Anderton Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Bob Lefsetz has a show on KLSX every Sunday, from 10-11 PM. His topic yesterday was "Acts that should retire." Here's the email blast he sent about the upcoming show (copyright 2004 by Robert Scott Lefsetz and reprinted with the express permission of the author). Check it out, and post who YOU'D like to add to the list! You don't need to limit it to musicians... From Bob: ------------------------------------------- I'm not talking about the has-beens that have run out of venues, that have slipped off the radar screen, I'm talking about those hopeless sots that continue to subject us to their lame music year after year, polluting the airwaves and consciousness of the public with their DRIVEL! Case in point, KISS. Hell, I don't even know if it's KISS, or Kiss. Whether it's an acronym referring to Knights In Satan's Service or it's just about the meeting of lips. All I know is I've heard WAY too much from this band. Gene Simmons might be a talented businessman, but he's a LAME musician. Hell, can't we boil KISS down to one track, "Rock And Roll All Nite"? I'm not gonna give you "Beth". It's execrable. And they keep kicking the guy who wrote it out of the band. Speaking of which, didn't they DO a farewell tour? KISS, please retire. Unfortunately, your recordings will live on. Isn't that ENOUGH! Then there's Styx. I can't think of one redeeming song from this band. Their fans must be people who know NOTHING about music. Nerds from the midwest so clean-cut they think they're edgy. Styx must be stopped. Peter Frampton can live on. For the first album, "Wind Of Change", if nothing else. Then again, it's been DECADES since Peter put out a good record. And he finally succumbed to doing a "Frampton Comes Alive" album AGAIN! Which, of course, nobody wanted. Maybe Peter should retire too. And then there's Fleetwood Mac. Everybody in the band can PLAY, they just can't write decent MATERIAL anymore. Now they're on an endless tour raping baby boomers of the money they used to spend on babysitters. TIMES TEN! Stevie Nicks trusses herself up as if to say "I'm still the young witch." Why doesn't she just age gracefully, like Linda Ronstadt. GROW UP! And Mick Fleetwood. Shit, have you blown every dollar you've ever EARNED?? You've got to be on the road for the BREAD? Linsdey Buckingham. You obviously made the same deal with the devil that Jackson Browne did. You haven't aged a bit. But, on Jackson's last few albums, he's actually written some good material. It might not have hit, but still, it's good. Whereas you seem to have lost your muse. Or your filter. Can't you tell what's good or bad anymore? Can't you tell when songs are UNFINISHED? MAYBE you've still got it, but you need help, separating the wheat from the chaff. I recommend John Kalodner. He's your age. He brought Aerosmith back from the dead. But, until you write great material again, RETIRE! John McVie. You get a pass. But, if you hit the stage, you've got to play with SOMEBODY ELSE! J. Lo. NO MAS!! Britney...same deal. Really, I don't care that you're still at the pinnacle of fame. PLEASE RETIRE! So maybe the inane fools paying all that bread on your ducats will be forced to lay down their money for something GOOD, something REASONABLE! And while we're at it, I'm for voting D12 off the island too. What a bunch of overhyped crap. And, can't someone tell Eminem he's not a MUSICIAN! God, if they're gonna make these records, PLEASE license them some decent samples. Do us a favor, PLEASE! Because the riffs/melodies/beats that Marshall comes up with are equivalent to NURSERY RHYMES! Eminem need Dre. Then again, ever notice that all Dre's tracks sound the SAME? Yup, with the bass that pumps to the rhythm of a '63 Chevy on hydraulics! And then there's P./Puff Diddy/Daddy. This guy ain't NEVER gonna retire, so we're gonna FORCE HIM TO! A publicity BLACKOUT! Can't MTV make a contract with America? Can't they free us from Diddy's visage on their channel for a few months, if not a YEAR??? And even Beck. Talk about an overrated hype. I'm not sure whether he has to retire... Well, maybe the writers saying how GOOD he is have to retire. The dude makes one great record with Carl Stephenson and then he gets a pass FOREVER?? Won't SOMEONE blow the whistle on this guy? God, if he were on Amateur Night At The Apollo, they'd boo him right off the stage. Then there's those guys on "60 Minutes". Who said THEY get to play God and deliver the stories to us. Handing tablets to the masses like Moses in the Bible. Hello, Mike Wallace, you're a TALKING HEAD!!! Hell, you might be tired of Stephen King, but he's shown on the back page of "Entertainment Weekly" that he's still alive, still thinking. But those dudes on "60 Minutes"? They've been COASTING!! They should realize, like Tabitha Soren, that they're DONE, and GIVE UP! I mean Martha Quinn will always get a pass back onto the airwaves, but EVERYBODY ELSE who's EVER been on MTV...GET A REAL JOB! ESPECIALLY those people on "The Real World". Except for Julie. Then again, she quit. She saw how bogus the whole thing was. Hello, you're famous for NOTHING! Your only claim to fame is you've been on TELEVISION! GIVE UP, RETIRE!! Go to graduate school, get a REAL JOB! Trista Rehn too. ENOUGH ALREADY! And VH1. Can't we protest this channel? Can't we have a national blackout, all agreeing not to watch this channel for a week until Viacom turns it into something DIFFERENT? I mean what is VH1 FOR?? It raped the history of rock. It STRIP MINED IT! Yup, just digging INCHES below the surface. But now that the landscape has been blighted, now that the channel's mission is done, can't it go DARK???? Clive Davis, you go too. So call in. Tonight. From 10-11 p.m. And tell me who YOU think must retire. IMMEDIATELY! Oh, their LEGACY can live on. But that's all they've got. The book has been closed. No tinkering with the past, no additions to the history. Let us judge these wankers on their past efforts. If I'm wrong, and they truly have value, their stars will rise. But I think the only reason we still hear about these jerks is they're so busy promoting themselves. And the lame media's there to report the story, as if someone CARES! Yeah, that's a show that should be retired too. "E.T." Mary Hart may have great legs, but she had a lobotomy LONG AGO! And then you've got the aforementioned VH1, which has "E.T. On VH1"! Isn't this the absolute nadir? Should we all just kill ourselves right now? Has society really sunk this low? No, we must clear the landscape of the dead wood. Like a forest fire. We've got to allow the new plants to GROW, unimpeded by these made over assholes with faces so distorted from plastic surgery they look like the doctors and nurses in that famous "Twilight Zone" episode "The Eye Of The Beholder". Have you seen Lesley Stahl? Talk about a bad EYE JOB! And we're not letting you off the hook either Debbie Harry! Craig Anderton Educational site: http://www.craiganderton.org Music: http://www.youtube.com/thecraiganderton Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/craig_anderton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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