offramp Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 These were Metallica Fans and their last tragic outing. THIS YEAR'S WINNER The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington Amphitheater. Having no tickets (but also having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. The pair pulled their pickup truck over to the fence. The plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his body and without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse still, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh on landing. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, landing 30' below atop his friend. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100' from the truck and dead from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air. What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies? "Hey y'all...watch THIS!" I've upped my standards; now, up yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriel E. Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Awesome! "You never can vouch for your own consciousness." - Norman Mailer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vortex Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 "Justice for All" A bit harsh really... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
offramp Posted February 21, 2004 Author Share Posted February 21, 2004 I can hear Burl Ives now... "Have a hol-ly, jol-ly, con-cert; you'll take it up the rear..." I've upped my standards; now, up yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salyphus Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Too good to be true. Fiction Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pseudonym Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 I crashed a concert at an outdoor stadium once by going over the fence, I ended-up spraining my ankle and had to go to the hospital because I thought it was broken. That was the last time I did that, from then on it was siege thru the doors! I didn't think much about it then, but now I think we were kind-of like barbarian-hippies trying to take a fortress. There were some pretty insane things going on back in the 70's and that was one of them. WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hendmik Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Originally posted by SaloSicle: Too good to be true. Fiction Don't ruin this for us. Metallica rules! Whoooo!!! Huh huh! Whooooo dude! Whooooo! Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. Mark Twain (1835-1910) -------------------- Reporter: "Ah, do you think you could destroy the world?" The Tick: "Ehgad I hope not. That's where I keep all my stuff!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rod S Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Urban legend.. I got that in an email more than 5 years ago.. and several times since. Korg Kronos X73 / ARP Odyssey / Motif ES Rack / Roland D-05 / JP-08 / SE-05 / Jupiter Xm / Novation Mininova / NL2X / Waldorf Pulse II MBP-LOGIC American Deluxe P-Bass, Yamaha RBX760 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djwayne Posted February 21, 2004 Share Posted February 21, 2004 Metalla who ?? The Metallico's or is it Mattell-ica, didn't they used to play with the Napsters ?? Living' in the shadow, of someone else's dream.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt.Hepworth Posted February 22, 2004 Share Posted February 22, 2004 Your story was okay, but your - What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies? "Hey y'all...watch THIS!" - was totally hillarious! No matter how good something is, there will always be someone blasting away on a forum somewhere about how much they hate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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