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

sorry to say mon but this seems like doing something is way overdue. Every female co-worker and you go through the Inquisition? yeah let`s talk about reality-reality is that we aren`t the Taliban and men and women work together. If you sig can`t get her mind around that then it`s trouble from day 1 and you`ve got family involved.

And you didn`t tell your co-worker about the wife`s hair trigger, I presume? hoo-boy.

Same old surprises, brand new cliches-

 

Skipsounds on Soundclick:

www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandid=602491

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man can I relate. About 13 yrs ago I went through this very same scenario after my GF at the time was recovering from the phycological effects of a devistating car accident. She often became erratic in her mood swings and violent, once clocking me with a heavy cask iron skillet while I was napping.

 

I had to call the cops one night when she refused to let me leave the house, actually biting me, breaking the skin, blood, teeth marks etc. The short of it was, I show the cops the marks, which were in a place that there was no way could be self inflicted, and they tell me to leave for the night.

 

My advise for you is get the best probate lawyer you can get and file separation and custody motions IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!! My experience in this (which is extensive and painful emotionally) has shown to me that he who files first and has the most powerful lawyer wins. You and your children are in danger, and you need to seek protection. Just because you're the male and bigger doesn't mean you are in any less danger. A 5' tall woman can shoot you just as easily as a 6'2" guy can.

 

Unfortunately the courts still don't recognise or acknowledge that sposal abuse goes both ways, and many of us guys have no choice but to suck it up, since we have little to no legal recourse. In addition, often we become the defendant, as all the woman has to do is say "I'm afraid" and bam you got a restraining order on your ass.

 

DO NOT have any contact with her without reliable adult witnesses, or preferably video or audio tape running to document the conversations. Get a lawyer, no matter what the cost. You and your clildrens lives are worth it. Seek and obtain a restraining order, and get the court to order her to seek either medical or psycologocal treatment.

 

Good luck my friend, and please stay in touch. This is all too familiar to me....

Hope this is helpful.

 

NP Recording Studios

Analog approach to digital recording.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Seriously...some aspects of this sound personally familiar to me. Not the physical abuse (for which you are to be commended for not reacting in kind) but the verbal abuse. Only, when the person I'm referring to is drinking, it's not so much a matter of jealousy as "everyone's a fuck up but me, and I'll get drunk and hostile to prove it". I've been in many situations which, as I said, save the physical aspect, were almost exactly as you describe.

 

Drew has a point about avoiding things which would initiate this sort of behavior, however, with many of these people if it's not one thing, it's another. As probably any counselor would say, it's a symptom not of their hatred toward you as much as frustration with themselves. You just happen to be a convenient target.

 

Good luck. Sometimes this behavior won't change. And then it becomes up to you as to what to do about it, whether you wish to continue to put up with it, or end the relationship. My own situation has been quiet, thankfully, basically since we moved here to the farm. But, one never knows which way things will turn. And yes, I've called the cops on her too, not for physical abuse, but for taking off in a car when she could hardly even walk. In that most recent case, it ended without incident.

"Cisco Kid, was a friend of mine"
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You did the right thing, man. Sorry you went through this. The best decision you made was not attacking back in response.

 

No one likes to talk about this much, but studies have shown that the number of wife-husband assaults are huge, and hugely unreported. The fact is, any physical assault of a serious nature between any party in a domestic situation can't be accepted or tolerated or ignored.

 

Here's hoping things smooth out and you can make some decisions that will leave you and the kids better off in the long term.

 

- Jeff

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Deanmass, life is way way too short to live in hell. There's a better life. Get a good lawyer, get the kids, say goodbye to the wife. I know we say 'til death do us part' but it should be 'til death do us part unless one of us is abusive'.

bbach

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lawyer, financial advisor, new house (apartment or whatever), another car (if you don't already have one), seperate checking account, reciepts for equipment, (and your stuff in general), savings accounts for kids, ante up, etc, etc.

Just be prepared in the event things don't work out.

This is a milestone, and prepration for seperation will be somethng good to do, even if you stay together. Either way it goes, YOU plan on being happy, and living a good life.

 

Good luck.

Sly :cool:

 

P.S. "Without no humps, there's no gettin' over." George Clinton

Whasineva ehaiz, ehissgot ta be Funky!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

lookie ,lookie.. You mos' likely saw she was on edge and pushed all the right buttons.

Some folkes need to be supported and babied and reassured on a regular basis. Your wifes NEEDS were'nt being filled and she could ave felt cheated and cast aside.

Whens the las' time you got er flowers?

Or a pin? or a hat? or a new coffee pot or a night on the town like when you first dated and were into each other?

She saw a guy that was "into" the office babe. her guy was into the office babe and not into the wifey. How she must have felt? and then to be stripped of all her dignity, locked away and further demoralised.

what part of love, honor and cherish is that?

I might have called a Bamalance and had her committed fer three days instead of booked,printed deloused, and jailed.

Frank Ranklin and the Ranktones

 

WARP SPEED ONLY STREAM

FRANKIE RANKLIN (Stanky Franks) <<<

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ouch! Dean, you have my sympathies. I'm very concerned about this. Hopefully you can seek the advice of a qualified professional to help you through this most difficult time.

 

By the way, it doesn't matter who's "bigger." Physical violence is unacceptable. Period. If she's capable of hitting you, she may be one moment of frustration away from being capable of something much worse.

 

Take care, and please post back with periodic "progress reports."

The Black Knight always triumphs!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One more thought. Jealousy is almost always an indication of a problem with the jealous person. It's like stalking. It's the fault of the person who's DOING it, not the object of the obsession. She probably has a lack of confidence/poor self-image if she's acting like this. I don't know that there's any way to cure this except to have her gain self-confidence, and that takes time and effort, time and effort that she may not be willing to put in especially if she doesn't own up to her "problem." - She's probably convinced that this is all YOUR fault, that you are mistreating her and taking advantage of her, etc.

 

It's going to be a long, tough road. Meanwhile, your kids are suffering ten times as much as you are. Repeated instances like this could really mess them up emotionally. This is an extremely serious situation.

The Black Knight always triumphs!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man, I'm sorry for what you are going through right now.

 

I can relate to your situation to some degree. I was in a long term relationship with a woman who was pretty jealous. She was jealous of her friends too. By that, I mean that she'd get mad if her friends would start hanging out with other people. She was insecure, but also very self-centered.

She accused me of cheating on her more than once. I never cheated on her, but as a musician, there were women who would take an interest in me.

 

Where this gets interesting is that I eventually discovered that she was anything but faithful to me, during the course of our relationship. She had been with at least 2 or 3 other guys over a period of 4 years. The most serious was with a very close friend of mine, who was himself married with a 2-yr old daughter, and was in the process of trading in his sanity for drug and alcohol dependency.

 

I of course, didn't find out about all of this until after her and I had been married for about 3 months -through an acquaintance, by the way.

The relationship didn't progress much further than that. She ended up running off with him, they had two kids together, and then got divorced. Pretty fucked up. The problem with liars is that they're so damn good at it. I never thought she was a perfect person, but I never guessed her to be the tramp she actually was. It REALLY hurt to see everything I'd been working to build with her just disintegrate....that's assuming that it ever actually existed at all.

 

Anyway, I ended up meeting another woman not long after. And, even though I never thought the relationship would last in the beginning, we ended up getting married a year and a half later, have two great kids, and have been together for ten years now. It hasn't always been easy, but it's certainly been a great and worthwhile relationship.

 

I don't have any great advice for you, Deanmass. Some relationships are worth the effort it takes to put/keep them on track. Others are doomed no matter what you do.

I think the secret is that for it to work, BOTH participants must be actively engaged.

Marriage is a two person commitment. Not one. Not one-and-a-half. Relationships are also dynamic; they either progress or they re-gress....there is no middle ground.

 

I think counseling is a MUST for your family, at this point. You guys need to have a safe, neutral environment where you can all get your feelings sorted out and be heard. Counseling can provide that. If you are all willing to take those steps together, your marriage and family may emerge from this mess, much stronger for having gone through it.

 

I would say that divorce is not the preferable option...but sometimes, it ends up the only option. And it's certainly preferable to staying in an abusive fucked up relationship for the rest of your life. If that's the case, be prepared for what may be a very long, expensive, pain-in-the-ass.

 

I wouldn't think about that right now, however. You've just been through some serious shit. There's no way that you're in a frame of mind to decide the fate of your marriage, at this point.

 

Right now, would be a great time to just love your kids, maybe go take a hike in a park somewhere and talk though all of what has just happened.

 

You've got my prayers, man. I wish you all the best.

Super 8

 

Hear my stuff here

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, all of you.

 

Most recent report...Kids are playing upstairs with friends, wife is out and staying at her mom's until tomorrow. Judge woudl not grant a PPO against her to keep her away.

 

In the meantime, I removed most of my gear, pictures, videos of kids and legal docs to a safe location. I am trading in my car on Monday ( actually a 2 into 1 deal) and selling my motorcycle so I have some liquid cash on hand. The credit cards are off, the bank account move will be final on Monday, but I removed my cash today this AM. Sorry if this all sounds harsh, but....

 

Thanks again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whew thats some story. I don`t give relationship advice because I have a hard enough time trying to figure out my own so...but for the sake of your children, I hope things can be worked out, children always suffer the most from these things.

 

Peace,

Ernest

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by arellspencer:

I might have called a Bamalance and had her committed fer three days instead of booked,printed deloused, and jailed.

Ever try to have someone committed? It's not so very easy.

bbach

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...