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Wanted: Tips for Witty Banter


Groove Mama

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An example of a short, entertaining story might be to introduce your bass and tell her story. "This here is Ruby! Yes, I name all my basses. Don't you? Ruby's been with me since 19XX and we always have great fun together. There was this one time in Vegas when she got pretty wild, but, you know, 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'. Ha ha! On a serious note, though, not too long ago Ruby was kidnapped. Stolen. Yes! Her photo was on milk cartons everywhere with the words 'missing since Tuesday' underneath. I was devastated. Even a box of chocolates couldn't cheer me up ... not even the good ones! Fortunately, though, I know people. Yes I do! One of my friends from across the country spotted Ruby in an online used instrument ad at a local music store. Thankfully, a short phone call later and Ruby and I were reunited! Yay! They caught the guy, too. The perp. It was Kenny Rogers! He just kept saying to Ruby over and over again, 'don't take your love to town'." (An older crowd will hopefully recognize the title of the #6 hit from 1969. If not you can help them out.) [edit: adding a little theatrics may help spice things up.]

Wow. That's pretty good. Maybe I'll write that on my left palm. Thx, Eric!

Queen of the Quarter Note

"Think like a drummer, not like a singer, and play much less." -- Michele C.

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You must have big hands, know what they say about big hands? Big gloves

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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Please don't mistake my post for being harsh, Nancy. But honestly? If you've got to ask about in between song banter, then you probably shouldn't do it. Because it sounds like you're not comfortable with the idea.

 

A better way to go? Plan to say hello to the crowd, and keep it pleasant but brief. And plan the set so that you from song to song pretty seamlessly. Being witty and glib in front of an audience is something that either comes to you very naturally or takes YEARS of practice.

 

Don't be tough on yourself about this. Rather, focus on what you CAN do well: put on a great performance with the band and keep things moving.

Obligatory Social Media Link

"My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax..."

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Keep it light, stay away from politics etc. Introduce the band of course.

 

Say Hey... how 'bout that local sports team" (exactly like that, do not mention the team directly).

 

Since you are doing this because of one member making changes, give the crowd a play by play ("and now he's wondering if he left his harmonica in his only other pair of jeans which is probably fused to floor of his '78 Dodge Dart at the moment"), hopefully embarrassing him enough that he fumbles and is the focus of the humor.

 

Feel free to ridicule your bandmates during intros ("On lead guitar, Jerry, sporting the same haircut he's been trying to pull off since 1982. Maybe next year Jerry, maybe next year..)

 

Either you are funny or not and even funny people can have times where nothing hits. You can play to your shyness or embarrassment and use it as a foundation.

 

Years ago I used to softly play the alternate themes, you know what they used as background music (minus the lyrics), to The Beverly Hillbillies and Gilligan's Island. That seemed to fit the instrument well.

If you think my playing is bad, you should hear me sing!
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Taking the instrument changes into consideration? Absolutely try to plan the set so that those changes are minimal while also making certain that the set flows well musically. It takes a bit of planning but it can be done.

Obligatory Social Media Link

"My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax..."

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"Ladies and gentlemen, could I have all the exotic dancers come to the front of the stage.....all the exotic dancers, please"

 

 

as everyone starts looking at each other, switch instuments.

You can stop now -jeremyc

STOP QUOTING EVERY THING I SAY!!! -Bass_god_offspring

lug, you should add that statement to you signature.-Tenstrum

I'm not sure any argument can top lug's. - Sweet Willie

 

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You could say, "How about those Cardinals!"

 

I just got home from leading the big band you saw me play with.

 

In between songs, I told a little big about the next song, who wrote it, what big band was famous for playing it.

 

or you could tell Groucho Marx one-liners:

 

"Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas but how he got in my pajamas, I'll never know."

 

 

 

Then we tried to remove the tusks. The tusks. That's not so easy to say. Tusks.

You try it some time. As I say, we tried to remove the tusks. But they were embedded so firmly we couldn't budge them.

Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa, but that is entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about.

 

Push the button Frank.
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And then there's sound check. Does anybody else feel odd always going "check...one, two......two, two....check....check, one, two....hey....check, check, one, two....one, two, check"

 

Our guitar player makes it interesting. For his sound check, he recites this (starting with the Rick Moranis part):

[video:youtube]

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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Our guitar player makes it interesting. For his sound check, he recites this (starting with the Rick Moranis part):

[video:youtube]

Oh, would that I could pull that off!

 

Really, you guys present a treasure trove of ideas. Thanks a million!

Queen of the Quarter Note

"Think like a drummer, not like a singer, and play much less." -- Michele C.

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In all seriousness -

 

I plug the band. Let everyone know who we are, what our website is, the fact there's a badge to the FB page, and the FB page has cool stuff like schedules, photos, clips, set lists and all kinds of nonsense. Usually pick up a like or two at each gig.

 

I've been known to state that we take requests, provided the song has only three chords and is in A, because the drummer doesn't know the other ones.

 

I've also been known, while the guits are changing and tuning, to remind everyone that if they played a real instrument, they would be tuning right now.

 

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

 

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And then there's sound check. Does anybody else feel odd always going "check...one, two......two, two....check....check, one, two....hey....check, check, one, two....one, two, check"

My gotos are "check, check, cash, VISA, MasterCard, ..." or "check one, two ... nine ... number nine, number nine, ...".

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And then there's sound check. Does anybody else feel odd always going "check...one, two......two, two....check....check, one, two....hey....check, check, one, two....one, two, check"

My gotos are "check, check, cash, VISA, MasterCard, ..." or "check one, two ... nine ... number nine, number nine, ...".

 

I always thought that the way we do vocal sound check is kind of worthless because you hit the mic about 10 times harder singing (screaming) than standing there saying "check, check". So I say a few checks, then start doing my best James Brown...."HEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!! I feel good...".

Dan

 

Acoustic/Electric stringed instruments ranging from 4 to 230 strings, hammered, picked, fingered, slapped, and plucked. Analog and Digital Electronic instruments, reeds, and throat/mouth.

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And then there's sound check. Does anybody else feel odd always going "check...one, two......two, two....check....check, one, two....hey....check, check, one, two....one, two, check"

My gotos are "check, check, cash, VISA, MasterCard, ..." or "check one, two ... nine ... number nine, number nine, ...".

 

I always thought that the way we do vocal sound check is kind of worthless because you hit the mic about 10 times harder singing (screaming) than standing there saying "check, check". So I say a few checks, then start doing my best James Brown...."HEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!! I feel good...".

This is true.

 

Last time I tried that I started "Lean on Me" (Bill Withers) and the rest of the band looked at me ... and joined in! It wasn't on the set list and we'd never rehearsed it before!! (And the crowd applauded when we finished; the regulars thought we just added something new to freshen things up!!!)

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And then there's sound check. Does anybody else feel odd always going "check...one, two......two, two....check....check, one, two....hey....check, check, one, two....one, two, check"

My gotos are "check, check, cash, VISA, MasterCard, ..." or "check one, two ... nine ... number nine, number nine, ...".

 

In high school, we'd check the mics with "testes, testes..." Hey, it's funny when your a 16-year-old boy.

"Everyone wants to change the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves." Leo Tolstoy
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I always thought that the way we do vocal sound check is kind of worthless because you hit the mic about 10 times harder singing (screaming) than standing there saying "check, check". So I say a few checks, then start doing my best James Brown...."HEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!! I feel good...".

 

Right on, baby. I don't work the board often, but when I do it just makes steam come out of my ears when I get a tiny little sheepish, "Check..hello..", then they walk away from the mic and whisper "sounds good to me", and then they ignore you when you ask for more and go back to tuning their guitar.

 

Steam, I tell you. Steam.

Things are just the way they are, and they're only going to get worse.

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This is true.

 

Last time I tried that I started "Lean on Me" (Bill Withers) and the rest of the band looked at me ... and joined in! It wasn't on the set list and we'd never rehearsed it before!! (And the crowd applauded when we finished; the regulars thought we just added something new to freshen things up!!!)

Some

times in our lives....

 

 

LOVE that song.

Push the button Frank.
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Ok. I don' t know how witty it actually was, but

seemed to go over ok with the crowd.

 

(Our band's name is "Last Orders," which is what started this riff.)

 

Maybe it really was witty. Then again, maybe it was just the tubs of Jell-O shots being distributed to each table. I guess we'll never know for sure.

 

 

Queen of the Quarter Note

"Think like a drummer, not like a singer, and play much less." -- Michele C.

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How was the set? Banter aside, were you well-received?

Actually, yes, we seem to have been well-received. Lots of compliments.

 

Sure, we each made maybe one flub per song, but no one seemed to notice. The band who played after us (the "real" band) were very gracious about letting us use their gear: amps (I played through a 4x10 cab), PA, lights, even their miked drum kit! All in all, it was a great gig.

Queen of the Quarter Note

"Think like a drummer, not like a singer, and play much less." -- Michele C.

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Ok. I don' t know how witty it actually was, but
seemed to go over ok with the crowd.

 

(Our band's name is "Last Orders," which is what started this riff.)

 

Maybe it really was witty. Then again, maybe it was just the tubs of Jell-O shots being distributed to each table. I guess we'll never know for sure.

 

Loved the final joke! It was set up beautifully! Also, great voice projection. I think you may be on to something here!

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Ok. I don' t know how witty it actually was, but
seemed to go over ok with the crowd.

 

(Our band's name is "Last Orders," which is what started this riff.)

 

Maybe it really was witty. Then again, maybe it was just the tubs of Jell-O shots being distributed to each table. I guess we'll never know for sure.

 

Loved the final joke! It was set up beautifully! Also, great voice projection. I think you may be on to something here!

Hey, thanks, Eric. I kind of ran with it. When our Director of Business Development joined us on stage, so to speak, for the last song, I introduced her as "Lisa Herder, attorney at law, who also has a Ph.D. In Tambourine Performance!"

 

Speaking of Ph.D.'s, did you know our buddy's name here on the Low Down is actually "DR. Ross Brown"? I kid you not!

Queen of the Quarter Note

"Think like a drummer, not like a singer, and play much less." -- Michele C.

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