Rockhouse Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 How many keyboard players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ten. One to screw in the lightbulb and nine to fight off all the guitar players who want to stand directly under the lightbulb. American Keyworks AK24+ Diablo (with bow), Hammond L100, Korg M3 expanded, Korg Sigma, Yamaha MM8, Yamaha SY99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockhouse Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 I got arrested for Tickling the Ivories. The Ivories were the chorus girls who were warming up for my band. American Keyworks AK24+ Diablo (with bow), Hammond L100, Korg M3 expanded, Korg Sigma, Yamaha MM8, Yamaha SY99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockhouse Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 A guy leaves his accordian in the backseat of his car. He comes back later to find his window smashed and, in his backseat, two accordians. American Keyworks AK24+ Diablo (with bow), Hammond L100, Korg M3 expanded, Korg Sigma, Yamaha MM8, Yamaha SY99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockhouse Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 This is the "A" material, folks. Try the veal. American Keyworks AK24+ Diablo (with bow), Hammond L100, Korg M3 expanded, Korg Sigma, Yamaha MM8, Yamaha SY99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bucktunes Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 How does a bass player change a lightbulb? He doesn't. The keyboard player does it with his left hand. ><> Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sven Golly Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 This is the "A" material, folks. Here's hoping that day job sticks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockhouse Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 This is the "A" material, folks. Here's hoping that day job sticks. Well, I'm saving the "good" keyboard jokes for the thread not titled "bad" keyboard jokes, heh. American Keyworks AK24+ Diablo (with bow), Hammond L100, Korg M3 expanded, Korg Sigma, Yamaha MM8, Yamaha SY99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffLearman Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 A guy leaves his accordian in the backseat of his car. He comes back later to find his window smashed and, in his backseat, two accordians. My favorite accordian joke! ... hmmm ... also the only one I know ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FedzKeyz Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Q. What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline? A. You should take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline. Yamaha CP4 Stage Kurzweil PC361 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarkus Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 How many keyboard players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ten. One to screw in the lightbulb and nine to fight off all the guitar players who want to stand directly under the lightbulb. Gold! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seannn Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 How does a bass player change a lightbulb? He doesn't. The keyboard player does it with his left hand. Heh heh ~ Sean Juno-60, Juno-G, MicroBrute, MS-20 Mini, PX-5S, R3, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockhouse Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 A guy leaves his accordian in the backseat of his car. He comes back later to find his window smashed and, in his backseat, two accordians. My favorite accordian joke! ... hmmm ... also the only one I know ... What's the difference between an onion and and accordian? Nobody cries when you chop up an accordian. American Keyworks AK24+ Diablo (with bow), Hammond L100, Korg M3 expanded, Korg Sigma, Yamaha MM8, Yamaha SY99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retrokeys Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 What's perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo and hitting an accordian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retrokeys Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Why are there guitarists in bands? So ugly guys can meet women.Why are there keyboardists? Because nerds need love too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockhouse Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 How do you know when the stage is perfectly level? The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth. American Keyworks AK24+ Diablo (with bow), Hammond L100, Korg M3 expanded, Korg Sigma, Yamaha MM8, Yamaha SY99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sven Golly Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Now we've gone from non-jokes to the material. Oy vey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B3bluesman59 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Girl walks up to a keyboard player and says: What would you rather have.....roses on your piano or tulips on your organ? (drum roll, ka thump) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Emm Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 "Someone who knows how to play the accordion and doesn't." ~ Al Cohn's definition of a gentleman Actually, I love the accordion, bagpipes, harmonica and even screeching mizmars. Played outside their usual idioms, they have some additional liveliness on offer. Yeah, I like the bagpipes, sorry! How many synthesists does it take to change a light bulb? That depends. Is the socket Firewire or Thunderbolt? "Well, the 60s were fun, but now I'm payin' for it." ~ Stan Lee, "Ant-Man and the Wasp" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marino Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 screeching mizmars I just love the mizmar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franz Schiller Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 My dad has a ton of accordion jokes. Here's the only one I remember. What's the difference between a frog walking down the street, and an accordion player walking down the street? The frog might be going to a gig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richforman Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 What do keyboardists use for birth control?Their personality. Rich Forman Yamaha MOXF8, Korg Kronos 2-61, Roland Fantom X7, Ferrofish B4000+ organ module, Roland VR-09, EV ZLX12P, K&M Spider Pro stand, Yamaha S80, Korg Trinity Plus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon May Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Girl walks up to a keyboard player and says: What would you rather have.....roses on your piano or tulips on your organ? (drum roll, ka thump) There's a smilie for that "I'm well acquainted with the touch of a velvet hand..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITGITC Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 How many synthesists does it take to change a light bulb? That depends. Is the socket Firewire or Thunderbolt? Be prepared. And that's exactly the reason why I bought this handy-dandy adapter... just in case. (I wanna be a synthesist Eagle Scout whenever I finally decide to grow up.) http://www.i-tech.com.au/Library/Image/Product/XMD464ZM.jpg "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." - Victor Hugo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BbAltered Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 OK.... A guy (we'll call him Sam) is playing a solo lounge gig. There's a guy at the bar who is still sober, and he's knocked out by what he hears. It's the greatest lounge player ever: unequalled versions of Smoke Gets In Your Eye, Willow Weep For Me, etc, etc. Sam is just lining 'em up and killing 'em. Sam ends his set and head to the loo for some relief. The fan follows him. The fan gushes: "That was the greatest solo piano ever. You're a monster, a God. I could listen all night. And oh, hey, do you know your fly is unzipped?" Sam replies: "No, but if you whistle some of it, I can probably handle it". J.S. Bach Well Tempered Klavier The collected works of Scott Joplin Ray Charles Genius plus Soul Charlie Parker Omnibook Stevie Wonder Songs in the Key of Life Weather Report Mr. Gone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelp Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 [just a plain ol' musician joke; pianist thrown in to keep on topic ] A concert pianist visits his friend the violinist... Pianist: "I have terrible news! The maestro went to your house, sacked the place, murdered your pets, smashed your instruments, tore up your sheet music and burned the place down!" Violinist: [excitedly] "The maestro came to my house? Really?" Roland Fantom 06; Yamaha P-125; QSC K10; Cubase 13 Pro; Windows 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rockhouse Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 hehe. American Keyworks AK24+ Diablo (with bow), Hammond L100, Korg M3 expanded, Korg Sigma, Yamaha MM8, Yamaha SY99 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B3bluesman59 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Z Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy Skolnik Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 WARNING X RATED!!!!! Piano player walks into a publishing company and says "I've got some great new songs." Publisher says "let's hear 'em." Guy says "this first tune is called "Fuck My Brains Out All Night Long". Publisher says "That's not really what I was looking for". Guy says OK, how about this one called Suck My Dick Big Mama, I Love You". Publisher says "What else you got?"? Piano player says "here's one I just wrote yesterday called I Want To Come In Your Mouth". Publisher says "don't you now you are a jerk-off asshole?" Piano player says "Know it, I fuckin' wrote it." Randy Skolnik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy Skolnik Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 What do you call someone who drinks a lot, and hangs out with musicians? A drummer. Randy Skolnik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy Skolnik Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Regarding the joke about the guitarist standing in the light, I was trying to (tactfully) get my guitar player to turn down a little. I told him,"it's not that I think you're drowning me out, it's that you're playing SO LOUD, that I feel like someone is sticking an ice pick into my ear. Randy Skolnik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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