Gave my notice this week

[Tom Williams]

A couple of days ago (as of this writing) I told my band that I'm playing out the calendar year (only about 2 or 3 more gigs) and then leaving them.  I told them without anger, before rehearsal  started. 

 

It relates to two recent threads: tired of playing imitate-the-youtube-video covers (whitch I shared with them at announcement time); and a band member who not only plays wrong, but appears to be unaware when he's playing wrong -- as in whole chords different from the rest of the band -- and this is mainly I IV V stuff.  (I didn't share that, because it felt like it would be cruel to do so.)

 

It's a weird feeling, as I have put in 6+ years (I think) with this band.  My wife tried to help me determine what triggered the decision, but I really couldn't think of any single event.  I think it's just been a cumulative effect that finally came to fruition.

[timwat]

You need to do what makes you happy, Tom.

 

I've been there, and I may be there again. Life is short, every day is precious, and 6 years is a long time to invest in a project that doesn't satisfy you / is difficult to be happy in.

 

The band I spent years in, the only thing I regret is that I didn't quit WAY earlier - I spent twice as much time as I should have.

 

Here's to new opportunities!

[Piktor]

Tom, you are right to move on if that musical situation has run its course for you. I know how inertia can hold a person in place past the best before date. The group of friends that I played with had a long legacy and many good years, but due to health reasons and differences in attitudes, the last years were inconsistent and sometimes embarrassing.  I realized at the end that professionally I could have pulled the plug earlier. You don’t want the last thing that you eat from the plate to leave a bad taste in your mouth. Life is short. Do something musically satisfying, especially if you are not relying on gig income for a living. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Delaware Dave]

I've been playing with the same group of guys for 20 years.  We've won a number of local band contests.  Same guys that do the Southern rock Woodstock up and down the east coast.  The sound level is deafening and as a result i'm going deaf in in my right ear.  I gave my notice about a month ago and said i would finish out the remainder of the gigs. The BL is in denial thinking that it will pass.  I have a gig tonight with them but told them i wasnt doing it.  He laughed at me and said "you'll be there".  I said Ok.  My wife and i are leaving for the day in about 15 minutes and wont be returning until late so no gig for me tonight. I thought after 20 years i'd have mixed emotions but actually have a sense of relief.  Tom, do what's best for you....

[stoken6]

Bands come and go. I've had bands break up after 25 years, and others during the drive home following the first rehearsal. Everyone needs to do what's right for them. 

 

Good luck Tom and Dave.

 

Cheers, Mike.

[ElmerJFudd]

Well they can’t say you’re flakey, you stuck it out for over six years.  Time to explore who else is out there to play with. 

[nadroj]

Being in a band is like being in a relationship with 4 other people. When a relationship breaks down it takes guts to know when to call it quits. 

 

Well done for recognising and respectfully removing yourself from the situation, while still honouring your existing commitments. All the best for future, Tom. 

[KuruPrionz]

I resigned from the last band I was in last November. We had a great 6 years of fun gigs and remain great friends. 

I just knew it was time to move on, no regrets. That is the second longest run I've had in a single band, I did 9 years once, long ago and far away and I have the hearing damage to prove it. 

Most of the bands I've been in had much shorter lives. I played one gig once and quit when we were done that evening. 

 

It's gotta feel good or you are cheating yourself, the rest of the band and everybody in the audience. 

[Stokely]

2 hours ago, Delaware Dave said:

I've been playing with the same group of guys for 20 years.  We've won a number of local band contests.  Same guys that do the Southern rock Woodstock up and down the east coast.  The sound level is deafening and as a result i'm going deaf in in my right ear.  I gave my notice about a month ago and said i would finish out the remainder of the gigs. The BL is in denial thinking that it will pass.  I have a gig tonight with them but told them i wasnt doing it.  He laughed at me and said "you'll be there".  I said Ok.  My wife and i are leaving for the day in about 15 minutes. I thought after 20 years i'd have mixed emotions but actually have a sense of relief.  Tom, do what's best for you....

My biggest regret as far as playing in bands is sitting in loud practice rooms and on small stages getting blasted.  I would have quit six years ago if not for in-ear monitors. 

I've been in my current band ten years, it's had ups and downs as there has been some turnover.  It's not perfect but it checks a lot of boxes.  I doubt any situation could ever check them all.  If I ever had to move on it would be very hard to find another situation that measured up, I'd have a pretty long list of requirements    One would be, either you are *very* quiet on stage, which probably means a non-acoustic drum set, or I use IEMs.    

[MathOfInsects]

Good for you. We almost never wonder about quitting things we don't already know, on some level, that we should. Good luck out there!

[RABid]

I can tell you from experience, if you gave your notice and it felt like you just got out of jail, you made the right decision.

[DrEsophagus]

I would never be in a band that doesn't do its own music, I'd loose my fucking mind in a cover band. I write all my own music, melodies, lyrics - complete songs and if anyone's not on board they can fuck off.  I'm not quiting, I'm kicking them out. 

[stoken6]

Coincidentally, earlier this week I was sacked from a band I wanted to leave. It did feel like a load off my mind - thanks @RABid

 

Cheers, Mike.

[Stokely]

2 hours ago, DrEsophagus said:

I would never be in a band that doesn't do its own music, I'd loose my fucking mind in a cover band. I write all my own music, melodies, lyrics - complete songs and if anyone's not on board they can fuck off.  I'm not quiting, I'm kicking them out. 

I get you, and in some ways I miss being in an original band. 

I do some of that above in my cover band.  I mostly ignore written parts unless they are really central to the song.  We like to make songs our own, to a point   

I certainly could never be in one of those tribute bands where every note and patch has to be exact.  Also won't be in any band that runs tracks, that'll be my cue to stop gigging once that inevitably becomes ubiquitous (or you can't get compete for gigs with the people running them, this is already here to a point.)

[DrEsophagus]

1 hour ago, Stokely said:

I get you, and in some ways I miss being in an original band. 

I do some of that above in my cover band.  I mostly ignore written parts unless they are really central to the song.  We like to make songs our own, to a point   

I certainly could never be in one of those tribute bands where every note and patch has to be exact.  Also won't be in any band that runs tracks, that'll be my cue to stop gigging once that inevitably becomes ubiquitous (or you can't get compete for gigs with the people running them, this is already here to a point.)

Agree totally. I just wish some other members of bands thought like you do. I don't want to do covers I feels it's not where I need to be. I'd do some but a large part of my creativity is original, and doing original material makes me a better player.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love learning other folks licks but not to the point where it cripples my own originality, and it variably does so. 

 

Don't want to get stuck in with other people's playing, been there, done that. 

[Reezekeys]

Covers are a point of reference for an audience. They know the song, so can immediately get a sense of the creativity and abilities of a band by hearing how they choose to interpret it. IMO the best example of this is the band Dirty Loops, who started out playing their own versions of Bieber and Rhianna songs. They got noticed! After getting a production deal with Quincy Jones they went on record original songs. The fact remains that their covers were nothing about playing "other folks licks."

 

Of course for every Dirty Loops there are probably hundreds of other "cover bands" playing in bars who think their only duty is to copy exactly what was played on the original record. Maybe that's the experience you were referencing when you said "been there, done that."

[SamuelBLupowitz]

One of my favorite bands, Dawes, has a song called Quitter. It’s all about giving up the things that aren’t actually serving you, even if you’re “supposed” to do them. I’m a chronic people-pleaser who takes his commitments very, very seriously, so when I first heard the chorus “you’re gonna have to quit everything until you find one thing you won’t,” it stopped me in my tracks.

 

I got it tattooed on my arm.

 

 

[ProfD]

I did a pickup gig last week.  No rehearsals. Learned the tunes. Showed up to the gig.  Played the set.  Had a blast.  Mercenary muso is the best way to go.  

 

A solid musician can always find a gig.  Best of luck to all who are liberating themselves from the issues that come with being in a band. 😎

[El Lobo]

I'm in bands that play covers and originals. The originals are good, and the covers are done with the bands' own interpretations, not "just like the record." That works for me. But my biggest issue about quitting is the opposite of not liking the current situation – it's that I want to continue to play, but the mind and body may not be cooperating. I've had my main band for 20 years - I'm the only original member - and we play a lot of 60's R&B, New Orleans, soul, classic blues rock, the stuff I grew up on and still love. The other guys are great players, 4 of them sing, I play sax and keys, I have a good time. But it gets physically harder and harder to keep on keepin' on. On top of that, I feel like the coordination between hands and my head is deteriorating. I go for a run in a solo and the the fingers don't keep up with my mind. I hear things in my head that sometimes the hands don't completely do. That's a terrible feeling. I've started thinking about telling the guys about how I may have to hang it up. That's not a happy thought. I've been playing in bands since I was 17 -- that's 60 years. I know other musos who can no longer play and that's sad. Several of them are dead, which makes it really difficult to play. (Joke - if you don't get my dark humor.) I should be grateful that I'm still here and still playing music in a few bands. But the prospect of quitting a band that I still like to play in is depressing. It's the other side of the coin. Sometimes you don't wanna leave ... 

[stoken6]

4 hours ago, ProfD said:

I did a pickup gig last week.  No rehearsals. Learned the tunes. Showed up to the gig.  Played the set.  Had a blast.  Mercenary muso is the best way to go.  

 

A solid musician can always find a gig.  Best of luck to all who are liberating themselves from the issues that come with being in a band. 😎

I'm learning that lesson one gig at a time. Every introduction leads to another - even years later. And what makes a "solid musician" isn't just chops. Professionalism, preparation and attitude go a long way. 

 

Plus you can't put a price on being able to say "thanks, but no thanks".

 

Cheers, Mike

[ProfD]

1 hour ago, stoken6 said:

And what makes a "solid musician" isn't just chops. Professionalism, preparation and attitude go a long way. 

 

Plus you can't put a price on being able to say "thanks, but no thanks".

Absolutely.  The need for Tylenol and Tums disappears upon this realization. 😎

[El Lobo]

[Joe Muscara]

On 9/11/2022 at 2:24 PM, El Lobo said:

David Lee Roth said, :the two worst words in the English language are 'band meeting'!"

 

@wmpsaid, "When it’s time for a band meeting, the band’s already over."

 

[No, I haven't been able to get in touch with him for years, I don't know what's up with him.]

[KuruPrionz]

On 9/9/2022 at 7:46 AM, ProfD said:

I did a pickup gig last week.  No rehearsals. Learned the tunes. Showed up to the gig.  Played the set.  Had a blast.  Mercenary muso is the best way to go.  

 

A solid musician can always find a gig.  Best of luck to all who are liberating themselves from the issues that come with being in a band. 😎

I spent 9 years in Fresno and 6 in Bellingham playing in bands where the lead singer/band leader knew more songs than you could play in 2 weeks of gigs. 

The first band NEVER had a set list, the second band had a set list maybe 3 times and the bandleader put his foot on it and skootched it back towards the drummer after maybe 2 songs, never to be seen again. 

That means I was playing "covers" of songs that I'd never heard before or played before or heard a long time ago on the radio but never learned, etc. 

We mixed in a variety of original songs that various band members (including myself) had written. We rocked them too and they were well received. When people dance to your originals that they've never heard before, you are doing it right. Truth. 

 

Out here in the real world, if you play in clubs, your primary purpose according to the person who hired you is to bring a crowd and sell alcohol. Truth.

If you can sing the chorus and the band lays down a solid groove, 99% of your crowd will love it. Those that dance, will. Those that sing will sing the chorus. 

Those that dance and sing are the party. Truth.

It's not a party until the ladies get up and shake it on down. 

 

It really is that simple, learning everything note by note is an absurd waste of time unless you can consistently book high end gigs sounding "just like the record".

I'd rather slit my wrists in a tub of warm water. 

Play from your heart and soul, nobody cares about what the record sounds like. They are not there for you, they are there for the party. Truth. 

[ProfD]

1 hour ago, KuruPrionz said:

Out here in the real world, if you play in clubs, your primary purpose according to the person who hired you is to bring a crowd and sell alcohol.

 

It's not a party until the ladies get up and shake it on down. 

 

Play from your heart and soul, nobody cares about what the record sounds like. They are not there for you, they are there for the party. Truth. 

Quoted for truth. 😁

 

Your entire post nailed it.😎

[stoken6]

22 minutes ago, ProfD said:

Quoted for truth. 😁

 

Your entire post nailed it.😎

+2. Years ago somebody posted here to the effect of: bands are part of the human mating ritual. Bars hire bands to get women to dance, so that men will buy them drinks, in the hope of, well, mating.

 

Cheers, Mike.

[stoken6]

On 9/7/2022 at 7:27 PM, stoken6 said:

Coincidentally, earlier this week I was sacked from a band I wanted to leave. It did feel like a load off my mind - thanks @RABid

 

Cheers, Mike.

Update - the band did one gig without me, and then broke up. I'm not saying my absence caused it...

...but I'm not NOT saying it either.

 

Cheers, Mike.

[CowboyNQ]

On 8/27/2022 at 11:55 AM, Tom Williams said:

A couple of days ago (as of this writing) I told my band that I'm playing out the calendar year (only about 2 or 3 more gigs) and then leaving them.  I told them without anger, before rehearsal  started. 

 

It relates to two recent threads: tired of playing imitate-the-youtube-video covers (whitch I shared with them at announcement time); and a band member who not only plays wrong, but appears to be unaware when he's playing wrong -- as in whole chords different from the rest of the band -- and this is mainly I IV V stuff.  (I didn't share that, because it felt like it would be cruel to do so.)

 

It's a weird feeling, as I have put in 6+ years (I think) with this band.  My wife tried to help me determine what triggered the decision, but I really couldn't think of any single event.  I think it's just been a cumulative effect that finally came to fruition.

Tom, well done.  Too many people hang on to things in their lives that drain them.

 

To address another topic that seems to have emerged in this thread:  Where I live there is a guy who spends an incredible amount of time and energy on social media telling everyone who wants to listen (and plenty who don’t) that those folks who play covers that faithfully represent the original recordings are hollow shells of musicians who are destroying the live music scene with their lack of integrity, skill and passion.  He of course does not venture into such unclean waters, therefore by implication owns all the integrity, skill and passion in town.  You’d think he’d be happier about this…

 

Personally I feel sad and sorry for him that he has allowed this mindset to inform most of his public behaviour.  But although he is largely an irrelevance in the scene here he does manage to upset a few people now and then - primarily himself.

 

I wonder how much more successful his original music would be if he spent as much time and energy crafting and promoting it as he does chasing shadows?  Maybe if he had the courage to walk away from his limiting beliefs it might also lighten his demeanour and open up opportunities to promote his own music?  Perhaps his angry, scowling, resentful and inexact on-line and on-stage presence is not serving him well professionally or psychologically?  Who knows.

 

To link Tom’s idea to Theo’s recent post: It’s important to take pleasure from your endeavours no matter what they may be.  Others can please themselves.

 

 

[KuruPrionz]

51 minutes ago, CowboyNQ said:

Tom, well done.  Too many people hang on to things in their lives that drain them.

 

To address another topic that seems to have emerged in this thread:  Where I live there is a guy who spends an incredible amount of time and energy on social media telling everyone who wants to listen (and plenty who don’t) that those folks who play covers that faithfully represent the original recordings are hollow shells of musicians who are destroying the live music scene with their lack of integrity, skill and passion.  He of course does not venture into such unclean waters, therefore by implication owns all the integrity, skill and passion in town.  You’d think he’d be happier about this…

 

Personally I feel sad and sorry for him that he has allowed this mindset to inform most of his public behaviour.  But although he is largely an irrelevance in the scene here he does manage to upset a few people now and then - primarily himself.

 

I wonder how much more successful his original music would be if he spent as much time and energy crafting and promoting it as he does chasing shadows?  Maybe if he had the courage to walk away from his limiting beliefs it might also lighten his demeanour and open up opportunities to promote his own music?  Perhaps his angry, scowling, resentful and inexact on-line and on-stage presence is not serving him well professionally or psychologically?  Who knows.

 

To link Tom’s idea to Theo’s recent post: It’s important to take pleasure from your endeavours no matter what they may be.  Others can please themselves.

 

 

I've known people like the one you mention. Piling shit underneath yourself so you can stand on a mountain is doing it wrong. 

I write songs, used to play in bands that mostly played originals and it was fun. We didn't smack talk our fellow musicians, we just played what we played. 

Then I ended up in a few cover bands over the years and it shouldn't be a surprise that my songwriting improved. 

Cuz... uhh... somebody wrote all those songs that you should never play... except maybe you should since they end up being a treasure trove of ideas for your own songs. 

 

Learning cool breaks, endings, key changes, pauses, etc? You've probably subconsciously stolen half the stuff you've "written" anyway, if you wrote something that nobody had ever written before it might be too weird for normal humans to appreciate. 

 

Anyway, go Tom!! I bet you are pretty happy about now!! 😬

[Tom Williams]

1 hour ago, KuruPrionz said:

Anyway, go Tom!! I bet you are pretty happy about now!! 😬

One gig pending in October.  Practice this evening reinforced my comfort with the decision to leave.

 

BTW, I did not intend to knock cover bands.  They're just not my bag, is all.