OT: T-Day fuddy-duddy

[whitefang]

That's me! I don't even call it "Turkey Day" like too many have taken to. THAT sounds as if we should refrain from eating turkey. After all, we don't slaughter and consume veterans on Veteran's day, do we?

 

But I'm a fuddy-duddy about it because I don't care for all the "deconstructed/reconstruction" of what I know as traditional Thanksgiving Day fare. For example:

 

TURKEY: Just fix a turkey. 20 minutes for every pound or whatever. I see no need to risk setting my house or me on fire by deep frying my turkey. I have no interest in a turkey stuffed with a duck that's been stuffed with a chicken that's stuffed with a quail that's stuffed with an ortolon. Just a turkey stuffed with stuffing (not cornbread, please.).

 

CRANBERRY SAUCE: The stuff that's cranberry jelly from the can is fine for me. No cranberry "relish" with rasins and nuts and whole berries and God knows what. Cranberry sauce should NOT be a meal within itself.

 

GREENBEAN CASSAROLE: Oh, don't tell me "It's SO cliche". So what? I look foreward ALL YEAR for it! I just LOVE it!

 

SWEET POTATOES: Yep. With the marshmallows swimming through it. No need for walnuts or any other crap to "ramp it up". Serve it just yams and marshmallows or else just ramp it up your ass!

 

MASHED POTATOES: Just about the only thing on the table you eat any other time of the year, but not with that DEE-LISHUS giblet gravy! Yummmmm....

 

PUMPKIN PIE: Homemade, of course. Not the store-bought swill. You don't care enough to bake a pumkin pie, don't even BOTHER putting anything else on the table. Don't have time? Do what we do...have someone bake one or two and bring them over. Now, someone said once, "It's not Thanksgiving without apple pie!" Or pecan pie or some other thing or another. Fine. Have something else on hand. Not EVERYone likes pumpkin pie. They and their friends in Al-Qaida can eat what they want!

 

You all no doubt have your own Thanksgiving traditions you prefer. For example, my wife's family also have a ham prepared. Deviled eggs as kind of appetizers and the like.

 

Just please turn off "The Chew" and Food Network" and leave MY Thanksgiving Day preferrences alone. Thank You.

Whitefang

[The Geoff]

They and their friends in Al-Qaida can eat what they want!

 

 

Whitefang

 

Well, Whitefang, my old friend, I usually read your posts keenly, but I'm afraid I found the above just a bit offensive - & I'm not even a US citizen - maybe if you'd put a smiley beside it - maybe if you'd said something else.....

 

Too bad.

 

G.

[Caevan O’Shite]

I find that the most important thing to savor and pass around on Thanksgiving Day is being thankful for what is good in our lives.

[Chad Thorne]

That's me! I don't even call it "Turkey Day" like too many have taken to. THAT sounds as if we should refrain from eating turkey. After all, we don't slaughter and consume veterans on Veteran's day, do we?

 

But I'm a fuddy-duddy about it because I don't care for all the "deconstructed/reconstruction" of what I know as traditional Thanksgiving Day fare. For example:

 

TURKEY: Just fix a turkey. 20 minutes for every pound or whatever. I see no need to risk setting my house or me on fire by deep frying my turkey. I have no interest in a turkey stuffed with a duck that's been stuffed with a chicken that's stuffed with a quail that's stuffed with an ortolon. Just a turkey stuffed with stuffing (not cornbread, please.).

 

CRANBERRY SAUCE: The stuff that's cranberry jelly from the can is fine for me. No cranberry "relish" with rasins and nuts and whole berries and God knows what. Cranberry sauce should NOT be a meal within itself.

 

GREENBEAN CASSAROLE: Oh, don't tell me "It's SO cliche". So what? I look foreward ALL YEAR for it! I just LOVE it!

 

SWEET POTATOES: Yep. With the marshmallows swimming through it. No need for walnuts or any other crap to "ramp it up". Serve it just yams and marshmallows or else just ramp it up your ass!

 

MASHED POTATOES: Just about the only thing on the table you eat any other time of the year, but not with that DEE-LISHUS giblet gravy! Yummmmm....

 

PUMPKIN PIE: Homemade, of course. Not the store-bought swill. You don't care enough to bake a pumkin pie, don't even BOTHER putting anything else on the table. Don't have time? Do what we do...have someone bake one or two and bring them over. Now, someone said once, "It's not Thanksgiving without apple pie!" Or pecan pie or some other thing or another. Fine. Have something else on hand. Not EVERYone likes pumpkin pie. They and their friends in Al-Qaida can eat what they want!

 

You all no doubt have your own Thanksgiving traditions you prefer. For example, my wife's family also have a ham prepared. Deviled eggs as kind of appetizers and the like.

 

Just please turn off "The Chew" and Food Network" and leave MY Thanksgiving Day preferrences alone. Thank You.

Whitefang

Word.

 

There was a time when I would have accused somebody who didn't like homemade pumpkin pie of being a Commie...

[LarryN]

Not EVERYone likes pumpkin pie. They and their friends in Al-Qaida can eat what they want!

 

For example, my wife's family also have a ham prepared.

 

Funny!

 

Ham AND turkey! I remember that. Indeed we have been a land of plenty.

 

Amen on the cranberry sauce.

 

 

 

 

[desertbluesman]

Holidays are real nice and exciting for children, and for people who get the day off of work. Other than that.... yawn.........

[Rampdog]

Best holiday. You get to be with family and friends and ya don't need to buy a bunch of presents. Just pig out, watch football, laugh and blame the farts on someone else.......

[LeftyBlues]

No ortolon?! What kind of person are you to skip the beloved ortolon? What's the world coming to.... I'm with you brother, stick to traditional TG food and save the weird foodie crap for another day. Best holiday period, nothing to buy nor wrap nor decorate and lordy why do people already have Christmas lights out??

[whitefang]

They and their friends in Al-Qaida can eat what they want!

 

 

Whitefang

 

Well, Whitefang, my old friend, I usually read your posts keenly, but I'm afraid I found the above just a bit offensive - & I'm not even a US citizen - maybe if you'd put a smiley beside it - maybe if you'd said something else.....

 

Too bad.

 

G.

 

Actually, I'll have to admit I stole the "Al Qaida" bit from Craig Ferguson, who hails from Scotland. "What? You don't fancy Dr. Who? Then go join your friends in Al Qaida. Go on..off with you..."

 

Anyway, it was MY take on traditional Thanksgiving cuisine. I feel the best capper is pumpkin pie. My brother however, felt it was mincemeat. Whatever. My point was don't spend a lot of time and energy fixing something that ain't broke.

 

Oh, and putting Christmas lights up already is advisable here in Michigan, where at this time of year it's still nice enough to struggle with them without the added frustration of flying snow and sub 32 degree weather. Still no reason for dollar stores and Walgreen's to put out Christmas stock before all the Halloween candy is sold.

Whitefang

[Caevan O’Shite]

...ortolon.

 

...the beloved ortolon...

 

 

You guys got me laughing as I pine for the pork of the porcupine...

[LeftyBlues]

'Fang, I can appreciate putting the lights up while the weather is still relatively sane, but don't energize 'em until December. When I'm King there's gonna be some new rules boys and girls. More ortolon too, enough for all!

[skipclone 1]

Had a little sneak preview with a friend last night-smoked turkey leg, mashed potatos with mushroom & onion, wild cranberry sauce:

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a236/skipclone1/NEC_0081.jpg

[Caevan O’Shite]

Nice...

[Dannyalcatraz]

Me?

 

I'm a creole from New Orleans and an army brat to boot- "traditional Thanksgiving" food isn't exactly on my menu.

 

F'rinstance: my mom's cousin has been frying turkeys my whole life (they rock!) and I had never heard of ortolon until this very thread. We stuff chayote/mirliton squash with ham, shrimp or hamburger meat. Our dressing of choice is made with oysters, and cranberries only show up as a beverage...if at all.

 

And now that I'm the Turkey Chef, I don't fry or roast them so much as steam them, stuffed with veggies. They're soooo good that I get asked to do one every month or two, so we eat big birds year round. (It's easy, too.)

 

Which makes me ask- why wait a whole year for green bean casserole? MAKE SOME WHENEVER YOU WANT IT!!!!

[whitefang]

Ortolons are tiny little birds which were considered a delecacy in France for years but are now supposed to be illegal to eat. They were quick fried in special tiny pans. Those who ate them did so by covering their heads with large cloths while bent over the plate. They would be held by the beak and eaten whole, at once. The cloth was supposed to keep blood from splattering on the others dining at your table. I only mentioned them as a sarcastic referrence to the "Turducken", the turkey, stripped of bone wrapped around a boneless duck stuffed with a boneless chicken. Leaves me to wonder what other deadly sins we can commit on this holiday.

Whitefang

[Caevan O’Shite]

The thing with the Ortolans is that they would be captured wild, have their eyes ripped out with tweezers, caged in freaky little bondage devices, force-fed specific items and fattened to triple or more their natural size squeezed within said tiny little Ortolan-shaped cages, and then be drowned (actually drowned, often by hand) in brandy so that their lungs would be filled with the liquor just prior to roasting. They were then eaten whole save for the beak which served as a handy handle. Niiiiiiiiiice, really kind and humane.

[Dannyalcatraz]

Don't diss the Turducken- while not my fave, they are plenty tasty.

 

While I can appreciate the chefly skills required for ortolan- or veal or countless others- I generally don't go for those.

 

I wish I knew how to cook a duck or goose properly, though.

[Winston Psmith]

@Dannyalcatraz - from the Dec. 1996/Jan. 1997 edition of Fine Cooking magazine.

 

Duck - Unstuffed: 25 minutes per pound. Stuffed: add 20 to 30 minutes to total cooking time. Initial interval 375 degrees F for 45 minutes. Second step:raise heat to 400 degrees, and continue to roast.

 

Goose - Unstuffed: 12 - 15 minutes per pound. Stuffed: add 25 to 30 minutes to total cooking time. Initial interval: 375 F for 45 minutes. Second step: raise heat to 400, and continue to roast.

 

Happy Thanksgiving, brother.

[Caevan O’Shite]

I wish I knew how to cook a duck or goose properly, though.

 

Standin' up on a beer-can (up the cavity) or coat-hanger-wire rack or the like, with a catch-pain beneath, so that the excess greasy oily fat drains out sufficiently; this can vastly improve the flavor. Been there, savored that!

[Scott Fraser]

It'll be tofu for me, gents. Mmmm, good. No bones, no muss, no fuss, no cholesterol, no tedious scraping of congealed fat off the inside of the oven, no fowl-induced coma preventing me from getting out to the malls for all the Black Friday wonderfulness. Mmm, tofu.

[Dannyalcatraz]

Thanks for the fowl tips, gents!

 

Standin' up on a beer-can (up the cavity)

This, BTW, inspired my method for doing turkey.

 

Now, you can't exactly do that with a big bird in your oven, and if you did, you'd need something bigger than a Foster's "oil can."

 

What I do is get out a big Pyrex measuring cup, and melt 1 stick of unsalted butter in it (microwave). Into that, I put a mix of chicken broth, lemon juice, and enough DRY white wine to make 3+ cups of liquid. The wine you use should not be cooking wine- that stuff is basically salt water with a hint of cheap wine- you want something that is at least SUPPOSEDLY drinkable.

 

I stuff the bird and line the pan with raw cut veggies: whole garlic cloves, onions (green, yellow & red), carrots, celery...occasionally things like mushrooms or squash- nearly anything works, really. I place a roasting rack in the pan over the veggies to elevate the bird.

 

With the stuffed bird nesting in the rack, I then pour the liquid mix over and inside of it, aiming for complete coverage, and getting about half or more in the pan. I then season the bird with a mix of onion powder, garlic powder, black pepper, red pepper and paprika (I don't use any salt*), but seasoning is personal- again, your favorite mix should work just fine.

 

The bird goes into an oven preheated to 425, and stays in there for 30 minutes.

 

After that, turn the bird down to 350 and cook by weight (remembering to add in the 30 you already used).

 

(Note: individual actual oven temps may vary due to altitude and your oven's quirks.)

 

Here's the key: DO NOT OPEN THE OVEN AT ANY POINT UNTIL THE COOKING IS DONE! The idea is to steam the bird, and opening the oven lets the steam out. So, no basting, no flipping, no rotating, no tenting- you just put the bird in and manipulate the temp.

 

Do it right, and the cups of mixed liquid will turn to steam, keeping moisture in the bird while simultaneously delivering flavor to it and the veggies you stuffed it with. You will never have a juicier bird.

 

Tip #2: unless this is a presentation bird going to the table, I debone that sumbitch ASAP and dump the carcass (and some of the veg & pot drippings) in a big stock pot to make turkey stock. Stock takes time to make, but when you have it, it's a great base for soups, Gumbo, red beans, and so forth. Besides, after deboning, a 23lb turkey fits in a big Tupperware container (which takes up less space), and you can put away your nifty and expensive carving gear until next bird- no need to keep it handy for the rest of the week.

 

 

 

 

* I'm the worst sodium-dependent hypertensive my recently retired doctor ever saw in 40+ years of practice- 200+/200 for a few readings, and completely asymptomatic- so I don't cook with salt unless there is an actual chemical reaction occurring in the recipe.