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OT: Music riddles


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C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.



Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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The problem really started after C bought gin and tonics for the cute triplets. C claimed he couldn't pay his bill because he had just bought a cadenza and was now baroque, and B wouldn't even lend him a tenner because there was just too much discord between them. In measured but slightly slurred tones, C offered to make a partial payment, but no one bought his pitch, especially after he had been so rude to the staff. B said that C was the root of all the trouble. F tried to put fourth that the entire sequence was largely accidental, but the judge wasn't interested in any exposition. He looked at the tab and saw C's signature, that was clearly the key. C said it would be suite if he could be granted a reprise, but the judge just didn't like his temperament.

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These two are ancient, and could be applied to the instrument of your choice, but I have fond memories of them because my middle school band director told them to our only two oboe players:


Q: What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?

A: Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.


Q: How do you get two oboes to play in tune?

A: Shoot one.

Samuel B. Lupowitz

Musician. Songwriter. Food Enthusiast. Bad Pun Aficionado.

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And the age old :

Q:What's the difference between an oboist and a chimpanzee hitchhiking on the side of the road?

A: The chimp might actually be going to a gig.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

-Mark Twain


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You heard about the grand piano that fell down the mineshaft?





The last sound it played was A Flat Minor.

Yamaha: Motif XF8, MODX7, YS200, MX61, CVP-305, CLP-130, YPG-235, PSR-295, PSS-470 | Roland: Fantom 7, JV-1000

Kurzweil: PC3-76, PC4 (88) | Hammond: SK Pro 73 | Korg: N1R, X5DR | Emu: Proteus/1 | Casio: CT-370 | Novation: Launchkey 37 MK3

Former: Emu Proformance Plus & Mo'Phatt, Korg Krome 61, Roland Fantom XR & JV-1010, Behringer CAT

Yamaha Pacifica 112V & APX600 | Washburn WI64 | Ibanez BTB-675 | Roland TD-17 KVX | Alesis SamplePad Pro | Assorted organs, accordions, other instruments

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