Cliffk Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Probably been told on this forum before, but I've just heard this on Mozart in the Jungle: How do you get a guitarist to stop playing? Put sheet music in front of him. And how do you get a pianist to stop playing? Take the sheet music away. YouTube music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonglow Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Try to B sharp, never B flat, always B natural. "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Dan Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. Dan Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherScott Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 The problem really started after C bought gin and tonics for the cute triplets. C claimed he couldn't pay his bill because he had just bought a cadenza and was now baroque, and B wouldn't even lend him a tenner because there was just too much discord between them. In measured but slightly slurred tones, C offered to make a partial payment, but no one bought his pitch, especially after he had been so rude to the staff. B said that C was the root of all the trouble. F tried to put fourth that the entire sequence was largely accidental, but the judge wasn't interested in any exposition. He looked at the tab and saw C's signature, that was clearly the key. C said it would be suite if he could be granted a reprise, but the judge just didn't like his temperament. Maybe this is the best place for a shameless plug! Our now not-so-new new video at https://youtu.be/3ZRC3b4p4EI is a 40 minute adaptation of T. S. Eliot's "Prufrock" - check it out! And hopefully I'll have something new here this year. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
o0Ampy0o Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 You guys need to put that to a melody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamuelBLupowitz Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 These two are ancient, and could be applied to the instrument of your choice, but I have fond memories of them because my middle school band director told them to our only two oboe players: Q: What's the difference between an oboe and an onion? A: Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe. Q: How do you get two oboes to play in tune? A: Shoot one. Samuel B. Lupowitz Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threadslayer Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 And the age old : Q:What's the difference between an oboist and a chimpanzee hitchhiking on the side of the road? A: The chimp might actually be going to a gig. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. -Mark Twain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 What's perfect pitch? Throwing an accordion out the window and hitting a banjo. When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Muscara Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 We have a long ass thread of these things... "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 ...but not all music specific jokes. When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Muscara Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 So we should have both? "I'm so crazy, I don't know this is impossible! Hoo hoo!" - Daffy Duck "The good news is that once you start piano you never have to worry about getting laid again. More time to practice!" - MOI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Actually no. One joke thread is plenty. When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mighty Motif Max Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 You heard about the grand piano that fell down the mineshaft? The last sound it played was A Flat Minor. Yamaha: Motif XF8, MODX7, YS200, MX61, CVP-305, CLP-130, YPG-235, PSR-295, PSS-470 | Roland: Fantom 7, JV-1000 Kurzweil: PC3-76, PC4 (88) | Hammond: SK Pro 73 | Korg: N1R, X5DR | Emu: Proteus/1 | Casio: CT-370 | Novation: Launchkey 37 MK3 Former: Emu Proformance Plus & Mo'Phatt, Korg Krome 61, Roland Fantom XR & JV-1010, Behringer CAT Yamaha Pacifica 112V & APX600 | Washburn WI64 | Ibanez BTB-675 | Roland TD-17 KVX | Alesis SamplePad Pro | Assorted organs, accordions, other instruments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Here's one of my favorites: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon? You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon. When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherScott Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Too late to edit, C was supposed to buy a round of gin and tonics... Maybe this is the best place for a shameless plug! Our now not-so-new new video at https://youtu.be/3ZRC3b4p4EI is a 40 minute adaptation of T. S. Eliot's "Prufrock" - check it out! And hopefully I'll have something new here this year. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synthoid Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 I prefer Long Island Ice Tea. When an eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a Moray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherScott Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 I don't drink. ;-) I just picked gin and tonic for the pun (tonic). Maybe this is the best place for a shameless plug! Our now not-so-new new video at https://youtu.be/3ZRC3b4p4EI is a 40 minute adaptation of T. S. Eliot's "Prufrock" - check it out! And hopefully I'll have something new here this year. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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