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OT: Jokes for smart people, etc


GregC

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A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

 

A psychiatrist is interviewing narcissist psychiatrist: "What is your favourite Christmas carol?"

Narcissist (with a straight face): "Hark the Herald Angels Sing About ME"

 

Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.

Why fit in, when you were born to stand out ?

My Soundcloud with many originals:

[70's Songwriter]

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OK, I'll play:

 

Julius Caesar walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'd like a martinus."

The bartender, a little confused, says, "Don't you mean a martini?"

Caesar replies, "Hey, if I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."

 

Be forewarned: If this thread becomes popular, I have lots more!

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An oldie but a goodie and if you haven't seen it, it's new to you:

 

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

 

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

 

D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

 

E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

 

Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

 

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There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

 

I've heard that joke many times but it never made sense to me since 10 would be 3 possibilities (00, 01, 10), so there would still need to be one more type of person besides the 2 listed. I always thought it should be "there are 1 types of people in the world...." But then I gues it depends on if you count zero or not. But even still, each digit has 2 possibilities so it still seems like the 2 types of people would be represented by 0 and 1.

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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A drummer walks into a music shop. He marches up to the sales assistant and says, "I'm sick of being teased by my band mates, so I've decided to learn some 'real' instruments."

 

Pointing to various items in the store he continues, "I want to buy that guitar, that saxophone and that piano accordion over there."

 

The sales assistant gives him a long look and slowly draws breath before replying.

 

"Sir, the guitar I can happily sell you, but the vacuum cleaner and air conditioner belong to the shop."

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There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

 

I've heard that joke many times but it never made sense to me since 10 would be 3 possibilities (00, 01, 10), so there would still need to be one more type of person besides the 2 listed. I always thought it should be "there are 1 types of people in the world...." But then I gues it depends on if you count zero or not. But even still, each digit has 2 possibilities so it still seems like the 2 types of people would be represented by 0 and 1.

My knowledge of this system is shrouded in fog, but I thought it went 1, 10, 11, 100

So I thought 10 was 2.

Which makes a lot of sense to me as I also subscribe to the toes and feet system...

"Turn your fingers into a dust rag and keep them keys clean!" ;) Bluzeyone
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3 trombone players show up at a jazz jam..........

 

Domino's went out of business.

 

 

Jake

1967 B-3 w/(2) 122's, Nord C1w/Leslie 2101 top, Nord PedalKeys 27, Nord Electro 4D, IK B3X, QSC K12.2, Yamaha reface YC+CS+CP

 

"It needs a Hammond"

 

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I've heard that joke many times but it never made sense to me since 10 would be 3 possibilities (00, 01, 10), so there would still need to be one more type of person besides the 2 listed.

 

In binary (aka base 2), each bit position has a weight as a function as a power of two as follows:

 

2^7 2^6 2^5 2^4 2^3 2^2 2^1 2^0

 

The weights of each bit position translate into the decimal numbers below:

 

128 64 32 16 8 4 2 1

 

When you represent a binary number, you can drop the leading zeros, so to represent the decimal number 2, you obtain:

 

1 0

 

However, you are correct that when you count up in binary, you start with decimal 0 (binary 00), followed by decimal 1 (binary 01), and then reach decimal 2 (binary 10).

 

Live : Kurzweil PC3K7; Roland A-88

Home : Kurzweil PC3K7; Kurzweil PC88mx; Roland MKS-80/MPG-80; Yamaha A4000; Alesis QSR; Kawai K1; Yamaha S03; Roland PK-5

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A physicist walks into a bar and sees a table of associates. He walks over and greets them saying, "What's new?". Everyone replies in unison, "C over lambda".
Casio PX-5S, Korg Kronos 61, Omnisphere 2, Ableton Live, LaunchKey 25, 2M cables
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I've heard that joke many times but it never made sense to me since 10 would be 3 possibilities (00, 01, 10), so there would still need to be one more type of person besides the 2 listed.

 

In binary (aka base 2), each bit position has a weight as a function as a power of two as follows:

 

2^7 2^6 2^5 2^4 2^3 2^2 2^1 2^0

 

The weights of each bit position translate into the decimal numbers below:

 

128 64 32 16 8 4 2 1

 

When you represent a binary number, you can drop the leading zeros, so to represent the decimal number 2, you obtain:

 

1 0

 

However, you are correct that when you count up in binary, you start with decimal 0 (binary 00), followed by decimal 1 (binary 01), and then reach decimal 2 (binary 10).

 

Yeah I suppose it depends on how you look at it....the literal conversion would be 2. I sort of think of it like program change numbers going 0127. You still have 128 patches. Patch zero isn't empty. But I guess the difference is in the application of the binary as opposed to literal conversion to decimal.

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

 

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

 

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Why fit in, when you were born to stand out ?

My Soundcloud with many originals:

[70's Songwriter]

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A doctor, lawyer, and an engineer were in line to be beheaded during the French Revolution. The doctor is positioned in the guillotine and the executioner pulls the cord. The blade drops about 6" and jams. The executioner tells the doctor that he's a free man. He jumps up and is gone.

 

The executioner checks out the equipment, finds nothing wrong, and positions the lawyer for beheading. He pulls the cord and the blade jams again. The lawyer is set free and runs away laughing.

 

This time, the executioner and his people check out every part of the guillotine. No trouble found, so they position the engineer in it on his back looking up. Just as the executioner is about to pull the cord, the engineer yells out. "Wait! Stop! I see the problem!"

Casio PX-5S, Korg Kronos 61, Omnisphere 2, Ableton Live, LaunchKey 25, 2M cables
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René Descartes walks into a bar. He orders a drink, and downs it quickly. The bartender asks if he'd like another. Descartes replies "I think not"...and vanishes.

 

dB

Scary. I was just about to post the same joke! I'd bet you're watching the Broncos/Raiders game too...

 

Best,

 

Geoff

My Blue Someday appears on Apple Music | Spotify | YouTube | Amazon

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René Descartes walks into a bar. He orders a drink, and downs it quickly. The bartender asks if he'd like another. Descartes replies "I think not"...and vanishes.

 

dB

Scary. I was just about to post the same joke! I'd bet you're watching the Broncos/Raiders game too...

 

Of course. Enjoying it (for the moment) as well. :wave:

 

dB

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Did you hear about the gullible, dyslexic, agnostic ?

He believed it when he read "Dog is Dead".

 

Or the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? Lies awake at night wondering whether there is a dog. :idk::rimshot:

 

dB

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